Anoop:
me --I don't even know Usher. I don't even like this song.
Brandon --This was worse than "Beat It"!
Megan:
me --Great riffs!
Brandon --It was okay, but left me wanting more...
Danny:
me --Ooh. He was flat there...I don't know. Meh.
Brandon --I didn't like it at all.
Allison:
me --Weird arrangement, but it was okay.
Brandon --Liked it a lot!
Scott:
me --Best performance he's ever given! Wow!
Brandon --It was great, but I have to close my eyes when he performs.
Matt:
me --Meh.
Brandon --He's lost the confidence; there's always someone every year who's really great and then they have one bad week and Bam! --lose all of their confidence. That's Matt.
Lil:
me --She's so conceited. Blah. And sings flat. Sigh...
Brandon--Holy Crap, vote her off, people!
Adam:
me--I love this boy. LOVE. HIM.
Brandon --Wow! He's good.
Kris:
me--Totally feelin' it! Awesome.
Brandon--Pretty good!
Who should go home:
me --Matt or Lil
Brandon--Lil
What did you think?
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Sunday, March 29, 2009
The Power of Reading
Brandon and I, as it turns out, are not the best parents.
I'll pause now to let the shock wear off...
Okay, so yeah! We're not the best parents. We lecture too much, we watch too much TV, we give them chocolate and lemonade and let them play in the mud...oh, wait! Those last ones are good...let's see...well, I guess we're not too bad, but the point is that we're not perfect. Who is? However, we learn and grow and get better, right? Brandon, as it turns out, is better at this than me (getting better at the parenting gig), and he did something lately that made me fall in love with him all over again.
He's reading to the kids!
And no, this isn't the daily scripture reading, nor is it an occasional "get a book!" moment. He decided, earlier this week, to start reading novels to the children (well, kid's chapter books/novels). I know you may be thinking, already doin' it, Cheryl! and good for you! But we haven't done this yet, and so it's fabulous and wonderful and new for us. And not my idea. Ha! Anyway, they started reading The Magician's Nephew. #3 and #4 don't really care for it (there aren't pictures and it's long), but the girls are mesmerized! Whenever their dad says "one more chapter?" they get so excited. I know this could be because of the storyline (C.S. Lewis is a genius, people!), but I also know it's because of the way their dad reads to them. He makes it exciting, he cuddles up with them, and his voice is so soothing. In fact, because of his voice, I love story time as much as they do; I often sit near and listen myself.
So, sorry ladies! I know this might depress you, but my husband is the best father out there. He plays with them, teaches them, takes them on outings, gives them piggy-back rides to bed, listens to their prayers, tells them lame jokes, plays "ninja" with them, shows them how things work (especially to inquisitive #3!), let's them help him with projects, shows them cool computer stuff (he recently found Oregon Trail online for #1), makes them pancakes, asks them fun questions about their day, gets them to behave easily in church, and now he reads them chapter books.
Could I love him any more than I do now?
Tell me about your husband as a father --what does he do as a dad that amazes you, helps you, and/or makes you love him more?
I'll pause now to let the shock wear off...
Okay, so yeah! We're not the best parents. We lecture too much, we watch too much TV, we give them chocolate and lemonade and let them play in the mud...oh, wait! Those last ones are good...let's see...well, I guess we're not too bad, but the point is that we're not perfect. Who is? However, we learn and grow and get better, right? Brandon, as it turns out, is better at this than me (getting better at the parenting gig), and he did something lately that made me fall in love with him all over again.
He's reading to the kids!
And no, this isn't the daily scripture reading, nor is it an occasional "get a book!" moment. He decided, earlier this week, to start reading novels to the children (well, kid's chapter books/novels). I know you may be thinking, already doin' it, Cheryl! and good for you! But we haven't done this yet, and so it's fabulous and wonderful and new for us. And not my idea. Ha! Anyway, they started reading The Magician's Nephew. #3 and #4 don't really care for it (there aren't pictures and it's long), but the girls are mesmerized! Whenever their dad says "one more chapter?" they get so excited. I know this could be because of the storyline (C.S. Lewis is a genius, people!), but I also know it's because of the way their dad reads to them. He makes it exciting, he cuddles up with them, and his voice is so soothing. In fact, because of his voice, I love story time as much as they do; I often sit near and listen myself.
So, sorry ladies! I know this might depress you, but my husband is the best father out there. He plays with them, teaches them, takes them on outings, gives them piggy-back rides to bed, listens to their prayers, tells them lame jokes, plays "ninja" with them, shows them how things work (especially to inquisitive #3!), let's them help him with projects, shows them cool computer stuff (he recently found Oregon Trail online for #1), makes them pancakes, asks them fun questions about their day, gets them to behave easily in church, and now he reads them chapter books.
Could I love him any more than I do now?
Tell me about your husband as a father --what does he do as a dad that amazes you, helps you, and/or makes you love him more?
Friday, March 27, 2009
*Sniffle
I am sick.
Darn those kids! And, of course, the children weren't phased a bit by their illnesses this week. It was barely on my radar that they had colds because they were still at optimal function level. The tricksters! I, on the other hand, get their simple little cold and WHAM! I don't wanna move my body for three days.
Sigh.
But I must. And luckily this time it's not the flu thing (remember last month?!) --it should be over by tomorrow morning, easy. Truth be told, too, it's not all bad (besides the constant sneezing that has resulted in constant peeing), because I actually have nothing but household stuff planned for the next two days! That means resting up and taking care of myself won't ruin major plans (ooh --except for the library outing today...hmmm...books are due...).
What are your plans for the weekend? Anything awesome?
Thursday, March 26, 2009
AI Top Ten Results
My thoughts:
- So, I read last week how they admitted they pre-record the contestants singing their group songs. Brandon's remarks tonight: "Why are they even doing it, then? It's so obvious and they don't even look good." Amen, Brandon. Amen. Waste of time, guys, because the cheese factor is annoying.
- I'm sorry Anoop. But I've left you for Adam. Please don't cry! I still think you're attractive and a good singer! I promise.
- Whoah! They drove into the picture! As if nobody has ever thought of that, before... (please forgive my sarcastic attitude tonight, dear reader. I'm fighting a head cold!)
- Ruben Studdard! Where's he been? Awww...he's still the teddy bear! He sounds just like he used to sound, too. I guess that's good, right? Brandon commented on how much he's sweating, and I have to admit, he's sweatin' it pretty good! Boy, I love his smile (Reuben, btw). Awww, he got married? Cool!
- Matt is in the bottom three?!?!? Hey, I know Matt's not my favorite, but he shouldn't be in the bottom three yet!
- Michael in the bottom three makes sense.
- Joss Stone and Smokey Robinson, eh? They sound out of tune when they're singing together, but only on the chorus. When they sing the verses together (the harmony), it's okay, and their solo parts were good, too. Huh.
- Scott in the bottom three! That actually also makes sense.
- Scott over Matt!?!? What the?! That just isn't right, people (and maybe if I actually voted I could complain! *snort)
- Stevie Wonder! Man, I love him. I used to sing "I Just Called to Say I Love You" with my friend Anna in 3rd grade ALL THE TIME. It drove our teacher crazy! But we loved it. Man, Stevie sounds fabulous. That's how it's done, people! That is how it is done! And now I can see why when contestants try to sing Stevie they always fall short...because he sounds exactly the same as he did 30 years ago! Wow. He is so talented!
- Michael is done! Good! He needed to go home...he's not awful. Nor is he without talent --he just isn't as good as most of the others. And holy cow, if the judges had used their save on him?? *shudder
What did you think?
Earth Hour
I had never heard of this --but I saw it today over at Prove Real.
I'm not a vigilante environmentalist. I'm really not. But! I do my best to recycle, buy local produce, turn off the lights, water the lawn in the morning, etc. because we are stewards of the Earth, are we not? We should take care of it! So, I decided to sign up. Watch the video below --and sign up if you want to! If anything, it's the easiest thing in the world. How hard is it to turn off the lights for one hour? Not hard at all...
I'm not a vigilante environmentalist. I'm really not. But! I do my best to recycle, buy local produce, turn off the lights, water the lawn in the morning, etc. because we are stewards of the Earth, are we not? We should take care of it! So, I decided to sign up. Watch the video below --and sign up if you want to! If anything, it's the easiest thing in the world. How hard is it to turn off the lights for one hour? Not hard at all...
It's Snowing
Blah.
Other bad stuff:
*Piano students who won't practice
*Still not knowing how to get #2 to Theater Class every week
*Massive piles of laundry
*Exhaustion
*A messy house
*I forgot to call my VT-ee and set up an appt.
*Cold weather (snowing, remember?)
*Finance worries
*A 4 year old who has refused all week to practice his nursery rhyme he has to perform at pre-school today --so, I'm doubtful he'll do it. Sigh.
Good Stuff:
*Lots of time to get the house cleaned/laundry done
*The Ensign came in the mail (it always makes my day!)
*Brandon has a great job
*Our house is holding together and we haven't had leaks in the roof all winter!
*Piano lessons will only last until May 3rd (that will be our recital) and then I'm not teaching again until September!
*#1 will be 8 years old soon, and we're having a good time planning the birthday party and Baptism
*We have food
*We have the Gospel
*I have a beautiful family!
And you?
Other bad stuff:
*Piano students who won't practice
*Still not knowing how to get #2 to Theater Class every week
*Massive piles of laundry
*Exhaustion
*A messy house
*I forgot to call my VT-ee and set up an appt.
*Cold weather (snowing, remember?)
*Finance worries
*A 4 year old who has refused all week to practice his nursery rhyme he has to perform at pre-school today --so, I'm doubtful he'll do it. Sigh.
Good Stuff:
*Lots of time to get the house cleaned/laundry done
*The Ensign came in the mail (it always makes my day!)
*Brandon has a great job
*Our house is holding together and we haven't had leaks in the roof all winter!
*Piano lessons will only last until May 3rd (that will be our recital) and then I'm not teaching again until September!
*#1 will be 8 years old soon, and we're having a good time planning the birthday party and Baptism
*We have food
*We have the Gospel
*I have a beautiful family!
And you?
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
AI Top 10: Motown!
Ooh, Smokey Robinson! He's such a classy guy --he wrote over 4,000 songs?! Holy cow. Holy. Cow. He is so nice, too. Love that man!
Matt Giraud: I liked him better behind the piano, to tell the truth. His "ooh's" aren't very good --but overall, it was okay. Meh. Not that impressed --I know a lot of people think Matt is amazing and spectacular, but I'm still not seeing it, I guess. And Randy is full of crap --Matt's falsetto is NOT strong. It's not at all --in fact, his falsetto at parts was very weak. I don't hate Matt, but I'm just thinking he's not the best, that's all...
Kris Allen: Not bad, not bad. It's kind of boring, though --not much variation in pitch. I'm wondering if he would have done better in a higher key? The ending was pretty awesome, though! Great note! Very good ending. Love ya, Kris!
HA! Simon makes me laugh --and you know? To admit he's conceited? I loved that!
Scott MacIntyre: Man, that boy can play the piano. But his singing hasn't improved much --it's basically the same as it's been in the weeks before. He's still a great musician, though. I think that's why I still like him --his sincerity, etc. Now, he's not going to win (and he shouldn't), but it was still okay tonight. Not bad. Not bad.
Megan Joy: Before she even starts singing, I have to once again tell you how much I love her voice. But what the crap is up with her outfit?! Is she barefoot? Anyway, not bad, Megan! It was kind of fun and she got all big there and what-not, but it wasn't as good as last week. Too, bad! I'm still a fan, though. She's gorgeous, too (girl-crush, anyone?). It wasn't as bad as they're saying, though. They're kind of crushing her. Not fair, judges! Oh, well...
Anoop Desai: It's too high --I'm not sure if I like it, yet...I mean, he's doing okay --he's in tune, so that's good, and his falsetto is in tune, too, but it's weak --like Matt. Not that falsetto is easily belted, yo! But I wasn't as impressed. I still love Anoop, though!
Motown week isn't as good as Country week, people. Why? Harder songs? Difficult genre? Harder to make their own? Not sure...
Michael Sarver: He started way too strong...there's nowhere to go, now. I know Smokey told him to belt it and push it harder --but I don't think he meant shout the whole song, you know? Hmmm...It's so boring. And the same dynamic and not interesting. And meh...but then again, I could just be bitter that he didn't go home last week and Alexis did. I know he's sick, but still? Meh, meh, meh...
Lil Rounds: I hate her hair, people. They didn't do it right, I'm thinking, but what do I know? She shouting the song, too --it's too loud. But hey, it's better than last week! But last week wasn't very good, so whatever. Seriously, stop shouting, Lil! You can sing, we know you can sing --stop trying to force it down our throats! YES! It's just like Randy and Kara said --she was screaming too much. Paula's an idiot.
Am I just in a bad mood tonight? Why can't I get on board with these songs? Everything's so...blah and meh and whatever. But then again --it looks like the judges are agreeing with me, so maybe I'm not insane?
Adam Lambert: Whoah! Where did Adam go?! Who is this Elvis-looking man?! Holy cow. Anyway, his singing? Now I just realized why everyone is doing falsetto tonight --DUH! It's Smokey Robinson. WHO SANG FALSETTO. Good job catching on so quick, Cheryl. *snort! Well, Adam, you have proven, once again, why you are in this. You have a FABULOUS voice and you can sing anything. I loved it!! Awesome. But his serious look is still trippin' me out a bit. But I'd be lyin' if I didn't say I liked it! He is so sexy, people. And once again, how did I become such an Adam fan?!
Danny Gokey: Too many random breathing moments --his staccato breaths bother me, not sure why. Ha! When he'd dance with the back-up singers, it was funny (but in a good way, not a cheesy way. Or maybe a good/funny/cheesy way). It was okay! Not too bad --it wasn't as good as previous weeks before, but it was okay. He's so fun, though...
Allison Iraheta: Now, she didn't do very well last week, but I think she made up for it this week --that was awesome! Her lyrics needed better annunciation, but I'm wondering if it's because of her lower braces. Huh. But wow! Fabulous ending, too! Man, I love this girl. That was awesome, awesome, awesome!! Way to go, Allison --I hope she stays for a loooong time!
HA! That moustache on Paula was actually pretty funny. Juvenile? Yes! But funny...
Who should go home:
Everyone. Except Allison and Adam.
Who will go home:
Michael. Please?!
Matt Giraud: I liked him better behind the piano, to tell the truth. His "ooh's" aren't very good --but overall, it was okay. Meh. Not that impressed --I know a lot of people think Matt is amazing and spectacular, but I'm still not seeing it, I guess. And Randy is full of crap --Matt's falsetto is NOT strong. It's not at all --in fact, his falsetto at parts was very weak. I don't hate Matt, but I'm just thinking he's not the best, that's all...
Kris Allen: Not bad, not bad. It's kind of boring, though --not much variation in pitch. I'm wondering if he would have done better in a higher key? The ending was pretty awesome, though! Great note! Very good ending. Love ya, Kris!
HA! Simon makes me laugh --and you know? To admit he's conceited? I loved that!
Scott MacIntyre: Man, that boy can play the piano. But his singing hasn't improved much --it's basically the same as it's been in the weeks before. He's still a great musician, though. I think that's why I still like him --his sincerity, etc. Now, he's not going to win (and he shouldn't), but it was still okay tonight. Not bad. Not bad.
