Too Lazy to Even Put In Separation Things

It's resolved! Next year, I shall send out cards via snail mail again. I have loved, loved, loved receiving all of your cards/photos/letters; they are all hanging up on the wall. In fact, we took down Christmas decorations yesterday, but all the cards/photos are still there. I love 'em!

Christmas was Fabulous! I'm sure I'll post pictures later.

Sad news: Brandon's Grandma (paternal) died on Christmas Eve.
Happy news: She's with her husband who left her a widow in 1976!

Bad news: Snow, still waiting on that job thing, and exhaustion from staying up too late playing board games with the siblings and parents in Idaho.
Good news: The snow is removing the gross inversion air, the job thing should be resolved as soon as today, and exhaustion from staying up too late playing board games with the siblings and parents in Idaho.

The first time we've all been together for Christmas Day in quite a few years (4? 5?):


I have some New Year's goals. I'm sure I do. They are in there somewhere. Maybe I'll write about them? Perhaps? The thing that's got me all crazy is that it will be 2010 in a few days. 2010!! When did this happen? Wasn't I so excited yesterday because it was 1990? I swear I was. In fact, I remember when it was 1999 and the world was freaking out over Y2K. How many of you young whippersnappers even remember Y2K? Hmmm? Not only do I remember it, but I was an adult at the time. And married.
See, there's this thing about time. When you want it to hurry up, it slows down to a snail's pace. So....slow...
But if you want it to slow down, it speeds right on up. This is why as a child it feels as if it lasts forever, but as an adult growing older, it's getting faster and faster. Oh, the irony!

Oh, hey, I feel dumb, but I heard this song for the very first time this month when I was asked to accompany a girl in our ward to sing it in our Relief Society meeting. It's so beautiful; I love it.

Last night we witnessed our cousins' sealing to their adopted son who is from Ethiopia. He is nearly 6 years old and has many special needs. They have already adopted another son who was sealed to them 4 years ago on the exact same date. They picked the 29th of December for these sealings because it is their wedding anniversary, and yesterday was their 10th. They have had 4 biological children (girls), and now they have two sons. Hands down, dear reader, witnessing their son sealed to them in the Salt Lake Temple was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen in my life. I bawled like a baby; the floodgates of tears began as the children, all dressed in white, walked into the sealing room, and they flowed fresh as their beautiful son was sealed to them. I can't even begin to describe the feeling, but Brandon's Aunt Carrie said it best (not word for word): Watching a young 20-something couple be sealed together isn't such a big deal; it doesn't seem like much. But seeing the children sealed to the parents? That's what it's all about! It makes sense! This is why we do it!
Have you ever witnessed an adoption sealing?

January is going to be crazy. We're heading West next week to attend a Wharton thing; Bay Area friends, I'll be emailing you soon to talk about getting together!

Apologies to my Blackfoot friends (especially Shelley!); the shin-dig never occurred because of time; who knew a weekend could go so fast?

Wow, do I possibly have anything else to say? Probably. But not for now. Lucky you!

Merry Christmas!

For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord. And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger. And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying,
Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.

(Luke 2:11-14)

Pictures! And Videos! And Other Stuff!

Last Friday (the 18th?), I met TaLaisa in real life. Yes! TaLaisa! That TaLaisa! I ordered some custom jewelry from her for some Christmas gifts (because her jewelry is amazing) and we met half-way between her place and mine for a quick swap of goods. I had my kids and she had her kids and I had a plate of brownies and she had a plate of the best homemade Christmas goodies I have ever, ever, ever, ever eaten in my life (which I didn't save for Brandon. Sorry Brandon!!). It was such a pleasure to finally (after 2 years and only living 30 miles apart; what's up with that?) meet her!
Rest assured I will be seeing more of this woman. Much more.
[Oh, and you should buy her jewelry. Or order some. I'm already a proud owner of 4 pairs of earrings myself!]
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Children having fun one Sunday morning:

"Daddy, I need a haircut!

Disastrous results in trying to show-off the haircut:

Christmas Around the World at BYU to see Jessica dance! Remember the couple I'm living vicariously through? Yep. This is them. Aren't they gorgeous?!?

#1 and #2 danced and sang at the annual SCERA Youth Theater Christmas Extravaganza Thingy-ma-jingy:

Thanks to cake mixes, I baked a bit this year:

#5 on the day of his surgery, zonked out from the ordeal:

#1 and her "gingerbread" house. I volunteered to help out in her classroom (with much persuasion from the room mom) while they made these, and I must say that it was delightful! It was just me, #1, and her classmates; rare, that. I think I may have to do it again:

Making Christmas Cookies for decorations with Brandon. I was the camera-woman. Brandon actually did the baking part. But ooh, ooh! If you watch the video, you will see our house all Christmas-y:

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Brandon is currently in Las Vegas for the bowl game tonight. Merry Christmas to him! I really wanted to go myself, but it didn't make sense with all the kiddies. But it really is Brandon's Christmas gift this year, so it's probably good he's hanging doing the football thing with a bunch of guys and not his wife who would somehow twist it into something romantic. Not because I'm a girl, silly --because I'm a hopeless Romantic. Hello!

