tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-205267852024-03-07T20:01:04.263-07:00Happy meets CrazyA mother's attempt to blog her way out of stress and chaos by sharing the joy as well as the sorrow...Cherylhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10218614720786379961noreply@blogger.comBlogger1786125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20526785.post-38743135137373663372023-09-02T15:28:00.001-06:002023-09-02T15:30:56.660-06:00Health in My Forties! (or Why I Lost a Bunch of Weight This Year)<p style="text-align: center;">I've lost 70 pounds in the past year. </p><p style="text-align: center;"><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhFVJW0oq0n4FWXjVghLxk99fLFy1XTZkqMHjzcrt-I2e44eOh-0b7Mr-BGZ5_6iSAEhCYf5tDs8Nn_4Y1_yW03pdiv8NxuCadbGTfadOf_38pbApX19nu5IEeCmpDkinPN0i0UcsO_oEecb97QJB0YF_sq2rBB_XsJqmcorE28P38XbMlSvaO/s736/IMG_0797.jpeg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgsU_vkrL-KVF4HzdB4QlGaxG9tJKuXYXF8-S4vkWetzpxUGxtoNxUM9Te5L39ARvDOPMOft32X_LpQttgtsPe-3wqlZWpbXYK_YNqt2K3QR3Di1uOGcUOo9sG2OP4ybz6-GLIuC4ijF_-E7gpycaukLGBhUWSXOLQnONfjrXUuDeYsRjSfOZSs/s4032/IMG_0576.HEIC" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgsU_vkrL-KVF4HzdB4QlGaxG9tJKuXYXF8-S4vkWetzpxUGxtoNxUM9Te5L39ARvDOPMOft32X_LpQttgtsPe-3wqlZWpbXYK_YNqt2K3QR3Di1uOGcUOo9sG2OP4ybz6-GLIuC4ijF_-E7gpycaukLGBhUWSXOLQnONfjrXUuDeYsRjSfOZSs/w240-h320/IMG_0576.HEIC" width="240" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>August 2023, Kansas (around 200 pounds)</i></td></tr></tbody></table></a></div><br /><p></p><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="673" data-original-width="736" height="293" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhhFVJW0oq0n4FWXjVghLxk99fLFy1XTZkqMHjzcrt-I2e44eOh-0b7Mr-BGZ5_6iSAEhCYf5tDs8Nn_4Y1_yW03pdiv8NxuCadbGTfadOf_38pbApX19nu5IEeCmpDkinPN0i0UcsO_oEecb97QJB0YF_sq2rBB_XsJqmcorE28P38XbMlSvaO/w320-h293/IMG_0797.jpeg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="320" /></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>June 2022, Idaho (around 272 pounds)</i></td></tr></tbody></table><br /><p></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><br /><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p>I have about 15 pounds left until I'm at my "goal" weight of 180 pounds. I say "goal" because it's where my body, in the past, felt the healthiest and <span style="text-align: center;">tended to settle at for many years (post 4 children). It's </span>about 25 pounds higher than BMI recommendations, but as my doctor says, "BMI only applies to a very small portion of the population. Don't even look at that chart." </p><p>A lot of people want to know how I did it and it's difficult to answer that question in a few sentences. For most people, I just say, "exercise and eating well" because that's the truth. Without eating well (good food, small portions) and exercise (walking and yoga; I try to close all the 'rings' on my apple watch every day), it wouldn't work. </p><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: left;">But the long answer is... well... long. And it's never as simple as people think it could be (or should be!). I thought about writing my entire life history to show the journey I've been on and how I was able to get to my mid-40's where I feel the healthiest and happiest I've ever been... But it would be a novel, dear reader. And nobody (I mean, <i>nobody</i>!) is lining up to read that novel. <br /><br /></td></tr></tbody></table><p></p><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUFNMhvCMex8XOhG3Du7DhxRRTPgI335RIqPTsBAkyoczgG6fqcZUUVFFIVSmYhhD7Qi0QlFXNnzG1BcRzqN2_1Qbos4ftOubHnW5kDeG1Jc1QGx6AyHgaxmx2CB5lZKobMo-EhuV9UhGKHdCEM-pFogXhaVfGKxHPeduUJB91gtRbeOSaC82H/s749/IMG_0795.jpeg" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="749" data-original-width="655" height="290" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUFNMhvCMex8XOhG3Du7DhxRRTPgI335RIqPTsBAkyoczgG6fqcZUUVFFIVSmYhhD7Qi0QlFXNnzG1BcRzqN2_1Qbos4ftOubHnW5kDeG1Jc1QGx6AyHgaxmx2CB5lZKobMo-EhuV9UhGKHdCEM-pFogXhaVfGKxHPeduUJB91gtRbeOSaC82H/w254-h290/IMG_0795.jpeg" width="254" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>July 2021, Idaho (around 275 pounds)<br /></i></td></tr></tbody></table><p></p><p></p><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghNBCx8gQ0YFd9EStfV7uV5TIl2xDwtD8SLfJqMA6XC67bUpDJBa0IU37HY51iPkey-O71jCLzk2Drn4-tWFMcRJi47wVfua5LMQN5DZwEECp0VUk49NGP-3E58YNX7KmwNE5WdACfe65OqutTxjJNd5l7-aig9gM0ayS7wjjE9yJJeMYWDuT1/s4032/IMG_0570.jpeg" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="371" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghNBCx8gQ0YFd9EStfV7uV5TIl2xDwtD8SLfJqMA6XC67bUpDJBa0IU37HY51iPkey-O71jCLzk2Drn4-tWFMcRJi47wVfua5LMQN5DZwEECp0VUk49NGP-3E58YNX7KmwNE5WdACfe65OqutTxjJNd5l7-aig9gM0ayS7wjjE9yJJeMYWDuT1/w277-h371/IMG_0570.jpeg" width="277" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>June 2023, Hawai'i (around 210 pounds)<br /></i><br /></td></tr></tbody></table><p></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p>But this will probably still be long. Not novel long... maybe novella long? </p><p>I decided to divide up my thoughts and feelings about what I've learned up to this point in my life about my overall health into five different sections: <i>Mental, Emotional, Spiritual, Physical, Extra Help, and Obesity vs Depression</i>. Please note that everything I've learned intersects! There isn't any facet of my life that doesn't affect the other facets and the truth is, without healing certain parts of me, the physical part would still be greatly suffering. It's all connected. </p><p><i>Also: this is just me. I am not a doctor or therapist and I don't claim to be, so don't take anything here as anything more than me telling my story. I am not asking any of you to repeat or follow anything I've done. </i></p><p><i><b><br /></b></i></p><h2 style="text-align: center;">HEALTH IN MY FORTIES </h2><h2 style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">(or Why I Lost a Bunch of Weight This Year)</span></h2><h3 style="text-align: left;">Mental: </h3><p>I have depression. I've been on and off meds for 15+ years and am currently on a low dose of Wellbutrin. I've had 5 therapists and 3 psychiatrists. What I have learned: </p><p></p><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>Therapy is invaluable. If you have never tried therapy, I highly recommend it. HIGHLY. I also highly recommend <a href="https://a.co/d/79DkSCP" target="_blank">this workbook</a>. </li><li>Medication can be life-saving. It's hard to always find the right one that works well, but the effort is worth it. My daily med gives me just enough boost in the right direction so that making decisions (and the follow through) isn't overwhelming. </li></ul><div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhNbzYRkYPgU_h5vWPEzUKYB-TTvenlmqS5m_5feizDZbj4UEQCXNmrrVGYJ2Y5Hj4fRwHtBgPGTLEwzicokRvBYxB8MB178trGf-juw6mKI8TTcGluqCXZ0lO5lEv5O0hivA1kO84N4qxcxNwmnXCv9g8KJJhBfH-yMgcte0x2kAugzc7pgyLP" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img alt="" data-original-height="999" data-original-width="750" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhNbzYRkYPgU_h5vWPEzUKYB-TTvenlmqS5m_5feizDZbj4UEQCXNmrrVGYJ2Y5Hj4fRwHtBgPGTLEwzicokRvBYxB8MB178trGf-juw6mKI8TTcGluqCXZ0lO5lEv5O0hivA1kO84N4qxcxNwmnXCv9g8KJJhBfH-yMgcte0x2kAugzc7pgyLP" width="180" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>2008, Utah</i></td></tr></tbody></table><br /></div><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>Anxiety and depression go together. Stress and depression go together. So does oldest-daughter-syndrome, sexism, co-dependence, martyrdom, and introversion (you get the idea!). Knowing is always half the battle and learning how my brain and personality operate has made it easier to anticipate struggles before they happen. </li><li>Self-care isn't always a break or a bubble bath (although those things are nice!). Real self-care is also self-discipline. Knowing my mind operates better after a good morning walk gives me the motivation to go out the door. Knowing I'll feel horrible after eating more than 2 cookies helps prevent me from bingeing. Knowing that filling my time/life up with meaningless conversation, relationships, and negativity helps prevent me from doom-scrolling on social media, loosen my boundaries in a relationship, and entertain negative people.</li></ul><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMJGxjq_Be-l34sIxQktSGo82rcN4_WKTBk3gf5xHRsOojNUEduL6xcIJyNp9oVFFybQHmPRLgx6Gc_fQjBozF-I9O83-uTb50BQIR7l8R45I4Rt-V60WvOb_1blqLVUv0iQ_WPo9HCJB61MLH-mEiqWKvjfQRwlqzMLYTyivkb1Cw4ErUgFnO/s750/IMG_5395.PNG" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="564" data-original-width="750" height="241" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMJGxjq_Be-l34sIxQktSGo82rcN4_WKTBk3gf5xHRsOojNUEduL6xcIJyNp9oVFFybQHmPRLgx6Gc_fQjBozF-I9O83-uTb50BQIR7l8R45I4Rt-V60WvOb_1blqLVUv0iQ_WPo9HCJB61MLH-mEiqWKvjfQRwlqzMLYTyivkb1Cw4ErUgFnO/s320/IMG_5395.PNG" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>2023, on a solo writing retreat in Kansas</i></td></tr></tbody></table><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>Taking the time to work on my mental health has saved me from self-harm, hurting my children, leaving my husband, and suicide. I'm not kidding. I'm not. <i>If you've never wanted to harm yourself, hit your kids, divorce your spouse, or kill yourself, then good for you! Truly! That's a good thing! Now you get to be grateful and have compassion for those of us who have. :) </i></li></ul><h3 style="text-align: left;">Emotional:</h3><div>Along with the mental health, I've learned some amazing things about my emotional health:</div><div><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>Digging deep and learning what brings me peace and joy is so important. Finding ways to incorporate those things into my busy life has been a lot harder, but integral to my overall health. Examples? Reading, poetry, travel, nature, teacups, pretty shirts, earrings, pedicures, antique furniture, music, movies, and long conversations with friends. Etcetera. And so forth. </li></ul><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNm7ybR4O5W9HVr2Q44-hZ-TK0_ZgFC5KhkpLkKuEEAeR_lELH0cgR5pMKCs8eKYVfIuUJXqBIsyap3Pz-1ft6-i2FaOFG68YZt-hOJWA82X59VBqCNKjyzonIjucuJq-7v2QdzdaOmACPa47LblckBLXwuyImLUMWtOxP-eopk3lqNxrbyLkX/s1703/IMG_0892.jpeg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1703" data-original-width="1170" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNm7ybR4O5W9HVr2Q44-hZ-TK0_ZgFC5KhkpLkKuEEAeR_lELH0cgR5pMKCs8eKYVfIuUJXqBIsyap3Pz-1ft6-i2FaOFG68YZt-hOJWA82X59VBqCNKjyzonIjucuJq-7v2QdzdaOmACPa47LblckBLXwuyImLUMWtOxP-eopk3lqNxrbyLkX/s320/IMG_0892.jpeg" width="220" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>2016, Idaho</i></td></tr></tbody></table><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>I've learned to feel my feelings as they come without shame. There is nothing wrong with feelings! They just exist. Anger is a secondary emotion, and so when I feel angry, I feel the anger, but then try to figure out where it's coming from. Identifying my emotions has helped me work through them, rather than beat myself up for having them. Berating myself for having emotions and feelings in response to things/people is like berating myself for breathing. Let me say that, again: <i>Berating myself for having emotions and feelings in response to things/people is like berating myself for breathing.</i>They just exist. It's what I <i>do</i> with them that matters, not having them in the first place. </li><li>I've learned to be kind to myself. I no longer publicly (or even to friends) talk badly about my body. I stopped doing that even while I was obese because I realized I hated hearing other people trash-talk themselves, so why would I trash-talk myself? I try really hard not to talk badly about my personality, my mistakes, my past, or my quirks. I have learned to love myself more than I ever have in my life. I've learned to love my body, no matter my size or shape. I've learned how to meditate and pray with gratitude for my body and my life. I have given myself permission to forgive myself for my past mistakes, for my current mistakes, and for my future mistakes. Loving myself 70 pounds heavier than I am now changed everything, really. Convincing myself that I am beautiful, loved, important, and that I matter -- without caveats -- is when I started to truly heal and change for the better. This is because you can't hate something into a better version of itself. Love is the only thing that can inspire change. Love is the only thing that supports positive steps. The conclusion, then, is to love myself into the version of me I know I need to be. </li></ul><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitORrN4ZKMEymbNT0sODyWGTBpvGMX4JUJleHbEYBq3wd44NEhCgLgbr6a0wwNspmH8aVB2DdTtr7IH6V5yEPE4CtZVDAwb7uPD0JFjgyqlMqjVEtAjwVHpZ7IRJ4jvlecWHhB3j687tjNZUaxuD_m-JQK3vysSLHfphT07sg2Cy_AC5wYeHLW/s4032/IMG_4974.HEIC" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3024" data-original-width="4032" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitORrN4ZKMEymbNT0sODyWGTBpvGMX4JUJleHbEYBq3wd44NEhCgLgbr6a0wwNspmH8aVB2DdTtr7IH6V5yEPE4CtZVDAwb7uPD0JFjgyqlMqjVEtAjwVHpZ7IRJ4jvlecWHhB3j687tjNZUaxuD_m-JQK3vysSLHfphT07sg2Cy_AC5wYeHLW/s320/IMG_4974.HEIC" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>2019, Idaho</i></td></tr></tbody></table><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>I am doing the things that make me happy, yes, but I'm also challenging myself. I'm working as an accompanist, I'm always trying to improve as a <a href="https://cssavage.wixsite.com/pianostudio/about" target="_blank">piano teacher</a>, and <a href="http://cherylseelysavage.com" target="_blank">I'm publishing my poetry</a> (while also working so very, very hard to be "discovered" and published traditionally). These things have pushed me out of my comfort zone in positive ways (even while sometimes quite humbling!). I have been reminded that the things we love, the passions we feel compelled (or prompted) to do, and the courage to take chances only deposits more joy into our lives. </li></ul><h3 style="text-align: left;">Spiritual:</h3></div><div>Every relationship with the divine or an organized religion is private and personal. I don't judge anyone's journey, and I would expect the same respect in return. With that said, I also don't expect everyone to understand my personal journey with God --I only share what's important to me and what I've learned over the last 44 years: </div><div><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>I have been the most valiant of Mormon women and I have also been incredibly doubtful. I have wrestled with difficult questions for a long time. I have been angry, I have been repentant, I have been bitterly sorrowful. Sometimes all of those things within a day! I have had experiences I can't explain, experiences so sacred they have fueled a faith in me that will probably last for the rest of my life. I have felt real joy. All of these experiences, both the good and the bad have brought me to the point where I am comfortable not knowing everything. I simply do not know things. I don't know. <i>And I no longer pretend to know.</i></li><li>Because I don't know, I realized I have a choice. I can choose how I worship, how I approach religion, and how I rely on God without fear, anymore. </li><li>I have chosen to love God and love my neighbors. Those are the most important parts of my faith. I am working on them both equally and, not surprisingly, fail at them quite often. </li><li>I have also chosen to keep the promises (covenants) I make to God. I never promised to keep them well or perfectly. But I promised I would try. So, I am trying. </li><li>My personal experiences have brought me a lot of hope. That hope is often turned into faith. And yet I'm okay being right there between hope and faith, relying on my quiet, subtle and yet consistent relationship with God. I've realized I don't need constant gasping experiences. </li><li>Praying and meditating by myself centers me. </li></ul><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiI_sej5xN9aMpMwvCxdyPH1D1RXUlBSTwlTgrbsYJbHEREicEYGuf5kiyzHTqhyOaWkQYEC7F-qSm97vGFN7nNz7WmDki2JQroPU_g9VkDnvPrRXsiQSzJ2ZAHvxEA-OSc5_IhDHDDPe8L8i-_SKfSFpnUNerIJd_D3NNUTfAkZUXDmuUqZEXI/s4032/IMG_0552_Original.JPG" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3024" data-original-width="4032" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiI_sej5xN9aMpMwvCxdyPH1D1RXUlBSTwlTgrbsYJbHEREicEYGuf5kiyzHTqhyOaWkQYEC7F-qSm97vGFN7nNz7WmDki2JQroPU_g9VkDnvPrRXsiQSzJ2ZAHvxEA-OSc5_IhDHDDPe8L8i-_SKfSFpnUNerIJd_D3NNUTfAkZUXDmuUqZEXI/s320/IMG_0552_Original.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>2023, Hawai'i</i></td></tr></tbody></table><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>Discovering my relationship with my Heavenly Mother has been crucial. Being a woman in a church that focuses on a Patriarchy has always been difficult for me, no matter how "active" I've been. The obvious and traditional inequality is bitterly painful, not to mention humiliating and sometimes infuriatingly demeaning. Choosing to learn about, talk about, and pray to my Heavenly Mother has given me so much peace. To know my gender is not a mistake, I have a purpose, and there is a Goddess that understands my body and life <i>perfectly</i> is absolutely imperative to my ability to have faith in a Deity. <br /></li><li>I believe in the Atonement of Jesus Christ. I will not share my personal experiences with repentance and forgiveness, but His influence, life, teachings, and power mean so very much to me. I may not understand it all (who does, really?) but I understand how it's made me feel. How <i>He</i> has made me feel. And how He has helped me improve. I'm absolutely okay with this being enough, for now. </li></ul><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjH6UAJetNhu-o5IkPD3X9AVaHG8bePgKI9NrRHshnUKznBOVGADzlSi507KzrR6lo7kd0Fk0aNravRcSThPDHhjjqeFEDaBMaTO0wledj0zN4THcvYfpX9MbPUrIhN-O540gxC5Lr8-fA9TW-2sOv6gLHs_Yoec82O9duhkysx9S2eYucXK8Nh/s2191/IMG_0891.jpeg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2191" data-original-width="1170" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjH6UAJetNhu-o5IkPD3X9AVaHG8bePgKI9NrRHshnUKznBOVGADzlSi507KzrR6lo7kd0Fk0aNravRcSThPDHhjjqeFEDaBMaTO0wledj0zN4THcvYfpX9MbPUrIhN-O540gxC5Lr8-fA9TW-2sOv6gLHs_Yoec82O9duhkysx9S2eYucXK8Nh/s320/IMG_0891.jpeg" width="171" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>2016, Nauvoo, Illinois</i></td></tr></tbody></table><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>All of these things have eradicated shame within me. Shame about being a woman, shame about praying to a woman, shame about changing my politics, shame about being open to things not being quite what I have assumed them to be. Without shame, I have a lot more room in my heart for love. And love improves my relationships and love makes me happy! Which is why I probably seem a lot happier, these days. <i>It's not just the weight loss, friends.</i> It's all of this, too. </li></ul><h3 style="text-align: left;">Physical:</h3></div><div>Ahh, here is the part most people care about. "But Cheryl, how did you actually lose all that weight? I need to know because what I've been doing doesn't work for me and I'm getting desperate." Well, maybe people aren't saying that. But I was saying that for years! Years and years. I needed a quick fix. I needed to know I could have control over my body. I would research every diet, every exercise routine, every way to make my body obey my desires and not my inclination towards eating disorders and despair. </div><div><br /></div><div>But we all know it's not simple. Nothing about life is simple! But here's what I've learned: </div><div></div><div><h4><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>Postpartum Stuff: </li><ul><li><span style="font-weight: normal;">Obviously, I've had a lot of children. I was either pregnant, nursing, or trying to get pregnant for about 23 years. I feel grateful and humbled that my body was able to create, carry, birth, and breastfeed so many children (truly!) but those years have definitely taken a toll on my body. And why wouldn't they? It makes a lot of sense. I've never understood why women are upset that their bodies change after literally growing another human being inside of their body. Like... ??? (Okay, I do know and I totally blame the patriarchy and unrealistic marketing.)<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKjhvbOLNut0Bvm84iiAb02gxYd0SJm_uHhPU3wCTurPv_PdV6Vu16jWFhnmojs8nZthRTwDYo6UvIWwFW0yohcEIjh5GAwJPTZk7m19Y1J3zw3rGx5egrWxP7M_Xu0CaYp1m-z72t4JeoYJJZ5VryKLx2q-XrUHA2bkhTaXV1OcjqAjISQ8Lb/s2048/A200FC93-70C4-4690-B877-B07169C5319B.jpeg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="2048" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhKjhvbOLNut0Bvm84iiAb02gxYd0SJm_uHhPU3wCTurPv_PdV6Vu16jWFhnmojs8nZthRTwDYo6UvIWwFW0yohcEIjh5GAwJPTZk7m19Y1J3zw3rGx5egrWxP7M_Xu0CaYp1m-z72t4JeoYJJZ5VryKLx2q-XrUHA2bkhTaXV1OcjqAjISQ8Lb/s320/A200FC93-70C4-4690-B877-B07169C5319B.jpeg" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>My eight (full term) pregnancies: 2001, 2003, 2004, 2007, 2009, 2012, 2015, 2018</i></td></tr></tbody></table><br /></span></li><li><span style="font-weight: 400;">For the first time in those 23 years, I am now far enough past the childbearing/nursing that I truly feel my body becoming mine, again. With that comes hormone regulation, bone alignment (hips), breast size regulation, brain-fog receding (maternal brain fog is totally a thing -- I don't believe anyone who claims otherwise!), and energy returning (I get to sleep all night!). </span></li><li><span style="font-weight: 400;">This means I have control over my body in ways I didn't the last 2 decades. I have the time, the ability, and the energy to devote more attention to my body where as before, I was simply making sure my body could create and breastfeed babies. (As I needed to! Because it was my priority! Because I was literally growing and feeding humans!)</span></li><li><span><i>I've learned that women bear so much more than children. </i></span><span style="font-weight: 400;">We bear the burden of a society that expects us to be fertile but never look like we're fertile, have babies but never look like we've had babies, breastfeed babies but eww, not in public, and raise children while having babies but don't look or act like we're raising children while having babies --and definitely never complain about any of it, including the impossible standards, because "she chose to have babies!" SIGH </span></li></ul></ul><div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1ORmu8FnslL7k0vfDCnmBBpDD6rRZXr6WzP_dkWDjXtEgI4gW-gVGBXsKF39Z-Z2zN4udk4UWB6yrOekpWaPb2uhQw4bB2mGTvoMdLh9z5PXgs0Y8hyr6hcqqr9l3ZjfLL2adnYUgmVRXpHJyvm-NSnx4oEgI9lJ7Bneolju56Srl18-9rB7q/s1280/UCLA%20006.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="1280" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1ORmu8FnslL7k0vfDCnmBBpDD6rRZXr6WzP_dkWDjXtEgI4gW-gVGBXsKF39Z-Z2zN4udk4UWB6yrOekpWaPb2uhQw4bB2mGTvoMdLh9z5PXgs0Y8hyr6hcqqr9l3ZjfLL2adnYUgmVRXpHJyvm-NSnx4oEgI9lJ7Bneolju56Srl18-9rB7q/s320/UCLA%20006.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>2007, Pasadena, California</i></td></tr></tbody></table></div><ul style="text-align: left;"><ul><li><span style="font-weight: 400;">That is why we're all so tired, depressed, and abusing our bodies (starving them, addictions, dressing to hide them, flaunting them, paying for plastic surgeries we don't want and can't afford, etc.). I can't not talk about this in a post about my body. Because it has affected me, too. I did not escape the disgusting obsession our society has with women's bodies. Who has? Who has been able to avoid this? Because I have never met a woman who wasn't affected by it and if she's in a healthy place now, it's all due to her hard work to push society's standards away, not because she somehow escaped those negative messages.