Megan Joy: Before she even starts singing, I have to once again tell you how much I love her voice. But what the crap is up with her outfit?! Is she barefoot? Anyway, not bad, Megan! It was kind of fun and she got all big there and what-not, but it wasn't as good as last week. Too, bad! I'm still a fan, though. She's gorgeous, too (girl-crush, anyone?). It wasn't as bad as they're saying, though. They're kind of crushing her. Not fair, judges! Oh, well...
Anoop Desai: It's too high --I'm not sure if I like it, yet...I mean, he's doing okay --he's in tune, so that's good, and his falsetto is in tune, too, but it's weak --like Matt. Not that falsetto is easily belted, yo! But I wasn't as impressed. I still love Anoop, though!
Motown week isn't as good as Country week, people. Why? Harder songs? Difficult genre? Harder to make their own? Not sure...
Michael Sarver: He started way too strong...there's nowhere to go, now. I know Smokey told him to belt it and push it harder --but I don't think he meant shout the whole song, you know? Hmmm...It's so boring. And the same dynamic and not interesting. And meh...but then again, I could just be bitter that he didn't go home last week and Alexis did. I know he's sick, but still? Meh, meh, meh...
Lil Rounds: I hate her hair, people. They didn't do it right, I'm thinking, but what do I know? She shouting the song, too --it's too loud. But hey, it's better than last week! But last week wasn't very good, so whatever. Seriously, stop shouting, Lil! You can sing, we know you can sing --stop trying to force it down our throats! YES! It's just like Randy and Kara said --she was screaming too much. Paula's an idiot.
Am I just in a bad mood tonight? Why can't I get on board with these songs? Everything's so...blah and meh and whatever. But then again --it looks like the judges are agreeing with me, so maybe I'm not insane?
Adam Lambert: Whoah! Where did Adam go?! Who is this Elvis-looking man?! Holy cow. Anyway, his singing? Now I just realized why everyone is doing falsetto tonight --DUH! It's Smokey Robinson. WHO SANG FALSETTO. Good job catching on so quick, Cheryl. *snort! Well, Adam, you have proven, once again, why you are in this. You have a FABULOUS voice and you can sing anything. I loved it!! Awesome. But his serious look is still trippin' me out a bit. But I'd be lyin' if I didn't say I liked it! He is so sexy, people. And once again, how did I become such an Adam fan?!
Danny Gokey: Too many random breathing moments --his staccato breaths bother me, not sure why. Ha! When he'd dance with the back-up singers, it was funny (but in a good way, not a cheesy way. Or maybe a good/funny/cheesy way). It was okay! Not too bad --it wasn't as good as previous weeks before, but it was okay. He's so fun, though...
Allison Iraheta: Now, she didn't do very well last week, but I think she made up for it this week --that was awesome! Her lyrics needed better annunciation, but I'm wondering if it's because of her lower braces. Huh. But wow! Fabulous ending, too! Man, I love this girl. That was awesome, awesome, awesome!! Way to go, Allison --I hope she stays for a loooong time!
HA! That moustache on Paula was actually pretty funny. Juvenile? Yes! But funny...
Who should go home:
Everyone. Except Allison and Adam.
Who will go home:
Michael. Please?!
Choosing to Be Happy Today, People!
So, last week I wrote about how my Depression was sooo much better. I wrote how I was elated and happy and glad to be out of the "funk", right? I admitted to the world I was practically cured! I was happy! Joyful! So full of loveliness and all that crap!
Yeah, well...one shouldn't jinx oneself with words of happiness.
And don't get me wrong --I'm not one for believing in the jinxing! I know my happiness isn't based on specific situations or an occasional bad day or what-not, but since Sunday? My week just keeps getting worse.
It's all that responsibility crap --you know? The power thing? From Spider-man? That Brandon reminded me of? That if I'm happy, the kids are happy? Yeah --that one. And so, here I am, having some bad days, so my patience is massively thin, and I'm getting behind on everything and I'm so exhausted (so tired, dear reader. So tired. None of my children will nap anymore, but three of them are around during "nap time", so sneaking in a good amount of sleep for this growing belly of mine is not working very well) and nothing seems to get done.
And the kids whine.
And I yell.
And they whine some more.
And I cry.
And they fight.
And I yell.
And lather, rinse, repeat.
Even Book Club last night didn't remove the Funk--and that's when you know it's serious!
So, I have decided, right this moment, that I will not give in (although, like JustRandi, I so want to give in! I want to wallow for weeks...not that she is wallowing, she just seems to know how I feel right now...). I am going to blast some music, I'm going to clean my kitchen, I'm going to do some laundry, and then I'm going to play with my kids.
And maybe read a bit. And write a page in my novel.
And then put my kids in front of a movie and nap next to them.
Because if there's anything I've learned from my Depression, it's that I can't allow myself to even dip my toe into the waters of self-pity --because although it's the shallow end, sharks are lurking and will grab me.
And I won't stand a chance.
Hey, so what do you do to get yourself out of a funk? How do YOU choose to be happy? What's the best way you've found that gives you a boost of self-worth/esteem and gets you going?
Yeah, well...one shouldn't jinx oneself with words of happiness.
And don't get me wrong --I'm not one for believing in the jinxing! I know my happiness isn't based on specific situations or an occasional bad day or what-not, but since Sunday? My week just keeps getting worse.
It's all that responsibility crap --you know? The power thing? From Spider-man? That Brandon reminded me of? That if I'm happy, the kids are happy? Yeah --that one. And so, here I am, having some bad days, so my patience is massively thin, and I'm getting behind on everything and I'm so exhausted (so tired, dear reader. So tired. None of my children will nap anymore, but three of them are around during "nap time", so sneaking in a good amount of sleep for this growing belly of mine is not working very well) and nothing seems to get done.
And the kids whine.
And I yell.
And they whine some more.
And I cry.
And they fight.
And I yell.
And lather, rinse, repeat.
Even Book Club last night didn't remove the Funk--and that's when you know it's serious!
So, I have decided, right this moment, that I will not give in (although, like JustRandi, I so want to give in! I want to wallow for weeks...not that she is wallowing, she just seems to know how I feel right now...). I am going to blast some music, I'm going to clean my kitchen, I'm going to do some laundry, and then I'm going to play with my kids.
And maybe read a bit. And write a page in my novel.
And then put my kids in front of a movie and nap next to them.
Because if there's anything I've learned from my Depression, it's that I can't allow myself to even dip my toe into the waters of self-pity --because although it's the shallow end, sharks are lurking and will grab me.
And I won't stand a chance.
Hey, so what do you do to get yourself out of a funk? How do YOU choose to be happy? What's the best way you've found that gives you a boost of self-worth/esteem and gets you going?
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Because I need a laugh right now...
A few days after St. Patrick's Day:
me (reading off her homework sheet): What would you do if you found a pot of gold?
#2: I would give it to a Leprechaun!
me: Huh?
#2: Or buy an X-Ray.
Well, of course...
me (reading off her homework sheet): What would you do if you found a pot of gold?
#2: I would give it to a Leprechaun!
me: Huh?
#2: Or buy an X-Ray.
Well, of course...
Buddies and How Many Children Do You Want?
On Saturday I got to go to lunch with two of my favorite high school buddies (and middle school buddies. You know, buddies I've had for a lllooooooonnnnngggg time). Emily and Steph met me here at my house and we went to Mimi's Cafe. I noticed some things while we ate/spent time together:
*The obvious one --we are all pregnant! (Steph with her 2nd, Em with her 4th, and me with my 5th).
*Our personalities haven't changed much.
*Our experiences and maturity HAVE changed much.
*It's fun to talk about the past, but we always tend to waste time talking about labor stories and our children (why is this? oh, yeah! Because it's OUR LIVES).
*I love high school buddies.
On another buddy note, the kiddos didn't have school yesterday, so I drove them up to northern Utah to visit another middle school/high school/forever school buddy, Julie. We met Mother of the Wild Boys for lunch, too, and so it made for a fabulous day! I love being around friends and just enjoying their company --especially life-long friends who have seen me at my worst (puberty?) and my best (college?) and know that I'm not completely insane (yesterday?).
-----------------------------------
How Many Children?
The conversation always begins with simple words, but the answers are never simple:
So, how many kids do you think you'll have?
I never know how to respond, even though I've been already telling people this baby will be our last. I thought for sure this baby would be our last.
I need this baby to be our last.
But complications arise when I realize a couple of things:
*Brandon wouldn't mind having more children (and he's a fabulously involved father) --but he doesn't stay home and take care of them everyday, right?
*We could afford more children --but only because they get to pay for their OWN college education (aren't we just mean?).
*We have enough love for more children --but not necessarily sanity.
*I love my children --but I love being able to do BIG things with them. Honestly? Being out of the baby stage (well, when I am in another year or more) is amazingly appealing to me. It's basically out-of-this-world-could-I-be-any-happier!? appealing to me.
Now, don't get me wrong --I enjoy babies. I love babies. I adore babies. I do! I'm looking forward to this beautiful infant and nursing and snuggling, etc. But at the same time, the baby stage is really hard --mostly the 10 to 24 months stage. It's because we can't just go and do things --camping, theme parks, hiking, playing at the park, etc. becomes difficult when there's a crawling/toddling baby involved. Does that sound so selfish to enjoy the camping, theme parks, hiking, park playing, etc. with children who can actually do it? With kids who are potty-trained? Who can dress and feed themselves?
See, I've figured something out. I'm the kind of mother who might actually be better at the emotional and mental problems thrown my way, rather than the physical tediousness of taking care of a child. It might be because of my tendency to enjoy being a "therapist" when others seek out my advice --or maybe I just understand the angst better? Whatever the case, three of my four children are completely out of the baby stage. My fourth child is very close (we only have potty training left!), and then I'm starting over with the 5th.
Having a 6th child just might do me in.
But then again --would it? Honestly? Would it? I'm not fooling myself when I say I want to be done, and God knows it already. He's heard my prayers and He knows my situation. But I believe in Him and His will enough that if He told me to have a 6th child, I would do it.
I would.
I know I would.
But I don't want to.
I want to give away the baby clothes. I want Brandon to have...ummm...a certain procedure...Ahem. I want to KNOW that this is my last child so I can savor all the facets of pregnancy, labor, delivery, and having an infant in my arms. I want to know so I can move on. Ooh! That's it!
I want to be able to plan.
Because I'm a planner. Just ask my family --ask my husband. I come from a long line of planners and we like to know what we're doing and how to go about doing it and we don't deviate from the plan unless we have to!
I also come from a long line of worriers (on the other side of the family). Combine worry and planning, and what do you get?
Psychotic Cheryl. Ha!
So, here's my predicament: I just don't know. I just don't have any answers right now. And until I've had this baby, I --of course --really shouldn't know, anyway, right? How could I know this far in advance? people ask me, and then I remember: I knew --KNEW --that I was supposed to have Five children when I was pregnant with #3.
People may not believe me, but I knew it. I knew #4 wasn't the last. It was just so obvious to me. But now? I'm not sure.
I just don't know! I guess I need to wait for the answer.
So, dear reader, wish me luck as I try to stop worrying about this right now (baby's not born, yet, Cheryl. Baby's not born, yet...) and just enjoy the here and now...
How did you know you were done having children? Did you know? Was it a choice you made and then felt spiritual confirmation? Or was it the other way around? Was the decision difficult to make, or pain-free and easy? And, did you even have a choice when it came to having to stop having children? Was it a medical one? How many children do you have? Do you want more? Do you love being out of the baby stage or do you prefer the baby stage?
*The obvious one --we are all pregnant! (Steph with her 2nd, Em with her 4th, and me with my 5th).
*Our personalities haven't changed much.
*Our experiences and maturity HAVE changed much.
*It's fun to talk about the past, but we always tend to waste time talking about labor stories and our children (why is this? oh, yeah! Because it's OUR LIVES).
*I love high school buddies.
On another buddy note, the kiddos didn't have school yesterday, so I drove them up to northern Utah to visit another middle school/high school/forever school buddy, Julie. We met Mother of the Wild Boys for lunch, too, and so it made for a fabulous day! I love being around friends and just enjoying their company --especially life-long friends who have seen me at my worst (puberty?) and my best (college?) and know that I'm not completely insane (yesterday?).
-----------------------------------
How Many Children?
The conversation always begins with simple words, but the answers are never simple:
So, how many kids do you think you'll have?
I never know how to respond, even though I've been already telling people this baby will be our last. I thought for sure this baby would be our last.
I need this baby to be our last.
But complications arise when I realize a couple of things:
*Brandon wouldn't mind having more children (and he's a fabulously involved father) --but he doesn't stay home and take care of them everyday, right?
*We could afford more children --but only because they get to pay for their OWN college education (aren't we just mean?).
*We have enough love for more children --but not necessarily sanity.
*I love my children --but I love being able to do BIG things with them. Honestly? Being out of the baby stage (well, when I am in another year or more) is amazingly appealing to me. It's basically out-of-this-world-could-I-be-any-happier!? appealing to me.
Now, don't get me wrong --I enjoy babies. I love babies. I adore babies. I do! I'm looking forward to this beautiful infant and nursing and snuggling, etc. But at the same time, the baby stage is really hard --mostly the 10 to 24 months stage. It's because we can't just go and do things --camping, theme parks, hiking, playing at the park, etc. becomes difficult when there's a crawling/toddling baby involved. Does that sound so selfish to enjoy the camping, theme parks, hiking, park playing, etc. with children who can actually do it? With kids who are potty-trained? Who can dress and feed themselves?
See, I've figured something out. I'm the kind of mother who might actually be better at the emotional and mental problems thrown my way, rather than the physical tediousness of taking care of a child. It might be because of my tendency to enjoy being a "therapist" when others seek out my advice --or maybe I just understand the angst better? Whatever the case, three of my four children are completely out of the baby stage. My fourth child is very close (we only have potty training left!), and then I'm starting over with the 5th.
Having a 6th child just might do me in.
But then again --would it? Honestly? Would it? I'm not fooling myself when I say I want to be done, and God knows it already. He's heard my prayers and He knows my situation. But I believe in Him and His will enough that if He told me to have a 6th child, I would do it.
I would.
I know I would.
But I don't want to.
I want to give away the baby clothes. I want Brandon to have...ummm...a certain procedure...Ahem. I want to KNOW that this is my last child so I can savor all the facets of pregnancy, labor, delivery, and having an infant in my arms. I want to know so I can move on. Ooh! That's it!
I want to be able to plan.
Because I'm a planner. Just ask my family --ask my husband. I come from a long line of planners and we like to know what we're doing and how to go about doing it and we don't deviate from the plan unless we have to!
I also come from a long line of worriers (on the other side of the family). Combine worry and planning, and what do you get?
Psychotic Cheryl. Ha!
So, here's my predicament: I just don't know. I just don't have any answers right now. And until I've had this baby, I --of course --really shouldn't know, anyway, right? How could I know this far in advance? people ask me, and then I remember: I knew --KNEW --that I was supposed to have Five children when I was pregnant with #3.
People may not believe me, but I knew it. I knew #4 wasn't the last. It was just so obvious to me. But now? I'm not sure.
I just don't know! I guess I need to wait for the answer.
So, dear reader, wish me luck as I try to stop worrying about this right now (baby's not born, yet, Cheryl. Baby's not born, yet...) and just enjoy the here and now...
How did you know you were done having children? Did you know? Was it a choice you made and then felt spiritual confirmation? Or was it the other way around? Was the decision difficult to make, or pain-free and easy? And, did you even have a choice when it came to having to stop having children? Was it a medical one? How many children do you have? Do you want more? Do you love being out of the baby stage or do you prefer the baby stage?