But anywhosers, he comes home tomorrow, and then he's mine! All mine! For at least a Holiday. And a weekend. ;)

------------------------

Oh, and nothing to report job-wise, yet. My faith and patience are still being faith-like and patient, but this may have to do with the fact that I'm completely focusing upon Christmas and all it entails, rather than thinking forward into January. Which is wise. For now. Very wise.

Oh, and Happy Festivus for the Rest of Us!

--------------------------------

P.S. We'll be in Idaho on Christmas Day and for a few days beyond that (possibly until Tuesday morning). If you'd like me to plan a shin-dig, let me know. I'll totally do it. And I'm not opposed to Sunday evening activities with buddies!

Hands Down

It is 11:08PM, the kids are asleep, the husband is in San Francisco.

The cat did NOT bring in any more mice today, the dishes are not done, the laundry is not folded, the basement is not clean, and there is not a babysitter scheduled tomorrow morning so I can go volunteer in #1's classroom like I promised I would.

We do not have a job offer (yet), we do not know all of our holiday plans, I did not exercise today like planned, and I did not buy the children shoes, even though they all have holes in them.

I did not make dinner for the kids (we ate muffins and make-your-own sandwiches), I have not finished wrapping Christmas gifts, I do not know how much longer I can survive on such little sleep, and I cannot find motivation to clean the shower.

I still do not have enough compassion, and I still do not have enough time. For anything.

But I do know that every time I look at my crazy kids, I'm overwhelmed with love for them. Last night, they watched Voltron with Brandon on his laptop (Note to Parents: Old school cartoons are the BEST and children prefer them to the crazy-social/political-agenda-filled stuff they are force-fed now-a-days), and tonight we snuggled together and read some Dr. Seuss. I allowed myself to see the scene as an outsider; I observed my children individually and collectively, and what I found was that I am the luckiest woman alive.

Hands down.

Success!

Surgery went well; except for some lethargy on the part of #5 (he's pretty wiped out from the whole ordeal), all is perfect.

Thanks for the prayers!

Contrast, Slush, and Surgery

Day One:
Watched cousin's one-year-old all day (along with own children, of course), read novel, stayed in pajamas all day, did a little yoga. Had frozen pizza for dinner.
Wonderful day!

Day Two (not all in order):
Cleaned house, did laundry, went shopping (with all 5 kids), attended a baby shower, dropped off/picked up #2 to/from a birthday party, baked many potatoes, made dessert, decorated tables, borrowed eggs, baked banana bread, attended ward Christmas party, finished missionary packages, put together neighbor gifts, made french-bread pizza for lunch, finished online Christmas shopping, went through baby clothes, collapsed on couch at the end of the day.
Wonderful day!
-------------------------------

We have received TONS of snow this last week. But yesterday, it rained. Yes! Rained. Rain and snow do not mix, dear reader. When you have 4 inches of snow on the ground, and then dump a bunch of un-frozen water on it, what do you get? Slush. Lots and lots of slush. That clogs gutters and drains and floods our neighborhood.
When this happens on a Sunday, though, there are two things guaranteed to happen:
1. The snow plows won't be out. At least not until 4PM.
2. The men and young men in the ward will be out nice and early shoveling the slush. And then they will also skip the 3rd hour of church [well, the Priests (16-18 year old boys) did] and commence with the shoveling and de-clogging of the gutters for the next 3 hours.
Brandon was very, very tired yesterday.
Talk about your ox in the mire!
My proud moment? Besides knowing my husband was working hard for all of our neighbors? Watching my girls going out after church to help.
-----------------------------------

Surgery for #5 will be on Wednesday morning, bright and early.
Good news: Brandon won't leave for school until Thursday, and #5's surgery should be the first one of the day.
Bad news: #5 can't eat after midnight.

Ummm...WHAT!?

I'm not looking forward to holding a crying baby all night, trying to convince him that although he's only 4 months old, he's really not THAT hungry...
He is going to be mad. Mad, mad, mad.

The butterfly counts not months

but moments,

And has time enough.

~Rabindranath Tagore

Brain Dumping

I have a friend who has been a friend since we were 4 years old. Maybe 5 years old. Anyway, she defriended me on Facebook sometime in the last few months. I'm not sure when. I know why she did it, but it still hurts, you know. I finally stopped playing my part of understanding listener and defended myself. Maybe I shouldn't have, since it burned that bridge right to the ground. But if a 25 year friendship can't survive some honesty, then what kind of friendship was it to begin with?

Sigh.

--------------------------

My husband is a better person than me. This is true because he sees things a little more clearly. Sure, his clear-headed-ness is not always correct, but at least he stops and thinks before he reacts.