</span></li></ul></ul><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>PMS</li><ul><li><span style="font-weight: 400;">Look, women have periods. We do. It's all hormonal and causes great changes within our systems and we go through this cycle every month. We just do! It exists. I think for me, the small act of acknowledging this fact was liberating. I no longer pretended I didn't have a cycle, I no longer made fun of the fact I have a cycle, I no longer pretended this cycle didn't affect me greatly, and I reduced the complaining about it (I tried to eradicate all negative thoughts about my period, but that's just too hard, friends!). </span></li><li><span style="font-weight: 400;">The anger I feel every month is normal. The increase in libido during ovulation every month is normal. The range of emotions, the cramping, the mood swings --it's all normal. </span></li><li><span style="font-weight: 400;">I decided to track it better. It started out as a reason to prevent pregnancy and then quickly turned into a way for me to anticipate my mood swings. Why was I irrationally angry? Why was I so turned on? Why are my heavy bleeding days so difficult? (I mean, besides all the blood, haha). This helped me anticipate what I would need. </span></li></ul></ul><div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLm7fIapPMmkd72_WUndGnw3XBJyucmbD-YBSGLz4i_cd6ig2NPhy_iEthLFBFuzfeerVHe93-hsBFh_bICjYnEgXy_B4OCahFDMC1NGlj8JYuEGk_FCNLXCTufCNSMvEh7Pl-DTC1JImZSF_KANycVZLoiHeijWV9z7pDHQWzO395OILmBooy/s4032/IMG_3408.JPG" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3024" data-original-width="4032" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLm7fIapPMmkd72_WUndGnw3XBJyucmbD-YBSGLz4i_cd6ig2NPhy_iEthLFBFuzfeerVHe93-hsBFh_bICjYnEgXy_B4OCahFDMC1NGlj8JYuEGk_FCNLXCTufCNSMvEh7Pl-DTC1JImZSF_KANycVZLoiHeijWV9z7pDHQWzO395OILmBooy/s320/IMG_3408.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>January 2017, Ekbalam, Mexico</i></td></tr></tbody></table></div><ul style="text-align: left;"><ul><li><span style="font-weight: 400;">This helped <i>so much</i> with the eating part of my life, too. I'll talk more about that in the Eating section, next. </span></li><li><span style="font-weight: 400;">Just knowing all of the ins and outs my cycle changed so much for me. Rather than letting it control me, I move along with it, anticipating whatever may come. </span></li><li><span style="font-weight: 400;">With that said, perimenopause has been definitely new! But I decided I had to see it the same way I see my period -- it's a part of life. It's a part of my life. I can sit and be angry about it, or I can learn about it and do what I can to get through it and minimize all the negatives. </span></li></ul></ul><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>Eating: </li></ul></h4><ul style="text-align: left;"><ul><li>I've learned I'm an omnivore. I've been vegan, vegetarian, and a nutritarian-leaning-towards-raw-veganism (trust me, it's a thing). I've done weight watchers, precision nutrition, intermittent fasting, and absolutely nothing. I've researched paleo, beach body, jenny craig, slim fast, keto, south beach, atkins, whole 30, etc. I have experienced all kinds of foods, regimens, and disciplines, and so I have a pretty wide experience with food. </li></ul></ul><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4282qTeRcUcX1bU_VtEU7vm4DtqWi2_s-xTkyiy7Y-HjpL4Yj_lK1K-olWmcaf5YgWITcLpC7Z3Ni4ucmZvj6OJ5n7XvaTfpIqD8srKsKyMPQPCGCUKTHgRXhNOj2KG32N_zZnek0pL2bC7dYw-U3SFnMS4clqFDC0wGGIJ-kfAjS23l64IHO/s1558/IMG_0893.jpeg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1558" data-original-width="1170" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4282qTeRcUcX1bU_VtEU7vm4DtqWi2_s-xTkyiy7Y-HjpL4Yj_lK1K-olWmcaf5YgWITcLpC7Z3Ni4ucmZvj6OJ5n7XvaTfpIqD8srKsKyMPQPCGCUKTHgRXhNOj2KG32N_zZnek0pL2bC7dYw-U3SFnMS4clqFDC0wGGIJ-kfAjS23l64IHO/s320/IMG_0893.jpeg" width="240" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>2016, Kansas</i></td></tr></tbody></table><ul style="text-align: left;"><ul><li>I'm pretty sure I have an eating disorder, although it's never been verified. I'm an emotional eater. Remember what I said up there about feeling the feelings? For so long, I ate them. I ate all my feelings! It didn't help that I had incredible metabolism in high school and college -- I could eat all my feelings and it wouldn't show up on my external body. The habits I established were ones of desperation to numb uncomfortable emotions. But later, when it started showing up as extra pounds, I didn't know how to stop eating. I had to learn how to find a balance between fueling my body and validating my feelings. </li><li>I was also raised (like many in the 1980's were) to eat everything on my plate, regardless of hunger. I also couldn't snack during the day as a child... everything was very regimented. I don't blame my parents for any of this because they were doing what they believed was best! They were also raised by parents who had lived through the Depression. That was not a fun time, when people weren't sure when they'd be able to eat, again. And so out of desperation and gratitude, you would eat what you were given! It makes sense, but in an abundant world, it creates food anxiety and eating disorders. :/ </li></ul></ul><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiEnR6SRlt429itayeT5EJJjUUfT1-YYrCFxGo_FC-CO5oI2gtb4y8PP2UVkSb4drAL9tf4wKdWER6gm2mrArMEyED10PwebIRybg_pIrENyo-2kfysy9cvX2XxGbGdevUsDlnQaxL4V6GmujeRIgoviag0j8kcySZ_1ot5P4kmhJN_mGQDQlwU/s4032/IMG_7301.HEIC" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3024" data-original-width="4032" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiEnR6SRlt429itayeT5EJJjUUfT1-YYrCFxGo_FC-CO5oI2gtb4y8PP2UVkSb4drAL9tf4wKdWER6gm2mrArMEyED10PwebIRybg_pIrENyo-2kfysy9cvX2XxGbGdevUsDlnQaxL4V6GmujeRIgoviag0j8kcySZ_1ot5P4kmhJN_mGQDQlwU/s320/IMG_7301.HEIC" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>2022, Kansas</i></td></tr></tbody></table><ul style="text-align: left;"><ul><li>Eating based on my menstrual cycle! What does this mean? Friends, when I decided to eat my cravings that would appear during my menstrual cycle like I used to during pregnancies, it was amazing. <i>Amazing</i>. I'm not exaggerating! When do I get hungrier? A few days before my period. When do I fast more? Usually around ovulation. The ebb and flow of my cravings matches up directly to my menstruation cycle! So, I started to track those cravings, too. And wow --what a difference! When I allow myself permission to eat what my body is wanting (obviously with a brain behind it --eating some cookies or a hamburger is great, but eating an entire box of cookies and 3 hamburgers is not so great), my body is so much better. And regulates! <i>And</i> drops the weight it doesn't need! It's so very, very cool. But I'm also sad I didn't know this from the beginning. Had I been eating like this all of my life, I'm telling you --it would have been a game-changer. Probably a life-changer.</li><li>Vitamins and minerals: It would be super nice if I could get all of my nutrients through my food. There was a time I did! (those were the nutritarian years, my friends) But now I take my vitamins like the older person I am, and I'm glad! I feel better when I consistently take my medications and vitamins/minerals. This includes (but is not limited to): vitamin c, elderberry, vitamin d, iron, calcium, magnesium, vitamin b6 complex, keratin, fish oil, biotin, probiotics, etc. This is what works for me according to my yearly blood panel from my doctor. Please don't assume I'm telling you what to take. I don't know what your body needs! And I may adjust mine in the near future, anyway. </li></ul></ul><div></div><h4><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>Exercise:</li></ul></h4><ul style="text-align: left;"><ul><li>I'm not young, anymore. I'm firmly middle-aged and I know how important it is to take care of my body. If I want to see my children's children's children one day, if I want to continue traveling as much as I do, if I want to keep up with the activities I love, I have to be taking care of my heart, my knees, my lungs, and my feet. I've learned that I need to do the kind of exercising that is positive for me! If I look forward to it, then... surprise! I'll do it. If I hate it, then why in the world would I do it? I've learned that with my psyche, there is no competition, race, or goal that can make me consistently do the kinds of exercise I loathe or dread doing. </li><li>This is, really, because I'm not an athlete. I learned this both the easy and hard way (continuous failure at athletic things). I haven't always shied away from physical exertion, though. I did ballroom dancing and marching band as a teen and I've always loved hiking/walking. Even when I'm really bad at hiking --I still love hiking! There was a time I allowed friends to convince me to run races (the brutes!), and at age 39 I signed up for my first ballet class! But I know I feel my best when I go walking in nature. My favorite time is at dawn, either alone or with a friend, and I usually walk 2-4 miles. Instead of focusing on how I don't like to run, I focus on how much I love to walk! And then I do it. <table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjgqUweHmFTgwhQoV6d3J69Ev1N_41EG9cmvvqASuMNgXI98hU7h0ONCdKd7K2dGBGr5Ewq8Eecw39Gj_R8KunKoA6-vVpSFIDK-uJ5a5d33T2xMJ9LNiGxFTPMVD19OjGCifBnU-byZe_fJtpfUt7DDvOaudL9cFCBVDgWUb8QEhAxqk6Zz34R/s1440/A1D03AA1-6675-4476-9C1E-BE75C13081BA.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1440" data-original-width="1440" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjgqUweHmFTgwhQoV6d3J69Ev1N_41EG9cmvvqASuMNgXI98hU7h0ONCdKd7K2dGBGr5Ewq8Eecw39Gj_R8KunKoA6-vVpSFIDK-uJ5a5d33T2xMJ9LNiGxFTPMVD19OjGCifBnU-byZe_fJtpfUt7DDvOaudL9cFCBVDgWUb8QEhAxqk6Zz34R/s320/A1D03AA1-6675-4476-9C1E-BE75C13081BA.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>January 2022, Clearwater Beach, Florida</i></td></tr></tbody></table><br /></li><li>I have asthma. It's controlled by taking a daily medication (singulair) and I haven't had to use a rescue inhaler in a few years. But for a long time, I was using it way too often! Finally finding the right medication was amazing and has been life-saving. I was hospitalized for pneumonia, once, directly related to my asthma... (that was no fun!). This also means I'm very aware of lung function, lung capacity, the different sounds in sick lungs, and what it truly feels like to breathe deeply. </li><li>A dear friend once said that several years ago, while in her mid-50's, she met a woman in her 60's who was the epitome of vibrancy and health. My friend asked this woman what she did to be so active and healthy. She said she follows these four pillars of physicality: strength, endurance, flexibility, and balance. My friend took this wisdom, shared it with others, and now I have adopted it, too! This is how:</li></ul><ul><ul><li>Walking (already mentioned it) works with endurance. I can walk up the rolling hills around our place without missing a beat! Rarely do I run out of breath, anymore. And occasionally (very occasionally), I will find myself jogging down a trail. Wha?! I know, right? </li><li>Yoga! As soon as I read what my friend had learned, I knew I had to do something. I was 80-90 pounds overweight, but I didn't let that stop me. I took to my yoga mat! Because I've done yoga and pilates throughout my life, it wasn't too difficult to fall into a routine that helped my posture, my breathing, my balance, my flexibility, and my confidence. Not to mention how easy it was to incorporate meditation and prayer into my routines! It's been wonderful. </li><li>Pilates and strength training -- I add these into my yoga routines, too. I do a few free weights, but mostly I use my own body weight (like wall pushups, lunges, etc.)</li></ul><li>Sex. Yes, sex. I realized that I need to have more consistent sex with my husband, and not just because of the value in the connection we feel, but because orgasms are just good for my health! It's a fact. And I have zero problems with this! :) </li></ul></ul><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpG6HPMkXO6VtEDIogBDNumdf5jz-IxC8V1AVlKO0Y0LaJOCxltwI-IENlYW_5RrBDrAFpNSvuDBCLZRVK_7I0CGMTtFgmKk5oJOrXpyS8TIvENTbq2Bb6QtE5as9QnNWQBw1Mk1wdKhS04iFRBLLIBZA2t5uYLL5IwT28vtZLZNTqOKc7KkYs/s4032/IMG_3302.HEIC" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpG6HPMkXO6VtEDIogBDNumdf5jz-IxC8V1AVlKO0Y0LaJOCxltwI-IENlYW_5RrBDrAFpNSvuDBCLZRVK_7I0CGMTtFgmKk5oJOrXpyS8TIvENTbq2Bb6QtE5as9QnNWQBw1Mk1wdKhS04iFRBLLIBZA2t5uYLL5IwT28vtZLZNTqOKc7KkYs/s320/IMG_3302.HEIC" width="240" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>July 2023, <a href="https://www.facebook.com/mossypossumfarm/" target="_blank">Mossy Possum Farm</a> (Kansas)</i></td></tr></tbody></table><ul style="text-align: left;"><ul><li>Hygiene routines! Perimenopause is an interesting adventure and I've realized I need to be vigilant about my skincare, haircare, teeth, lady parts, etc. This means a lot of moisturizer, biotin shampoo, dental care, doctor care, pedicures (okay, I don't get pedicures as often as I would like), and just paying attention to my body. This has been <i>so hard</i> for me! Why? Because I have always been a really low maintenance kind of girl. To now have this whole "beauty regimen" kind of weirds me out. But I do it because I feel so much better when I am consistent with it! (And yes... I've started wearing makeup more consistently, too. I know, I know! The people who knew me during my "why do we wear makeup?!" phase are probably laughing. :) But what's cool is I can do my makeup in 4 minutes!)<br /></li></ul></ul><div><b>Extra Help:</b></div></div><div><br /></div><div>FINALLY! Here's the main answer everyone wants to hear. "How did you lose so much weight?" They mean well, friends. The people who've asked me this know I'm not sick, they know I'm happy, and they know I'm thriving (which I'm not, but still kind of am, so I'll take it). </div><div><br /></div><div>Let me tell you the story: </div><div><br /></div><div>In December of 2020, I was pretty down. Pandemic, lack of structure, depressed, unsure about the future, still recovering from childbirth stuff (it takes years, friends, don't let them fool you into thinking it takes weeks! That's a bunch of swear words), and I weighed around 270 pounds. I was so sad. I wasn't sure how to get out of it, but... I did. I realized I needed outside help. I could not do it on my own, no matter how much wisdom I had acquired. </div><div><br /></div><div>I needed help. </div><div><br /></div><div>So, I found a psychiatrist, I started walking more, I started tracking my food, I dug down into my bag of therapy tricks, and I began the climb back out. </div><div><br /></div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1zdJACLD98Cys3sI5toyTbYonOyaxo1kjmP1z8xhJx-2ErmqwJo1E48SxFQaLfKJp5FrPYaYs1ZfbgNI_T9hdPBAVhy0XZhF8v9jJfLcWfAcap2n_0cRDQYsNqQb3QnX1OdYE7wF6aueKHYZbcQ9amE03lohK0TWgbf-umX-26HkUQtfeAZll/s3264/IMG_6465.JPG" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3264" data-original-width="2448" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1zdJACLD98Cys3sI5toyTbYonOyaxo1kjmP1z8xhJx-2ErmqwJo1E48SxFQaLfKJp5FrPYaYs1ZfbgNI_T9hdPBAVhy0XZhF8v9jJfLcWfAcap2n_0cRDQYsNqQb3QnX1OdYE7wF6aueKHYZbcQ9amE03lohK0TWgbf-umX-26HkUQtfeAZll/s320/IMG_6465.JPG" width="240" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>July 2016, Yellowstone</i></td></tr></tbody></table><div><br /></div><div>Fast forward to last Fall (October 2022). I had a new job, my depression was under control, I had started those four pillars of health, I was tracking food, and... I had lost 5 pounds. Total. After almost 2 years. </div><div><br /></div><div><i>I decided I wanted to get a tummy tuck.</i> Yes! I did! I had 8 babies worth of saggy-ness in my belly, and I figured that if I couldn't lose weight, I could at least have some more confidence with how my jeans fit. Plus, the constant yeast infections (sorry, TMI) were no fun and it was so heavy. Having that much weight in front wasn't good on my lower back. My doctor referred me to a plastic surgeon, I met with her for an hour (she was great!), and she said, quite bluntly (but not unkindly): "I can do this for you, but if you then decide to lose weight, it won't matter. Until you are at your personal goal weight and can maintain that for a while, any surgery results might not last as long as you would hope." </div><div><br /></div><div>I went home kind of defeated (plus it was so dang expensive, I had to re-think the entire thing, anyway). I decided I would earnestly try losing weight again --this time on purpose. On purpose! With purpose! And... it didn't work. I tracked and exercised for a few months and... nothing. </div><div><br /></div><div>I'm not exaggerating. Nothing was happening. </div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1Vf8ZpA1BSNbfcBhAsOhZ4R3w5pzM6dctxPUNsjlnRd7HVlejvlVakRccQToFQZu3AOX7zP71TFhH5HAS4MfGiQisMLMtgnZ2EWaYqYnXhcDYFy4ixhaahZIftfJYagZdG9o5c7Dn29CWGYbir8d_NGE0BouDPO_Jnz9aPUzkrcP59jBx9FSb/s1697/IMG_0896.jpeg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1697" data-original-width="1170" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1Vf8ZpA1BSNbfcBhAsOhZ4R3w5pzM6dctxPUNsjlnRd7HVlejvlVakRccQToFQZu3AOX7zP71TFhH5HAS4MfGiQisMLMtgnZ2EWaYqYnXhcDYFy4ixhaahZIftfJYagZdG9o5c7Dn29CWGYbir8d_NGE0BouDPO_Jnz9aPUzkrcP59jBx9FSb/s320/IMG_0896.jpeg" width="221" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>October 2022, Kansas</i></td></tr></tbody></table></div><div><br /></div><div><div><i><b>(Now look --it's important for me to make something very clear. </b>Fat does not equal ugly. Obesity does not equal ugly. For whatever reason, our society decided women are only attractive when they are thin. I don't buy it. I was beautiful fat and I'm still beautiful now. The tummy tuck had more to do with all of the secondary problems that came with having the extra skin/fat than it did with having to look a certain way. The desire to lose weight had more to do with my overall health and ability to do things I love to do without being afraid of a heart attack. Yes, yes, I did admit to falling into the same old trappings of our dumb society's obsession with thinness, but I still felt beautiful while I was obese, too. It's not all so cut and dry, you know? And do I feel more attractive now that I've lost the weight? Yes, but it has more to do with my energy and confidence, not because somehow my face looks different. My husband adored me and my body exactly the same 2 years ago as he does now. And when I see my smile, it's the same smile. When I see my eyes, they are the same eyes. Fat does not equal ugly. Fat just equals fat, sometimes. The end.) </i></div><div><br /></div></div><div>Again, I felt defeated. I had been working so hard without any results. I wondered if maybe I needed to get used to being tired, having weak knees, buying much bigger (and therefore expensive) clothing, and tolerating the way people treated me (another conversation about fat-shaming for another day). </div><div><br /></div><div>I decided to try one last thing. </div><div><br /></div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhyk0pBYKj5D02Wc5K85vsCdP5t_wflTchPcBEHwbGwHB9DXCKbxKqquPu7KzrTNutWz0cnnCqBpalw6lkX05WWL0RiCx7pdhB9T4yU9JMgiH_4nsQjWY_t3eHwrud06udqncFet19XFZxFPGjJK-ik1osNMXO1tJe1wnH69ffZk4GTNY2oPv61/s1527/IMG_0890.jpeg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1527" data-original-width="1170" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhyk0pBYKj5D02Wc5K85vsCdP5t_wflTchPcBEHwbGwHB9DXCKbxKqquPu7KzrTNutWz0cnnCqBpalw6lkX05WWL0RiCx7pdhB9T4yU9JMgiH_4nsQjWY_t3eHwrud06udqncFet19XFZxFPGjJK-ik1osNMXO1tJe1wnH69ffZk4GTNY2oPv61/s320/IMG_0890.jpeg" width="245" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>2009, Jane Austen's House, Chawton, United Kingdom</i></td></tr></tbody></table><div><br /></div><div>I went to my doctor (the one that had referred me to the plastic surgeon --he's been my GP since we moved to Kansas). I said to him: "Three years ago you said that if I ever needed help losing weight, that you could prescribe something for me. You have never brought it up again, which I am really grateful for, but now I'm asking you: can you help me? I'm doing everything I know how to do. What else can I do?" And he prescribed me phentermine. Low dose. Very low dose (I was on half a pill for 4 months). I'm so grateful for it. Why? Because it did what the Wellbutrin did --gave me enough of an edge ahead to be successful. </div><div><br /></div><div><i>Now I know that some people will immediately have opinions about the fact that I've just admitted to being on medication for weight loss. Some will judge me, some will applaud me, some will want to do it for themselves -- just understand, again, that this is me. This is </i>my<i> story. No need for criticism, no need to copy me.</i></div><div><br /></div><div>Friends, the medication doesn't work if I don't do the work, too. It's both an appetite suppressant and a stimulant. This has allowed me to control my emotional eating and create just enough energy to wake up and exercise, as well as move my body more throughout the day. Side effects for me have been zero. Nothing. No negatives, just positives. </div><div><br /><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4b_5NxFM2NH-5tuPaSu3pW_msyWrZiB2-CKGJTpxKLZh-9NZ8JIDfCK7mJkb22Qwuz-e6vU5RkBJYzSnf-u6_wsZA58avmDHsAG-Ed-hzKN_82r4M2gxkEaj_f-xjRH0AswZ2tQ9MTMpbEsgzpeylS9cvA0Uf2juxXCAb4BzO1tP_6DCc36bD/s1487/IMG_0867.jpeg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1487" data-original-width="1170" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4b_5NxFM2NH-5tuPaSu3pW_msyWrZiB2-CKGJTpxKLZh-9NZ8JIDfCK7mJkb22Qwuz-e6vU5RkBJYzSnf-u6_wsZA58avmDHsAG-Ed-hzKN_82r4M2gxkEaj_f-xjRH0AswZ2tQ9MTMpbEsgzpeylS9cvA0Uf2juxXCAb4BzO1tP_6DCc36bD/s320/IMG_0867.jpeg" width="252" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>May 2023, Interlaken, Switzerland</i></td></tr></tbody></table></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div>Over the last year I've taught myself how to eat better, I've gotten into my exercise routine, and now my knees don't hurt! (Losing 70 pounds is really good for the knees!) I have been able to stop eating when I'm no longer hungry (even if my plate still has food on it) and I have the motivation, energy, and ability to push myself to do the things I know will benefit my heart, lungs, and joints. </div><div><br /></div><div>Truth: I won't be on this medication forever (same with the Wellbutrin). Once I reach a settled weight (where my body feels comfortable and healthy and doesn't need to lose any more), I will go off the medication. This will most likely be around 180 pounds. My hope is I will then continue all the new habits I've established, maintain my weight, and continue to take care of my body the way I want to, the way I've learned to, and the way that gives me the best chance to live for a very long time. </div><div><br /></div><h4 style="text-align: left;"><b>Obesity vs Depression:</b></h4><div>Obesity -- (<i>I'm talking about unhealthy obesity. Some people are large/big and healthy, too. I don't buy into the myth that all obese people are miserable and dying, nor do I believe that healthy always equals thin. So when I say obesity, here, I mean people like me who are literally weighed down, cannot live the life they want, and have serious health issues directly related to all the extra weight) --</i>is a lot like Depression in my mind. Both of them feel overwhelming, both can have negative side effects on a person's life, and both are really difficult to overcome without internal *and* external help. </div><div><br /></div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEij_nSDUbFZddEeZvrm7rPJrDQ9q5exZdAoWeP7BPy_0zmGRADNLeV9IWTftXwRBlIpPh5ezfKIaf-KO2DMPfwwlVuW3lrht2Hhj97iMLSla0id-cQUoOxbBDA57aqNyp2iuzjoGleQhCOL-FQ88vgEOG3k6A-C2tKLnpigR6pYwICewqaCVwSK/s456/IMG_7724.JPG" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="456" data-original-width="456" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEij_nSDUbFZddEeZvrm7rPJrDQ9q5exZdAoWeP7BPy_0zmGRADNLeV9IWTftXwRBlIpPh5ezfKIaf-KO2DMPfwwlVuW3lrht2Hhj97iMLSla0id-cQUoOxbBDA57aqNyp2iuzjoGleQhCOL-FQ88vgEOG3k6A-C2tKLnpigR6pYwICewqaCVwSK/s320/IMG_7724.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>January 2008, Pigeon Point Lighthouse, California</i></td></tr></tbody></table><br /><div><br /></div><div>For example, my depression is better managed when I can exercise, get outside, and eat well. But it's the actual depression preventing me from exercising, going outside, and eating well. </div><div><br /></div><div>My obesity goes away when I exercise, get outside, and eat well. But the actual obesity is preventing me from exercising, going outside, and... you got it! eating well (I felt hungry all the time because my stomach was so stretched. Plus the eating disorder). </div><div><br /></div><div><i>(It's kind of like how endometriosis prevents pregnancy, but the cure is usually pregnancy (or at least remission).)