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Why We Should Never Judge: Three Stories
Story #1:
In February, if you remember, I was so sick. In fact, I was so very sick, that I was on the couch for literally three days (four?). It wasn't pregnancy sick, nor a stomach virus --I'm thinking it was the flu/bronchitis/head cold/bubonic plague.
Anyway, let's just remember I was sick. Oh --and Brandon was in London for work. Which left me alone, sick, and alone. And sick.
So, I called my sister. My sister lives in SLC, she works full time, and has two sons. I called and asked if she would be willing to just come down for the evening and help me clean because I had #2's birthday party to put together and host the next day. I begged (kind of). And I expected her to react in the way I would --I figured she would say yes. She would come. She would say yes! She would come.
She said no.
She couldn't come.
It was too overwhelming.
And I was upset.
I couldn't believe my ONLY sister would refuse to help me in my darkest hour. She suggested I call friends, visiting teachers, neighbors, etc. and apologized. But gave stupid explanations (It's late. I'm tired. Blah, blah, blah).
So, you can understand why I would be upset, right? I felt justified. I looked at it from every angle --her husband was home. She was 30 minutes away. They had two cars. I was sick, at home, pregnant, with four children, with no husband, and great need. I had every right to think ill of her, correctly?
Oh, dear reader. I was so very, very wrong.
My sister was in the beginning stages of her own pregnancy (obviously, I didn't know) and was very sick herself. She works full time, misses her boys so much, can't afford late nights, and was pregnant sick.
Of course, I didn't find this out until weeks later, and then I felt horrible. I had spoken ill of her (to my mother, my husband, and a few friends) and I had no right. None. So, I apologized profusely to her (over and over) and I promised not to be so judgemental next time. And how do you think she responded to my awful treatment of her?
Like a Saint.
She forgave me immediately.
Man, I love my sister. I really don't think I deserve her!
Story #2:
Back in November, a girl in my ward announced in RS that she and her sister were both pregnant at the same time. It was right when I just couldn't seem to get pregnant. We had felt prompted for such a long time (and had been trying for a while) to get pregnant, and yet it wouldn't come. And, of course, the sister of the girl in my ward? One of my best friends. She hadn't told me they were even wanting a baby, let alone pregnant!
I was mortified.
I can't describe the pit in my stomach as I heard those announcements. So, later that week, I called my friend and asked her about it. She apologized and said her sister was just doing what she thought she could do (since they announced it to family already). No worries. But I still felt bad feelings towards this girl in my ward for inadvertently causing me pain. I mean, didn't she know I would be hurt? Didn't she realize?
Yeah. Duh, of course not! She was announcing her great news and her sister's. And if I was truly honest with myself (and my friend), this is something I should have been immediately rejoicing with them instead of wallowing in my own pity. But I wasn't. I harbored ill feelings --and even told a few people about it. Pity, pity, pity.
Fast-forward three weeks to Thanksgiving Day. I'm in my parent's house, and I find out I'm actually pregnant! And I had been pregnant during the girl's announcement in RS, too.
Oh, the shame.
But it gets worse.
In January, this girl's water broke. She was 22 weeks along. Her son was born in February and lived only a short while. She and her husband had to endure the worst pain --to see their baby die and to know there's nothing they can do about it.
And I had been petty, jealous, and upset with her.
What is my problem!?
I mourned with her as best I could (leaving her in peace, sending her kleenex and chocolate, etc.), but I don't think I'll ever get rid of the guilt I felt at how I had felt towards her.
Today, I sat by my friend's sister in RS. I noticed that I'm just about as far along as she was when she lost her baby, and I wondered if my protruding belly was causing her pain. I had planned on talking about two great things that happened to me during our RS's "Good News Minute" --Brandon's getting into Wharton, and that we are having a boy --but I was prompted almost immediately not to mention that we were having a boy.
I wasn't told why. I mean, it's fairly obvious, right? She had lost a son.
So, I just talked about Brandon getting into school and skipped the baby-gender announcement (people will find out eventually, anyway).
I know something small like that will never make up for anything I ever felt about this person, and I really hope she knows how much I actually care for her. And if I know her the way I know her, I'm sure she'd be just like my sister: Immediate forgiveness and understanding. She's just that wonderful.
Story #3:
I had a horrid nightmare last night. Horrid. Awful --you know, the one where your child is in a situation and you can't save them and they might die --but you're not sure if they actually die because you wake up in a gasp and start bawling your eyes and out and can't get to sleep for almost an hour and your husband isn't there to comfort you because he's in San Francisco?
You know?
It was about #3. And it was crazy-weird: I was shopping at ShopKo with my parents and children, and they were finished shopping, so they checked out their items, but I was determined to go back for shoes! Shoes were on sale! And I couldn't find them, and I was running all over the store that had several stories and they were all small --like tiny shops on a Main Street in a small town --and I finally found the shoe section when my mom came to me and said, "Come on! Let's go! Everyone's waiting!" So, I left with my mom and as we were walking out the front doors, #3 was "racing us to the van" and ran out in front of two huge Monster Trucks and a Semi (and they looked like Matchbox Monster Trucks, but full size!) and they were parked --but I screamed out his name "NUMBER THREE!!" and he got scared and came to run back across the street right in front of the truck he had already passed, only this time the truck was going and the driver didn't see him...
And I woke up in a gasp.
And then the crying and the crying and the non-sleeping.
Later this morning, I didn't have time to tell Brandon about the dream because he got home just before we were all to go to Church (11:00AM), and my parents were here briefly and coming with us to Sacrament Meeting before heading for St. George right after for the week, etc. etc. and blah, blah...etc.
Anyway, that's the background. Here's the scenario: We drove to church because the wind outside is crazy-cold, and we weren't sure if it was going to rain. After church, we usually meet at the doors before we go out to the cars, but when I got to Brandon (with #1), who was holding #4, #2 and #3 weren't with him. They were outside.
Now, I had never told Brandon "the rule" I made for the kids while he was in London all those weeks in January. The rule? The kids are not allowed to go to the car after church --or leave the building!! --unless a parent is with them.
So, I go outside, in the tornado-winds, and Brandon is behind me, and I see that #1 and #3 have run off somewhere, and #2 is near the big tree on her knees, covered in dirt, bawling her eyes out. Brandon goes over to #2 to figure out what is wrong --I look frantically for #1 and #3 while keeping #4 from crying himself. Finally, #1 and #3 come running around the other side of the building towards us.
And I FREAKED. OUT.
I couldn't believe that One: Brandon let them outside on their own and Two: the kids were running all over the place on their own, knowing "the rule!" and Three: What if #3 had been hit by Monstrous Matchbox Monster Trucks in the process!??
Brandon told me to calm down.
I freaked out more.
After we got home, I finally calmed down enough to explain my feelings to Brandon and vice versa and this is what we learned from the experience:
1. I need to talk about rules with Brandon in advance so we can be on the same parenting page (and vice versa).
2. I should have told Brandon about my nightmare of #3 and why I was being so irrational so he could understand my fear.
3. Brandon should have given me the benefit of the doubt even though he didn't know about the nightmare or "the rule".
4. I should have asked the kids why they were running around outside. Turns out #3's paper from Primary blew away in the wind, and so the girls were trying to get it for him --thus #2's fall and #1 going around the corner with him (and they recovered the paper). If I had known their situation and given them the benefit, too, then I wouldn't have yelled. At church. In front of other people.
See, we both jumped to conclusions ("Brandon just doesn't understand!" and "Cheryl is completely insane!"), although Brandon's was closer to the truth... :)
Have you had any experiences where you learned not to make assumptions or quick judgements? Have you ever felt completely justified by every angle in a judgement and found out later that it just wasn't what it seemed? And how do you feel about black licorice? (Just seeing if you're paying attention!)
In February, if you remember, I was so sick. In fact, I was so very sick, that I was on the couch for literally three days (four?). It wasn't pregnancy sick, nor a stomach virus --I'm thinking it was the flu/bronchitis/head cold/bubonic plague.
Anyway, let's just remember I was sick. Oh --and Brandon was in London for work. Which left me alone, sick, and alone. And sick.
So, I called my sister. My sister lives in SLC, she works full time, and has two sons. I called and asked if she would be willing to just come down for the evening and help me clean because I had #2's birthday party to put together and host the next day. I begged (kind of). And I expected her to react in the way I would --I figured she would say yes. She would come. She would say yes! She would come.
She said no.
She couldn't come.
It was too overwhelming.
And I was upset.
I couldn't believe my ONLY sister would refuse to help me in my darkest hour. She suggested I call friends, visiting teachers, neighbors, etc. and apologized. But gave stupid explanations (It's late. I'm tired. Blah, blah, blah).
So, you can understand why I would be upset, right? I felt justified. I looked at it from every angle --her husband was home. She was 30 minutes away. They had two cars. I was sick, at home, pregnant, with four children, with no husband, and great need. I had every right to think ill of her, correctly?
Oh, dear reader. I was so very, very wrong.
My sister was in the beginning stages of her own pregnancy (obviously, I didn't know) and was very sick herself. She works full time, misses her boys so much, can't afford late nights, and was pregnant sick.
Of course, I didn't find this out until weeks later, and then I felt horrible. I had spoken ill of her (to my mother, my husband, and a few friends) and I had no right. None. So, I apologized profusely to her (over and over) and I promised not to be so judgemental next time. And how do you think she responded to my awful treatment of her?
Like a Saint.
She forgave me immediately.
Man, I love my sister. I really don't think I deserve her!
Story #2:
Back in November, a girl in my ward announced in RS that she and her sister were both pregnant at the same time. It was right when I just couldn't seem to get pregnant. We had felt prompted for such a long time (and had been trying for a while) to get pregnant, and yet it wouldn't come. And, of course, the sister of the girl in my ward? One of my best friends. She hadn't told me they were even wanting a baby, let alone pregnant!
I was mortified.
I can't describe the pit in my stomach as I heard those announcements. So, later that week, I called my friend and asked her about it. She apologized and said her sister was just doing what she thought she could do (since they announced it to family already). No worries. But I still felt bad feelings towards this girl in my ward for inadvertently causing me pain. I mean, didn't she know I would be hurt? Didn't she realize?
Yeah. Duh, of course not! She was announcing her great news and her sister's. And if I was truly honest with myself (and my friend), this is something I should have been immediately rejoicing with them instead of wallowing in my own pity. But I wasn't. I harbored ill feelings --and even told a few people about it. Pity, pity, pity.
Fast-forward three weeks to Thanksgiving Day. I'm in my parent's house, and I find out I'm actually pregnant! And I had been pregnant during the girl's announcement in RS, too.
Oh, the shame.
But it gets worse.
In January, this girl's water broke. She was 22 weeks along. Her son was born in February and lived only a short while. She and her husband had to endure the worst pain --to see their baby die and to know there's nothing they can do about it.
And I had been petty, jealous, and upset with her.
What is my problem!?
I mourned with her as best I could (leaving her in peace, sending her kleenex and chocolate, etc.), but I don't think I'll ever get rid of the guilt I felt at how I had felt towards her.
Today, I sat by my friend's sister in RS. I noticed that I'm just about as far along as she was when she lost her baby, and I wondered if my protruding belly was causing her pain. I had planned on talking about two great things that happened to me during our RS's "Good News Minute" --Brandon's getting into Wharton, and that we are having a boy --but I was prompted almost immediately not to mention that we were having a boy.
I wasn't told why. I mean, it's fairly obvious, right? She had lost a son.
So, I just talked about Brandon getting into school and skipped the baby-gender announcement (people will find out eventually, anyway).
I know something small like that will never make up for anything I ever felt about this person, and I really hope she knows how much I actually care for her. And if I know her the way I know her, I'm sure she'd be just like my sister: Immediate forgiveness and understanding. She's just that wonderful.
Story #3:
I had a horrid nightmare last night. Horrid. Awful --you know, the one where your child is in a situation and you can't save them and they might die --but you're not sure if they actually die because you wake up in a gasp and start bawling your eyes and out and can't get to sleep for almost an hour and your husband isn't there to comfort you because he's in San Francisco?
You know?
It was about #3. And it was crazy-weird: I was shopping at ShopKo with my parents and children, and they were finished shopping, so they checked out their items, but I was determined to go back for shoes! Shoes were on sale! And I couldn't find them, and I was running all over the store that had several stories and they were all small --like tiny shops on a Main Street in a small town --and I finally found the shoe section when my mom came to me and said, "Come on! Let's go! Everyone's waiting!" So, I left with my mom and as we were walking out the front doors, #3 was "racing us to the van" and ran out in front of two huge Monster Trucks and a Semi (and they looked like Matchbox Monster Trucks, but full size!) and they were parked --but I screamed out his name "NUMBER THREE!!" and he got scared and came to run back across the street right in front of the truck he had already passed, only this time the truck was going and the driver didn't see him...
And I woke up in a gasp.
And then the crying and the crying and the non-sleeping.
Later this morning, I didn't have time to tell Brandon about the dream because he got home just before we were all to go to Church (11:00AM), and my parents were here briefly and coming with us to Sacrament Meeting before heading for St. George right after for the week, etc. etc. and blah, blah...etc.
Anyway, that's the background. Here's the scenario: We drove to church because the wind outside is crazy-cold, and we weren't sure if it was going to rain. After church, we usually meet at the doors before we go out to the cars, but when I got to Brandon (with #1), who was holding #4, #2 and #3 weren't with him. They were outside.
Now, I had never told Brandon "the rule" I made for the kids while he was in London all those weeks in January. The rule? The kids are not allowed to go to the car after church --or leave the building!! --unless a parent is with them.
So, I go outside, in the tornado-winds, and Brandon is behind me, and I see that #1 and #3 have run off somewhere, and #2 is near the big tree on her knees, covered in dirt, bawling her eyes out. Brandon goes over to #2 to figure out what is wrong --I look frantically for #1 and #3 while keeping #4 from crying himself. Finally, #1 and #3 come running around the other side of the building towards us.
And I FREAKED. OUT.
I couldn't believe that One: Brandon let them outside on their own and Two: the kids were running all over the place on their own, knowing "the rule!" and Three: What if #3 had been hit by Monstrous Matchbox Monster Trucks in the process!??
Brandon told me to calm down.
I freaked out more.
After we got home, I finally calmed down enough to explain my feelings to Brandon and vice versa and this is what we learned from the experience:
1. I need to talk about rules with Brandon in advance so we can be on the same parenting page (and vice versa).
2. I should have told Brandon about my nightmare of #3 and why I was being so irrational so he could understand my fear.
3. Brandon should have given me the benefit of the doubt even though he didn't know about the nightmare or "the rule".
4. I should have asked the kids why they were running around outside. Turns out #3's paper from Primary blew away in the wind, and so the girls were trying to get it for him --thus #2's fall and #1 going around the corner with him (and they recovered the paper). If I had known their situation and given them the benefit, too, then I wouldn't have yelled. At church. In front of other people.
See, we both jumped to conclusions ("Brandon just doesn't understand!" and "Cheryl is completely insane!"), although Brandon's was closer to the truth... :)
Have you had any experiences where you learned not to make assumptions or quick judgements? Have you ever felt completely justified by every angle in a judgement and found out later that it just wasn't what it seemed? And how do you feel about black licorice? (Just seeing if you're paying attention!)
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Yay! I Can Blog About It!
My sister is pregnant!
I wasn't allowed to say anything on the blog until she said something on her blog. Which she did --just yesterday. In fact, go over there and wish her a HUGE congratulations and read her funny story about the window washer at the OBGYN's office...
