It's so hard not to feel like I'm ruining my children. Do any of you feel that way? It's not so much that I'm worried about leading them "astray" --in fact, I think the only thing I'm proud of the most is that my kids have a very real and truthful grasp of Gospel knowledge --what I'm worried about is the way in which I quickly brush their emotional needs aside, forget to take time to love them and play games with them, yell way too much (my ongoing struggle) and teach them terrible coping skills, mostly because I have loads of terrible coping skills.
Anybody else feel the same way? That they are ruining their children --inadvertently? Because let's face it --we're not doing it on purpose, that's for sure! Or are you? If you are, we probably need to have a discussion (or I may need to make a phone call...and then walk away slowly...).
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Our Bishopric has challenged us to read the Book of Mormon from front to back by the end of the year as a family. At first, I thought, "Hooray! We already are! We are in Alma!" and then I realized they meant: "Start Over."
I'm pretty sure I want to follow their counsel and start over. But it's pretty tempting to just keep going. Reading the BoM as a family has been great for us --but we've been slow. It's taken us almost 2 years to get to this point! Our kids are very young and read their verses very slowly. We get in about 12 versus each morning.
But I want to be obedient. Brandon and I have come up with a good agreement, but I want to ask you, dear reader: What would you do?
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By the end of this week, the office will be finished, as will the cleaning of our master bedroom. That means we will just have to focus on the older boys' room downstairs. Birth supply list is finished. Baby clothes are ready to be washed and sorted. Baby name listed is compiled. I only need to decide on my music (I don't train with music for months. I'm weird that way), and find a willing babysitter for when I go into labor during the day.
Five weeks or so to go. I can't wait to hold this little guy!
In regards to reading the BoM, we've been given the same challenge. But we are in Helaman and the thought of starting all over is...well...{I'm ashamed to say} not a good feeling. So we've decided to finish from where we are, then start again. And hopefully by the end of the year we will be back to Helaman!{or better yet, hopefully to the end. Again.} Then we will have read the entire book!{ maybe 1 1/2 times if we make it to the end for the second time} I don't think the Lord minds what direction we are reading the book, end to beginning, or beginning to end. As long as we eventually get the whole book read. At least I'm hoping the Lord dosen't mind us doing it this way. ;)
ReplyDeleteAnd in regards to your first question~ ruining our children... We really struggle and sometimes wonder if we are doing a good job. With only one child and having had several miscarriages, it's hard to NOT spoil our daughter. We want to teach her the value of hard work, nothing comes for free. But we also just want to spoil her and give her all that we didn't have as kids. So yes, she's spoiled, but hopefully we are also teaching her enough life skills and hard working skills that life won't be too hard for her when she gets out on her own!
Hopefully we aren't ruining her too bad!
we had the challenge last year and had a near mutiny on our hands when we told our kids we were starting over. So we stayed in Alma and finished and then started again and only got to Mosiah, but we did our very very best!
ReplyDeleteI would just keep going with the Book of Mormon, wherever we were at with the kids. I might start over in my personal reading, but I don't think I'd have any desire to go that far back with the pace my kids read it.
ReplyDeleteI often have the same worries about my kids. I worry that I'm not meeting their needs or that I'm not doing the right things with them. I don't get very many days with them all to myself, and unfortunately I've found that that means I put too much pressure on myself to make those times 'perfect'. I worried that I wasted my day today by reading a book for two hours while they played computer games, rather than doing something interactive with them. Parenting really seems to bring out insecurities because it's never really 'done'!
Keep going from where you are. I think the challenge is for those who aren't doing it right now at all. If you repeat, your children will get the same info again and how long will it take to get to 3 Nephi?? Just my two cents...
ReplyDeleteI've got to say, I would NOT start over on the Book of Mormon. If your kids are like most people, they will start the Book of Mormon hundreds of times in their lives, but they wont finish it hundreds of times. Plow ahead and finish.
ReplyDeleteAnd, yes, I am quite certain that I am ruining my children and I quite sure that they don't have a great grasp on the gospel.
I heard of a mom once who started a saving account for each of her children to go to therapy when they got older. She knew that even if she did her very best, they might still end up with a few issues to work through. Sounds funny, but truly, don't we all need a little therapy?
ReplyDeleteMeaning: you're not messing up your kids. At least not any more than the rest of us are.
For the BOM, we just picked up the pace a bit instead of starting over. Instead of everyone reading one verse, we let the older kids read as many verses as they want, then my husband and I finish however many verses we want to end a section or story, stopping to explain as we go. We'll often do 1/2 to 1 chapter now instead of only 5 verses. Much faster, and the kids enjoy it more too.
ReplyDeleteAs for parenting, no one is perfect. I just try to work on the things that I see having the greatest impact, good and bad, and worry about the rest when I feel that I can. Hopefully that will take care of the important things. As for the rest, que serah . . .
I'm not sure I understand the point of starting over. Why not just keep going and then start from the beginning again when you finish? It seems silly to stop halfway through. Really silly.
ReplyDeleteP.S. I don't believe any of you are ruining your children. Do they know you love them? Do they love you? There you go. The rest is gravy.
ReplyDeleteYou're not ruining your children. Now me, I'm ruining my children. But you? Pshaw!
ReplyDeleteAlso, don't start over with the Book of Mormon. That's lame. Just keep going and try to finish before the end of the year. If you finish before the end of the year, THEN start over. And maybe try to get to Alma again before the end of the year? How's that for a goal? Huh?
You guys are awesome-minded kindred-spirtual thingies! What I mean, is Brandon and I came up with the same idea: We've decided to finish reading the BoM and then we'll just start over. However! We are being very diligent in this "finishing the BoM as a family per the Bishop's counsel" thing --Brandon did the calculations and we need to read 42 versus each day, five days a week, until the end of the year and we will have accomplished the seemingly unaccomplishable!
ReplyDeleteBut the kids are excited. As am I. And it feels good to be obedient and logical at the same time. Por favor for your comments! (especially telling me I'm not ruining my children. Those helped a lot)