</i></div><div><br /></div><div>How could I exercise on my knees that hurt? How could I lose weight when I was barely able to keep my food intake in a healthy range? Just as with my depression, I knew I needed extra help with my obesity. </div><div>It's so easy for people to say: "Just exercise harder! Eat less!" when they have never struggled with eating disorders or obesity. </div><h4 style="text-align: left;"><br /></h4><h4 style="text-align: left;">Final Thoughts:</h4><div>The short (and true!) answer to "how were you able to lose so much weight this year, Cheryl?" is "lots of knowledge and hard work." </div><div><br /></div><div>But the truest answer is more like, "a lifetime of experiences, knowledge, several years removed from all pregnancy-related stages, monthly doctor visits with carefully controlled medication, seeing my psychiatrist every 3 months, exercise, eating the foods that make me feel joyous, and a deep desire to do the things I haven't been able to do for the last 15 years or more." </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8ErSfhnI3WloiN-xUpgyqZYvxHl_SvGUXPoqXWtdB6xXNs3wr5xSiwqzVLBkgK-A_KtBC5Gn8MJPWFpLkLECyJ9ZEz3UdkMihEttBNG5ywvLzK7O9Ngj9OIKOeYVfXS9kAZjEOeazGj0UPBw_SSXFSBj2sG07T2I87ItGsYNU0m0m8VHlj6Eq/s682/IMG_0799.jpeg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="682" data-original-width="316" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8ErSfhnI3WloiN-xUpgyqZYvxHl_SvGUXPoqXWtdB6xXNs3wr5xSiwqzVLBkgK-A_KtBC5Gn8MJPWFpLkLECyJ9ZEz3UdkMihEttBNG5ywvLzK7O9Ngj9OIKOeYVfXS9kAZjEOeazGj0UPBw_SSXFSBj2sG07T2I87ItGsYNU0m0m8VHlj6Eq/s320/IMG_0799.jpeg" width="148" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i> August 2022, Idaho<br /> 275 pounds</i></td></tr></tbody></table></div><div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhd5OIkKuqwxndcN01SJH9s_jvmCVP97sXLKnCOyOsUgOeVnQWZEXywLNLR02LoCZXX5kl-uhU-e-0Oo8L1xKWu3o2mWBSLTaOahw6hhE5tUXFOkGbSjlxM-90mhGgfEUOU0rVNwFISF2KCoKXh5n7ggqRGwjPUP42lThV0tXRwRp4HREqltN-f/s4032/IMG_0809.jpeg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhd5OIkKuqwxndcN01SJH9s_jvmCVP97sXLKnCOyOsUgOeVnQWZEXywLNLR02LoCZXX5kl-uhU-e-0Oo8L1xKWu3o2mWBSLTaOahw6hhE5tUXFOkGbSjlxM-90mhGgfEUOU0rVNwFISF2KCoKXh5n7ggqRGwjPUP42lThV0tXRwRp4HREqltN-f/w240-h320/IMG_0809.jpeg" width="240" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>August 2023, Kansas<br />195 pounds</i></td></tr></tbody></table><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div>I don't know what my future looks like. I'd be lying if I said I'm not afraid to go off of the medication. I know a lot of people who have done this and gained all the weight back. I like to think that because I'm ahead of the game (maintaining instead of losing) that I will be okay. I know what to do, I know how it feels, and I'm working hard to keep the conversation of it all flowing with my doctor, my psychiatrist, my husband, my friends, myself, and God. <i>(And that tummy tuck? Well... I'll see how I feel in a year. It might still be something I do. Because although my "apron" has shrunk significantly, all of the extra skin from growing 8 babies and all the weight gain is definitely still there. So... who knows?) </i></div><div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwv7MKCi-nliuAn3DF3DPqdMgy9y0e9vd4NB49crbhJ5d87RIszLYvt5HWOMNTlfaAg6DnR9Sw_uBeLti-8MYtsg3jajrpSQPcldkaFfyzs1mFHHxg6u0q_JkEDkQi4nEnK-GYHAglm9wmS4LiQDOkRg_6CD3D7BFPRV3ZQ5NzpKz-sks6NFWJ/s1280/CherylSeelySavage.jpeg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1280" data-original-width="1280" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiwv7MKCi-nliuAn3DF3DPqdMgy9y0e9vd4NB49crbhJ5d87RIszLYvt5HWOMNTlfaAg6DnR9Sw_uBeLti-8MYtsg3jajrpSQPcldkaFfyzs1mFHHxg6u0q_JkEDkQi4nEnK-GYHAglm9wmS4LiQDOkRg_6CD3D7BFPRV3ZQ5NzpKz-sks6NFWJ/s320/CherylSeelySavage.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div></div><div><br /></div><div>I love me! I love where I am, what I've learned, all the humiliating and exciting experiences that have gotten me to where I am right now. I know I have so many more things to experience and learn and honestly, I'm just so grateful for the chance to be healthier in all facets of my life! If, as humans, we are meant to have joy, I think this is truly a huge part of it. Joy of the soul. The entire self! I think I have found a large portion of it. I'm truly humbled; truly grateful. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhU3K1B-wuxz9T0w_u6Jp_zxCeQBoSMIMysP8OPrkaeStymR0m7GDfm_7hj9I6L-cKLP_V7Rrpe5EVhCRBqZbLCtAqCyHI17NSWTMzkqOkwkWC0aoSq94bxEhd1-xwB7t-7c2XSBbV6wBNy1ZwTNhUbGg6Wsz0dinumQwgHX7DuDoDQpt228SKQ" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img alt="" data-original-height="385" data-original-width="468" height="499" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhU3K1B-wuxz9T0w_u6Jp_zxCeQBoSMIMysP8OPrkaeStymR0m7GDfm_7hj9I6L-cKLP_V7Rrpe5EVhCRBqZbLCtAqCyHI17NSWTMzkqOkwkWC0aoSq94bxEhd1-xwB7t-7c2XSBbV6wBNy1ZwTNhUbGg6Wsz0dinumQwgHX7DuDoDQpt228SKQ=w607-h499" width="607" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>Poem by Cheryl Seely Savage (that's me!), included in the poetry collection, </i><a href="https://a.co/d/je1hYaw" target="_blank">We Have Time</a></td></tr></tbody></table><br /><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br /><br />Cherylhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10218614720786379961noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20526785.post-74152888214158482612023-04-01T07:16:00.001-06:002023-04-01T07:16:32.584-06:00We Have Time<p> I published my third collection of poetry in January 2023!</p><p>It's called "We Have Time" and is exclusively a collection of love poetry. 💗</p><p>I know I ignore this blog. Social media has taken over... everything... but I wanted to at least update it a little bit! Writing, publishing, and marketing my poetry takes a lot of work. It's work I love, but it's still work! And so it's always worth mentioning, in my very humble opinion. :) </p><p><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmYJlWOAMUx5YUvrHPCKfcVOceTEctLu0b_hTiOpDaoLg1EIJPrQVuSAmftQqu6_7ca6IZqdBDVMp9RJGn6hygFgipB8HUbEqBSuJ8bo4UBhyvz_CZPkHk4ibSC0_wj6-1BGheX2YEvDwTqY7q1r04Qx5Nn2WaVCz9JO3mXgloX2gnzTmhCg/s1794/50AAD05B-EA97-4997-9B46-0D7575FC9D93.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1794" data-original-width="1440" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjmYJlWOAMUx5YUvrHPCKfcVOceTEctLu0b_hTiOpDaoLg1EIJPrQVuSAmftQqu6_7ca6IZqdBDVMp9RJGn6hygFgipB8HUbEqBSuJ8bo4UBhyvz_CZPkHk4ibSC0_wj6-1BGheX2YEvDwTqY7q1r04Qx5Nn2WaVCz9JO3mXgloX2gnzTmhCg/s320/50AAD05B-EA97-4997-9B46-0D7575FC9D93.jpg" width="257" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvVGBcCagL7QzP3dhTQ8VLg7zTXQjC9kpYTM7C7LOuMKfCWWF07ndwbcvaRKrgoUWRvzGy7ZPmpH3wDAGlBYrRlHp0EMgpwvRaX5Vnwm8XNwsyaATxVWclv3t2lRI4Nz7MIJBMy7dYNV_37ET9Z09jwYIbwWO1GbWRuX_jO3bJI0AQv7N8Aw/s1440/822A7F3E-665E-48A4-B5B7-25A4079A202E.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1439" data-original-width="1440" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvVGBcCagL7QzP3dhTQ8VLg7zTXQjC9kpYTM7C7LOuMKfCWWF07ndwbcvaRKrgoUWRvzGy7ZPmpH3wDAGlBYrRlHp0EMgpwvRaX5Vnwm8XNwsyaATxVWclv3t2lRI4Nz7MIJBMy7dYNV_37ET9Z09jwYIbwWO1GbWRuX_jO3bJI0AQv7N8Aw/s320/822A7F3E-665E-48A4-B5B7-25A4079A202E.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCZFpTfXPzjc20Ey0Tjxhbc-DfU0HDMNJ-MSdB8FMKxXmhGXmo7UF6_Cy1sLOmHkwl_JoWasqLP03F-IfGxcm9_St69yeNYgtPCkU3ptb0pnxUMS-6GfTZVWG4b_6KN5VTQMBM2YD9nhnNaaI11zhSpKzKseEKj0hC_j9EDNgzWygmWjZgXw/s1334/C441FC38-2CBE-4C51-9679-C7BF074AEC35.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1334" data-original-width="1334" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCZFpTfXPzjc20Ey0Tjxhbc-DfU0HDMNJ-MSdB8FMKxXmhGXmo7UF6_Cy1sLOmHkwl_JoWasqLP03F-IfGxcm9_St69yeNYgtPCkU3ptb0pnxUMS-6GfTZVWG4b_6KN5VTQMBM2YD9nhnNaaI11zhSpKzKseEKj0hC_j9EDNgzWygmWjZgXw/s320/C441FC38-2CBE-4C51-9679-C7BF074AEC35.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><p><br /></p>Cherylhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10218614720786379961noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20526785.post-48938813091625902722021-01-12T12:06:00.003-07:002021-01-12T12:06:38.972-07:00Oh Say, What is Truth? <p> There is so much political unrest, right now and my mind has been engaged constantly with thoughts about what happened at the Capitol Building last week. </p><p>I have vacillated between hope for the future and utter despair and anger that it was allowed to happen. I question everything and I've combed all information at my disposal to find the truth about what happened. Since everyone has a tainted opinion, it's always difficult to get to the core of everything, but I think I discovered the problem: </p><p>People were believing a lie. </p><p>The president lied and his followers believed him, anyway. He's lied for years, and they still believe him. He gets caught lying, and they justify and excuse his behavior. His lies have harvested division, hatred, and fear --which we think culminated in what happened last week, but I have a sinking feeling there is more to come. </p><p>It makes me wonder how we got to this place, how people who claim to follow God could believe in such obvious hypocrisy and deceit. How could they not see his lies? What happened? But more importantly: what can I do to make sure I don't fall for it in the future? </p><p>I've been pondering about this and I've made a list of sources of truth and in the order of which I use them to find what I'm looking for... this might help you! If it doesn't, that's okay. I'm mostly writing this for myself, anyway. </p><p><b>First</b>, we seek the truth from God. We seek personal revelation through the Holy Ghost. This is the ultimate place to find the truth because "if any of ye lack wisdom, let him ask of God" is not some kind of nice idea --it's real! The very first place to find the truth is with God. What does He want me to do? What does He have to say about everything. There's a caveat with this type of truth, though. How can I know I'm receiving the correct revelations? Well, I ask myself these questions: </p><p></p><ul style="text-align: left;"><li>Am I keeping my covenants? </li><li>Am I repenting every day? </li><li>Do I have the Spirit with me? </li><li>Am I being obedient to the commandments? </li></ul><div>If I can answer yes, sincerely, to these questions, then chances are good I can trust that communication with God is open and real. <a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/liahona/2021/01/grow-into-the-principle-of-revelation?lang=eng" target="_blank">Here's a great article</a> from our prophet about how this all works. </div><div><br /></div><div><b>Second</b>: I search for truth from Prophets and Apostles. What is the prophet saying about what's happening right now? What are they saying about elections, racism, communication, pandemics, etc? If I don't know, then I need to find out! Here are some examples of what prophets and apostles have been saying: </div><div><ul style="text-align: left;"><li><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2020/10/46nelson?lang=eng" target="_blank">Racism is evil</a></li><li><a href="https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2020/10/17oaks?lang=eng" target="_blank">We accept the results of elections</a></li><li>The Pandemic is real, we're having home-centered church, we need to follow local leaders about what we need to do to help end the pandemic, etc. </li><li>We need to have faith and hope and continuously rely on Jesus Christ</li></ul><div><b>Third</b>: What are the scriptures saying? When we read the scriptures, we are able to understand the plan of salvation better, understand our purpose more, and can more easily recognize truth and error. </div></div><div><br /></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;">"<span style="background-color: white;">If you have not heard His voice speaking to you lately, return with new eyes and new ears to the scriptures. They are our spiritual lifeline." ~Elder Robert D. Hales</span></span></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white;"><b>Fourth</b>: Experts and Scientists -- if people have spent decades learning about a subject that I don't know too much about, I think it's okay to trust their judgment. For example, I have trusted doctors to treat me and my family when we are sick. I have had amazing therapists help me, many OBGYN doctors and midwives deliver my babies, and an amazing surgeon repaired my broken nose. I've seen ENT doctors get legos out of my son's ear, diagnose scary diseases, and treat my children with medicine that helped stave off infections. </span></span></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white;">I've also allowed experts to teach me about writing, music, art, philosophy, and literature. I've listened to experts teach me about technology, nature, the weather, and animals. I've learned from experts since I was a tiny child --in fact, you could say we all learn from experts. </span></span></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white;">Scientists amaze me because they do their best to seek knowledge, and then apply that knowledge carefully in our society. When they discover they might be wrong about something, they adjust. Science is seeking --it's always looking for the truth. They don't get angry when they get it wrong, they use it as a chance to do better. </span></span><span style="background-color: white;">To demand perfection from leaders, scientists, and experts right away is to be always disappointed. </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit;">I feel like I'm the same way. I don't always get everything right. But I'm trying to learn and grow. And not every scientist or expert will be correct because their integrity is corrupted. This is also true! But I know for a fact that God has placed experts and scientists into my life to help me. The good ones far outweigh the bad ones. And if you're just not sure --that's when you go back to step one and seek personal inspiration and revelation to know whether or not an expert or scientist is lying to you. </span></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span style="background-color: white;">So, where can truth be found? God, Prophets, Scriptures, Experts... honestly, truth isn't too difficult to find. We just need to know how to do it, and then run away from everything else. 😉</span></div><p></p>Cherylhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10218614720786379961noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20526785.post-5416780034311719972020-12-01T13:30:00.004-07:002020-12-01T13:30:50.347-07:00I Published More Poetry! <p>I just published my second collection of poetry. </p><p>It's called, <i>Carve a Place for Me, </i>and is available on Amazon in paperback and eBook (Kindle). <a href="https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B08P93Z31H/ref=dbs_a_def_rwt_bibl_vppi_i0" target="_blank">Go here</a> to see it and purchase it, if you'd like! </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEOfgzRQ7tJ9nDlH89iG7jJgLRAaaK6plhDO_pPV5Z0fxU6_13aTda3_Tl2RPto-VLTAtua9yrJT3zmA91y0nUDd02SGmmTC7qh5oiwjkmewhu7U8Eplpj2h56Si75inYvDpp7/s2048/Carve+a+Place+for+Me300.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1283" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhEOfgzRQ7tJ9nDlH89iG7jJgLRAaaK6plhDO_pPV5Z0fxU6_13aTda3_Tl2RPto-VLTAtua9yrJT3zmA91y0nUDd02SGmmTC7qh5oiwjkmewhu7U8Eplpj2h56Si75inYvDpp7/s320/Carve+a+Place+for+Me300.jpg" /></a></div><p>My other collection of poetry, <i>Give Me a Fragment</i>, is also available on Amazon. It's on sale until I decide to quietly end the sale (ha!). The link for that one is <a href="https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B07P56FMHJ/ref=dbs_a_def_rwt_bibl_vppi_i1" target="_blank">right here. </a></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibk0U3Rq7MNyIVFlET4IrI5bwu7yc9EwQynEFXZCGMHHEw5xBz9wM1e7cjgPKMy-_j0SOD7XATRVs85RRS4PQJWrTpDNYbl3S7YppVGMzcfPA93qLamdtFBuVVDwGztc3Tof82/s2048/IMG_2526.PNG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1152" data-original-width="2048" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibk0U3Rq7MNyIVFlET4IrI5bwu7yc9EwQynEFXZCGMHHEw5xBz9wM1e7cjgPKMy-_j0SOD7XATRVs85RRS4PQJWrTpDNYbl3S7YppVGMzcfPA93qLamdtFBuVVDwGztc3Tof82/s320/IMG_2526.PNG" width="320" /></a></div><p>Or just go to my Amazon author page, <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Cheryl-Seely-Savage/e/B07P5HFMMX/ref=dp_byline_cont_pop_ebooks_1" target="_blank">here</a>, and you'll see both books. </p><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwcPqQWLFSgzwNFfQCZQrFImnhNKFbh6qu_7NFWFVIIf5TtAS4eqozl1Vydx-c6v7O9LqHsT-SDsfB9HF0YRDxSqQ0Cpe9dsKguuHn4EKe4TdKz1PQrr0EUVpi51Vp308_KIM3/s2048/90753F2E-885A-43BF-AB83-0050C82BEE4E.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1411" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwcPqQWLFSgzwNFfQCZQrFImnhNKFbh6qu_7NFWFVIIf5TtAS4eqozl1Vydx-c6v7O9LqHsT-SDsfB9HF0YRDxSqQ0Cpe9dsKguuHn4EKe4TdKz1PQrr0EUVpi51Vp308_KIM3/s320/90753F2E-885A-43BF-AB83-0050C82BEE4E.jpg" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Look! An author photo of me! :) </td></tr></tbody></table><p><br /><br /></p>Cherylhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10218614720786379961noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20526785.post-34076171050767681732020-11-21T11:28:00.002-07:002020-11-21T11:28:58.984-07:00Home MTC: Unexpected Blessings <p><i>My Aunt Melanie asked me to write this. She read about somebody else's experiences with having a missionary go through the MTC at home, and she thought it would be good if I wrote down the things that our family learned, too! Having Ashley home for the MTC was a really cool experience, and so I agreed to her request. It's taken me way too long to get it written, but here it is: </i></p><p><br /></p><p>This past summer --thanks to the pandemic --we were one of the many families who got to experience having a Home MTC for our missionary. It was unexpected and I was nervous about how it would play out. Our missionary is our oldest daughter, and we have a large family of 8 children! How could we keep the home reverent enough so our missionary could learn how to be an effective missionary? I was determined to make our home a special place for her, but I realized that our efforts could also fail. Did I have enough determination and faith to see this through? </p><p>Gratefully, we did not fail and our daughter had a good experience! But I learned a lot of lessons, many of which still have me pondering. </p><p><b>1. Being Set Apart Matters</b></p><p>When our daughter was set apart as a missionary by our Stake President, it was a very simple, yet spiritual event. We had all of our children dress in their Sunday best and gather in our living room. Our Stake President came into our home and spoke to us for a while. When he set our daughter apart as a missionary and gave her a blessing, we could feel the Spirit so strongly in our home! Her face was radiant when it was over, and there was a lot of hugging (mostly on my part). </p><p>She started the MTC the next day, and within a few days, she told me that she couldn't believe the difference she felt --the Spirit was with her all the time, and so very strongly, too. She could sense the difference and it made her study time a lot more focused. She could feel the difference from before her setting apart and after --the Priesthood really was working! This gave her confidence and a lot of incredible moments of increased testimony as she was learning, especially when the language classes got difficult. </p><p><b>2. You Can Feel the Spirit in Chaos</b></p><p>Our home wasn't as quiet and settled as I had hoped. I didn't suddenly stop yelling when the kids were loud and misbehaving and the toddler didn't just stop crying or screaming when he was upset. The kids still had moments of contention! Our family life had to continue and we had some of the same struggles we had before... but this time, it didn't seem to last as long. I think we were all more conscious of how our behavior could make the Spirit leave. A few times, our daughter had to leave the room because the Spirit left, and she felt uncomfortable. This was good for me because it helped me to recognize when the Spirit would be offended and need to flee. </p><p>But what was remarkable to me was how many times she told me that the chaos of children didn't mean the Spirit left. It was only during moments of pure contention --and sometimes the chaos of a family isn't contentious! It's just loud, and boisterous; it's busy and full of all kinds of movement. This taught me a great lesson about how the Spirit can communicate with us, regardless of where we might be at the time. If we are doing our best and choosing to keep trying, the Holy Ghost will be there to guide us every step of the way. </p><p><b>3. Our Daughter was <i>Happy</i></b></p><p>The change that came over our daughter was very quiet and gradual, but we noticed how happy she became! Her personality didn't alter, and she was still the same person, but the light that came into her life and the attitude she carried with her was absolutely more positive and joyful. As she was learning the gospel and keeping the mission rules, we could see that her interactions with her siblings improved ten-fold. She was quick to forgive, chose to spend time with them, and much more eager to help around the house whenever she could. I was so impressed by her desire to serve the family! She had always been a kind and service-oriented person before, but it was another level of detail-finding that permeated our entire household. </p><p>She was learning every day about serving and loving mankind. How could it not spill over into her life and where she was living at the time? We were the blessed recipients of seeing first-hand how complete devotion to the gospel of Jesus Christ can change the attitudes and actions of an individual. </p><p><b>4. Added Time</b></p><p>Our oldest daughter had spent six months away from us before the Pandemic. She had gone to BYU as a Freshman, came home to visit for the Christmas holidays, and then returned to Provo to finish the semester before planning on returning just before her mission service. As we all know, these plans didn't quite work out! She ended up coming home by the end of March 2020 and finished her semester from home. She had received her mission call just 10 days before the pandemic hit, and so we knew when she was leaving --but everything changed. </p><p>The blessing from this was that we got to have our daughter home with us for 4 months longer than we had anticipated! Our youngest child didn't really know her, as she left home when he was 8 months old. But as she spent those 4 months with our family, she was able to create a bond with her baby brother --one that has continued even after she left for her assignment. He knows her face and her voice, and so when she calls us on her P-Day, he gets very excited to talk with her! </p><p>That is just one of the blessings we received having her with us for longer. Birthdays, camping trips, outings, and other memories were also made --blessings from a pandemic that we didn't know could produce anything but frustration and fear. Our extra time with her was a blessing for our entire family!</p><p><br /></p><p>I'm so grateful that our daughter was able to still serve a mission during these difficult times. I'm grateful that she was able to do her Missionary Training at home! It was a beautiful experience, one that we won't ever forget. </p>Cherylhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10218614720786379961noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20526785.post-54787064475328202372020-10-07T08:13:00.003-06:002020-10-07T08:13:50.593-06:00When I Grow Up<p>As a young girl, I always knew I would be a mother and a teacher. I felt it very strongly and often when people ask if I grew up to be what I wanted to be, the answer is very resolutely, "Yes!" </p><p>What people might not know about me is that I've had other dreams that were not fulfilled. I decided at age 15 that I wanted to be a Concert Pianist. After three LONG months with a teacher who would have molded me into exactly that career, I quit. Practicing four hours a day on pieces I wasn't fond of kind of sealed the deal. </p><p>Then I felt that maybe, perhaps I could still be a professional music teacher! I worked hard with other teachers (both piano and voice) and auditioned 3 different times at my university for their music program. I wanted to be a secondary choir teacher! I passed everything with flying colors --except the vocal audition. My advisor wanted me to try, again, but by that point, I was a Junior, I was married... I was done. I chose to minor in Music. </p><p>I decided, around age 26, that I really needed to be a writer. I started writing children's books and discovered I was really bad at it. But I attended some writing conferences, I wrote posts for this blog religiously, and my poetry kicked up a notch. My essay writing was pretty top-notch and I wrote for several blogs. I got asked to speak publicly, sometimes, too. But it fizzled out when blogs became paid gigs that needed "professional" writers. </p><p>At 37, I started teaching piano lessons, again, after a near 8 year hiatus. I joined the local music teachers association and really jumped in with both feet. </p><p>When I was 38, I decided to go back and get my Masters Degree in Piano Pedagogy. I was going to start in the Fall of 2020! And then in early 2018, I unexpectedly got pregnant, again. </p><p>When I turned 40 years old, I decided I was going to take my poetry very seriously. I self-published my first collection of poetry on my birthday! And it was a resounding success with my close family and close friends. During that first year, I made over $100 in sales! Except when I realized I had bought about $15 worth, myself. But you know, I hadn't done it for the money. I did it to try something scary and exciting. </p><p>I was in the process of writing the second book when the Pandemic hit. It's still floundering, but I've done some work on it --and I keep writing poetry for my Instagram and Facebook pages. It's slow... I have, at most, 258 followers on Facebook and 199 followers on Instagram. I don't pay for ads and I don't spend loads of time on there, simply because I don't have loads of time. If I desperately needed the money, I'm sure it would be something that would consume my hours and I would be so famous, right now! HA! Because let's be real -- I don't know if I'm ever meant to be famous or widely read. I know I'll keep writing, though...