Love you, sister! May your pregnancy be awesome and may your baby love his/her Aunt Cheryl the best.
I wasn't allowed to say anything on the blog until she said something on her blog. Which she did --just yesterday. In fact, go over there and wish her a HUGE congratulations and read her funny story about the window washer at the OBGYN's office...
Love you, sister! May your pregnancy be awesome and may your baby love his/her Aunt Cheryl the best.
Friday, March 20, 2009
Fabulous Friday
Plans Before I Can Embrace the Weekend:
*Clean the house (isn't this always in the plans somewhere?)
*#1's SEP (student/educator/parent) conference
*Put together centerpiece for ward dinner I'm not attending
*Drop off/pick-up #2 --Birthday party
*Say good-bye to Brandon (he's off to San Fran for a day)
*Weed
*Practice the piano
*Write (and do a jig because I just got invited to be included in a critique group!!)
*Verify babysitter for Saturday lunch (old buddy comin' into town!)
Yours?
And now --just for kicks --here's something that never gets old and always makes me happy:
*Clean the house (isn't this always in the plans somewhere?)
*#1's SEP (student/educator/parent) conference
*Put together centerpiece for ward dinner I'm not attending
*Drop off/pick-up #2 --Birthday party
*Say good-bye to Brandon (he's off to San Fran for a day)
*Weed
*Practice the piano
*Write (and do a jig because I just got invited to be included in a critique group!!)
*Verify babysitter for Saturday lunch (old buddy comin' into town!)
Yours?
And now --just for kicks --here's something that never gets old and always makes me happy:
Thursday, March 19, 2009
I've Come a Long Way...
Well, dear reader, I've come a long way.
I think.
I mean, something like the "Dino Drama" (and I have dubbed it the "Dino Drama" and it will now and forever hereafter be referred to as the "Dino Drama" because this is exactly what it was, you know --Drama about the Dino --and so it only makes sense we refer to the "episode" I experienced as the "Dino Drama", capische?) would have completely thrown me into a tailspin and I wouldn't have blogged for days. I would have wallowed in despair and depression for days on end and I would have seriously been in a Depression-induced Funk.
And yet, instead...?
I wrote a very whiny and drama-filled post. You read it, right?
And then what?
I moved on.
Almost immediately, too. I didn't avoid phone calls, and I didn't avoid emails. I talked about it and laughed at myself. I even talked about it at therapy last night and here are some things we talked about:
*My consistent need for other people to like me.
*My inability --in this instance --to content communicate. I had asked for opinions. I got opinions. But I didn't want opinions! So what I should have said was: "Hey guys, I did this thing, I still feel guilty, but it's not the end of the world, right? Please tell me I'm not a bad person!" Then I would have gotten exactly what I wanted, eh? So, why did I ask for opinions instead?
Why, indeed?
*How something like this could have sent me into a tailspin three months ago (which I mentioned).
So, there you go. Whether you care or not, I'm glad I had this experience. I mean, personally, I'm sick of "Dino Drama" and "Cheryl Drama" and "Being-all-weird-about-stuff-that-doesn't-matter-in-the-eternal-scheme-of-things Drama" and yet this is something about myself I need to accept and then move on. Which I think I'm finally learning to do!
------------------------
Beautiful pictures of spring and summer (from 2008 --and our camera) to get me in the mood (because Spring is HERE!):
I think.
I mean, something like the "Dino Drama" (and I have dubbed it the "Dino Drama" and it will now and forever hereafter be referred to as the "Dino Drama" because this is exactly what it was, you know --Drama about the Dino --and so it only makes sense we refer to the "episode" I experienced as the "Dino Drama", capische?) would have completely thrown me into a tailspin and I wouldn't have blogged for days. I would have wallowed in despair and depression for days on end and I would have seriously been in a Depression-induced Funk.
And yet, instead...?
I wrote a very whiny and drama-filled post. You read it, right?
And then what?
I moved on.
Almost immediately, too. I didn't avoid phone calls, and I didn't avoid emails. I talked about it and laughed at myself. I even talked about it at therapy last night and here are some things we talked about:
*My consistent need for other people to like me.
*My inability --in this instance --to content communicate. I had asked for opinions. I got opinions. But I didn't want opinions! So what I should have said was: "Hey guys, I did this thing, I still feel guilty, but it's not the end of the world, right? Please tell me I'm not a bad person!" Then I would have gotten exactly what I wanted, eh? So, why did I ask for opinions instead?
Why, indeed?
*How something like this could have sent me into a tailspin three months ago (which I mentioned).
So, there you go. Whether you care or not, I'm glad I had this experience. I mean, personally, I'm sick of "Dino Drama" and "Cheryl Drama" and "Being-all-weird-about-stuff-that-doesn't-matter-in-the-eternal-scheme-of-things Drama" and yet this is something about myself I need to accept and then move on. Which I think I'm finally learning to do!
------------------------
Beautiful pictures of spring and summer (from 2008 --and our camera) to get me in the mood (because Spring is HERE!):
May/June 2008:
July 2008 (Waterton!):
August 2008 (Mt. Timpanogos):
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
AI Top 11 Results
Thoughts:
- Those songs are TOTALLY dubbed. Even Scott's piano playing. I mean, I'm sure Scott is actually playing the song, but it's not miked, you know? And Allison forgot the words! Ha! But you know, that's good --they have so much to do already, I think it's great they just have to make it look good and not ALSO sound good on these group songs. I'd rather they sound good on their solos, so it works out just fine, in my opinion.
- I want to have a water balloon fight!
- I love how they're showing the after-the-show-behind-the-scenes stuff --it's awesome to see all the love. I'm a sucker for love!
- Dude! What's up with all the tenderness? I swear I'm gonna cry...
- Poor Megan Joy and her sickness. :(
- I love Brad Paisley. And his wife. And his guitar skillz. And his song-writing skillz. And that's all. His music (along with Garth Brooks, Martina McBride, George Strait, Collin Raye, etc.) reminds me of high school (even though he didn't make it big until I was in college). Country music for this small town Idaho girl? Yeah, it pretty much defined my life. Except for the riding of horses and livin' on the farm. I just knew people who did and dated guys that did, know what I mean? Yeah --it was the life!
- Holy cow. I'm sooooo glad it wasn't Adam in the bottom three! I can't believe how much I like the guy now. It's a complete 180, people! And I feel quite weird about it --almost guilty? Because now I find him sexy. What is my problem? Hormones? Pregnancy? Emotional outbursts about dinosaurs in waiting rooms? Either way, I'm likin' him.
- Oh, that Carrie Underwood is so good. I think it's awesome that she gets to sing her "cover" with the original! And I loved how Randy smiled at Carrie when she hit another high note --and it's interesting how much Randy has aged. I know I mentioned it before how sexy Randy Travis was years ago, and it makes me sad to see him getting old. But we all get old eventually, right?
- Alexis? Really!? Oh, I'm so sad...so sad! I loved Alexis' voice and I'm so disappointed it wasn't Michael that left. *sniff! Not fair! But hey --I'm still VERY glad the judges have saved their one and only vote for later.
What did you think?
Wow.
I have learned a great lesson, dear reader. The next time I hope for commiseration or sympathy, I'll just call a friend rather than ask for opinions on a blog.
All day yesterday, all I could think about was that damn dinosaur and how I'm the worst mother --EVER. I had nightmares all night about the stupid thing! I kept hearing things like "some little kid is bawling their eyes out because you took their dinosaur!" and I would reply, "Yeah, but it's small, and the tail is ripped off, and the kid will get over it!" and then I would hear "Well, you would never see ME doing something so dishonest and awful." And I would burst into tears (in my dreams) and swear that I was an okay mother!
It didn't help that my husband thought I should take it back to the office. He thought I should take the PIECE OF GARBAGE WE FOUND ON THE FLOOR back to the office. And he wasn't the only one who obviously felt that way (as you can see in the post).
I seriously woke up in sweats.
You could blame it on pregnancy hormones (I mean, I'm just about 21 weeks and it's getting harder to sleep comfortably --plus I can be irritable). Or guilt. Or feeling alone.
So, I called the doctor's office this morning. I told the receptionist that it would be a crazy call and I reminded her of the dinosaur. She remembered me. She laughed when I told her to call me if somebody asks for it. She thought I was CRAZY and INSANE for even thinking that someone would care about it. She was very kind, though. She said she's call if someone asked about it.
And so, my guilt is gone. But not my sadness.
And from this I have learned two things:
1. Go with the first instinct to leave the piece of garbage on the floor, or else you'll get massive judgements from strangers AND friends.
2. Don't blog about something stupid that feels emotional when you are pregnant. Because it will be both stupid AND emotional. Ooh! Ooh! Like this post!
The End.
I have learned a great lesson, dear reader. The next time I hope for commiseration or sympathy, I'll just call a friend rather than ask for opinions on a blog.
All day yesterday, all I could think about was that damn dinosaur and how I'm the worst mother --EVER. I had nightmares all night about the stupid thing! I kept hearing things like "some little kid is bawling their eyes out because you took their dinosaur!" and I would reply, "Yeah, but it's small, and the tail is ripped off, and the kid will get over it!" and then I would hear "Well, you would never see ME doing something so dishonest and awful." And I would burst into tears (in my dreams) and swear that I was an okay mother!
It didn't help that my husband thought I should take it back to the office. He thought I should take the PIECE OF GARBAGE WE FOUND ON THE FLOOR back to the office. And he wasn't the only one who obviously felt that way (as you can see in the post).
I seriously woke up in sweats.
You could blame it on pregnancy hormones (I mean, I'm just about 21 weeks and it's getting harder to sleep comfortably --plus I can be irritable). Or guilt. Or feeling alone.
So, I called the doctor's office this morning. I told the receptionist that it would be a crazy call and I reminded her of the dinosaur. She remembered me. She laughed when I told her to call me if somebody asks for it. She thought I was CRAZY and INSANE for even thinking that someone would care about it. She was very kind, though. She said she's call if someone asked about it.
And so, my guilt is gone. But not my sadness.
And from this I have learned two things:
1. Go with the first instinct to leave the piece of garbage on the floor, or else you'll get massive judgements from strangers AND friends.
2. Don't blog about something stupid that feels emotional when you are pregnant. Because it will be both stupid AND emotional. Ooh! Ooh! Like this post!
The End.
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
AI Top 11
Okay, here are my thoughts:
Randy Travis! You know, I remember back when he was young and sexy. I loved that guy when I was a kid (and yes --I am a HUGE Country fan. Surprised? Don't be. I feel no shame in my love for Country music!).
Michael Sarver: I used to know ALL the lyrics to this song. I love Garth Brooks! I saw him live once...anyway...Michael? Meh. The harmonica soloist is kind of cool. Kind of. Okay, no it's not --I don't really like it because it's all random. And Michael was just okay. I agree with him that Country Music is about having fun --but I agree with Simon that you couldn't even tell what he was singing for the most part. So...meh. It wasn't a disaster, so that's good, right?
Allison Iraheta: I liked it. The only problem is that she should have made it less country and more rock --her voice is awesome and she seriously could sing anything! But she has a style and the country sound in the band was kind of weird to me. Loved it, though. Love her! I hope she makes it all the way to the end (at least Top 5).
Kris Allen: This song is important and very special to me, because it's Brandon's and my song! We danced to it at our wedding, and I'm very particular about versions of it. Judgemental? Yes. About a song that doesn't technically belong to me? Yes. But it means the world to me. So...with that in mind...OH! And just fyi --I love Adele's AND Trisha Yearwood's versions of this --not just Garth's.
Okay, now how did Kris do? He totally copied Adele!! Completely!! Sorry, Kris, but it wasn't YOURS, although you did sound awesome. Very awesome.
Amazing, actually.
I loved it.
LOVED It.
Brandon, you wanna dance?
Lil Rounds: Martina McBride is brilliant, people. I saw her live, too, and the woman is phenomenal! I hope Lil can pull it off.
Hmmm...I think I know what's wrong --it's too legato. She's singing the verses the way she should just sing the chorus. Does that make sense? Because her chorus is actually pretty awesome. But the verses were uncomfortable. I think she had a hard time with this week just because it was out of her comfort zone, but she still did pretty good. Like Allison, she can probably sing anything and still sound good, you know? But it wasn't as good as Allison. I don't know. I still like her a lot, though...
Simon was right on. Sorry, Lil --he's right. Completely right.
Adam Lambert: Whoah! Adam has cleavage! Random. And very disturbing. Keep away from the V-necks, Adam!
Holy crap.
I LOVED IT.
LOVED IT!
I can't believe I loved Adam Lambert. I can't!
But I'm tellin' you guys, I was mesmerized by this song --but what blew me away was his vocals. The man can SING. He has such an amazing range and it just blew me away --the schizophrenia from last week was gone and I could actually HEAR him sing. And realize --HE CAN! That was the strangest thing ever --becoming an Adam Lambert fan in two minutes!!
HOLY COW!
Sorry, Simon --but I disagree with you for the first time in a looooong time.
I still can't believe how much I loved it!
But not the cleavage. *snort
Scott MacIntyre: He sounds better in the lower range I've realized...he really does. But hey, I'm thinking this song was way better than last week. He's playing in a style that he would do if he made an album, you know? But he needs to stay away from the high parts because he goes flat. I love his piano playing, though, because I can't do that kind of playing (mine's all Classical and accompaniment and I can't improv at all!).
Not bad, Scott! Not bad.
Alexis Grace: I like Alexis --I like her voice. But I'm not sure her performance was very good. She was running out of breath (tempo too fast? Making it too legato?) and that high rif stuff she was doing didn't do her any favors. There was flatness going on, too. So, I don't know. Like Michael, it wasn't a disaster, but it wasn't perfect, either. Not sure. I still like her, though, so hopefully she'll be around to do better stuff...
Danny Gokey: I hate it when people try to do Carrie Underwood because she's so new. Not sure why I hate it, but I do. So sad that he was so nervous for Randy! But makes sense --I would be so nervous singing for ANYONE, let alone someone famous! The verses weren't that hot --kind of boring (but most country verses are, eh? There's never much to work with in country verses, except for the words. That's just how it is!). The chorus was pretty good (except "Road I'm on" --the first one --was flat). But the end was awesome.
Not bad, not bad. Not amazing, either, but his chorus was good. I like Danny, too --I'm hoping he stays, even though this week wasn't as fabulous.
Anoop Desai: I LOVE this song. Always have. But will Anoop deliver?
Oh, man.
I'm melting. Kris made me melt, and now Anoop has done the same thing. I would buy this song. I would buy it! I still might on itunes!
YAY ANOOP!!! YAY! I loved it. Oh, sigh, sigh, sigh. It was wonderful! Beautiful! So beautiful. Sigh...
This night just keeps gettin' better and better and better!! Simon is right on! Anoop deserves to be here. I'm nearly giddy!
Have I ever mentioned how attracted I am to men of Indian descent? Hmm? If not, I think you've figure it out just now...
Megan Joy: They took out her last name, eh? Interesting...Okay, I love Megan's voice. Adore it, really. I've said before I like it because she sounds so much like Adele, you know? I like her dress except for the turbo-boobs thing she's got goin' on. What is that about?
Not bad, not bad! Kind of boring, but the ending was really good. It just didn't blow me away. But it was another NON-disaster, for which I'm really glad! And it WAS better than last week, and that makes me even more glad, because I also want to see more of Megan. She has the flu? I like it when they tell us about the contestants being sick because it is sooooo hard to sing while sick and there really needs to be some leniency in something like this when you are sick, you know? In the hospital?!
Wowzahs. She did do good for that! Holy cow!
