Sunshine is the Sunshine of My Life

The sun is shining, fortunately, and it's making my heart happy.

I'm already thinking about gardens and flowers, hiking and camping; being outside as much as possible. I've felt cooped up more than usual this winter, and I know it's because of the pregnancy and the new baby. It makes sense.

Remember that scripture? The one found here? I'll remind you:

"A woman when she is in travail hath sorrow, because her hour is come: but as soon as she is delivered of the child, she remembereth no more the anguish, for joy that a man is born into the world."

It's simply true.

I'm feeling amazing. I can sleep, I can stay comfortable, I can breathe! I've always understood about the sacrifice we women make when we physically bear our children, but for some reason, it was amplified for me this time. I was sicker. I had less energy. My hormones/moods were all over the place. (Irony, since I was healthier this pregnancy than almost any other!) I had a really HARD time being pregnant this time. Birth itself wasn't much different than the others, except that I was so exhausted, and being in the midst of pushing, it felt as if the pain and pressure and struggle of it would last forever (instead of the 16 minutes it took!). I really believed I would fail; that I would die before I could do it.

This is why that scripture is so meaningful to me (and to many others, eh?), because once I was delivered of the child, I really DID forget my anguish because the joy of the birth of my son was so overwhelmingly awesome.

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In other news, Brandon has been really sick all week (chest/head cold) and this morning he pulled a muscle in his back and is currently in terrible, terrible pain. The poor guy is REALLY hurting; we've tried almost everything and it's not getting better. I'm guessing he might have to go see a massage therapist tomorrow if it doesn't improve. It's bad timing, too, because he has to be in Florida this next week for work.

But no worries --the RS is taking care of us this week while he's gone. If that worry passed through your mind, of course.

My mom had to go home on Friday after having been here for a week and I cried when she left. How in the world am I going to do this!? Six kids!? I know it'll get easier, and I know we'll get back into our groove, but right now, all sleep deprived and everything, I'm not really convinced I can do this. Again, this is another reason I'm grateful for my meds and the sunshine. And nursing. Nursing really helps the mood! And I know I can do it (raise these kids) because I always do what I have to do (and want to do); it's just hard right now (of course). But honestly? I'm feeling a lot of joy right now because of my kiddos. I took this photo yesterday, and it has made my heart sing for two days now:

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I've missed 4 weeks of Church. I don't like it. In fact, I hate missing church because I get so much out of it! Frankly, I adore Church. Love it. Crave it.

Because of this, I'm probably going to go back next week. Yes, for all three hours. Yes, with all of our children. This is another reason why I love my Moby wrap so much --I stick the new baby in it, and nobody can hold him or touch him at Church. I just slip back the cover so they can have a peek and it keeps the germs away!

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My friend Christina took some awesome photos of me a week before #6 was born. She has also taken some infant photos of #6 (just a few days ago). I'll get them uploaded to here soon. When I remember to do it!

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My mom and I talked at length about how easy it is to believe the assumptions we make about the unspoken conversations we have with other people. For example, it isn't helpful to Brandon or to me when I assume his silence or lack of communication automatically means he doesn't love me anymore. But that's where my paranoid brain jumps to --when all it means (I find out later) is that work is extra stressful. Does that mean he should communicate with me better? Maybe, but that's not my point. Assuming ANYTHING gets me into trouble, and I tend to assume a lot. It's something I need to change --instead of assuming, I need to just ask. Instead of assuming I can read minds, I need to remember that I can't.

You'd think that would be the logical conclusion.

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I'm so cold, now! Literally, I mean. I forget how warm these babies make me when they are inside my tummy --my own little heaters! Now my hands and feet are constantly cold. Again. I do have low blood pressure --that could be why. Hmmm...

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I've been thinking a lot of my friends who are going through really tough times. It's helping me be more grateful, but also at a loss as to what to do for them. I keep thinking about the reality of my complaints a few weeks ago, and how they seem so silly now (although, they WEREN'T silly. They were REAL at the time. I truly felt the way I did and pretending it was somehow stupid doesn't help --I'm okay with realizing that for me, in that time, my trial was difficult. On the other side, of COURSE it's easy to assume they were silly. But I've decided not to apologize to myself for feeling what I did. THAT would be silly), especially in light of others' pain.

Here's another short example of what I've been reading/seeing/hearing:
*Skin cancer
*Single motherhood/in school/no money
*Baby in the NICU for 7 plus weeks; probably 3 more.
*Baby dying in utero just a few weeks before birth.
*Baby with RSV and in/out of the hospital

*Infertility/in vitro procedures
*Death of more than one family member in less than 6 months.
*Children disowning parents over hatred of the parent's new spouse.
*Death of a spouse.
*Suicide.
*Job loss/moving across the country
*Chronic illness
*Divorce because of an affair (just months after the marriage had been sealed in the Temple)

How can I help? Prayer has been about the only thing I can do right now. Since I'm kind of "currently in need" myself, it's tough to do anything physical to help out. Prayer works, though --I have a testimony of that, at least. So, maybe it's enough for now?

Anyway, in light of these trials I see around me, I've decided to make, yet again, another list of gratitude:

*I have a healthy family. Even with Brandon's set-backs this week, he's still healthy. The kids are healthy (knock on wood). I am healthy. The baby is healthy!
*I have the Gospel of Jesus Christ in my life, and it entails an eternal family, a testimony, faith, covenants, and ordinances.
*I get to see beautiful mountains every day.
*I can learn.
*If I need Chopin or Beethoven, I can sit down at the piano and fulfill that need.
*I have so much love in my life!

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One thing I love about the impending Spring is the feeling of renewal. I find there is no coincidence in the fact that the Birth and Resurrection of Christ occurred in April. In Spring! The symbolism is beautiful --rebirth. Renewal. Spring cleaning. Fresh air. Blossoms. Warmth. Restarting. It's an incredibly beautiful gift from God, dontcha think?

My mind, this week (what with all the sitting around and what-not), has really been thinking about spring cleaning my life. I need to go back and re-read my resolutions for the year and maybe readjust or reapply them, because the way I've been thinking is very resolution-esque.

I used to have goals, you know. Goals for my house/family/yard/my personal life. Motherhood has delayed a lot of them, of course, but I'm ready to get some of them back out and shake off the dust. We'll see how it goes. I'll let you know what I decide to do, but here's a snippet of what I'm thinking:

*Food storage (inspired by Julie!)
*Food itself (raw, vegan, whole, greens, etc.)
*Gardening
*Writing
*Electronics-fasting
*More time outside/traveling/hanging with the kiddos

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Did I tell you how much I'm loving this sunshine!? Keep coming, sun. I need you.

And with all that, dear reader, adieu. The rambling, long-overdue blog post has now come to an end. Happy Sabbath!