</p><p>When I sit and think about all of these experiences, it's easy to get down on myself and consider myself a failure. But then I go back to what I explained in the first sentence. </p><p>I'm a mom and a teacher. </p><p>My 6-year-old self is beaming, right now. </p>Cherylhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10218614720786379961noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20526785.post-64408842220226313282020-09-30T10:20:00.001-06:002020-09-30T10:20:30.179-06:00A Disjointed Update on my Mental HealthI went off my antidepressants in January. <div><br /></div><div>My psychiatrist and I had been talking about weaning myself off of them for the last 2 years. When I finally did it, I will admit it wasn't because I reduced them to half... then to a third... then to a quarter... I just stopped. </div><div><br /></div><div>It was financial. It was inconvenient to make another appointment. </div><div><br /></div><div>This is a HUGE no-no in the mental health world! You <i>never</i> go off of meds without a plan. You never miss appointments or don't make them. But I did. I couldn't really admit this to anyone (let alone, myself) until about a month, ago, because I knew I did something reckless. <i>(And let me be clear: I do NOT recommend this method. I really don't. No matter how well it's worked out for me, I will never recommend stopping meds without a clear plan in front of you!)</i></div><div><br /></div><div>I did well for the first two months. I couldn't really feel a difference, although PMS time certainly was more pronounced, emotionally. And then the Pandemic hit. I thought that maybe I would crash and burn mentally, but... I didn't! </div><div><br /></div><div>Truthfully, the Pandemic meant life halted and it was a silver lining for me! The stress of getting 10 people everywhere for everything was gone. School was on hiatus for several weeks and church assignments were canceled. Piano lessons were canceled. All sports were canceled. You know this, dear reader, because you live this, too. And because everything was canceled, my stress practically disappeared overnight... </div><div><br /></div><div>Oh, don't get me wrong! Pandemic stress was difficult, too. But for a few months, the stress was just not nearly as pronounced. We worried about hygiene and groceries and we were sad about isolation... but it just wasn't as stressful on my mind and body. Here's why: </div><div><br /></div><div>1. My kids were all home. Even our college-aged daughter! I knew where they were at all times and so I wasn't worried about where they were or who they were with or what they could have been doing... </div><div>2. I didn't have to spend my time driving everyone everywhere and coordinate how to do this while teaching piano lessons and working with Brandon's schedule. </div><div>3. My church responsibilities got significantly easier</div><div>4. The weather was phenomenal! It was the BEST Spring I had ever experienced in Kansas (our 5th Spring) and so we spent so much time outdoors. Gardening, walking in our local wilderness park, and Brandon and I would take daily walks around our yard. We also went camping! Being outside so much was good for my soul. </div><div>5. There weren't any upcoming vacations to stress over (even though I love traveling). </div><div>6. We had movie nights and game days and the kids learned to build really great blanket forts. </div><div><br /></div><div>In essence, life came to a grinding halt. </div><div><br /></div><div>But then... the weather turned hot, life started picking up, again... and this election year... and my stress levels have risen significantly. School started and our kids keep getting sick (mono and colds and now we're awaiting a covid test for our daughter). We were prepping our oldest for her mission and doing Home MTC, and the stress of making sure all of our kids were practicing safety in public (masks, etc.) started to wear me down. </div><div><br /></div><div>(I lost some significant relationships, this year, too. That was brutal and I'll write about it, later.)</div><div><br /></div><div>I started to notice that it was really hard for about 10 days, every month. That's like half the month! But it was at PMS/Menstruation time. This makes so much sense! I've always struggled with my cycle emotionally. I don't get very many physical ailments or symptoms during my cycle --they have always been mental and emotional. I get so moody! Angry, frustrated, sad --and I cry a lot. But as my bleeding winds down, and the hormones are flushed out (<i>literally!</i>), I feel myself recovering. </div><div><br /></div><div>Which brings me to another subject that I will write about: How We Need to Stop Hating Periods (trust me, it'll be good!)</div><div><br /></div><div>Realizing that menstruation time is when my Depression is at it's most vulnerable, I've been trying to track my period and be aware of what is happening. Knowledge is power! And having this knowledge allows me to take the time I need to be kind to myself during those weeks. </div><div><br /></div><div>I remember back in May, though. I had been having a rough time, and so I thought maybe I should get the antidepressants, again. I called my psychiatrist's office and they told me that because it had been a year since I had seen him, they had closed my account. WHAT THE!? Closed my account? I would have to start over by paying them money to have a consultation appointment, a paperwork appointment, and then the actual appointment. I can't afford that! It made me angry that a health service, which is supposed to help people prevent self-harm, couldn't keep a person's file open for longer than a year. I was only seeing my psychiatrist once a year as it was! Who was running this!? I was frustrated, but instead of making another appointment, I chose to carry on. </div><div><br /></div><div>Wise? Perhaps not. But I seem to be doing okay. In fact, I would say that the main reason I'm doing better than I would have is because of the years of therapy in my arsenal. Therapy is so invaluable! I've been able to use a lot of the things I've learned, and even though it doesn't always eradicate my anger or bad thoughts, it definitely helps me to derail the train and re-direct me to better things. I also try and practice some self-care to make sure I don't overwhelm myself.</div><div><br /></div><div>Here are some things I do to keep my mental health in check:</div><div>1. Read the scriptures and pray daily </div><div>2. Read books that make me happy</div><div>3. Breathe deeply</div><div>4. Give myself time-outs</div><div>5. Play the piano (for fun!)</div><div>6. Take long showers</div><div>7. Talk with good friends </div><div>8. Date night with my husband (and some good sex ;) ) </div><div>9. Go outside (walking when I can, although this has tapered off. I need to get back into the habit of regular exercise!)</div><div>10. Listening to good music</div><div><br /></div><div>So, there you go. I'm not 100%, but I'm certainly not as depressed and anxious as I used to be! I'm moving forward. I might still go back on meds, one day (I will never rule them out), but for now, I'm good. </div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><i>What do you do to keep yourself mentally and emotionally healthy? </i></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>Cherylhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10218614720786379961noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20526785.post-83084769666877223302020-09-29T12:18:00.002-06:002020-09-29T12:18:52.976-06:00I'm a Republican and I'm Voting for Biden in 2020<p> I'm a Republican, and I'm voting for Joe Biden. </p><p>Some Republicans get very angry with me when I share this information, but the truth is, I'm not alone. There are a lot of us who are frustrated with POTUS and the Republicans who follow him, excuse his behavior, and defend his dishonesty. It goes beyond policy for us --it goes to the heart of democracy, morality, and decency. </p><p>But beyond this, I've found that as I get older, I'm leaning more liberal. I've always been a moderate, politically (voting for people, rather than parties), and so I haven't been too surprised by the way my politics are changing. </p><p>I wish we had a political party that actually embodied the things that I believe and hope for in a government. The Libertarian Party sounds like a good idea, but even they don't have all the right components and take their ideas of freedom too far, in my opinion. </p><p>The three major reasons why people want to vote for Trump (outside of the crazy rabid fans of Trump, including (but not limited to) racists, rapists, and fascists) seem to be these: </p><p>1. Socialism is evil </p><p>2. Abortion: they want it illegal, no matter what</p><p>3. Freedom of Religion</p><p>I want to take the time to address each one of these --and the reason I'm doing it here, rather than on Facebook, is because discussing anything on Facebook digresses into a hailstorm of idiotic rantings (and not just from me! Ha!):</p><div style="text-align: left;">1. Socialism</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Nearly every first world country in this world (and I would argue it's all of them) has a form of Socialism. There are socialist and social programs available in every government because the voice of the people want the government to help society. Taxes are collected in exchange for services. A small example would be roadwork. A large example would be education (public schools from preschool through University). We have welfare and medicare, social security, WIC, and federal parks. What most Democrats are wanting now is universal healthcare. People panic when they think about this, but after doing extensive reading on the subject (which doesn't make me an expert, just informed), it seems that if it's done correctly, socialized medicine can be a really great thing! The idea of paying a fixed rate based on my income in exchange for healthcare is amazing to me. Right now, we get to pay nearly $400 a month to have the <i>privilege</i> of paying a $6K deductible. This is off-set by paying into an HSA (mostly our own money), and when I remember to use it (I always feel so dumb when I forget!), it doesn't cover everything. Dealing with insurance, pre-existing conditions, whether it's been a full year or six months between visits, ER vs InstaCare vs Office visits, etc. etc, and by the end, I want to scream. What if we paid that $400 a month towards socialized medicine and then I wouldn't have the rest to worry about? That would be incredible to me! </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">I know it might not be as easy as I'm making it sound, but a hybrid model of socialized medicine (or at least getting rid of insurance and making doctors/hospitals charge for what things actually cost) would be a good start. Sweden is a good example of having a very broken socialized medical program that became better once some of it was privatized, again. Our systems don't work right now --why not trying something new? Something that will hold pharmaceutical companies responsible for withholding life-saving medicine and doctors/hospitals for giving care to everyone, regardless of economic status (and race --but gosh, that's another subject for another post). </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Some people who understand economics better than me might be able to argue that socialized medicine could ruin us forever. But England, Canada, Australia, Germany, Norway, New Zealand, etc. all have socialized medicine and are doing just peachy. I don't see their economies collapsing over medicine and their people seem to be healthy. In fact, they've recovered from the Global Pandemic while we... have not. Just sayin! </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">2. Abortion</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">I think abortion is awful. I really hate it, to be honest. But I also know that it needs to be legal, because without the legality, abortions continue in unsafe conditions. What we need is to have legal, safe, and rare abortion, and loads of educations and programs to help women. We need a society that is so enamored and grateful for human life that the idea of allowing a teenage mom, poor mom, desperate mom, or a raped mom to abort her child would be horrifying, and so we do everything we can to help her. We educate, we provide birth control, and we encourage abstinence. We make adoption services more affordable. We make maternal healthcare more affordable. We honor and respect women, we honor and respect children.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">All these people screaming for Roe v Wade to be overturned are forgetting that if abortive services were illegal, then the women with ectopic pregnancies will die because the procedure to save them is abortive. Women who have miscarriages and need D and C services will be denied them, and they will die. Most forms of birth control are abortive --how far would the law reach? What is considered an abortion? The legal ramifications wouldn't even begin to highlight the personal traumas that could ensue. Women would be terrified, men would be, too. And the truth is, it wouldn't stop abortion. It would just make it a crime, and that means putting women and doctors in jail. It would be a legal can of worms that could leak into all kinds of common-sense medical procedures. </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Abortion needs to be a last resort and it needs to be during the first trimester if at all possible. I've never met a person who truly believed all abortion should be illegal in every circumstance with zero caveats. And you know what? Most Democrats don't like abortion, either. They just don't like the results of illegal abortion, more. </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">3. Freedom of Religion</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Joe Biden has been a practicing Catholic his entire life. POTUS never goes to church and when he does, it's to placate and pander to the evangelical right. </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Freedom of Religion is so enmeshed into our American psyche that I can't imagine anything taking away the freedom to exercise the right to practice it. Allowing others to practice their religion, as long as it doesn't infringe upon the rights of others, is one of those freedoms that most (almost all?) Americans would die fighting to protect. This conspiracy idea that moderate liberals want to take away all religion is about as realistic as moderate conservatives wanting to force everyone to be a Christian. Americans value religious freedom and we will keep it --I have no doubt. </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">I know not everyone agrees with me on these subjects, and that's okay. I don't struggle with differing opinions about policies, and I don't struggle with differing opinions about how to go about solving societal ills (like racism, sexism, etc.). What I do struggle with is justifying immoral and narcissistic behavior. I have never believed that the ends justified the means, and so where I get frustrated the most is watching people excuse POTUS and his behavior. His crimes (which are many) are irrefutable and the proof is found everywhere (quite easily found, too!). But for whatever reason (the ends), people are willing to die on their moral hills in order to elect him, again. This is where I worry and where I have lost respect for people. Some of the greatest people I have ever known have fallen all over themselves to justify and excuse POTUS and the way he speaks, thinks, and acts --just because of his political party. I find it so bizarre and it's honestly very confusing to me. And, well, it is what it is. People are going to vote for who they want to vote for --and honestly? I'm just so grateful people are voting! GO VOTE! </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;"><i>Who are you voting for? Is it based on policy, personality, or morality for you? (It's okay if you disagree with me, but please be respectful. I don't expect very many comments, since I'm still not advertising my blog on social media, but just in case you decide to comment, dear reader, please be kind. I'm not above deleting comments at this juncture. The end. )</i></div>Cherylhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10218614720786379961noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20526785.post-30410652575242228822020-09-28T08:36:00.000-06:002020-09-28T08:36:03.615-06:00Schooling the Offspring<p>I have always sent my children to public school. I love that there have always been so many options for my friends, though --some homeschool, some do private school, some have chosen charter schools and a hybrid of all of the above. I don't think I've ever met a parent that didn't carefully choose what was best for their family and their children. Education is important to most people, and it's evident by how they oversee their children's schooling. And public school just works well for our family! We've found great success and our children have all thrived. </p><p>But man, this Pandemic is rough! </p><p>My kids are in a hybrid model for public schooling. Monday-Wednesday, they are at home, learning online. Thursday and Friday, they are in school, learning in-person. It was quite the adjustment at first, but gratefully, the kinks have been worked out pretty well. </p><p>Here's what I love about this model of learning: </p><p>1. My kids only get up earlier than 7:30AM twice a week </p><p>2. The state of Kansas finally changed the requirements for remote learning days! For the first several weeks, we had to submit 6 forms (6 kids in school!) listing the 390 minutes of schoolwork they did every day. Then I had to sign it. Granted, most teachers (especially Elementary) made sure we understood that some of that time could be filled with playtime, recess, lunch, music lessons, reading books together, etc. But it was still such a pain in the rear! But if we didn't submit these forms, the kids would be seen as absent. SO DUMB. The push-back was rough, and now the kids just have to attend Zoom meetings with their teachers twice a day on remote days. 2 meetings, each day, for 20 minutes each, versus these forms? I'll take it!! </p><p>3. Some of my kids work quickly and some work slowly. It's nice having this extra time to get assignments finished and not feeling the pressure of in-person. </p><p>4. I still get two days with just me and baby boy! When he's napping, that means I get ALONE TIME! Wha!? It's awesome and I cherish it. I deserve it, too. </p><p>5. They've given every child in the school district iPads to use for their schooling. We couldn't have done any of this if it wasn't for this! </p><p>6. When my kids are sick (three of my sons have had mono, this month!), the kids don't miss school! They can still do some work and attend zoom meetings. </p><p>Here's what I don't like: </p><p>1. Inconsistency in the schedule because we think we have free time. Ha! Honestly, it's hard to adjust to being at-home because I've never homeschooled. I've never really adopted this model of education and keeping us all on task is sometimes difficult. I'm trying to be flexible and just make it work as best as I can. </p><p>2. The constant fear of covid. Not just getting the disease, but it coming into full-force and shutting everything down, again. My kids are finally back in music lessons, sports, activities, etc. and I would hate for everything to be shut down. So, we do our best to keep ourselves healthy. But it's been hard! </p><p>3. Not having more days to myself. I know that sounds selfish, but it is what it is. *shrug*</p><p><br /></p><p>How are you doing school during this Pandemic? What's working? What's really difficult? </p>Cherylhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10218614720786379961noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20526785.post-48148657481667394232020-09-26T07:13:00.000-06:002020-09-26T07:13:28.461-06:00Updates, Updates <p> There have been a lot of changes, around here. That happens when you neglect a blog that used to be your life-blood! I blame social media. Nobody wants to read essays, anymore, unless it proves their political views to be correct. </p><p>Here are the highlights over the last 18 months: </p><p>I turned 40! I published my first book of poetry (you can find it, <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Give-Me-Fragment-Motherhood-Depression/dp/1796764698" target="_blank">here</a>). </p><p>Brandon and I celebrated 20... and then 21 years of marriage. </p><p>Our oldest daughter graduated from high school, went to BYU, came home during the pandemic to finish her spring semester, and then became a missionary! She was called to Resistencia, Argentina, but due to the pandemic, she did home MTC and then was reassigned to San Antonio, TX, where she is currently serving. In fact, just this past week, my husband and I went to San Antonio to be with her as she went to the Temple for the first time. It was an amazing experience! </p><p>Our second oldest will graduate from high school this coming school year! She is in the process of applying for colleges and has finally narrowed down her choices: BYU, BYU-ID, Yale, UPenn, and Carnegie Mellon. She has many options and has worked really hard to be able to kind of pick and choose where she goes for her secondary education route. </p><p>Our oldest son is now a Junior! He plays football and had kind of a bummer year, this year. He contracted a pretty severe case of mono and has been unable to play in any games, this season. Luckily, he's on the mend and was just cleared to play last week. He's also getting his driver's license next week (wha?) and is busy with school and work (both he and his sister work at Chick-fil-a, just as our oldest did!). </p><p>Son numero dos is in 8th grade this year and he is part of a string quartet (cello!). He also plays football, but thanks to sharing a room with his older brother (or something), he has contracted mono and won't be able to play for the rest of the season. </p><p>Our 6th grade son got braces this year and is still playing the violin. He wanted to play club football, but we weren't able to sign him up in time. He spends a lot of extra time cleaning bounce houses for our bounce house business (<a href="https://www.flinthillsrental.com/" target="_blank">Flint Hills Rental</a>!), and although he's not a huge fan, he doesn't mind because he gets paid. Ha!</p><p>Then we have our 3rd grader! He was baptized a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints back in March, literally one week before the world shut down (well, the United States). He also contracted mono, but bounced back from it rather quickly! </p><p>Then baby girl started Kindergarten this Fall. I'm not sure how this is possible, since she was born just a few years, ago (haha). She loves being able to ride the bus with her big brothers and experience school --even though it looks so different from what we're used to. Our school district offered online-only school or a hybrid model. We chose the hybrid and so our kids only go to in-person school 2 days a week and the other 3 days are remote learning from home. They provided every student in the entire district with their own iPads (which is awesome!) and so all of our kids are able to do their work and attend their zoom meetings without much inconvenience. So far, so good!</p><p>Baby boy is almost 2 years old. IT IS CRAZY. I mean, I just gave birth to him last month, right? He's a fireball of energy and keeps me on my toes. He still nurses at night and naptime, and so he doesn't sleep consistently through the night, yet. He is sweet, though, and I adore his little face. As difficult as the transition was to add him to our family, we can't imagine our lives without him. He's been a true blessing! </p><p>Hubby continues to work really hard. He teaches 5 classes at Kansas State University in the College of Business, helps run operations and tutors/teaches for an ACT Prep Course company, helps sell software for another company (customer service based), writes articles, teaches online early morning seminary for our stake, runs our bounce house business, is on a city board, helps run a local entrepreneur-based non-profit group, is in the running for a big community project and does the grocery shopping. And mows the lawn, and usually cooks dinner. He's kind of tired. LOL </p><p>I am teaching 12 piano students, oversee the kids' remote learning, and I'm the Primary President in our ward. I run the household, spend way too much time on social media, dream and read a lot, and wonder why I don't have more time in the day. Ha! But honestly, I am busy. It's hard to list what I do every day, but it includes a lot of dishes, children, and survival. </p><p>We haven't done a ton of travel over the last few years, but we have managed a few family reunions, and we've been able to host family here in Kansas. Life is still difficult and we are making our way through the very best that we can. </p><p>I'm hoping that I might be able to use this blog to write, again. I feel the need to start expressing myself through writing again, and I need to practice. I've gotten out of the habit and I feel that my abilities are waning, a little bit... I also need a place to vent my views about politics, religion, social matters, and my personal journey. Since this blog has never been popular (and I don't see myself sharing much from it on social media), I feel it might be a somewhat safe place to write. We shall see! I've always loved this little blog of mine. It'll be interesting to see where it goes from here. </p><p>Have a great weekend, dear reader! </p><p><br /></p>Cherylhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10218614720786379961noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20526785.post-28380452329204713582019-02-05T09:41:00.001-07:002019-02-05T09:41:43.233-07:00February HappinessIt is February, which means we have five birthdays in the course of 20 days. This year, we have some big and important birthdays! <div>