Matt Giraud: Man, this guy sure can play piano. And I know last time I had totally forgotten that he was a dueling piano guy...(insert sheepish grin here). Anyway...He did a good job! Except for the flat ending note (OUCH), he did fabulous. I love his voice and the way he performs. I know everyone keeps talking about how he's so much like Justin Timberlake, but I think he's more like Billy Joel, which is saying A LOT. He rocks! It wasn't my favorite, though --but it was still pretty darn good.
HOORAY FOR COUNTRY WEEK!!!
This was awesome. This was why I watch American Idol, and up to this point I've been soooooo disappointed in the performances. But tonight? Boo-yah!
Who will go home?
It's between Michael and Scott
Am I right?
Who cares anymore, eh?
What did you think?
Randy Travis! You know, I remember back when he was young and sexy. I loved that guy when I was a kid (and yes --I am a HUGE Country fan. Surprised? Don't be. I feel no shame in my love for Country music!).
Michael Sarver: I used to know ALL the lyrics to this song. I love Garth Brooks! I saw him live once...anyway...Michael? Meh. The harmonica soloist is kind of cool. Kind of. Okay, no it's not --I don't really like it because it's all random. And Michael was just okay. I agree with him that Country Music is about having fun --but I agree with Simon that you couldn't even tell what he was singing for the most part. So...meh. It wasn't a disaster, so that's good, right?
Allison Iraheta: I liked it. The only problem is that she should have made it less country and more rock --her voice is awesome and she seriously could sing anything! But she has a style and the country sound in the band was kind of weird to me. Loved it, though. Love her! I hope she makes it all the way to the end (at least Top 5).
Kris Allen: This song is important and very special to me, because it's Brandon's and my song! We danced to it at our wedding, and I'm very particular about versions of it. Judgemental? Yes. About a song that doesn't technically belong to me? Yes. But it means the world to me. So...with that in mind...OH! And just fyi --I love Adele's AND Trisha Yearwood's versions of this --not just Garth's.
Okay, now how did Kris do? He totally copied Adele!! Completely!! Sorry, Kris, but it wasn't YOURS, although you did sound awesome. Very awesome.
Amazing, actually.
I loved it.
LOVED It.
Brandon, you wanna dance?
Lil Rounds: Martina McBride is brilliant, people. I saw her live, too, and the woman is phenomenal! I hope Lil can pull it off.
Hmmm...I think I know what's wrong --it's too legato. She's singing the verses the way she should just sing the chorus. Does that make sense? Because her chorus is actually pretty awesome. But the verses were uncomfortable. I think she had a hard time with this week just because it was out of her comfort zone, but she still did pretty good. Like Allison, she can probably sing anything and still sound good, you know? But it wasn't as good as Allison. I don't know. I still like her a lot, though...
Simon was right on. Sorry, Lil --he's right. Completely right.
Adam Lambert: Whoah! Adam has cleavage! Random. And very disturbing. Keep away from the V-necks, Adam!
Holy crap.
I LOVED IT.
LOVED IT!
I can't believe I loved Adam Lambert. I can't!
But I'm tellin' you guys, I was mesmerized by this song --but what blew me away was his vocals. The man can SING. He has such an amazing range and it just blew me away --the schizophrenia from last week was gone and I could actually HEAR him sing. And realize --HE CAN! That was the strangest thing ever --becoming an Adam Lambert fan in two minutes!!
HOLY COW!
Sorry, Simon --but I disagree with you for the first time in a looooong time.
I still can't believe how much I loved it!
But not the cleavage. *snort
Scott MacIntyre: He sounds better in the lower range I've realized...he really does. But hey, I'm thinking this song was way better than last week. He's playing in a style that he would do if he made an album, you know? But he needs to stay away from the high parts because he goes flat. I love his piano playing, though, because I can't do that kind of playing (mine's all Classical and accompaniment and I can't improv at all!).
Not bad, Scott! Not bad.
Alexis Grace: I like Alexis --I like her voice. But I'm not sure her performance was very good. She was running out of breath (tempo too fast? Making it too legato?) and that high rif stuff she was doing didn't do her any favors. There was flatness going on, too. So, I don't know. Like Michael, it wasn't a disaster, but it wasn't perfect, either. Not sure. I still like her, though, so hopefully she'll be around to do better stuff...
Danny Gokey: I hate it when people try to do Carrie Underwood because she's so new. Not sure why I hate it, but I do. So sad that he was so nervous for Randy! But makes sense --I would be so nervous singing for ANYONE, let alone someone famous! The verses weren't that hot --kind of boring (but most country verses are, eh? There's never much to work with in country verses, except for the words. That's just how it is!). The chorus was pretty good (except "Road I'm on" --the first one --was flat). But the end was awesome.
Not bad, not bad. Not amazing, either, but his chorus was good. I like Danny, too --I'm hoping he stays, even though this week wasn't as fabulous.
Anoop Desai: I LOVE this song. Always have. But will Anoop deliver?
Oh, man.
I'm melting. Kris made me melt, and now Anoop has done the same thing. I would buy this song. I would buy it! I still might on itunes!
YAY ANOOP!!! YAY! I loved it. Oh, sigh, sigh, sigh. It was wonderful! Beautiful! So beautiful. Sigh...
This night just keeps gettin' better and better and better!! Simon is right on! Anoop deserves to be here. I'm nearly giddy!
Have I ever mentioned how attracted I am to men of Indian descent? Hmm? If not, I think you've figure it out just now...
Megan Joy: They took out her last name, eh? Interesting...Okay, I love Megan's voice. Adore it, really. I've said before I like it because she sounds so much like Adele, you know? I like her dress except for the turbo-boobs thing she's got goin' on. What is that about?
Not bad, not bad! Kind of boring, but the ending was really good. It just didn't blow me away. But it was another NON-disaster, for which I'm really glad! And it WAS better than last week, and that makes me even more glad, because I also want to see more of Megan. She has the flu? I like it when they tell us about the contestants being sick because it is sooooo hard to sing while sick and there really needs to be some leniency in something like this when you are sick, you know? In the hospital?!
Wowzahs. She did do good for that! Holy cow!
Matt Giraud: Man, this guy sure can play piano. And I know last time I had totally forgotten that he was a dueling piano guy...(insert sheepish grin here). Anyway...He did a good job! Except for the flat ending note (OUCH), he did fabulous. I love his voice and the way he performs. I know everyone keeps talking about how he's so much like Justin Timberlake, but I think he's more like Billy Joel, which is saying A LOT. He rocks! It wasn't my favorite, though --but it was still pretty darn good.
HOORAY FOR COUNTRY WEEK!!!
This was awesome. This was why I watch American Idol, and up to this point I've been soooooo disappointed in the performances. But tonight? Boo-yah!
Who will go home?
It's between Michael and Scott
Am I right?
Who cares anymore, eh?
What did you think?
It's Not Even Noon, Yet?
I apologize --I didn't proofread before publishing! So, please forgive any mistakes...thanks...
*Hubby left by 6:15AM. The London people are here (his clients) and so he'll be working crazy hours all week. That's okay with me! At least he isn't actually IN England.
*I was so tired, I slept until almost 8AM. Luckily, my daughters always get themselves ready for school anyway.
*After sending the girls off to school, I finished getting the boys ready for the day, showered, and remembered to wear green.
*I dropped off #3 at preschool, returned home, finished the make-up, hair, etc. and #4 and I headed to my midwife appointment.
And that's where something happened (and I need your opinion):
The waiting room just has some of those shape-bead-slider-wood things. You know what I mean? I can't remember what they're called. Anyway, #4 found a tiny little plastic dinosaur on the ground. He continued to love it and want it as the appointment went on. When the appt. was over, I asked the receptionist lady if they had dinosaur toys in the office and she said "No, it was probably dropped here by another child --but nobody has asked or called about it" and then I said "Well, if we take it home, someone will probably call about it, right?" hoping for a chuckle. I got nothin'.
Then I noticed a couple in the waiting area looking at me like I was INSANE.
Whatever.
So, I let #4 take it. I didn't make him leave it. As we walked to the car, I realized the crusty stare from the couple in the waiting area had continued as I left the office, and I thought "Should I have left the dinosaur on the floor?" I mean, if my kid lost his tiny plastic dinosaur on the ground between HERE and THERE and I didn't know where it was, you'd better believe I wouldn't be calling around looking for it.
It's like 10 cm or something.
So, dear reader, was I wrong? Should I have left the toy? Or does it fall into that gray area of "whatever"? Did I miss out on an opportunity to teach my 2 year old on returning things to...the floor? Was the crusty-looks by the on-lookers justified? Because as much as I'm trying to not worry about it, I am worrying about it.
*After getting home from the midwife appt, I proceeded to weed for 30 minutes. On Saturday, during my clean-the-yard-like-crazy, I discovered that in one of our flower beds in our front yard, my bulbs are coming up! I planted these tulip bulbs almost 5 years ago. Whoo-hoo! But the grass has grown like crazy over them, and they are getting choked out. So, I weeded a lot, but it takes time. Today, I think I might have hit the half-way mark...
*Then #4 and I went to pick up #3 and I ended up finding him throwing a royal fit --sobbing, really --at his teacher's house (she teaches out of her home). Here's the story:
He found some silver key on Saturday in our yard that we didn't recognize, so he claimed it. He has taken it EVERYWHERE and lost it twice already. This morning, I told him he could NOT take it to preschool because he might lose it.
The punk took it anyway.
He was sobbing because during outside playtime, he had lost it and it was now time to go home. So, upset with him (so disappointed he would lie to me and take it with him all secretly), we went back to the yard and searched for it. Luckily, I found it fairly quickly. But I put it in my back pocket and told him he couldn't play with it for the rest of the day.
The sobbing intensified.
We then talked about WHY I told him not to take the key --because I knew he would lose it. And he did.
Sigh...
*We came home and I started laundry (well, the laundry I didn't finish yesterday).
*Now I have to pick up the Kindergarten carpool in about 5 minutes.
*The bright side? My sister is coming for lunch and should be here soon.
But HOLY COW! It's not even Noon! And I still have some housework (daily stuff) and piano lessons. And dinner. And my Neighborhood Newsletter to finish and get sent out to my publisher.
How's your day goin'? Oh, and would you have given me the Crusty Looks?
*Hubby left by 6:15AM. The London people are here (his clients) and so he'll be working crazy hours all week. That's okay with me! At least he isn't actually IN England.
*I was so tired, I slept until almost 8AM. Luckily, my daughters always get themselves ready for school anyway.
*After sending the girls off to school, I finished getting the boys ready for the day, showered, and remembered to wear green.
*I dropped off #3 at preschool, returned home, finished the make-up, hair, etc. and #4 and I headed to my midwife appointment.
And that's where something happened (and I need your opinion):
The waiting room just has some of those shape-bead-slider-wood things. You know what I mean? I can't remember what they're called. Anyway, #4 found a tiny little plastic dinosaur on the ground. He continued to love it and want it as the appointment went on. When the appt. was over, I asked the receptionist lady if they had dinosaur toys in the office and she said "No, it was probably dropped here by another child --but nobody has asked or called about it" and then I said "Well, if we take it home, someone will probably call about it, right?" hoping for a chuckle. I got nothin'.
Then I noticed a couple in the waiting area looking at me like I was INSANE.
Whatever.
So, I let #4 take it. I didn't make him leave it. As we walked to the car, I realized the crusty stare from the couple in the waiting area had continued as I left the office, and I thought "Should I have left the dinosaur on the floor?" I mean, if my kid lost his tiny plastic dinosaur on the ground between HERE and THERE and I didn't know where it was, you'd better believe I wouldn't be calling around looking for it.
It's like 10 cm or something.
So, dear reader, was I wrong? Should I have left the toy? Or does it fall into that gray area of "whatever"? Did I miss out on an opportunity to teach my 2 year old on returning things to...the floor? Was the crusty-looks by the on-lookers justified? Because as much as I'm trying to not worry about it, I am worrying about it.
*After getting home from the midwife appt, I proceeded to weed for 30 minutes. On Saturday, during my clean-the-yard-like-crazy, I discovered that in one of our flower beds in our front yard, my bulbs are coming up! I planted these tulip bulbs almost 5 years ago. Whoo-hoo! But the grass has grown like crazy over them, and they are getting choked out. So, I weeded a lot, but it takes time. Today, I think I might have hit the half-way mark...
*Then #4 and I went to pick up #3 and I ended up finding him throwing a royal fit --sobbing, really --at his teacher's house (she teaches out of her home). Here's the story:
He found some silver key on Saturday in our yard that we didn't recognize, so he claimed it. He has taken it EVERYWHERE and lost it twice already. This morning, I told him he could NOT take it to preschool because he might lose it.
The punk took it anyway.
He was sobbing because during outside playtime, he had lost it and it was now time to go home. So, upset with him (so disappointed he would lie to me and take it with him all secretly), we went back to the yard and searched for it. Luckily, I found it fairly quickly. But I put it in my back pocket and told him he couldn't play with it for the rest of the day.
The sobbing intensified.
We then talked about WHY I told him not to take the key --because I knew he would lose it. And he did.
Sigh...
*We came home and I started laundry (well, the laundry I didn't finish yesterday).
*Now I have to pick up the Kindergarten carpool in about 5 minutes.
*The bright side? My sister is coming for lunch and should be here soon.
But HOLY COW! It's not even Noon! And I still have some housework (daily stuff) and piano lessons. And dinner. And my Neighborhood Newsletter to finish and get sent out to my publisher.
How's your day goin'? Oh, and would you have given me the Crusty Looks?
Monday, March 16, 2009
And the Baby's Gender is...
...a Boy!
Before the ultrasound:
#3: It's a boy, mom. I know it.
#2: No, it's a girl!
me: Well, it doesn't matter what it's going to be, because if it's a girl, we'll love her so much! And if it's a boy, we'll love him so much, right?
#3: Yeah, but it's a boy, mom. It's a boy.
After the ultrasound:
#3: Yep! I knew it.
#2: I'm not happy. :(
She's really not!
The ultrasound put me at about one week ahead of my due date, but they probably won't change it. I tend to have bigger babies (my smallest was 8lbs 3 oz, and my biggest was 9 lbs 11oz), so that could just be it. I think my due date will remain the same (August 2nd). The best part? Besides the fact that we found out it was a boy and the ultrasound tech was amazing, fast, and accurate?
He's healthy and strong.
Hooray for babies!
Before the ultrasound:
#3: It's a boy, mom. I know it.
#2: No, it's a girl!
me: Well, it doesn't matter what it's going to be, because if it's a girl, we'll love her so much! And if it's a boy, we'll love him so much, right?
#3: Yeah, but it's a boy, mom. It's a boy.
After the ultrasound:
#3: Yep! I knew it.
#2: I'm not happy. :(
She's really not!
The ultrasound put me at about one week ahead of my due date, but they probably won't change it. I tend to have bigger babies (my smallest was 8lbs 3 oz, and my biggest was 9 lbs 11oz), so that could just be it. I think my due date will remain the same (August 2nd). The best part? Besides the fact that we found out it was a boy and the ultrasound tech was amazing, fast, and accurate?
He's healthy and strong.
Hooray for babies!
Depression Update
For many months (years?), if you, dear reader, were to stop by my blog, you would find --at least weekly --stories of my struggle with depression. You would have read how I conquered Post-partum Depression in 2007 through exercise, diet, and vitamin supplements. You would have read how in 2008, the depression came back with a vengeance, and I realized it was not post-partum. You would have read, back in November, how I finally decided to do something about it, and how in December I had some amazing eye-opening experiences. I still, every once in a while, write about my therapy. But not much. In fact, these last few months have seen a severe lack of Depression posts --something I've really liked, actually.
