I don't have all the answers. This much I am sure of...
But every once in a while, my mind clears and I can see --just for a moment-- that precise detail of what it is I am to do. It isn't a small answer, nor a large one, nor a loud one, nor a simple one. It is a culmunation of my entire life and the life I am to live. In one sweeping moment, I have confidence and clarity; everything I've ever dreamed of is a reality and I know --I know--what it is I'm supposed to do with my life.
The beautiful part is when these detailed moments of clarity come --and how. They have come:
- After seeing my children laugh with each other without knowing I am watching them
- When the neighbor girl calls to ask a question just when I was needing someone to talk to
- Watching two ducks (a male and female) protect each other from cars in the street when they had gotten lost
- When I have finished praying in a Ward Council meeting to ask a special blessing upon those who are suffering in our Ward
- Sitting in the Celestial Room of the Temple and knowing my Grandfather was there with me
- Feeling my husband's arms reach around me in the night and pull me close --while he's asleep
- Hearing my daughter singing a touching Primary Song she had just learned
- Struggling all day and reading that one scripture or that one article that changes everything in that small second
- Finishing doing something hard --like running one whole mile for the first time
- Having a good, close friend love me no matter how selfish and crazy I may be and give me that one piece of advice I needed to hear
I thank God with all of my soul for all of those moments and the other hundreds of moments that I've been given --those moments that remind me that I am a Child of God. That I have purpose and meaning. That being a mother and a wife will be the most important thing I can ever possibly think of doing. That I remembered these moments and ever so slightly, realligned my life. That one day, all these moments of clarity will come into complete focus and I will be grateful that I didn't give up.