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#4 is turning 12. </div>
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#2 is turning 16.</div>
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#7 is turning 4. </div>
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#6 is turning 7 (guess that's not huge, but how is it that he's already 7 years old?!). </div>
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And I am turning 40! FORTY. For-ty. 4-0 years of age. Forty years old. (Truth is, I deserve to turn 40! I've lived a lot of life and I deserve to turn 40. Bring on my forties! Huzzah for still being alive!)</div>
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Also, in the midst of the birthday celebrations, we have a concerto competition (I have four students competing) and our oldest daughter will find out if she was accepted into BYU or not (the anxiety is high around here!). Add into this that I started teaching all my piano students again (since the birth) and we have a new baby (he's almost 2 months!). Don't forget Valentine's Day! And parent-teacher conferences! </div>
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I'm also working on my book (no details, yet, sorry!). </div>
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If that wasn't enough, I feel pulled into the political climate, too. Between building a wall, a government shut-down, third trimester abortion (may God save us all), vaccinations, and all the ridiculous shouting going on, it's hard to stay positive. </div>
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I am desperately trying to be a loving and supportive wife, an attentive and kind mother, a service-minded friend, and still take care of myself, too. </div>
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IT IS EXHAUSTING. All of it. And yet... </div>
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I am happy! Exhausted, saying-all-the-wrong-things, sometimes wanting to give up, disappointing everyone around me... but I'm still happy. I think I know why:<br /><br />1. I'm taking my meds faithfully.<br />2. My boundaries are firm; knowing when to say no is easy for me, now.</div>
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3. I get to inhale the scent of an infant's head all day long. </div>
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4. Experience has taught me that all-the-things always get done and worrying doesn't help them get done faster. </div>
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5. My prayers have gotten more specific. </div>
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6. Reading the Book of Mormon every day clears my mind. </div>
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7. I don't spend time worrying and fretting over my imperfections, anymore (well, not as much!). </div>
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8. I realize that I can't go back and change my mistakes or how I treated people and I can't go back and do things differently... I can only move forward and do better. This has made the conversations with myself in the shower a whole lot more positive. Ha! </div>
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9. I have a lot more patience... more patience then I've ever had in my life and it has been incredibly hard-earned. </div>
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Also, I could just be ovulating, so... LOL</div>
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Anyway, this is life right now. Nothing that exciting, just busy. Good busy. The kind of busy I prayed for years ago -- the kind of busy I used to resent. I like it.<br /><br />Mostly, though, I'm looking forward to the Valentine's chocolate and all the birthday cake. Hooray for February!<br /><br /></div>
Cherylhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10218614720786379961noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20526785.post-53696318439632968202018-12-31T17:53:00.000-07:002018-12-31T17:53:41.543-07:00Baby the Eighth: Birth Story I chose to be induced with number 8 on December 14th, 2018. My mother came into town late on Wednesday (due to flight delays), and Friday morning, I headed to the hospital with Brandon and our oldest (she wants to be a nurse and she's already seen me give birth --my homebirth -- so I was cool with letting her come, again. Truth is, I would have been okay with a lot of the kids there, but hospital rules asked for two people, total, due to small spaces. Oh, well). <div>
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I was nervous. </div>
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I'm usually not nervous when giving birth. Not really, anyway. I was crazy confident with our 7th, but this time I was not. Reasons why: </div>
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*I still didn't know why I wasn't supposed to do a home birth. Every test, every blood pressure check, every sonogram pointed to a very healthy baby and a very healthy me. There were zero complications. No reasons why I couldn't have given birth at home. Why did the Spirit tell me not to? What was going to happen during labor/delivery?</div>
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*This pregnancy was difficult; my body was exhausted. Giving birth is hard, hard, hard --how could I do this, again, when I was so tired? </div>
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*I remembered how I felt when I had pushed out number 7. As soon as she was born, I said to myself, "I am NEVER doing this, again!" And here I was, doing this, again. </div>
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*I hated being induced. (I've been induced 6 out of 8 pregnancies, now, and I still hate it.) I hated the monitors, I hated the pitocin, I hated feeling out of control. Why was I being induced, again? Why did I choose this, again? </div>
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They started me on the tiniest bit of pitocin and around 9:30AM (I think?) the doctor came, checked me (I was a 4) and broke my water. Contractions weren't very strong. </div>
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More pitocin, More contractions. </div>
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I was doing okay, until the pitocin pain kicked in. The difference between regular contractions and pitocin contractions is the sharpness of the pain. Regular ones don't have pain-pain --they're not a sharp pain. They're more like... achy, tight, focused pain. Does this make sense? </div>
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More pitocin, more contractions. </div>
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Around 2pm? 1:45pm? I was not doing well with the pain. The nurse checked me and I told Brandon that if I was an 7 or 8, I could probably do this. But if I was a 5 or 6, I was seriously considering the epidural. </div>
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This is huge, dear reader. I haven't had an epidural since my second baby, and that didn't even kick in until after the baby was born. I hate epidurals. I hated how helpless I felt being so numb from the waist, down. I've been anti-epidural (for me) since then, and I was proud of myself for never needing one. To even be considering an epidural was emotionally overwhelming for me. Maybe you like them, dear reader. Maybe you are thinking that I'm crazy and silly for even feeling this way, but this is me. I'm an unmedicated-prefers-homebirth kind of birthing mama. To even entertain the idea of an epidural went against all my philosophies and goals for myself. </div>
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Well the nurse checked me and guess who was barely a 6? </div>
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She left us alone so I could make a decision about the epidural. I cried and cried and told Brandon that I wanted it. He was so supportive. He would have gone along with anything I wanted and I was grateful for his confidence in me. </div>
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The epidural lady came in and it took two tries to get it in right. The whole time I'm leaning forward on a pillow, the nurse holding my hand, my hands locked on her arms, feeling pitocin contractions, trying to keep my back rounded, doing everything I can to keep still, and tears just streaming down my face from all the pain. </div>
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There was so much pain. </div>
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When the epidural was done and I laid back down on the bed, I felt immediate relief. The pain of contractions were gone. I could feel my legs and feet. In fact, I could still even feel my cervix expanding and it was surreal how much I felt --without pain! I decided, within the first ten seconds, that I had made the right decision. </div>
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The doctor came in about 2:45pm or so. I told him I was starting to feel some pressure, but nothing alarming. He asked if he could check and what in the world -- I was at a 10! Already! I'd had the epidural for only about 20-30 minutes at this point, so it felt wrong that I was suddenly ready to have the baby. But he said, "Okay, let's do this!" and they got everything ready. Then he told me to do a practice push (and I laughed because his psychology was pretty impressive. It wasn't a "practice" but for sure I can see how that would help other women to think they were "just practicing" when it truth, they were making progress!). </div>
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I only pushed about 3 times before he crowned; the shoulders were very difficult to push out. It was so hard, dear reader. For perspective, I pushed out my 7th in 20 seconds. The fact that I had to focus and push so much more with him is evidence that he was much bigger. Still, no stitches needed (go me!). He was born at 3:15PM.</div>
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He weighed 10 pounds and 12 ounces and was 22 inches long!! He was my biggest baby by more than a pound. No wonder he was hard to push out!</div>
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Brandon and our oldest daughter were there, helping and supporting my legs. I was grateful for both of them and their calmness in the face of everything. </div>
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I kept baby boy on me for an hour before they weighed him. He nursed; he was perfect! Delivering the placenta was the greatest feeling of relief, and honestly, within two hours, the epidural had worn off completely. I was able to walk to the bathroom when the time came. I was so impressed with the nature of the epidural --they've gotten better in the last 18 years! Who knew? My only complaint was the difficulty of putting it in.</div>
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The next day I made an important discovery. I suddenly knew why I wasn't supposed to do a homebirth. </div>
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Why? </div>
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Because he was so big. </div>
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I was induced one day before my due date. With homebirth, I would have gone over, since I usually do. Because I was so healthy, there would have been no real sign of his size, other than my big belly, but I also have a history of large placentas --we would have deducted that this was the reason for size. I would have continued to be pregnant for up to two weeks afterward. Then I may have had a 12 pound baby --maybe bigger. I may have had to be transported to a hospital. I don't know if I could push out such a large baby. Perhaps it would have caused complications. </div>
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I will never know. But I felt, very strongly, that this was the reason we were supposed to be in a hospital --so I could be induced when I was, so he could be born when he was, so the complications would not even exist. </div>
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(PAUSE: I'm so grateful my mom was here. She and my dad are serving a mission in Salt Lake City right now, and she left for almost a week to come and be with me and my family when baby boy was born. She was amazing and helped so much! I'm just sad her visit had to be so short.) </div>
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I wish I could say that everything after that was fine. It wasn't as easy as I had hoped. He had to be tested for blood sugar (he was fine). His bilirubin was sky-high --they kept him in the nursery under lights for 24 hours, only to bring him to me for nursing. We had to go back for two more testings the first week before they deemed his bilirubin levels low enough. </div>
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Nursing was horrid for a while. You know, dear reader, I had struggles with my first baby and nursing (took about a month to figure that one out) and then nothing but pleasant breastfeeding experiences with the next 5 kids! I had to get a lactation consultant with my 7th and it looked like I might need to with baby boy... I was horrified and determined to fix it before it got too bad. So, with a lot of determination, research, trial & error, pumping, supplemental feeding, and discovery of some really awesome <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Motherlove-Certified-Organic-Cracked-Nursing/dp/B0007CQ726" target="_blank">cream</a>, I was able to fix the latch, heal, and nurse my baby enough.</div>
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For almost 2 weeks, though, I thought I was going to have to give up nursing. The pain when he would try to latch was excruciating. And then I got thrush. </div>
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Fun times!</div>
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But like with most things, the pain, the time, and the struggle was expounded and felt so much harder and took so much longer than was probably true. Reality is difficult to gauge when you are in a frustrating loop of physical and emotional pain. I cried a lot, every single day. I didn't know I had so many tears inside of me! I'm sure the hormonal fluctuations had a lot to do with it, but I don't think it would have been so much if I hadn't been struggling so much. However, like with that epidural, once the pain subsided, the relief was stronger than it would have been had I not experienced the pain in the first place. </div>
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Thus it is with opposition. It teaches us what true joy, true relief, true gratitude feels like...</div>
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We've had other struggles, too. My healing was not as quick; my energy lagged a lot. The nursing issues compounded other physical problems. Not to mention the stress of getting Christmas all ready and wanting to sleep whenever I could. </div>
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BUT! We are on the other side of the most difficult parts, I hope. He sleeps fairly well (although wants to be held all the time) and nursing is finally pleasant. I'm not sure how I'm going to be able to keep on top of life when the kids go back to school this week, but for now, we're surviving just fine. The older kids and Brandon have been wonderful and it's so nice to have big kids who can hold baby so I can shower, and who can take care of the other kids, too. It's hard having a lot of kids, but it's nice knowing they are willing to take care of each other when mom needs them to. </div>
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And I love this baby boy. Love him. I'm so grateful God sent him to us, surprise and all! </div>
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Photos to get you up to date: </div>
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Best labor and delivery dress of all time!! You can find it <a href="https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07GJG7M4N/ref=twister_B079GTKF13" target="_blank">here</a>. </div>
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Oldest daughter drew this. </div>
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Isn't he the cutest baby of all time?!?! </div>
Cherylhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10218614720786379961noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20526785.post-85194313473257132412018-09-17T09:57:00.000-06:002018-09-17T10:03:35.527-06:00Hardest Parts of Pregnancy <i>I've been blessed with good pregnancies, so don't take this as a complaining session. I'm just commenting on what's going on in my life. It's not meant to compare with anyone else; just writing my truth. No need to shoot me down because your experiences are different or worse than mine; I know we're all different and there are varying levels of good/bad. xoxo </i><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Taken last week (26 1/2 weeks gestation) in a dirty mirror!</td></tr>
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Hardest part of pregnancy for me (this time. The 9th time (I did have one miscarriage in there, about 12 years ago), because the 8th time (7th child), I had gall bladder attacks, and that was pure hell. I haven't had anything like that this time, so far! *crossing fingers*):</div>
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<b>*Psychotic dreams:</b> I seriously can't tell half the time what was real and what was the dream. I imagine this is what it's like on acid or something, and I don't get why someone would do this to their brains on purpose. It's disconcerting and sometimes frustrating, like when it turns out Will Smith does not, in fact, have a huge thing for me (not that I would want him to! Just sayin' 😉). </div>
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<b>*Yeast infections:</b> They are seriously the worst. Enough said. (And yes, I'm doing everything right --diet, ACV, garlic, probiotics, over-the-counter, etc.) One of the first signs of pregnancy for me is a yeast infection. Awesome. Yay. </div>
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*<b>Hemorrhoids</b>: We'll just leave that TMI right there. </div>
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(And I know why this and the yeast infections are pervasive, it has everything to do with gravity, the end.)</div>
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<b>*Big-ness:</b> I have the smallest torso of all time. I'm all legs. True fact: my first pregnancy altered my ribs physically forever and ever, amen. They have been pushed out (bones are malleable! As an adult?! Who knew!) and so all of my babies have enjoyed the freedom of going out even further. Baby is to the top of my rib cage down to my thighs and STILL sticks out. *shrug*</div>
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<b>*Rude comments:</b> THEY. JUST. WON'T. STOP. Even by well-meaning friends. Even by people who know better. And they're not trying to be rude, but every single day I'm answering the same stupid questions over and over and it starts to wear me down. And I am not bothered by the "when are you due?" questions (it's a genuine and perfectly legitimate question!), it's what follows that particular question almost every single time:<br />
"Oh, wow. Wow! Really!? Not until then!?"</div>
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"Oh, my goodness, that's so... are you sure?!" </div>
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"You already look so very big! Are you feeling okay???"</div>
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"Christmas time?! Are you sure it's not twins?" </div>
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Why can't they say things like this, instead?</div>
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"How exciting!"</div>
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"You look great!"</div>
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"Oh, how fun!"</div>
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"Christmas babies are the best!" </div>
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"You've got time to get things ready!" </div>
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Why comment on my body, at all? I mean, ugh, people, yes, I get it. I'm HUGE. I know. (Even though I don't think I look as huge as they claim. I know I'll only get bigger! Look at that picture up there! I don't look like I'm "ready to pop" as an older mother recently said to me (how rude is that?!).) </div>
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As I explained above, I have a small torso and so baby goes outward. I also have leftover fat from <i>eight</i> (seven living) previous pregnancies. I was also overweight when I got pregnant, so chances are, I'm not going to be thin! Isn't it crazy!? I'm an individual with an individual body that does it's own INDIVIDUAL THINGS!! Get over it, already! Stop pretending like my big body is some freak show and that you can't handle the fact that I actually know what's going on --for example, that I ACTUALLY KNOW MY OWN DUE DATE. As you can tell, I'm really getting tired of it, and it's getting harder to be polite and forgive (must. keep. trying.). </div>
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<i>This is why women become hermits when they're pregnant. It's not because we're tired, it's because we don't want to kill people. </i></div>