Many of my readers (maybe you, too?) have told me time and again how much they appreciate my honesty when it came to depression and how it helped them to finally admit they were having problems themselves. I also think it helped them (you?) to see that it's more wide-spread and they (you?) were not alone. I like this! But at the same time, I felt like my depression was starting to define me and my life, and I'll be darned if I'm going to let that happen. I am more than my Depression. I am more than sadness and pain, and I refuse (refused?) to live that way and allow my "Debbie Downer" posts (and mentality? Emotions? Apathy? Expectations?) keep me from being happy.
But things have changed a bit. So, here's an update on my Depression:
1. I'm not sure if it's gone completely, but for some reason, the pregnancy has rid me of all the depression symptoms!
2. I have decided, along with my therapist and doctor, to take hormonal BC after this baby is born to see if it's simply the hormonal levels (estrogen and progesterone and all that hormonal stuff). Along with it, I'll do the exercising/diet/vitamins --just to be safe.
3. Therapy, mixed with these pregnancy hormones, has cleared my mind and taught me more about myself and the way I think/react/feel in the last two months than in the last two years (10 years?).
4. I told my mom on the phone that I could tell I was better (100% better) because I have been able to do something these last few months I haven't been able to do for years: I can actually finish things I start. I don't begin my day with a list and a desire and then give up before I'm even a 1/4 of the way through it, only to mope for the rest of the day (or wallow, or pity myself --pick your poison). Last Friday, I started the day knowing we needed to get the entire house clean (bathrooms, basement, bedrooms, kitchen, laundry, etc.).
And I did it.
I knew the kids needed to help me, and I should teach them how.
And I did.
On Saturday, I started the day with the resolve to have the family help me clean the yard (weeding, pruning, gathering garbage, sweeping, cleaning, etc.).
And we did it!
I can't tell you how great it felt to be in control of my actions. It was a huge plus to also realize my apathy was gone.
5. I still have down days --even while pregnant I can feel my monthly cycles affecting me (why is it that I still have PMS even with no M? Huh? Not fair!). But instead of putting me out for 2 weeks out of 4, it's lasting about 2 days, tops. The best part is that I allow myself to take these days "off" without feeling guilty or panicked (or wallowing, or pitying, or moping), which has given me permission to relax when needed. What a blessing!
These changes and improvements are wonderful for several reasons:
1. We're getting into a groove that has created familial happiness. I can't believe how true the adage is: When Mama Ain't Happy, Ain't Nobody Happy! I'm tellin' you, dear reader --it's true. Absolutely true. My family is HAPPY. And I know it has a lot to do with me! That kind of power is amazingly humbling --and as Brandon said, "comes with great responsibility" (name that movie!). Which, ironically, is exactly what the Prophets have been telling mothers for quite a while, you know...
2. Our house is clean!
3. I'm teaching the children more and more responsibility, whereas before I would let them get away with stuff (I was too tired to deal with it). This is good because Brandon starts school in a month and our lives are going to be upside down for a few years. If I can be on top of stuff and get the kids involved now --before it becomes hard --then we will be good to go.
4. It's just awesome!
So, there you go! My depression, I'm sure, is not gone forever, but I'm not afraid to fight it anymore. Neither will I let it get as bad as it did. I can't! I won't! Because now I know the other side, dear reader, and the contrast is unbelievable.
------------------------
**By the way, I'm 20 weeks along in the pregnancy, dear reader. My ultrasound is this afternoon! Hopefully the little cutie won't be prudish so we can find out what we're having. I'll be sure to let you know!
**One more post I wish I would have written. Read it here.
Many of my readers (maybe you, too?) have told me time and again how much they appreciate my honesty when it came to depression and how it helped them to finally admit they were having problems themselves. I also think it helped them (you?) to see that it's more wide-spread and they (you?) were not alone. I like this! But at the same time, I felt like my depression was starting to define me and my life, and I'll be darned if I'm going to let that happen. I am more than my Depression. I am more than sadness and pain, and I refuse (refused?) to live that way and allow my "Debbie Downer" posts (and mentality? Emotions? Apathy? Expectations?) keep me from being happy.
But things have changed a bit. So, here's an update on my Depression:
1. I'm not sure if it's gone completely, but for some reason, the pregnancy has rid me of all the depression symptoms!
2. I have decided, along with my therapist and doctor, to take hormonal BC after this baby is born to see if it's simply the hormonal levels (estrogen and progesterone and all that hormonal stuff). Along with it, I'll do the exercising/diet/vitamins --just to be safe.
3. Therapy, mixed with these pregnancy hormones, has cleared my mind and taught me more about myself and the way I think/react/feel in the last two months than in the last two years (10 years?).
4. I told my mom on the phone that I could tell I was better (100% better) because I have been able to do something these last few months I haven't been able to do for years: I can actually finish things I start. I don't begin my day with a list and a desire and then give up before I'm even a 1/4 of the way through it, only to mope for the rest of the day (or wallow, or pity myself --pick your poison). Last Friday, I started the day knowing we needed to get the entire house clean (bathrooms, basement, bedrooms, kitchen, laundry, etc.).
And I did it.
I knew the kids needed to help me, and I should teach them how.
And I did.
On Saturday, I started the day with the resolve to have the family help me clean the yard (weeding, pruning, gathering garbage, sweeping, cleaning, etc.).
And we did it!
I can't tell you how great it felt to be in control of my actions. It was a huge plus to also realize my apathy was gone.
5. I still have down days --even while pregnant I can feel my monthly cycles affecting me (why is it that I still have PMS even with no M? Huh? Not fair!). But instead of putting me out for 2 weeks out of 4, it's lasting about 2 days, tops. The best part is that I allow myself to take these days "off" without feeling guilty or panicked (or wallowing, or pitying, or moping), which has given me permission to relax when needed. What a blessing!
These changes and improvements are wonderful for several reasons:
1. We're getting into a groove that has created familial happiness. I can't believe how true the adage is: When Mama Ain't Happy, Ain't Nobody Happy! I'm tellin' you, dear reader --it's true. Absolutely true. My family is HAPPY. And I know it has a lot to do with me! That kind of power is amazingly humbling --and as Brandon said, "comes with great responsibility" (name that movie!). Which, ironically, is exactly what the Prophets have been telling mothers for quite a while, you know...
2. Our house is clean!
3. I'm teaching the children more and more responsibility, whereas before I would let them get away with stuff (I was too tired to deal with it). This is good because Brandon starts school in a month and our lives are going to be upside down for a few years. If I can be on top of stuff and get the kids involved now --before it becomes hard --then we will be good to go.
4. It's just awesome!
So, there you go! My depression, I'm sure, is not gone forever, but I'm not afraid to fight it anymore. Neither will I let it get as bad as it did. I can't! I won't! Because now I know the other side, dear reader, and the contrast is unbelievable.
------------------------
**By the way, I'm 20 weeks along in the pregnancy, dear reader. My ultrasound is this afternoon! Hopefully the little cutie won't be prudish so we can find out what we're having. I'll be sure to let you know!
**One more post I wish I would have written. Read it here.
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Friday, March 13, 2009
The Antidote to Whining
I received this email forward recently, and it made me laugh (and do some thinking):
HIGH SCHOOL --1959 vs. 2009
Scenario 1:
Jack goes quail hunting before school and then pulls into the school parking lot with his shotgun in his truck's gun rack.
1959 - Vice Principal comes over, looks at Jack's shotgun, goes to his car and gets his shotgun to show Jack.
2009 - School goes into lock down, FBI called, Jack hauled off to jail and never sees his truck or gun again. Counselors called in for traumatized students and teachers.
Scenario 2:
Johnny and Mark get into a fist fight after school.
1959 - Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up buddies.
2009 - Police called and SWAT team arrives -- they arrest both Johnny and Mark. They are both charged with assault and both expelled even though Johnny started it.
Scenario 3:
Jeffrey will not be still in class, he disrupts other students.
1959 - Jeffrey sent to the Principal's office and given a good paddling by the Principal. He then returns to class, sits still and does not disrupt class again.
2009 - Jeffrey is given huge doses of Ritalin. He becomes a zombie. He is then tested for ADD. The school gets extra money from the state because Jeffrey has a disability.
Scenario 4:
Billy breaks a window in his neighbor's car and his Dad gives him a whipping.
1959 - Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes to college and becomes a successful businessman.
2009 - Billy's dad is arrested for child abuse. Billy is removed to foster care and joins a gang. The state psychologist is told by Billy's sister that she remembers being abused herself and their dad goes to prison. Billy's mom has an affair with the psychologist.
Scenario 5:
Mark gets a headache and takes some aspirin to school.
1959 - Mark shares his aspirin with the Principal out on the smoking dock.
2009 - The police are called and Mark is expelled from school for drug violations. His car is then searched for drugs and weapons.
Scenario 6:
Pedro fails high school English.
1959 - Pedro goes to summer school, passes English and goes to college.
2009 - Pedro's cause is taken up by state. Newspaper articles appear nationally explaining that teaching English as a requirement for graduation is racist. ACLU files class action lawsuit against the state school system and Pedro's English teacher. English is then banned from core curriculum. Pedro is given his diploma anyway but ends up mowing lawns for a living because he cannot speak English.
Scenario 7:
Johnny takes a part leftover firecrackers from the Fourth of July, puts them in a model airplane paint bottle and blows up a red-ant bed.
1959 - Ants die.
2009 - ATF, Homeland Security and the FBI are all called. Johnny is charged with domestic terrorism. The FBI investigates his parents--and all siblings are removed from their home and all computers are confiscated. Johnny's dad is placed on a terror watch list and is never allowed to fly again.
Scenario 8:
Johnny falls while running during recess and scrapes his knee. He is found crying by his teacher, Mary. Mary hugs him to comfort him.
1959 - In a short time, Johnny feels better and goes on playing.
2009 - Mary is accused of being a sexual predator and loses her job. She faces 3 years in State Prison. Johnny undergoes 5 years of therapy.
It reminded me of this video, that I thought was hilarious:
And it made me realize that with all of the technology and new things we have learned (I honestly don't agree with principals paddling my kids, nor allowing kids to have a smoking dock), we are a bunch of whiners.
Why?
How did we turn into a society of whiners? Complainers? Selfish idiots?
I don't think it's too far-fetched to see that our society as a whole has become pretty petty. And a little crazy --but then again, what caused us paranoia? Could it be the terrorists? War?
Those are pretty stable excuses...
But how do we get past all of the whining? The excuses? The crazy expectations? The impatience? The idiocy? Do we blame people? (It's the feminists! The liberal left! The psychologists! The Immorality!) Do we complain more? Do we start riots and boycotts and go crazy with our own agendas?
Nah.
I'll stick with this:
Have a great weekend, dear reader!
HIGH SCHOOL --1959 vs. 2009
Scenario 1:
Jack goes quail hunting before school and then pulls into the school parking lot with his shotgun in his truck's gun rack.
1959 - Vice Principal comes over, looks at Jack's shotgun, goes to his car and gets his shotgun to show Jack.
2009 - School goes into lock down, FBI called, Jack hauled off to jail and never sees his truck or gun again. Counselors called in for traumatized students and teachers.
Scenario 2:
Johnny and Mark get into a fist fight after school.
1959 - Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up buddies.
2009 - Police called and SWAT team arrives -- they arrest both Johnny and Mark. They are both charged with assault and both expelled even though Johnny started it.
Scenario 3:
Jeffrey will not be still in class, he disrupts other students.
1959 - Jeffrey sent to the Principal's office and given a good paddling by the Principal. He then returns to class, sits still and does not disrupt class again.
2009 - Jeffrey is given huge doses of Ritalin. He becomes a zombie. He is then tested for ADD. The school gets extra money from the state because Jeffrey has a disability.
Scenario 4:
Billy breaks a window in his neighbor's car and his Dad gives him a whipping.
1959 - Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes to college and becomes a successful businessman.
2009 - Billy's dad is arrested for child abuse. Billy is removed to foster care and joins a gang. The state psychologist is told by Billy's sister that she remembers being abused herself and their dad goes to prison. Billy's mom has an affair with the psychologist.
Scenario 5:
Mark gets a headache and takes some aspirin to school.
1959 - Mark shares his aspirin with the Principal out on the smoking dock.
2009 - The police are called and Mark is expelled from school for drug violations. His car is then searched for drugs and weapons.
Scenario 6:
Pedro fails high school English.
1959 - Pedro goes to summer school, passes English and goes to college.
2009 - Pedro's cause is taken up by state. Newspaper articles appear nationally explaining that teaching English as a requirement for graduation is racist. ACLU files class action lawsuit against the state school system and Pedro's English teacher. English is then banned from core curriculum. Pedro is given his diploma anyway but ends up mowing lawns for a living because he cannot speak English.
Scenario 7:
Johnny takes a part leftover firecrackers from the Fourth of July, puts them in a model airplane paint bottle and blows up a red-ant bed.
1959 - Ants die.
2009 - ATF, Homeland Security and the FBI are all called. Johnny is charged with domestic terrorism. The FBI investigates his parents--and all siblings are removed from their home and all computers are confiscated. Johnny's dad is placed on a terror watch list and is never allowed to fly again.
Scenario 8:
Johnny falls while running during recess and scrapes his knee. He is found crying by his teacher, Mary. Mary hugs him to comfort him.
1959 - In a short time, Johnny feels better and goes on playing.
2009 - Mary is accused of being a sexual predator and loses her job. She faces 3 years in State Prison. Johnny undergoes 5 years of therapy.
It reminded me of this video, that I thought was hilarious:
And it made me realize that with all of the technology and new things we have learned (I honestly don't agree with principals paddling my kids, nor allowing kids to have a smoking dock), we are a bunch of whiners.
Why?
How did we turn into a society of whiners? Complainers? Selfish idiots?
I don't think it's too far-fetched to see that our society as a whole has become pretty petty. And a little crazy --but then again, what caused us paranoia? Could it be the terrorists? War?
Those are pretty stable excuses...
But how do we get past all of the whining? The excuses? The crazy expectations? The impatience? The idiocy? Do we blame people? (It's the feminists! The liberal left! The psychologists! The Immorality!) Do we complain more? Do we start riots and boycotts and go crazy with our own agendas?
Nah.
I'll stick with this:
Have a great weekend, dear reader!
Another Crazy Dream
We (I'll tell you the "we" in a minute) were at some conference that had some kind of outdoor stadium. After lunch (or dinner?) we headed back into the stadium [which wasn't much bigger than that auditorium at Shilling Elementary (where I went to Elementary school, but is now a Sixth Grade Center)] and we saw a big jumbo-tron thing where it showed that Guns 'n Roses would be performing that night, but we --the conference goers --were having exclusive rights to an afternoon piano performance by Axl Rose! Suh-weet! And no, my dream made no sense. Stay with me. So, we all chose to sit on the front row (there was grass in front of us for about 20 yards before the stage, which was level with the grass). We had these padded folding chairs that had to be set upon these huge stadium seats (it was so weird) but there wasn't room for all of us --I'm not sure who was there, but I remember Becky I have a cat, another Becky I went to HS with, Susan M, Bythelbs, and Julie A., I think. There were more, but I don't remember their faces. Anyway, I had to put my chair on the grass and it kept falling over. I was mad at the people who wouldn't move down so we could sit by each other. Rude!