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<b>*Fatigue:</b> Yes, I'm tired. But it honestly has less to do with pregnancy and more to do with my schedule. A schedule I have chosen and I love. Luckily, I'm able to nap every few days, so it works out. And I know when to take it slower and when to push myself.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My awesome kids (worth everything!)</td></tr>
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<b>*Knowledge of what's ahead:</b> This is both the hardest and the sweetest part of pregnancy for me. I'm pretty experienced with giving birth (in a variety of situations, although I've yet to have a C-section, and I hope I never do), and so I know what's coming. Giving birth is not cake, friends. It's not the worst thing, ever, either (seriously, it's not), but it's a lot of work! I remember pushing out my last baby and I seriously thought, "I will NEVER do that, again." And I pushed her out in 20 seconds! It's not like it was the worst thing --it's just hard. And yes, I choose to give birth unmedicated (on purpose) because I actually think recovery is much harder if I don't. </div>
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I also know how difficult recovery can be. I know all the "what-ifs" and such; I know what can go wrong, and I know what can be difficult to overcome. From the breastfeeding to the vaginal healing --it's not easy, friends. </div>
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There's also the unknown: will everything be okay with baby boy? Will he be healthy? Will labor and delivery go well? Will we be able to leave the hospital when we want? Will he come Earth-side when expected? Will he even survive?</div>
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And then: sleepless nights, crazy schedules, diapers, and another human attached to me for another few years. Putting myself away for another little while in order to provide life to another little baby who needs me.</div>
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But! <b>And this is the most important!</b> I also know what is coming, too --a sweet, beautiful, heaven-smelling little bundle that I will love and cherish. Sacred moments in the night, nursing my baby boy, wondering how I could have been so blessed. There will be another first smile, first laugh, first crawl, first walk... another baby for all the older Savages to dote on with so much love and attention. There will be love... so much love. All the love that is possible --and it is strange, isn't it? To love someone so much, without knowing their personality, without knowing who they will become --just innocent, unadulterated, perfect love for a vulnerable, tiny, perfect little baby. He will be a part of our eternal family (already is!) and he will forever be one of us. </div>
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I love God so much for giving us families. I love Him so much for giving me this baby (even though it's been hard to accept). I love Him forever for giving us a glimpse of what Heaven is like and what it will be like when we see Him, again. </div>
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And now, I'm crying. ❤</div>
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So, see? All these things that are hard? This last thing makes all the other things worth it. (Even the rude comments!)</div>
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<b><i>What are the hardest parts of pregnancy for you? </i></b></div>
Cherylhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10218614720786379961noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20526785.post-7253330669158955902018-08-16T20:45:00.000-06:002018-08-16T20:45:10.300-06:00First Day of School<div style="text-align: center;">
Senior</div>
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Sophomore</div>
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Freshman</div>
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Dad teaches early morning seminary!</div>
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6th grade</div>
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4th grade</div>
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1st grade</div>
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No-grade! Staying home with mommy. </div>
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First new outfit for the baby: </div>
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Me, pregnant and stuff (from a few weeks ago; sorry for the bad lighting):</div>
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The End </div>
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Cherylhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10218614720786379961noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20526785.post-12378043487857748332018-08-08T16:26:00.003-06:002018-08-08T16:26:42.865-06:00New School Year Mental PrepBaby number 8 is a boy. And he's gonna be cute (I decided).<br />
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That means we'll have 5 boys and 3 girls! Wha?!<br />
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School starts next week. This year, we'll have:<br />
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1 Senior<br />
1 Sophomore<br />
1 Freshman<br />
1 6th grader<br />
1 4th grader<br />
1 1st grader<br />
1 pre-pre-schooler (this means she's just staying home all day with mom, again!)<br />
1 baby-on-the-way (here by Christmas!)<br />
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I'll also have a husband who is teaching full-time at K-State in the Business Department, as well as teaching early morning seminary. And consulting. And running our <a href="https://www.flinthillsrental.com/" target="_blank">new family business.</a><br />
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I will be teaching 31 piano students. And mothering all those kids, having a baby, and helping with the family business.<br />
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😲 (Right!?!?)<br />
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Depression is still controlled. I'm a lot more moody because of the pregnancy, but I'm still able to function day-to-day without any complete breakdowns (just half-ones, haha).<br />
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This summer was difficult. We've had spectacular ones in the past, so I can't complain, but this one was exhausting for all the wrong reasons. Bills piling high, no real vacations, extreme weather (meaning playing outside was incredibly difficult), and extra-bored/whiny kids... it all just kind of added together to make things more stressful. I wish I could say we handled it all with grace and kindness, but during the last few weeks, our family has been edgy, loud, and annoyed with each other. Nobody is exempt --we've all allowed the stress to turn us toward negativity, criticism, and anger. I'm anxious for school to start, even to just kind of give us all a break from one another and a chance to get away from electronics/TV and the house. I think a new routine will be a blessing for everyone!<br />
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But this also means my days will be significantly different and I am planning ahead for the onslaught of exhaustion and busy-ness.<br />
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I'll be up every day by 5:30AM; I'll see husband and big kids off by 5:50AM. I won't need to wake the younger kids up until 7AM (huzzah!), so that will give me a good hour to do the things I need to do alone --scripture study, prayer, meditation, exercise, planning the day, etc. Once the 3 elementary kids leave by 8:15AM, I will have exactly 6-7 hours to stay on top of the laundry, household chores, dinner prep, errands, bills, (maybe a nap?!) etc. in order to balance the needs of my family with that of my piano studio. From about 2:30PM until 10PM, I will be running, running, running (or in this instance, teaching and mothering!).<br />
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Saturdays will mean family business (it'll be our busiest time, the weekends), chores I didn't get to, and activities for the kids (jobs for older girls, orchestra for the 11 year old, etc.).<br />
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Sundays will hopefully be full of rest! There's a reason we've been asked to keep the Sabbath Day holy, and it's so much about catching our breath and pausing for a minute...<br />
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Speaking of Sundays, I've decided I will need to quit playing for the Presbyterians sooner rather than later --I was going to have to quit come January because my church schedule would switch to mornings (making it impossible to continue to do both), but because of the pregnancy and the stress of life, I'll need to stop probably by October. Luckily, I may have already found a replacement! And then our Sabbath days will be a lot easier... and for me, a lot more restful...<br />
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Good thing I believe this:<br />
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<br />Cherylhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10218614720786379961noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20526785.post-12746438112453448702018-06-18T18:54:00.001-06:002018-06-18T19:04:59.598-06:00Still Adjusting I'm going to try and convey a lot of deep, confusing feelings in this post. I find that when I write things out or when I speak them aloud, I do a much better job of figuring out how I feel (and what to do about it!).<br />
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In other words, I'm going to navel-gaze and comment upon my current feelings. You've been duly warned, dear reader!<br />
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<i>(And trigger warning: it's about pregnancy and childbirth/children. I'm truly sorry if this is a painful reminder to you, dear reader, whoever you may be, if infertility has been a part of your life. I don't mean to exaggerate or exacerbate your pain; I'm only able to speak about my own experiences, you know? But I send you much love. I promise.)</i><br />
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It took me about two years to come to peace about being finished having children. Many temple trips (praying in the temple is so sacred, so peaceful), conversations with my husband, questions posed to my friends, and silent pleadings were answered in a contented way. We were finished. Our family size was acceptable to God, to my husband, to me, and to our children. I can't say I ever felt it was totally complete, but I knew that no matter when the time to stop having children came, I would still be sad. Having children has been one of the greatest (maybe the greatest?) experience of my life. Pregnancy has not been difficult for me. Maybe if it had, I wouldn't be so sad to see it end...? I don't know. I just know that having children has been my main identity for 17 years. To be finished felt... weird. Just strange, somehow.<br />
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<a href="http://cherylthoughts.blogspot.com/2017/08/this-side-of-bearing-children.html" target="_blank">But I felt peaceful that we were finished</a>. I was even happy with the idea! Suddenly, I could see a future without diapers and where I could start to do things for myself in a more permanent way. It was exciting!<br />
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Brandon and I prayed to know if we should do anything permanent. For us, we felt strongly we were not supposed to do anything permanent to prevent pregnancy. So, we didn't. And now we know why!<br />
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I know some people will laugh at our shock in finding myself pregnant, again. How could we not know this could happen? Well, of course it could. I believe that <i>any</i> time a man and a woman come together in that way, it is possible for a pregnancy to occur. No birth control is 100% accurate (except abstinence, obviously). My mom had a cousin who found herself expecting a baby sometime after her hysterectomy!! Not even making that up. There is always a possibility!<br />
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I'm 14 1/2 weeks. The excitement and rush of discovering I am pregnant has died down, a little. I've found a provider I'm mostly contented with (that's another story), and I've heard the heartbeat twice. My strong feeling of twins has been proved wrong (sigh... another story). I look like I'm 20 weeks (or more) and I've already had 2 people ask me when I'm due --visibly shocked when I tell them December. I may have lost a lot of weight, but I still have all that stomach skin (my glorious apron) hanging around, and with a short torso, I need to kind of squish everything together --thus making me look significantly further along than I am. And that's super fun. 😜<br />
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I'm finding myself completely off-kilter. I was so excited to find out I was pregnant! And then I was immediately sad, too. I felt so conflicted. I wasn't sure what to feel! I wasn't expecting it; I had already put the possibility behind me. I had moved on and made future plans. I saw the next 10 years and knew what to expect (well, as much as anyone can expect anything). And then suddenly, in that one moment, my entire future changed.<br />
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I'm not angry about it. I'm not even really sad, either. I'm just... adjusting.<br />
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My friend told me it's like I just took a really big, sharp U-turn. I had gotten used to one path, and now I'm going back. Not necessarily backwards, but back to the start of another new life. Back to nursing, diapers, late-nights, and another baby to raise. Back to 18 more years. And I already gave away all the baby stuff. Ha!<br />
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Every life is precious, and I feel grateful I get to bring another life to this world. But I'm also kind of upset about it. I'm upset because I don't understand how God could give this baby to me when so many of my beloved friends have not been given any. Within the first few months of this pregnancy, too many women have miscarried their precious babies. Dear friends who have prayed for years; dear friends who have prayed for decades --why isn't this miracle being given to them? I honestly don't know the answer. I just mourn for them and feel the sting of their sorrow every time I remember I'm having my eighth child.<br />
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But I also know that God knew that we would all face very individualized challenges in this life. Perhaps my challenge is to be the mother of many children (which isn't easy, just in case people were wondering). Maybe my challenge is to give charity and empathy to those who wish they were me. Honestly, maybe my challenge is to be willing to do what God asks, even if it's hard and doesn't always make sense (I'm pretty sure that's everyone's challenge!).<br />
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One lesson I've learned (and it's incredibly precious to me, so I'm going to be vague): Sometimes, God tells us exactly what is going to happen and what we are going to face, but we are so decided against the impossibilities that we completely miss the message. That happened, here. The experience was powerful and exquisite and very personal --but I missed the message until it was staring up at me with two pink lines. Hindsight can be both enlightening and embarrassing, sometimes. 😊<br />
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Dear reader, deep inside my soul, I feel the ferocity of my love for this unborn baby. I know he or she will be greatly loved by all of us. And I will get to the point where I cannot imagine my life without them! I know this. I already love this baby; I just don't feel as elated as I have with new pregnancies in the past. It's something that confuses me and leaves me feeling slightly guilty, too, because I've never struggled with this, before. It must be something I need to experience. Only God really knows why.<br />
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I think I've just needed to work through these new feelings to get to a place where I can feel peaceful and excited. There is so much work ahead, so much to do, so many souls relying on me to love them! I don't want to resent any of it. I love this precious family of mine and I'm grateful for each and every one of them --even this tiny surprise growing inside of me.Cherylhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10218614720786379961noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20526785.post-31309994276308497132018-06-10T18:51:00.001-06:002018-06-10T18:51:37.072-06:00First DateTwenty years ago (today!), Brandon took me out on our first date. Back in 2008, I wrote extensively about the "year of tens" (the 10th anniversary of all our "firsts"). I'm really glad I did, because my memory is not what it used to be, and now I have all these stories written down!<br />
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For those who might be interested, here’s the story of our first date (I wrote this on June 10, 2008. Keep that in mind because I feel I've matured greatly as a writer since then! Also, I should note that Brandon and I met while working for on-campus housing at BYU; it'll add sense to the story):<br />
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<i><span style="background-color: white; color: #060505; font-family: "georgia" , "utopia" , "palatino linotype" , "palatino" , serif;">Brandon asked me, on a Sunday afternoon, if I would go out with him on a Wednesday afternoon (June 10, 1998). I had been waiting on pins and needles for at least 4 or 5 days for him to ask me out. Back then, four days was torture! I was thrilled when he </span><span style="color: #060505; font-family: georgia, utopia, "palatino linotype", palatino, serif;">finally</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #060505; font-family: "georgia" , "utopia" , "palatino linotype" , "palatino" , serif;"> asked me out.</span></i><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #060505; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, "Palatino Linotype", Palatino, serif;">[</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #060505; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, "Palatino Linotype", Palatino, serif;">Sidebar (I wrote this sidebar in 2012): how did he ask me out, you ask? Well, that's a fun story, too. I was sitting in my place of work, talking to two other co-workers (they were visiting me from another housing area and weren't working). One of them had a question only Brandon could answer, and I knew he was in his dorm working in his place of work (the dorm office) and so I called him. We chatted and then there was some harmless flirting going on between me and my co-workers (both were male) and one said something about me being beautiful. Here's the conversation thereafter:</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #060505; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, "Palatino Linotype", Palatino, serif;">Me: So-and-so just said I'm beautiful.</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #060505; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, "Palatino Linotype", Palatino, serif;">Brandon (on the phone): Well, you are beautiful.</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #060505; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, "Palatino Linotype", Palatino, serif;">Me: (blushing profusely, hesitating) Well, then... when are you going to ask me out?</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #060505; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, "Palatino Linotype", Palatino, serif;">Brandon: (stammering) Well, uh, I... well, I was planning on it!</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #060505; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, "Palatino Linotype", Palatino, serif;">Me: Before September?</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #060505; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, "Palatino Linotype", Palatino, serif;">Brandon: Yes!</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #060505; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, "Palatino Linotype", Palatino, serif;">Me: Okay. Good!</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #060505; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, "Palatino Linotype", Palatino, serif;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #060505; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, "Palatino Linotype", Palatino, serif;">And I can't even remember how he asked me out (<i>this is me, writing in 2018: he called me on the phone. I do remember that....</i>) Just that it was four days later. Huh. I guess this was more me letting him know I'd say yes. That's funny!]</span></blockquote>
<i style="color: #060505; font-family: georgia, utopia, "palatino linotype", palatino, serif;">Well, Brandon didn't have a car. He had been home from his mission for exactly 3 whole months (and a week) and was working and living on campus at BYU. Like me (except I didn't serve a mission, I meant the working and living on campus part, capische?). I remember I wasn't sure what we were going to do, what with the lack of car and all, but he came and got me and we walked onto the main part of campus. It was a gorgeous day (I remember the sun), and I had gorgeous hair (I remember the curling iron). I have no idea what we talked about on the way there, but I remember feeling more comfortable than nervous, which was odd, considering how giddy and silly I was around boys I liked. And boy-oh-boy! I liked Brandon. A lot.</i><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #060505; font-family: "georgia" , "utopia" , "palatino linotype" , "palatino" , serif;"><i>He guided me to the Museum of Art, and when we walked inside, I realized we were eating at the Museum Cafe. What a great idea for one without a car, but wanting to make a good impression! We got great seats by the window, and I remember some of our conversation:</i></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #060505; font-family: "georgia" , "utopia" , "palatino linotype" , "palatino" , serif;"><i>*He was floored that I was only 19 years old. He didn't realize how young I was when we had met. Actually, I think it was the fact that I had graduated from high school in 1997. His sister was a year younger than me, but had graduated the same year as me --I think he was afraid I was an 18 year old, at first.</i></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #060505; font-family: "georgia" , "utopia" , "palatino linotype" , "palatino" , serif;"><i>*We talked about school and where we were from.</i></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #060505; font-family: "georgia" , "utopia" , "palatino linotype" , "palatino" , serif;"><i>That's it. That's all I can remember. Time has done a number on my brain, and so have my children. But I do remember feeling a tad self-conscious as I ate my salad (did I have salad? I think I did!), but being perfectly at ease with the conversation. He was really easy to talk to and I loved that.</i></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #060505; font-family: "georgia" , "utopia" , "palatino linotype" , "palatino" , serif;"><i>After we ate, we walked around all the free parts of the museum looking at the gorgeous art. My cousin worked as a security guard in the museum at the time, so she got to meet Brandon that very first day! She approved of him, too.</i></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #060505; font-family: "georgia" , "utopia" , "palatino linotype" , "palatino" , serif;"><i><br /></i></span>
<i><span style="background-color: white; color: #060505; font-family: "georgia" , "utopia" , "palatino linotype" , "palatino" , serif;">It's funny, but Brandon told me later that he was immediately taken in by me because I "played the game right" during that date. I asked him what he meant, and he told me that I was good at banter, but I was also very good at </span><span style="color: #060505; font-family: georgia, utopia, "palatino linotype", palatino, serif;">the touching</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #060505; font-family: "georgia" , "utopia" , "palatino linotype" , "palatino" , serif;">. The touching? Yes, the touching --I knew when to touch his arm, or lean into his shoulder with my shoulder to push him away, i.e. playful, teasing, sexual tension (but in a very prudish way! Don't you be getting any ideers, there, mister!). You know what I mean, right? Well, I hadn't realized I was doing it at the time (he was doing it, too!), but I'm glad it worked.</span></i><br />