So, we're trying to watch this concert, and everyone on the grass kept standing up, and that's when I realized Axl Rose had invited Susan M to come sit on the grand piano while the band played! (and some random new-age dancing was being shown in time with the music on the jumbo-tron. Because of this, the whole Axl Rose thing makes no sense. It should have been Yanni or something.). And so I got out my camera and I was trying to take these pictures and I yelled "Sit down!" and that's when the whole front row yelled at me to be quiet. "You can't make them sit down, this is a rock concert!" and then I was confused because nobody was standing except those people in front of us. And Axl was playing some kind of Kenny Rogers song. But finally someone moved and I got some AWESOME shots of Susan and Axl! She was singing with him (and some other band members --one was on upright bass? What the?) and I was so excited, until something felt wrong. And that's when I looked back at my pictures, and I realized I had forgotten to put in the memory card! It was still in my computer at home, and I told all the girls --"Please take lots of pictures of Susan, because I don't have a memory card!" and they all sympathized and then I woke up suddenly...
...but no peeing this time. Well, there was peeing, but this was because it was actually time to get up and get the kids ready for school.
Gotta love pregnant dreams.
Any cool ones for you lately? Weird? Funny?
So, we're trying to watch this concert, and everyone on the grass kept standing up, and that's when I realized Axl Rose had invited Susan M to come sit on the grand piano while the band played! (and some random new-age dancing was being shown in time with the music on the jumbo-tron. Because of this, the whole Axl Rose thing makes no sense. It should have been Yanni or something.). And so I got out my camera and I was trying to take these pictures and I yelled "Sit down!" and that's when the whole front row yelled at me to be quiet. "You can't make them sit down, this is a rock concert!" and then I was confused because nobody was standing except those people in front of us. And Axl was playing some kind of Kenny Rogers song. But finally someone moved and I got some AWESOME shots of Susan and Axl! She was singing with him (and some other band members --one was on upright bass? What the?) and I was so excited, until something felt wrong. And that's when I looked back at my pictures, and I realized I had forgotten to put in the memory card! It was still in my computer at home, and I told all the girls --"Please take lots of pictures of Susan, because I don't have a memory card!" and they all sympathized and then I woke up suddenly...
...but no peeing this time. Well, there was peeing, but this was because it was actually time to get up and get the kids ready for school.
Gotta love pregnant dreams.
Any cool ones for you lately? Weird? Funny?
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Laugh and Garden
Brandon sent me this. If you know my husband, you will know why I laughed --out loud! I LOL'd all over this one --for at least 2 minutes or more:
-----------------------------
I went grocery shopping this morning. I enjoy grocery shopping with only one child (#3 was at preschool), and I really love our Macey's (not to be confused with Macy's). Today, they had this great kiosk with flower seeds on it, and I went totally crazy, dear reader.
I bought loads and loads of flower seeds.
And loads!
And not the annuals, oh no! I'm onto the annuals. What is up with annuals? What is this idea that I have to re-plant every year? Who came up with this? I bought only perennials, and lots of them are a variety of daisies, which are my favorite flower (I have Shasta Daisies in my yard that we planted back in 2003? that are still blooming each year). I got so excited!
And then I came home and realized I will have to plant them.
And maintain them.
And I will be having a baby this summer.
Why do I do these things to myself?! It's like the bulbs I bought last fall that never got planted, or like the time Brandon bought me a lilac bush we never planted, or the other time I just "forgot" to weed --only this time, I'm determined to do something different --I'm actually going to plant these seeds. I will plant them if it KILLS me. Because I'm in need of some gorgeous beauty around here! And with my youngest child now over 2 years old, I can have him in the yard with me without freaking out that he might eat mud (he might try it, but he won't swallow it now). So, I can do this, right?
Right?
Tell me I can do this!
Also, dear reader, look for some future posts where I moan that I don't know how to garden (because I really don't). This is going to be my practice year. By next summer, I'm hoping to have vegetables! Yes! This whole I-kill-every-plant-I-touch is getting old and I'm tired of using it as my excuse/justification for not planting a garden. I want a garden! Because I love gardens! I love the smells, and the beauty, and the deliciousness. Heck! I may plant strawberries and fruit trees and peppers and kale! Does kale grow in Utah? Have I eaten kale this year? Hmmm...
Do you garden? Does it come easy for you? What is your advice (any of it!) about planting perennial flower seeds outside?
-----------------------------
I went grocery shopping this morning. I enjoy grocery shopping with only one child (#3 was at preschool), and I really love our Macey's (not to be confused with Macy's). Today, they had this great kiosk with flower seeds on it, and I went totally crazy, dear reader.
I bought loads and loads of flower seeds.
And loads!
And not the annuals, oh no! I'm onto the annuals. What is up with annuals? What is this idea that I have to re-plant every year? Who came up with this? I bought only perennials, and lots of them are a variety of daisies, which are my favorite flower (I have Shasta Daisies in my yard that we planted back in 2003? that are still blooming each year). I got so excited!
And then I came home and realized I will have to plant them.
And maintain them.
And I will be having a baby this summer.
Why do I do these things to myself?! It's like the bulbs I bought last fall that never got planted, or like the time Brandon bought me a lilac bush we never planted, or the other time I just "forgot" to weed --only this time, I'm determined to do something different --I'm actually going to plant these seeds. I will plant them if it KILLS me. Because I'm in need of some gorgeous beauty around here! And with my youngest child now over 2 years old, I can have him in the yard with me without freaking out that he might eat mud (he might try it, but he won't swallow it now). So, I can do this, right?
Right?
Tell me I can do this!
Also, dear reader, look for some future posts where I moan that I don't know how to garden (because I really don't). This is going to be my practice year. By next summer, I'm hoping to have vegetables! Yes! This whole I-kill-every-plant-I-touch is getting old and I'm tired of using it as my excuse/justification for not planting a garden. I want a garden! Because I love gardens! I love the smells, and the beauty, and the deliciousness. Heck! I may plant strawberries and fruit trees and peppers and kale! Does kale grow in Utah? Have I eaten kale this year? Hmmm...
Do you garden? Does it come easy for you? What is your advice (any of it!) about planting perennial flower seeds outside?
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
AI: Top 13 Results Show
My Thoughts:
- New Rule: Judges Save, eh? Interesting that they can't save anyone after the Top Five and they only get one save. Pretty fair, though! Can't abuse it, you know...and I like it because I agree that many fabulous contestants were voted off way too early in years past (cue the hypocrisy laughter since I never vote!).
- The house? Ummm...Economic Crisis, anyone? Did the producers think about that at all??
- The choreography on the medley they sang was...awkward. Hey, do they pre-record what they're singing? I'm thinking they do, because they sound way too good to be live. Is that rude? I mean, I saw an American Idol tour live once, and it wasn't that great, you know (wasn't awful, either...just wasn't...great).
- Ha! Megan did the wiggle in the Ford commercial, too.
- Michael is safe?! Ah, jeeze...
- Jasmine in the bottom 2 makes sense.
- Megan in the bottom 2!?!? Oh, I'm sad. *sniff --Wait, she's safe? Way to yank our chains, people. I'm glad Jasmine is going (unless the judges save her) --I don't want to hear her sing again...pardon me while I fast-forward...And I'm glad she's going and is not saved. Like the judges would save someone this early!? Not even.
- You know, until tonight, I thought Kanye West was spelled Kayne. Huh. And I used to have a jean jacket --remember when those were so popular? Are they coming back? Have they been back for a while? I swear, I'm just getting old. Or senile. Probably just senile.
- Okay, next bottom two: ANOOP! Well, I'm not surprised, although I love that boy. And...Jorge. As if we didn't know it would be Jorge! I mean between him and Lil?! Duh.
- Okay, and who is saved...? Aw, suck! We have to wait?!
- Oh, Kelly. I like her. Is it wrong to notice her weight gain? Just say yes. Because it is. Because it doesn't matter. But man, oh, man! I love her voice. I've always been a Kelly Clarkson fan --since the beginning! She's awesome. And honestly? I think she's still the best AI winner --out of all 7 years. Maybe this is because she's been popular for all 7 years without any kind of hiatus? Or maybe because she's consistently fabulous? I mean, Carrie Underwood is amazing, too (in fact, I can see Carrie being just as popular and long-term as Kelly), but I guess Kelly has just been around longer. Anyway...
- Anoop is safe!! Oh, you beautiful boy. Just sing something good next week, okay?!
- And, good-bye Jorge. Bythelbs hates your eyebrows, and now they bug me, too (thanks a lot, Bythelbs! I would have been ignorant, but now they will haunt me forever! *snort).
- Dude! I guessed both people --Jorge and Jasmine. Am I Crazy? Or simply full of awesomeness? You decide...
My Thoughts Spew Forth...
I've been having one of those weeks --the kind where my mind won't stop thinking and my body won't stop moving and my schedule keeps on growing...
...but it's a good thing.
Makes it hard to find time to blog, though. Really hard. I've only been able to throw out comments here and there and even then I feel I'm neglecting people.
Luckily, people forgive.
Anyway, here's what's been on my mind lately (in no particular order):
ONE:
HBO's Big Love to air parts of the Temple ceremony and/or Temple clothing. I find it ironic that a show which has explicitly told everyone it's not about Mormons would do this. I also find it ironic that I just don't care. You can find ex-Mormons (or not?) everywhere selling/sharing this stuff on the internet [heck --I once was looking for an image through Google on something with the word "Mormon" in it, and I saw (on the very first page) a couple proudly displaying their garments. I mean, what the?! Who would pose for that? They are so unattractive, you know.]. Seriously, you can find it everywhere --and almost anywhere if you really want to find it.
But what gets me happy is the way my Church responded to it. Here is the press release. [Amanda first told me about it, and then Brandon told me he'd already posted it on Facebook. Which goes to show you I haven't even had time for Facebook lately!]
Every time I feel the walls of fear closing in on me, whether it be personal demons (depression, financial stress, failing my children, dealing with change, etc.) or public ones (attacks on the family, redefining genders, this whole HBO thing, other religions calling us bigoted, insane, and cult-ish-like), something wonderful like this happens: I'm reminded that I don't need to fear. The Gospel isn't about living in Fear and Hatred and Grief. It truly is the Plan of Happiness. And it has brought me more joy than I could ever have imagined.
That ain't no lip service, people. It truly has brought me joy --and my husband, and my degree, and my children, and my home, etc.
Don't believe me?
Every decision I have made in my life was made because of my belief system. Every one (okay, maybe not the choice between Cocoa Krispies and Cheerios, but you know what I mean!). I wouldn't have gone to college where I did if it wasn't for my desire to be at a school where the Gospel is taught (or at least discussed as normal) in the classroom. I wouldn't have met my husband had I not gone there. I would not have married him in the Temple if I didn't believe what I believed. And I most certainly wouldn't have had my four (almost five!) children if it wasn't for the belief in eternal families.
I wouldn't be hopeful if it wasn't for my testimony in Christ.
I wouldn't be grateful if I didn't believe God hears my prayers.
I wouldn't be charitable if I didn't believe it is the Love of Christ and can change the world.
All of the above brings me my greatest joy. And I truly believe it's because of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. It has made my life beautiful.
TWO:
In the same vein, I want to show you this video of Rachel Esplin. She's from Blackfoot, ID (my hometown!!) and I know of her family. She is studying at Harvard and is 20 years old, and was asked to participate in a Religious Panel discussing different Faiths (she is the president of the Harvard LDS student association right now). For over 20 minutes she answered questions about the Mormon religion and did so in a very personal and kind manner. I was so impressed with her maturity, her testimony, and her accuracy (please note, however, that her remarks are not necessarily Church sanctioned and what-not. You know what I mean, right?). If you have the time, I'd say watch it. It was worth it for me!
Day of Faith: Personal Quests for a Purpose - 3. Rachel Esplin from Harvard Hillel on Vimeo.
THREE:
It's real, you know. I'm going to have a husband that will be gone a lot, lot, lot over the next 2 years.
He'll have school, of course.
And studying.
Then there's work.
And traveling for work.
Not to mention his callings at Church.
And having to spend time with his children.
Oh, and me.
I have had quite a lot of time to prepare for this. I've known the Wharton schedule for a few months now (it's hanging up in our kitchen). So even though I know it's going to be crazy, I'm pretty positive about the whole thing. I tell my piano students the following (all the time):
Anything worth having always takes hard work.
It's true! I know that when we're on the other side of these two years, we will be grateful and happy we did it. It's just remembering this DURING the two years that will be key!
Ooh, which reminds me. I was talking with a friend this morning, and I was explaining how Brandon's school schedule really is miraculous: He will be here for every birthday and anniversary over the next two years (except for my 32nd birthday, but that's no big whoop) AND he has a 3 week break right when the baby is due! When I compared this schedule to the schedule for last year's students (each new batch of students gets a new schedule), I realized that if had he gotten in last year he would have missed every birthday and anniversary. And probably the birth of this kid!
This was another testimony builder for me --God knows us. He knew what we needed and where we needed to be and when Brandon should go back to school (this is practically 4 years finally coming to fruition, you know --the school thing).
Cool, eh?
FOUR:
Another miracle has happened --but not because of God's hand, I'm sure. :) I won another prize at Annette's give-a-way week!
YES!
13 entries really pays off, you know.
Go see what I won...
FIVE:
My car had to be started TWICE yesterday. The freezing temperatures are not good for my battery. Luckily, I know how to jump-start a car really well. And I have neighbors. And a husband who charged the battery all night.
Add this to another reason I hate winter.
Blah, blah, blah. Blah.
(At least we have sunshine today!)
SIX:
If you got to the bottom of this post and actually read everything, you rock. And you deserve some kind of medal. Instead, just share with me your thoughts on any of the following:
...but it's a good thing.
Makes it hard to find time to blog, though. Really hard. I've only been able to throw out comments here and there and even then I feel I'm neglecting people.
Luckily, people forgive.
Anyway, here's what's been on my mind lately (in no particular order):
ONE:
HBO's Big Love to air parts of the Temple ceremony and/or Temple clothing. I find it ironic that a show which has explicitly told everyone it's not about Mormons would do this. I also find it ironic that I just don't care. You can find ex-Mormons (or not?) everywhere selling/sharing this stuff on the internet [heck --I once was looking for an image through Google on something with the word "Mormon" in it, and I saw (on the very first page) a couple proudly displaying their garments. I mean, what the?! Who would pose for that? They are so unattractive, you know.]. Seriously, you can find it everywhere --and almost anywhere if you really want to find it.
But what gets me happy is the way my Church responded to it. Here is the press release. [Amanda first told me about it, and then Brandon told me he'd already posted it on Facebook. Which goes to show you I haven't even had time for Facebook lately!]
Every time I feel the walls of fear closing in on me, whether it be personal demons (depression, financial stress, failing my children, dealing with change, etc.) or public ones (attacks on the family, redefining genders, this whole HBO thing, other religions calling us bigoted, insane, and cult-ish-like), something wonderful like this happens: I'm reminded that I don't need to fear. The Gospel isn't about living in Fear and Hatred and Grief. It truly is the Plan of Happiness. And it has brought me more joy than I could ever have imagined.
That ain't no lip service, people. It truly has brought me joy --and my husband, and my degree, and my children, and my home, etc.
Don't believe me?
Every decision I have made in my life was made because of my belief system. Every one (okay, maybe not the choice between Cocoa Krispies and Cheerios, but you know what I mean!). I wouldn't have gone to college where I did if it wasn't for my desire to be at a school where the Gospel is taught (or at least discussed as normal) in the classroom. I wouldn't have met my husband had I not gone there. I would not have married him in the Temple if I didn't believe what I believed. And I most certainly wouldn't have had my four (almost five!) children if it wasn't for the belief in eternal families.