<i><br style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; caret-color: rgb(6, 5, 5); color: #060505; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, "Palatino Linotype", Palatino, serif;" /></i>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #060505; font-family: "georgia" , "utopia" , "palatino linotype" , "palatino" , serif;"><i>When we were done looking at art (where Brandon impressed me, again, with his cultural and art-loving knowledge), he took me to the BYU Creamery inside the Wilk (for those who don't know "Wilk", it's the Wilkinson Student Center). This is where I was ambushed. Ambushed, I tell you!</i></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #060505; font-family: "georgia" , "utopia" , "palatino linotype" , "palatino" , serif;"><i><br /></i></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #060505; font-family: "georgia" , "utopia" , "palatino linotype" , "palatino" , serif;"><i>Every Wednesday during that Spring/Summer terms (1998), BYU students (and friends) that had lived in Thousand Oaks, CA (or had gone to T.O. high school) met to eat ice cream. I was totally set up to meet his friends. On the first date! Oh, sure, it was just to "get some ice cream," but later, I found out that he had planned it all too well. *Four days after our date, he got together with the same friends, sans me, and then proceeded to seek their approval of Yours Truly. I didn't find this out for a couple of weeks, and so I thought it odd he would do that on a first date.</i></span><br />
<i><br style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; caret-color: rgb(6, 5, 5); color: #060505; font-family: Georgia, Utopia, "Palatino Linotype", Palatino, serif;" /></i>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #060505; font-family: "georgia" , "utopia" , "palatino linotype" , "palatino" , serif;"><i>Obviously, it didn't bother me. Oh, and the friends approved.</i></span><br />
<br />
*I'd like to note that on the same day the friends approved of me, Brandon and I decided to date exclusively. ❤<br />
<br />
It's surreal being on this end of 20 years. When I look back, it feels like my life should be one of those movie montages --all sepia-toned and emotional-tugging with beautifully-timed background music. Hindsight seems to condense all of our pivotal life moments and it's easy to analyze the contents in that way. "See how this choice led to this?" and "See what this experience did for our family?" and "Man, isn't it a good thing we did this?" Both the good and bad kind of mesh together to create a complicated and beautiful life.<br />
<br />
I think it's important for us to remember that as we go forward, too. (I could write about that extensively, but I don't have the time, right now. Maybe later?)<br />
<br />
I like being on this side of 20 years. I like that I'm still grateful for that first date and for all the dates that followed. I know not every marriage has lasted as long as ours has; I know not everyone still loves their spouse. I know not everyone married who they thought they were marrying, either. I am, however, very grateful our marriage has lasted, that I still love him, that he is who he says he is, and that he still loves me. I don't want to take it for granted; I try not to!<br />
<br />
Thanks for asking me out back then, Brandon! I will always be eternally grateful I said, "yes" (although, in my mind, I was probably saying, "YESYESYESYESYES!!" 😀 )<br />
<br />
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<br />Cherylhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10218614720786379961noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20526785.post-49532335971184402092018-05-23T14:52:00.002-06:002018-05-23T14:52:52.044-06:00Little Miracle Sometimes, it's the little things that make all the difference. Like hearing this heartbeat for the first time and seeing this face:<br />
<br />
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<br />
I love and adore this baby. S/he wasn't planned and our future has been changed significantly, but I'm genuinely excited for another baby.<br />
<br />
It will be such a strange time! A brand new baby, our oldest graduating from high school...<br />
<br />
When I was in my early 20's, I always said, "If I have them all before I'm 30, they'll all be gone before I'm 50!" I truly thought that's how it would go down. I was so naive. Because here I am, 39 years old, having my eighth child, and all I can think is how incredibly grateful I am to be so wrong about it.<br />
<br />
Life is hard (see previous post) and twists and turns and leads us on crazy journeys we didn't think we needed. It can be frustrating, overwhelming, exhausting, and downright rude! But it's also beautiful and wonderful and full of amazing amazingness. Not everything is fixed and many of the hard things continue to be hard, but today, I'm grateful for this tiny miracle and the reminder that life is worth it.Cherylhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10218614720786379961noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20526785.post-24067138713431508052018-05-21T11:23:00.002-06:002018-05-21T11:23:18.944-06:00The Downs My previous post was very optimistic and I still believe in every single word I wrote. But since then, we've experienced a lot of the downs instead of the ups.<br />
<br />
We had four (three serious) medical emergencies with our kids:<br />
*6 year old's heel got caught in the spokes of a bike and was on crutches for three weeks<br />
*3 year old was hit in the head by an errant discus at a track meet, slicing her ear and requiring an ambulance ride and 10 stitches<br />
*13 year old broke his big toe (sprained, maybe?)<br />
*17 year old ended up in the hospital with ruptured ovarian cysts (or just one cyst. Not really sure.)<br />
<br />
Everything that can go wrong seems to go wrong. $1100 van bill. Miscommunication about insurance causing me to miss OB appointments. Maternity clothes I ordered have been lost in shipping. House repairs. Pregnancy brain settling in. Cats bringing in ticks. Bounce house business not as busy as we hoped. Multiple slivers in 3 year old's feet from the back deck. No energy = no motivation = trashy house (because like my kids are gonna clean it without being told to and who has the energy for all that whining and complaining?)<br />
<br />
It's not the end of the world. Life goes on. Literally. And I still have faith and I still believe in miracles.<br />
<br />
I have a beautiful family and a wonderful husband and an amazing home and tons of good friends.<br />
<br />
But it's been hard and I've cried a lot.<br />
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<br />Cherylhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10218614720786379961noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20526785.post-26849721829320833952018-04-30T11:05:00.000-06:002018-04-30T11:05:52.123-06:00God Takes Us Through <div>
Life has been more than a little interesting over the past few months. </div>
<div>
<br />
It's been busy, that's for sure! Currently my jobs include:<br />
<br />
*Be a mom and run a household<br />
*Teach approximately 24 piano students<br />
*Play for the Presbyterians every Sunday morning<br />
*Play the piano in the band that accompanies the community theater's performance of Evita (just two shows left!)<br />
*Accompany random things<br />
*Help run the Primary at church<br />
*Accompany the ward choir<br />
*Run the website for MAMTA (music teachers assoc.)<br />
<br />
And somewhere in there I am able to fit in time to read, finish ballet class, date my husband, do all the church things (actually, I'm pretty sure I'm praying 24/7!), and hang out with friends. What I'm NOT finding time to do is potty train the 3 year old. Blerg...<br />
<br />
And amidst all of this, we've been met with some ENORMOUS changes in our lives.<br />
<br />
Pretty big, dear reader.<br />
<br />
The first happened the end of February. Brandon's employment ended with the company he has been working with the past couple of years (long story, but his position was dissolved). Feeling strongly we should stay in Kansas, we ended up starting a new business (bounce house rentals!) and he was hired to teach more classes at K-State. He is also doing consulting and speaking at conferences.<br />
<br />
And then, as if life hadn't already dealt us a little bit of uncertainty, this happened:<br />
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<br />
Yep! We'll be having another baby in December.<br />
<br />
I tell you what, friends, these past few months have been wrought with a lot of emotions. Exhaustion has been one of my closest companions, and there have been some days where the only way I've gotten through is to cry through it (usually privately, sometimes not-so-privately).<br />
<br />
But, on the other hand, I've been amazed at my optimism and faith! I have genuinely admired my husband's fortitude and perseverance (he works so hard). I've had experiences that have greatly strengthened my resolve that God knows us, hears us, and loves us.<br />
<br />
It has also reiterated to me (again and again and again) that life is a journey.<br />
<br />
Many years ago, a wonderful woman I admired once told me she could never have six kids like me. I told her that she could do anything God asked her to do! I told her this because first, it's true, and second, I didn't want her to think that I was somehow more capable or more righteous or more whatever just because I had x amount of kids. I think we all sell ourselves short when we decide what we can and cannot do without asking God to get involved, first.<br />
<br />
Over the past 10 years, I've been on a journey that has brought me to this place. My experiences have shaped me very deliberately and this is why I am here and can do these hard things before me. God has brought me to these things, and He has taken me through them all. He will always take me through what He asks me to do, if I let Him.<br />
<br />
Gospel study + intensive therapy + medication + self-education + increased faith + focusing on my marriage + safe circle of friends + the Atonement of Jesus Christ = The ability to face the challenges ahead of me. And not just face them, but be grateful for them! Conquer them! Endure them! Embrace them.<br />
<br />
There's no way I could have faced both the job loss and a pregnancy 3-4 years ago with anything but massive despair and cynicism, let alone facing it with the kind of schedule our family has at the moment. And I don't want to take the credit for this, because even though I've worked hard, I could never have done it on my own. I'm not <i>supposed</i> to be doing it on my own, anyway! I've only been able to do it with Christ. And my family. And friends (such good friends). And probably herbal tea and some Jane Austen.<br />
<br />
I don't know what this next year will bring for us. I don't know if these challenges will turn out to be our greatest blessings (I'm pretty sure they will), but I do know it'll be okay because God takes us through the impossible things He asks us to go through. Even when our faith wavers, even when we feel like giving up, even when it seems impossible --I guarantee He will see us through to wherever it is we need to be. We just need to let Him.<br />
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Cherylhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10218614720786379961noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20526785.post-72205957451107626132018-02-14T10:10:00.000-07:002018-02-14T10:10:37.318-07:00I Heart Valentine's Day! And Love! I love Valentine's Day.<br />
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<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
And I've written about it, a lot! </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<b>Here's the post</b> where I <a href="http://cherylthoughts.blogspot.com/2014/02/why-i-love-valentines-day-and-why-you.html" target="_blank">make the argument that Valentine's Day doesn't have to be horrendous.</a> </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<b>Here are some posts</b> that share romantic photos and quotes:</div>
<div>
<a href="http://cherylthoughts.blogspot.com/2011/02/happy-valentines-day.html" target="_blank">one</a></div>
<div>
<a href="http://cherylthoughts.blogspot.com/search?q=Valentine%27s+Day" target="_blank">two</a></div>
<div>
<a href="http://cherylthoughts.blogspot.com/2017/02/happy-love-day-lovely-people.html" target="_blank">three</a></div>
<div>
<br />
<br />
<b>Here is a poem</b> I wrote for Brandon last year on Valentine's Day:<br />
<br />
<i>Refocus</i><br />
<br />
It is an easy thing to overlook true love.<br />
Our eyes are searching for events and objects<br />
Found in movies,<br />
Novels,<br />
And journals bursting with dreams.<br />
<br />
We glance above the hazy reality.<br />
Our hearts do not notice the consistent presence<br />
Of loyalty,<br />
Friendship,<br />
And dishes again scrubbed clean.<br />
<br />
~Cheryl S.S.
Feb 14, 2017
<br />
<br />
<br /></div>
<div>
<b>And lastly, here's a romantic song</b> for you to read/listen to (I sang this to Brandon at our wedding luncheon. He actually accompanied me while I sang it!). I have never found an amazing recording of this song; it's hard to find anything. But this one is pretty good because his voice is so nice, and it doesn't feel pretentious...</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
"In a Simple Way I Love You" from <i>I'm Getting My Act Together and Taking it on the Road</i></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
In a simple way I love you<br />
That’s all that I can do<br />
I’ll make music while you sing your song<br />
I understand what you’re going through<br />
<br />
In a simple way I love you<br />
When you’re reaching out to me<br />
I will be there when you need a friend<br />
I’ll help you be what you want to be<br />
<br />
I hear your voice sing out<br />
Just let it go<br />
I’ll give you room to breathe<br />
And room to grow<br />
<br />
In a simple way I love you<br />
I’m here to see you through<br />
I’ll make music while you sing your song<br />
While you do what you have to do<br />
<br />
I’ll be beside you rain or shine<br />
Love has many faces<br />
And one of them is mine
<br />
<br />
<br /></div>
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Cherylhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10218614720786379961noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20526785.post-21114926222175463282018-01-30T15:47:00.001-07:002018-01-30T15:47:40.436-07:00Doing Hard Things or I Signed Up for Ballet <i>PART 1 (written four days ago)</i><br />
<br />
I've signed up to take a ballet class.<br />
<br />
Honestly, I'm not sure what I was thinking, because it was kind of one of those things where I waited until the last second, hemmed and hawed, and then plugged my nose and jumped in with both feet. I mean, ballet?<br />
<br />
<i>Ballet!?</i><br />
<br />
I do not have what one would call a <i>ballerina</i> type body. I'm not slim, nor lithe. I don't even really dance. The ballroom dancing I did (20 years ago) didn't really prepare me for this scenario.<br />
<br />
And let's be real --large women like me don't dance ballet. We just don't. We don't because first, we aren't as flexible because there are jiggly parts in the way. Second, we aren't fans of the attire. Well, we're fans of the attire, just not on our <i>own</i> bodies. Third, it's really hard on our ankles! Ballet is about the feet, and when you have a large body to carry on your feet, you can't really be jumping around like the ballerinas do, at least not without some injuries. Fourth, large women aren't ballerinas because just by the act of dancing ballet makes one (I would imagine) slimmer (which, now you can see why I'm interested in doing this...).<br />
<br />
I realize this makes me sound prejudiced against large women. Which would be silly, seeing as I'm a large woman... but I'm just speaking the truth. Me + leotard + ballet = possible endless humiliations.<br />
<br />
And that's <i>exactly</i> why I signed up.<br />
<br />
I listed all the reasons why I shouldn't or couldn't sign up for a beginner adult ballet class. I kept saying, "this is why not, Cheryl, this is why not!" Then my brain said to me, very pointedly, "why not you? Huh? <i>Why not you</i>?"<br />
<br />
Yeah! Why not me? Why can't I? Who says I can't?!<br />
<br />
I don't want my fears to stop me from doing cool things! I've been working really hard on getting healthy (in every possible way) over the past 4 years. If I want to take ballet, which will greatly add to my physical health and help with my overall exercise routines and weight loss, then gosh darn it, people, I'm gonna take ballet!<br />
<br />
So, I am. And it starts on Tuesday. I even have a babysitter for baby girl!<br />
<br />
And I'm terrified.<br />
<br />
I will finish this blog post AFTER the first class and tell you how it went. Will my fears of being judged be realized? Will I be humiliated? Will I cry? Will I puke? Will I trip? Will they secretly laugh and titter, the adult women taking the class with me who are all probably super amazing dancers with dancers' bodies? We will find out!<br />
<br />
Stay tuned.... for like, two lines...<br />
<br />
---------------------------------------------------<br />
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<br />
<i>PART 2 (written today)</i><br />
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Well, I did it! I went to my ballet class.<br />
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Before I get to that, did you know that people need to learn to create affordable somewhat-high-waist spanx yoga pants for women who are in transition between flabby and muscle-ly? (The key word being "affordable"). I ordered a pair of what seemed to be a good pair of tight yoga pants that would keep all my jiggly parts contained and it was a sham! A farce! Granted, I didn't look too far. But they didn't work. Luckily I had some yoga pants and I just dealt with it (and then I learned quickly I want something tighter and not as long...).<br />
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And now this is how it went:<br />
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<i>Just fine. </i><br />
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I mean, it's kind of anticlimactic, this experience of mine, because I was so nervous and worried about things that just never happened.<br />
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I had butterflies as I drove to the dance studio. I prayed for strength to just get out of the car and go inside. I went in and... it was fine! I signed in, met the wonderful people running the place, talked with another mom (who wasn't as slim as I imagined they would all be) who had also never danced ballet, before. I bought ballet slippers, saw my neighbor walk in (how cool is that?!), and the class was awesome.<br />
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It's a small class and we're a variety of experience and size and not one of us felt perfectly comfortable to be there. The instructor is wonderful and I learned that ballet people have got to be solid muscle! (HOLY COW!) It was so difficult to do even some of the simplest forms she taught us. It looks so easy when you're watching it, but then doing it...<br />
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After working through all of those French-termed exercises (and jumps! That was hilarious...), we did Pilates. My glutes will burn forever and ever, amen.<br />
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Before I had time to question my choice of clothing, it was over and we all laughed and chatted and drove away and... it was fine!<br />
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Sure, I'm the biggest girl in the class. No, I'm not very good at posture and balance... yet. But nobody made me feel like I was crazy for going and nobody said anything but kind things. I'm genuinely looking forward to going back!<br />
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<b>LESSON: </b><br />
Do hard things, friends. And don't talk yourself out of conquering your fears. If you want to learn something --learn it! If you want to try something --try it! We can't let what others think determine what we will do with our lives. All that matters is how you feel and think about something. Even if you end up being the worst at whatever it is you try, at least you tried, and at least you're <i>doing</i> it. And, honestly, it won't be any worse than never trying.<br />
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Cherylhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10218614720786379961noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20526785.post-9194310277357770112018-01-09T11:12:00.003-07:002018-01-09T11:12:51.843-07:00The Last 19 Years In one week, Brandon and I will celebrate our 19th wedding anniversary.<br />
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It feels strange. #1 is already half way through her junior year, has taken the ACT, and is talking about college. Our baby is almost 3 years old, and all the other kids keep growing up (how rude!).<br />
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I remember being the young married wife, the young mom... I remember starting adulthood, and I remember how optimistic and absolutely clueless I was. Oh, I thought I knew everything. I figured, "hey, look at me! I went to college. I have a degree and I read a lot. I read all the books! I know everything there is to know. I am so prepared!" Older and wiser mothers would look at me with a strange expression on their faces, and I figured it was because they were blown away by my amazing knowledge and awesomeness.<br />
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Well, now that I'm older and a little bit wiser (with so much more learning and wisdom to still gain), I find that I'm looking at those young, confident mothers with the same look. And it's absolutely not because I'm blown away by their awesomeness (although many are awesome!).<br />
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It's the look that says, "I was you, once. And although you're doing better than you think you are, you're going to experience things that will stretch you further than you thought you could go. You're going to change your opinions about things --maybe even a lot of things. You're going to go through tough situations that you thought you could prevent. You're going to find out what matters most. And then you'll discover that you really didn't know very much at all. But it's okay, because you'll also find out that you're strong and loved, and you'll gain wisdom."<br />
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I've been pondering these past 19 years (20, really), and thinking about all that has happened. The wisdom I've gained through experience has been humbling and beautiful all at once. The truth is, I'm still going through experiences (even now) that are pushing me completely out of my comfort zone and teaching me that I really don't know much at all. <br /><br />And now! Since I like lists and family history, stories and memories, I want to write a summary of our married life, thus far...<br />
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I met Brandon May 20, 1998. We worked together on campus at BYU, and although my first impression wasn't the greatest, it didn't take me long to find him quite attractive (like, 24 hours). Our first date was June 10, he kissed me June 20, and proposed October 20.<br />
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We were married in the Idaho Falls LDS Temple on January 16, 1999.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">January 16, 1999</td></tr>
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In our 19 years together, we have moved 10 times (Provo apartment to Aspen Grove Family Camp, back to apartment, back to AGFC (we worked there two summers in a row), back to apartment, to the condo, bought a house, moved to Concord, CA, moved back to Provo, moved to PA, moved to KS).<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Aspen Grove Family Camp, Summer 2000</td></tr>
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Less than a week before graduating from BYU (we both graduated in April 2001), I gave birth to our first child.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">April 21, 2001</td></tr>
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In the next few years, we bought our first house and then welcomed 3 more children to our home -- a daughter and two sons.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">February 11, 2003</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">August 9, 2004</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">August 2004</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIVrVhRz_qKmeDLIzApa_6daYNwTgARCv4r3FNtTbc6eJIDZ9WevQwkjQ_IkpnGb8-HdDGu6Fr5HDF6YJkt4lOLPvoU0WY-V_ZYx1fSJUPZD5N3FNCtUUekUKysew3ru1LircR/s1600/Markasaurus.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1280" data-original-width="960" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgIVrVhRz_qKmeDLIzApa_6daYNwTgARCv4r3FNtTbc6eJIDZ9WevQwkjQ_IkpnGb8-HdDGu6Fr5HDF6YJkt4lOLPvoU0WY-V_ZYx1fSJUPZD5N3FNCtUUekUKysew3ru1LircR/s320/Markasaurus.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">February 8, 2007</td></tr>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrxxrilEWJKaLt1u3Skg0MxWBj0maZNFyKc8NJOBcRGb3lmBtE82Z_KcdqgyfdFYCTugilI-mAYkBJ2a1zJLYR1Z0PnY0uf3BAAmOW1XgjMTZ69FFUAGys9f97nbjOh15Xjvvp/s1600/3-4-07+%25287%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrxxrilEWJKaLt1u3Skg0MxWBj0maZNFyKc8NJOBcRGb3lmBtE82Z_KcdqgyfdFYCTugilI-mAYkBJ2a1zJLYR1Z0PnY0uf3BAAmOW1XgjMTZ69FFUAGys9f97nbjOh15Xjvvp/s320/3-4-07+%25287%2529.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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We then moved from Provo and lived in Concord, CA for approximately 13 months.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixddU7ApIymjRpQgpvwq0G3YcleDtK8RhOzT4tOloFeoTgkinDmp2x1UWJHc4mE_2vrczR29uDZna7kglYbqV8UG-c6fgR2EU2tfM6WW6QCM5GFdCFAhV6QHjPbqK8QOAlDraQ/s1600/family+2008.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="200" data-original-width="133" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixddU7ApIymjRpQgpvwq0G3YcleDtK8RhOzT4tOloFeoTgkinDmp2x1UWJHc4mE_2vrczR29uDZna7kglYbqV8UG-c6fgR2EU2tfM6WW6QCM5GFdCFAhV6QHjPbqK8QOAlDraQ/s1600/family+2008.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">May 2007</td></tr>
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It was an incredible, life-changing experience in so many ways! I lost 40 pounds that year (Brandon lost 50).<br />
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We learned, through prayer, that we were supposed to have more kids and we made the decision for Brandon to get his Executive MBA. The young couples/families that we spent our time with were amazing, and even though it's been more than 10 years, we still consider many to be our friends.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2Paa5_2up4GOOFi2PcVJElGwnJRJNm0YodhhPKiyZwAVhkmy2r5KgDJG4HD1jzMrD30Bcj1_VnWawMSxoVgmP1KUcmEytN7asPh6p6dNY_Anmc8oVeKHl4Kkp9hyphenhyphen3AIoYwdHO/s1600/SavageFamily2008.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="471" data-original-width="600" height="251" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2Paa5_2up4GOOFi2PcVJElGwnJRJNm0YodhhPKiyZwAVhkmy2r5KgDJG4HD1jzMrD30Bcj1_VnWawMSxoVgmP1KUcmEytN7asPh6p6dNY_Anmc8oVeKHl4Kkp9hyphenhyphen3AIoYwdHO/s320/SavageFamily2008.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">July 2008</td></tr>
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When we moved back to Utah, Brandon started at Wharton (San Francisco campus --oh, the irony! That we left the Bay Area just before he would be going to school in the Bay Area...). While he was in school, we had our fifth child (third boy!).<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJqK_MI0v2DNxxOPEImyTgPRHmGPb4rtnXXjnv_KAddOkmMXWMUrE-UYcrYARkvFl9S4AYIIEvM7yAvlWE2huRK2RUiNBDpFsO7KnCzFLSwkzS7piH77mUtMlgfQuUhGhuqDKA/s1600/14B40036-ECA3-4AEB-9D33-0507CBCAEA5A.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="320" data-original-width="239" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJqK_MI0v2DNxxOPEImyTgPRHmGPb4rtnXXjnv_KAddOkmMXWMUrE-UYcrYARkvFl9S4AYIIEvM7yAvlWE2huRK2RUiNBDpFsO7KnCzFLSwkzS7piH77mUtMlgfQuUhGhuqDKA/s1600/14B40036-ECA3-4AEB-9D33-0507CBCAEA5A.JPG" /></a></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">July 28, 2009</td></tr>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHD_o0BhBPmlZLz3YwK2Ie8qzCB4mR4nwerhyoZ9RtiUJ8l3RWa3oh8AswKgN8_9ZhVChDWDGZVHnNE9cHPQBbUmveJi3CHk5UrvtXt8_SnWhyphenhyphenGZ7TWG5_g6ku8HJpLj868HnS/s1600/James+Blessing+047.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHD_o0BhBPmlZLz3YwK2Ie8qzCB4mR4nwerhyoZ9RtiUJ8l3RWa3oh8AswKgN8_9ZhVChDWDGZVHnNE9cHPQBbUmveJi3CHk5UrvtXt8_SnWhyphenhyphenGZ7TWG5_g6ku8HJpLj868HnS/s320/James+Blessing+047.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
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We also got to spend our 10th wedding anniversary in England (mostly London) while Brandon was working with a client. Wharton was definitely a highlight, too. The people we met were incredible, and we went to China (Brandon also spent time in Israel)!<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjiJktlskVjhA1dfLNiU2qXOl3D94VLjueNkHddv4WCDp8myn6yhh57haF5RfD4WkhtU4hHvrWu8j3WG_LFWYofu1HWD1y4jb7I6D_7GIOepMOF3wS6cLpGQ1Kui7N6Fv1wYGDl/s1600/Buckingham+palace+january+2009.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="300" data-original-width="400" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjiJktlskVjhA1dfLNiU2qXOl3D94VLjueNkHddv4WCDp8myn6yhh57haF5RfD4WkhtU4hHvrWu8j3WG_LFWYofu1HWD1y4jb7I6D_7GIOepMOF3wS6cLpGQ1Kui7N6Fv1wYGDl/s320/Buckingham+palace+january+2009.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Buckingham Palace, January 2009 </td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEil279-5dkiGNXrKXUgJWjEjdswCZtOexUIRe2M07s1jwrEBok-sfxHOyFBr9q4Ms6zdaYJnGpZ_FM3troLUeieTAo5hP-E5-rfVhPAn7sQ06zLnlfwYE66_vPC4wUz4CCYv9w4/s1600/DSCF0056.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="320" data-original-width="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEil279-5dkiGNXrKXUgJWjEjdswCZtOexUIRe2M07s1jwrEBok-sfxHOyFBr9q4Ms6zdaYJnGpZ_FM3troLUeieTAo5hP-E5-rfVhPAn7sQ06zLnlfwYE66_vPC4wUz4CCYv9w4/s1600/DSCF0056.JPG" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The Great Wall of China, September 2010</td></tr>
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Brandon received a top-notch education and although it was financially difficult, we don't regret it. I was so proud of him! For those two years he juggled a full time job traveling internationally, two church callings, and traveling to San Francisco every other weekend to attend classes (UPenn's Wharton school has a west coast campus). He was amazing.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1YroSKXVw-_CVFO0LVp5rv0YHz-M3j9Fh6_6LwrJZyhx63yjcRfrjmHzXBh_MsKKIv0Fj2M1TuPEpnIuh40seP_nbZoAhrUr9UVw-6e9B44di8PeDXQZIUix8UVgh3zqL4vlH/s1600/graduation+in+Philly.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="400" data-original-width="299" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1YroSKXVw-_CVFO0LVp5rv0YHz-M3j9Fh6_6LwrJZyhx63yjcRfrjmHzXBh_MsKKIv0Fj2M1TuPEpnIuh40seP_nbZoAhrUr9UVw-6e9B44di8PeDXQZIUix8UVgh3zqL4vlH/s320/graduation+in+Philly.jpg" width="239" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Graduation in Philadelphia, May 2011</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhaUoZqu5QhU1xMxpUAv0qwNLfVCPFEz87JiRig1XSu8m4xYc5ckUBQGVqZhyWGvgaS7rpDstrFKtwnBJOtiUo5xQ0SNsbHrQA9yf-P55nP6X_xrozn93WYJtBFe6FgVf6TsKE3/s1600/Family+Pictures+2010+010.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="267" data-original-width="400" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhaUoZqu5QhU1xMxpUAv0qwNLfVCPFEz87JiRig1XSu8m4xYc5ckUBQGVqZhyWGvgaS7rpDstrFKtwnBJOtiUo5xQ0SNsbHrQA9yf-P55nP6X_xrozn93WYJtBFe6FgVf6TsKE3/s320/Family+Pictures+2010+010.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">2010</td></tr>
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My first (and sadly, only) home birth occurred in 2012. Four boys in a row! Wha?!<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">March 2, 2012</td></tr>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrd__sOL9g1XqdUATGxqA-821x0OAr_zUeBzIpUXezwDJe2EyBQ-P0wr0AR9hFRRc-Wo7eW3xiPMdFQ7IfdA8GNdaSW28fz3FeCm-E3nIasan1sqTam8nWiqqOMWaXfPeWFEco/s1600/420465_10150734125467457_1324714907_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="479" data-original-width="720" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrd__sOL9g1XqdUATGxqA-821x0OAr_zUeBzIpUXezwDJe2EyBQ-P0wr0AR9hFRRc-Wo7eW3xiPMdFQ7IfdA8GNdaSW28fz3FeCm-E3nIasan1sqTam8nWiqqOMWaXfPeWFEco/s320/420465_10150734125467457_1324714907_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">2013</td></tr>
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Moving to PA was one of the best things we ever did, hands down. Although we were only there for 2 1/2 years, it will forever be cemented in my memory as a place of great personal healing. Our idyllic village of Thornton, Pennsylvania was the backdrop of miracles -- I finally sought and received mental health help. We finally (after 18 months of praying/trying) conceived our seventh (and incidentally, last) child. A girl! What a miracle! Our children thrived there. We made life-long friends and I still miss the trees. Brandon faced a lot of challenges, too, and he came through them with incredible maturity.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">February 23, 2015</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">2015</td></tr>
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And now, here we are in Kansas. We love living here! Our kids are doing well, the ward is like family, and the community is amazing. I'm finally getting myself physically healthy, again (now that I'm mentally/emotionally doing well, the physical health is coming a lot easier), and although we still struggle with normal mortality-induced trials (some a lot more difficult than others), we are happy. </div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">2016</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">2017</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0bqKRDo8eVwGDJNoEugyUGffRvg5VqGuNfsR09IVWZtheqgU_0DVV0bqYwgavzQf4_lQQ3W01QBDdrjZ0vsBKB0J2F7kiNUwJqJylnVAMnu3jgDshVN0nU1MIfKK-BKRgjM3C/s1600/IMG_4079.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0bqKRDo8eVwGDJNoEugyUGffRvg5VqGuNfsR09IVWZtheqgU_0DVV0bqYwgavzQf4_lQQ3W01QBDdrjZ0vsBKB0J2F7kiNUwJqJylnVAMnu3jgDshVN0nU1MIfKK-BKRgjM3C/s320/IMG_4079.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Christmas Eve 2017</td></tr>
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I left out the vast majority --I didn't mention our vacations, nor that time we camped across the country for basically 6 weeks. I left out our pets, the sickness, the fighting, deaths of loved ones, the adventures, the dangers, and all of our spiritual progressions. I don't think it's possible to record every detail of a life, even if you journal religiously. There's simply too much happening. All we can hope for are glimpses of what adds up to a deep, complicated, and beautiful life. And when I look at our life over the last 19 years, I think that's exactly what it is: deep, complicated, and beautiful.<br />
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I'm grateful for Brandon and for my marriage. Aside from mothering, I don't think anything else has taught me so much! I'm blessed to have a strong, dedicated, brilliant, handsome, hard-working, and loving husband. I love him! And I love our life.<br />
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<br />Cherylhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10218614720786379961noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20526785.post-56091697711493643462017-11-08T14:59:00.000-07:002017-11-08T15:04:27.701-07:00I Have Bad Days (and I'm a Mom!) or Yes, I Chose This. So? A friend recently told of how some less-than-supportive family were upset that she had bad days. See, this friend has chosen, along with her husband, to have a large family. Compared to the rest of her family, this is strange, and so they don't quite understand it. They said that because she chose to have a large family, all of her chaos, stress, and bad days are completely her own fault. If she didn't want to have so much stress, than she shouldn't have had so many kids. In their minds, she brought it on herself. Their conclusion was that she didn't deserve their support, and she certainly didn't have permission to be upset about her life in any way, shape, or form.<br />
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Okay, so I can kind of understand what they are saying. True, being a mother means choosing a kind of busy stress that isn't easily controlled. Choosing to mother many means<i> a lot </i>of chaos. But does this mean mothers of many are never allowed a bad day? And even more --does this mean we are never allowed to <i>express</i> the difficult aspects of it?<br />
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Are we really supposed to only share the good parts?<br />
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I find this ironic because we are so quick to condemn "fake people." What are fake people, anyway, but those who paint their lives as something not whole, not complete? I like to see things in a positive way --I really like optimism --but at the same time, I like honesty. Truth is more powerful than lies, and if a mother isn't allowed to be honest about the hard, frustrating, grueling, exhausting, nitty-gritty parts of motherhood, then I'm not sure anyone would see the truth of what makes motherhood so incredibly amazing.<br />
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Another mutual friend made a wonderful point. She said that no matter what job a person chooses, there will be parts that people don't like. In fact, there will be hard parts and sometimes very unpleasant parts. She said this: <br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>Brain surgeons have to file long, detailed medical reports and decide if cases are operable and sometimes lose patients during surgery. When they talk about such things in less than glowing terms we don't say, "Shut up. You brought this on yourself. You CHOSE to be a brain surgeon, you idiot. What were you thinking? Why didn't you choose something easier?" The same is true of every job. Including motherhood.</i></blockquote>
I mean, think about any other job out there. Dentist, lawyer, soldier, masseuse, teacher, musician, actor, writer, CEO, banker, etc. etc. etc. Why is it that motherhood is put into the "you chose this, you idiot!" bucket, while other jobs are not? Everyone is going to have a bad day, and when it happens, that doesn't mean they shouldn't have chosen their career or family size. It just means they are human.<br />
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We all have bad days every once in a while. We should be allowed to admit it.<br />
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And, by the way, dear reader, it's those bad days that make the good ones so awesome. Without the comparison of bad, it's really hard to appreciate the good. All of the chaos and exhaustion create an environment where joy can be found. Learning to find happiness when we are teetering on that last thread is kind of amazing. It's definitely refined me and made me a better person!<br />
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So, perhaps it would behoove us to check our "you chose this" comments at our throats before they come out of our mouths. Instead, we could find ways to lift and help one another. Maybe we could take the time to learn something about the situation and make an attempt to understand a life decision we haven't experienced. At the very least, just nod and move on! I mean, pity is okay, but charity is better. Let's not justify enmity because of our discomfort; let's look for ways we can lend help and have empathy.<br />
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<i>P.S. This can apply to many, many things and spoiler: charity (the pure love of Christ) is pretty much always the answer. </i>Cherylhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10218614720786379961noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20526785.post-33456793878209622182017-10-14T22:51:00.000-06:002017-10-14T22:51:39.728-06:00Keeping This Musician Humble I've had some interesting experiences these last few weeks, and I'm left seeing how humility, courage, and hard work can bring about really great experiences. But even more, the people who encourage and cheer me on make it worth every sacrifice, humiliation, and mistake. Well, almost every mistake... (insert winky face, here).<br />
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Let me try to extract the details from my very muddled brain.<br />
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Back in August, my piano studio filled up pretty quickly. Right now I have 18 students (16 consistent), and I have really enjoyed teaching again. Also in August, I started a term as the <a href="http://manhattanareamusicteachers.org/" target="_blank">Manhattan Area Music Teachers Association</a> (MAMTA) secretary. (Basically, this means I take the minutes at our monthly meetings and make sure everyone has access to them.) I'm in charge of the Honors Recital in June, and I've been very involved in all of our events (District Auditions, State Auditions, Ensemble Concert, Duet Competition, Members Recital, Piano Fair, Music Progressions, etc.). I love this! I really like the teachers I am able to associate with, and it's great that my students can prepare for some really great events.<br />
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Well, a few weeks ago, one of my colleagues (also a dear friend in my ward) asked if I would take over the Piano 1 class at K-State for the next term (it's a non-major beginning piano course that includes students and community members). Long story short, I said I would, and so I have a piano class twice a week on campus! I just started teaching last week (my friend came to help me get started) and next week I'm on my own.<br />
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It's only a <i>little</i> bit scary.<br />
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Then, last week, my husband and I went to our <a href="http://www.manhattanarts.org/" target="_blank">community theater'</a>s production of <i>Mary Poppins</i> because one of my piano students (and her awesome father) were performing in it. It was great! They have a really good theater, here. Live orchestra, great dancing, and fantastic singing and acting. Turns out, several friends were involved in the production, including both of the pianists in the orchestra!<br />
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On Tuesday of this past week, one of those pianists asked if I would substitute for her in the orchestra for tonight (Saturday). I said, "yes," not really knowing what I was in for!<br />
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Oh, dear reader, it was so much fun, but it was so very, very difficult! I missed so many cues and parts --I got lost a lot. I was able to do some of it well, and I did a great job with finding the last note on most pieces! Ha! But wow, it was very humbling. I didn't have much time to practice, and as a pianist, I'm honestly not used to so many measures of rest! When I accompany a choir or soloist, I don't have measures of rest, and if I do, I can see exactly what the singers are singing, so I never get lost. But wow --I sure got lost, tonight!<br />
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So, that was the humility (humiliating?) portion of my thoughts, tonight. I'm not as confident, skilled, or as great as I want to be. Honestly, not really even close!<br />
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But I do practice, and I work hard.<br />
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I've worked hard to build my studio and take the opportunities to use my music as it comes (like the class, like the orchestra), and I am practicing a lot more. There's so much more I need to work on, but I'm doing more than I have in a very long time.<br />
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Also, I feel like I have more courage. I don't feel like I am nearly as good as the other teachers in MAMTA, but I realize that I'm not horrible, either. It's hard for me to put myself out there and claim that I can do some of the things that they do! They have degrees I do not have and experiences that I do not share (yet!).<br />
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And this brings me to the biggest revelation of the past few weeks: Manhattan, KS has a monopoly on some of the kindest people I have ever met. My MAMTA colleagues treat me like an equal and they just believe I'm a great pianist. They don't care if I'm better or worse than they are --we're all equals. Even the K-State professors! They are generous and kind with all of us. There is no elitism (that I can feel) among us.<br />
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My friend who asked me to take her class --she has absolutely all the confidence in the world that I can teach it! Not only that, but she and I do an exchange with our children (I teach some of hers and she teaches some of mine), and knowing that she trusts me to teach her kids the piano... gosh, that kind of trust is very telling, you know?<br />
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The orchestra at the play tonight --I felt the same encouragement and kindness from all of them, too! They cheered me on, helped me find the right measures, helped me find my cues, and the director was so kind to me. They could have all been disappointed in my performance (and they could have been --I know I was!), but they told me that I did just fine. They knew I was coming in cold without orchestra rehearsals! They offered me food, they offered me beer (LOL), and they were all just so very, very kind. The other pianist --who happens to be a MAMTA colleague --took 2 hours out of her day, today, to go over as much of the score with me as possible, and just made me feel so good about myself, too.<br />
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And the thing is, I know I didn't do as well as I could have, but I didn't feel anyone was patronizing me, either. They were simply kind!<br />
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Then there's my handsome husband. Dear reader, he is my biggest cheerleader! When he found out I was asked to teach the class, he was so thrilled! When he saw me put on our shared calendar (on my phone --he can see what I put on it and vice versa immediately via notification) that I was going to accompany <i>Mary Poppins</i>, he texted me right away to congratulate me (like, seriously, super excited) before I had a chance to tell him about it! Tonight, during intermission, when I texted to tell him how badly I was doing, he told me that he was positive I didn't do as badly as I thought I did.<br />
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And that's why I think I can keep doing this. This = make music my career, again. Keep improving. Continue preparing for more schooling. I have support around me and people that believe in me, and this feels like such a gift, because there are so many times when I feel like I can't believe in myself.<br />
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Do you remember the scripture found in Ether 12:27? It says:<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.</i></blockquote>
I honestly believe that my humility (and various humiliations) as a musician helps me become a better musician. Each mistake teaches me something, but even more, I think every moment of frustratingly humiliating reflection means I will be kinder to others in the same situation. <br />
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I'm starting to realize that most of our experiences are meant to be taken and used to help other people. But that's going to have to wait for another blog post!<br />
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<i>How have humiliating experiences made you stronger? How does having your own support system make hard things easier for you? Have you ever had to have courage in the face of something that inevitably keeps you consistently humble? </i>Cherylhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10218614720786379961noreply@blogger.com0