I wouldn't be hopeful if it wasn't for my testimony in Christ.
I wouldn't be grateful if I didn't believe God hears my prayers.
I wouldn't be charitable if I didn't believe it is the Love of Christ and can change the world.
All of the above brings me my greatest joy. And I truly believe it's because of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. It has made my life beautiful.
TWO:
In the same vein, I want to show you this video of Rachel Esplin. She's from Blackfoot, ID (my hometown!!) and I know of her family. She is studying at Harvard and is 20 years old, and was asked to participate in a Religious Panel discussing different Faiths (she is the president of the Harvard LDS student association right now). For over 20 minutes she answered questions about the Mormon religion and did so in a very personal and kind manner. I was so impressed with her maturity, her testimony, and her accuracy (please note, however, that her remarks are not necessarily Church sanctioned and what-not. You know what I mean, right?). If you have the time, I'd say watch it. It was worth it for me!
Day of Faith: Personal Quests for a Purpose - 3. Rachel Esplin from Harvard Hillel on Vimeo.
THREE:
It's real, you know. I'm going to have a husband that will be gone a lot, lot, lot over the next 2 years.
He'll have school, of course.
And studying.
Then there's work.
And traveling for work.
Not to mention his callings at Church.
And having to spend time with his children.
Oh, and me.
I have had quite a lot of time to prepare for this. I've known the Wharton schedule for a few months now (it's hanging up in our kitchen). So even though I know it's going to be crazy, I'm pretty positive about the whole thing. I tell my piano students the following (all the time):
Anything worth having always takes hard work.
It's true! I know that when we're on the other side of these two years, we will be grateful and happy we did it. It's just remembering this DURING the two years that will be key!
Ooh, which reminds me. I was talking with a friend this morning, and I was explaining how Brandon's school schedule really is miraculous: He will be here for every birthday and anniversary over the next two years (except for my 32nd birthday, but that's no big whoop) AND he has a 3 week break right when the baby is due! When I compared this schedule to the schedule for last year's students (each new batch of students gets a new schedule), I realized that if had he gotten in last year he would have missed every birthday and anniversary. And probably the birth of this kid!
This was another testimony builder for me --God knows us. He knew what we needed and where we needed to be and when Brandon should go back to school (this is practically 4 years finally coming to fruition, you know --the school thing).
Cool, eh?
FOUR:
Another miracle has happened --but not because of God's hand, I'm sure. :) I won another prize at Annette's give-a-way week!
YES!
13 entries really pays off, you know.
Go see what I won...
FIVE:
My car had to be started TWICE yesterday. The freezing temperatures are not good for my battery. Luckily, I know how to jump-start a car really well. And I have neighbors. And a husband who charged the battery all night.
Add this to another reason I hate winter.
Blah, blah, blah. Blah.
(At least we have sunshine today!)
SIX:
If you got to the bottom of this post and actually read everything, you rock. And you deserve some kind of medal. Instead, just share with me your thoughts on any of the following:
- HBO and Big Love
- The LDS Church's press release
- Rachel Esplin
- The idea of your husband going back to school after 10 years of marriage and 4.5 children
- Winning multiple blog prizes
- Dead car batteries
- Long posts
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
AI: Top 13!
Lil Rounds: I love her. The only problem with this song, though is that she sang it at the same dynamic marking (loud) throughout the whole thing. Which kind of made it boring after a while. However, she still rocks! As I said, I love her.
Scott MacIntyre: I love piano + singing. And he did pretty good! I didn't like his middle high note, though --it was a tad...screechy. But it wasn't bad. Wasn't bad. Holy crap!? He just learned that on the piano!?
Yeah, he's got talent.
Danny Gokey: I'm feeling stupid because this is now the second Michael Jackson song I don't know. Sigh. But Danny sounds fabulous! He's awesome on stage and he makes me smile. I love Danny! He's just great. Really, really great --and I agree with Paula; he will probably be in the Final Three.
Michael Sarver: I didn't really like him in the middle rounds, and I feel the same way. I think he's a little too affected when he sings --but it could just be difference in taste. I mean, he sang it in tune and had good big notes, but for some reason I'm just not impressed. So it could just be me. Yeah, it probably is...
Jasmine Murray: Why is she wearing a nightgown? Hmmm...but anyway, she picked a song that was way to big for her. Because although this is a Michael Jackson song, we think of Mariah, right? She was flat on two of the really big notes --but her ending note was really pretty. So...I would say she was...okay. But I don't do well with big songs that are flat. Sorry, Jasmine.
Kris Allen: I like his voice --but I'm thinking his guitar is not exactly in tune with the rest of the band. Seriously, something is off --but his singing is pretty good. I like his energy --but it still wasn't my favorite. Meh. It was okay.
Allison Iraheta: I love this girl --and I have from the moment I heard her. Maybe it is her rocker voice? I mean, she's got this husky thing going on and I love it! And it's CRAZY that she's only 16, because unlike Jasmine, she's not "trying" to act older --she just is who she is and there's nothing precocious about it. I really like her! She's fabulous!
Until the cutting remark...whoah! Yeah, follow Paula's advice, Allison, and Be Quiet. Oops!
Anoop Desai: Ooh, Anoop! Okay...He's doing pretty good! Except...he's running out of breath a little bit. Maybe he should do some cardio, eh? But I liked it! Because I love Anoop. I'm loyal! And I it was pretty good --not bad. I wish he could have been a bit louder at parts, though --and I'm thinking he could have if he didn't move around so much. But I love you, Anoop!
Jorge Nunez: I really like his voice --it's very smooth, and I think he did a great job! It started off kind of creepy-sexy-I'm-undressing-you-with-my-eyes, but it got better as it went on. I liked the end a lot. Not bad, eh? Not bad.
Megan Corkrey: I still hate those hips, but man, I love her voice. Very interesting song choice --and you can tell what kind of artist she'll be. And I love the variations she puts on songs --she's so unique! And I LOVE it. The caw-caw at the end was kind of trippy, but man, that last big note was awesome. Loved it. Love her. Even with all the wiggling!
Adam Lambert: Eh. I don't know. I still think he's kind of creepy-weird. But hey, he's got passion and inflection and the rockin' down. He also definitely knows who he is. But I just don't get it --or him. I feel like there's way too much contradiction about him, like he can't make up his mind whether he wants to be all theater-crazy or rocker-mosh-pit. Like he was schizophrenic or something. Does that even make sense? Probably not. I guess I'm in the minority that finds him kind of annoying. Is that wrong? If so, then I don't wanna be right.
Matt Giraud: Okay, now I remember that I HATED his first song, but I LOVED his second. And holy crap! He plays the piano?! Awesome! Okay, now this performance reminds me of his...second performance. As in, I didn't hate it! In fact, it wasn't bad --although that falsetto ending was not my favorite. Meh. But he did well! Two good performances in a row have made me forgive him for that Coldplay one...
Alexis Grace: The beginning tempo was kind of off --the verse was slightly behind the band, but man, this girl can blow! I've loved her since I first heard her, too, though --and she's really good. However, that guitar solo really overshadowed her at the end and kind of screwed her over, and the ending note was kind of...meh. But overall, I think she did a great job!
Who's going home:
Michael, Jasmine, or Jorge
Will I be right?
Probably not.
What did you think?
Scott MacIntyre: I love piano + singing. And he did pretty good! I didn't like his middle high note, though --it was a tad...screechy. But it wasn't bad. Wasn't bad. Holy crap!? He just learned that on the piano!?
Yeah, he's got talent.
Danny Gokey: I'm feeling stupid because this is now the second Michael Jackson song I don't know. Sigh. But Danny sounds fabulous! He's awesome on stage and he makes me smile. I love Danny! He's just great. Really, really great --and I agree with Paula; he will probably be in the Final Three.
Michael Sarver: I didn't really like him in the middle rounds, and I feel the same way. I think he's a little too affected when he sings --but it could just be difference in taste. I mean, he sang it in tune and had good big notes, but for some reason I'm just not impressed. So it could just be me. Yeah, it probably is...
Jasmine Murray: Why is she wearing a nightgown? Hmmm...but anyway, she picked a song that was way to big for her. Because although this is a Michael Jackson song, we think of Mariah, right? She was flat on two of the really big notes --but her ending note was really pretty. So...I would say she was...okay. But I don't do well with big songs that are flat. Sorry, Jasmine.
Kris Allen: I like his voice --but I'm thinking his guitar is not exactly in tune with the rest of the band. Seriously, something is off --but his singing is pretty good. I like his energy --but it still wasn't my favorite. Meh. It was okay.
Allison Iraheta: I love this girl --and I have from the moment I heard her. Maybe it is her rocker voice? I mean, she's got this husky thing going on and I love it! And it's CRAZY that she's only 16, because unlike Jasmine, she's not "trying" to act older --she just is who she is and there's nothing precocious about it. I really like her! She's fabulous!
Until the cutting remark...whoah! Yeah, follow Paula's advice, Allison, and Be Quiet. Oops!
Anoop Desai: Ooh, Anoop! Okay...He's doing pretty good! Except...he's running out of breath a little bit. Maybe he should do some cardio, eh? But I liked it! Because I love Anoop. I'm loyal! And I it was pretty good --not bad. I wish he could have been a bit louder at parts, though --and I'm thinking he could have if he didn't move around so much. But I love you, Anoop!
Jorge Nunez: I really like his voice --it's very smooth, and I think he did a great job! It started off kind of creepy-sexy-I'm-undressing-you-with-my-eyes, but it got better as it went on. I liked the end a lot. Not bad, eh? Not bad.
Megan Corkrey: I still hate those hips, but man, I love her voice. Very interesting song choice --and you can tell what kind of artist she'll be. And I love the variations she puts on songs --she's so unique! And I LOVE it. The caw-caw at the end was kind of trippy, but man, that last big note was awesome. Loved it. Love her. Even with all the wiggling!
Adam Lambert: Eh. I don't know. I still think he's kind of creepy-weird. But hey, he's got passion and inflection and the rockin' down. He also definitely knows who he is. But I just don't get it --or him. I feel like there's way too much contradiction about him, like he can't make up his mind whether he wants to be all theater-crazy or rocker-mosh-pit. Like he was schizophrenic or something. Does that even make sense? Probably not. I guess I'm in the minority that finds him kind of annoying. Is that wrong? If so, then I don't wanna be right.
Matt Giraud: Okay, now I remember that I HATED his first song, but I LOVED his second. And holy crap! He plays the piano?! Awesome! Okay, now this performance reminds me of his...second performance. As in, I didn't hate it! In fact, it wasn't bad --although that falsetto ending was not my favorite. Meh. But he did well! Two good performances in a row have made me forgive him for that Coldplay one...
Alexis Grace: The beginning tempo was kind of off --the verse was slightly behind the band, but man, this girl can blow! I've loved her since I first heard her, too, though --and she's really good. However, that guitar solo really overshadowed her at the end and kind of screwed her over, and the ending note was kind of...meh. But overall, I think she did a great job!
Who's going home:
Michael, Jasmine, or Jorge
Will I be right?
Probably not.
What did you think?
Stuff and Not Moving
Did you know the way to "fix" Blogger when it is not working is to just re-start your laptop?
I wondered why it was working for everyone else and not me.
-------------------------------------------
It snowed yesterday.
ARRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH!
And no, that was not my inner pirate coming out, although I would not be opposed to being pirate-y at this point because I feel a deep desire to pillage and loot. Or destroy something. I'm so sick of winter! I mean, I'm okay with two weeks of spring-like weather, followed by a day of snow that melts immediately. But as I watched it fall last night, I was ticked. Ticked! Because falling snow after a day of freezing temperatures (and falling at night, where it gets colder --colder, people!) usually means the snow is gonna stick around for a while and there might be...GASP! More. Snow.
I heard sirens this morning and the snow plow has been by twice (although we didn't get that much snow --maybe it was just a big truck?), which means my predictions last night could actually be correct! I have a feeling there's ice on the roads and on the house and on the mailbox and on the trees and if it doesn't get warm enough today to melt it all, I will be very put out indeed. Put out, I say!
~sigh~
----------------------------------------
My #2 has a flair for the dramatic (if you didn't know this already). She often plays the role of giggler, victim, idealist, and princess --quite often all at the same time. I had to share some recent photos of her because she's so funny!
This one is after she lost her other front tooth (she's since lost another one on the bottom):
The only rules in our house for school clothes are as follows: 1. It must fit and be modest (nothing too short, too big, or worn out), and 2. It must be weather appropriate. Other than that, you can have at it! #2 loves this, as you can see (and yes, she wore this to school last week):
She and #1 after their school's patriotic performance last week:
-----------------------------------
I wondered why it was working for everyone else and not me.
-------------------------------------------
It snowed yesterday.
ARRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH!
And no, that was not my inner pirate coming out, although I would not be opposed to being pirate-y at this point because I feel a deep desire to pillage and loot. Or destroy something. I'm so sick of winter! I mean, I'm okay with two weeks of spring-like weather, followed by a day of snow that melts immediately. But as I watched it fall last night, I was ticked. Ticked! Because falling snow after a day of freezing temperatures (and falling at night, where it gets colder --colder, people!) usually means the snow is gonna stick around for a while and there might be...GASP! More. Snow.
I heard sirens this morning and the snow plow has been by twice (although we didn't get that much snow --maybe it was just a big truck?), which means my predictions last night could actually be correct! I have a feeling there's ice on the roads and on the house and on the mailbox and on the trees and if it doesn't get warm enough today to melt it all, I will be very put out indeed. Put out, I say!
~sigh~
----------------------------------------
My #2 has a flair for the dramatic (if you didn't know this already). She often plays the role of giggler, victim, idealist, and princess --quite often all at the same time. I had to share some recent photos of her because she's so funny!
This one is after she lost her other front tooth (she's since lost another one on the bottom):
The only rules in our house for school clothes are as follows: 1. It must fit and be modest (nothing too short, too big, or worn out), and 2. It must be weather appropriate. Other than that, you can have at it! #2 loves this, as you can see (and yes, she wore this to school last week):
She and #1 after their school's patriotic performance last week:
-----------------------------------
Just to be specific and head off any other questions about us moving:
We're not moving.
The Wharton West EMBA is designed to allow full-time working students (with loads of experience) receive their MBA without relocating. Everyone from Chicago --East would generally fly into Philadelphia every other weekend for 2 years (with some longer weeks here and there). Everyone from Chicago --West would fly into their West Coast Campus in San Francisco. This gives these students the ability to keep their jobs and still get an EMBA from Wharton (which is a fairly good school, so I've heard). In fact, you cannot even apply to Wharton if you are not working full time and do not have your company's endorsement and backing (meaning they'll give you the time off to attend --which is really just two Fridays a month).
This is why we left California --Brandon's company there changed their minds and wouldn't endorse him, so we couldn't even apply at that time. [But looking back, this was probably a very good thing! Hindsight rocketh, yo...].
Anyway, long story short --we are not moving, but we will see very little of our favorite Brandon over the next two years. It means a lot of work, a lot of study, and still a lot of travel. But I've had time to prepare for this, and I'm truly, truly, truly! excited that he got in. This has always been his dream, and I'm more than happy to help him see it come true. And it doesn't hurt that he'll be so marketable and desirable when he finishes, you know... ;)
So, there you go --if you have any other questions, you are welcome to ask me in the comments (or email me). I am happy to oblige!
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