Which is why most of his bridges remain sturdy and long-lasting.

Anwhosers, I've been having a hard time with a situation that I can't really get into right here, although I would like to. It has to do with my baby, me, and rejection. I can't seem to get over some things that were said years ago and actions that have taken place since July. My heart is hurting and I'm wracking my brain, trying to understand why people act the way they do. Luckily for me, I have Brandon to help me see that people show love in different ways. As we talked yesterday, I realized that taking offense when none is meant means I am the one who needs to forgive and forget. It's hard, though! So hard! Especially when it could affect (effect?) my baby and future children.

---------------------------------

Oh, yeah. Future children.

You might as well know now, dear reader, but Brandon and I hope to have more children. Probably just one more. Of course, this won't happen until he is done with school (thank goodness!), and I've also learned the hard way that it might never happen (the miscarriage and inability to conceive when we wanted has taught me that I am NOT in control of this), but we want more.

Isn't that loony!? I want more children.

Who knew?

Well, I did. Since last April. After listening to Elder Oaks' talk.

Oh, and thanks to Alison for this talk, too. I needed to read that again!

Yeah, so. Umm. That's all. About that.

------------------------

I will never begin to understand why some people believe that in order to be loved they must somehow be perfect. Or at least be seen as perfect. I don't get it. Nobody is perfect! We all make mistakes. And for me, those who choose to hide behind lies, rather than admit their mistakes and fix their situation, end up just making me angry. I can't be myself around them, I can't stop myself from wondering when they will be honest; it contradicts everything I believe in. So, I am cold and calculating, rather than warm and loving. I hate it. I hate being that way, too. Sure, I could just change myself, but once again there is that "this is so hard!" factor. And, of course, the husband is, again, much better at being warm and loving in this situation as compared to me.

Good thing one of us is!

-------------------------

My neighbor, Liz, is the bestest neighbor, ever. Hands down. Just fyi.

Biggest Loser Finale

My Biggest Loser Thoughts:

1. I love that Antoine proposed to Alexandra! That was sweet. Very, very sweet.
2. Tracey looked freaky. Like too-skinny freaky. Am I the only one thinking this? I thought she looked much healthier when she ran that mile again after she was voted off.
3. I HATE Rebbeca's hair. Hate it. Hate it. I shouldn't hate someone's hair this much, but I do. Perhaps it's because "she looks so much older now" (according to Brandon), or maybe it's because she is a natural dark brunette --not sure. But it bugged me. I'm so superficial.
4. I started crying when they offered Shay to weigh in at the end of next season. I love Shay!
5. So glad that Danny won! I love that Danny; he's so incredible. But at the same time, I think Rudy is great, too. They were both class-act guys (even with Rudy's disappointing promise-break with Shay).
6. When Rudy said: "I didn't think I had the time" and talked about working and being a dad and all his responsibilities, it made me realize that my excuses are the same. If Rudy, who works 70 hours a week can find time, I certainly can!

Which reminds me: My injured foot is finally starting to feel better. The chest pain has left. But we have ice and inches of snow on the ground. Me running/walking in 12 degree weather? Not happening, especially since I believe the chest pain was lung damage due to running in the cold after not running (at all!) for a year. So...hello step-aerobics, pilates, yoga, and the elliptical machine! Starting 6AM tomorrow morning. Okay, maybe 6:30AM. But still!

Hey, Brandon, wanna join me?

Do you watch The Biggest Loser? Why or why not? Does it inspire you like it inspires me?

Stress vs Simplifying

Ah, Christmas. The season when we fret over money and gifts, treats and music; plays, programs, dinners, cards, letters, packages tied up with strings, and never enough time to do anything we want to do, and if we do take the time to do the things we want to do then we regret it later, usually around midnight on Christmas Eve when we realize we forgot to get one of the children a stocking stuffer.

Don'tcha just love it?

I do.

Each year I tell myself I will simplify. Each year I tell myself the stress will not win. And each year, the stress comes and comes and...I don't care anymore. Bring on the stress! Because it's not necessarily bad stress. Oh, sure, it would be easier if I thought ahead and say, remembered to buy boots BEFORE the snow fell. It would probably be better if I checked to see if #2 had black pants BEFORE her Christmas theater performance. But where is the fun in that? I'm one of those people who just can't seem to get into the spirit of Christmas until after Thanksgiving. Call me weird, but it's hard to focus on the festivities when I'm stressing over other festivities. So many festivities!
That rock. I need to point that out.

See, I love the holidays. I love the hustle and bustle and race to get everything done in time. I love it because in between all those store runs and phone calls and wrapping sessions there are moment of pure peace. Such as standing out in the cold, staring at the snow-covered night, lights shining softly from the houses... Quietly nursing my baby while listening to Karen Carpenter croon about there being no place like home for the holidays... Watching my children in the glow of candlelight as we read about the Savior's birth... Laughing with neighbors and friends while we compile gifts for migrant workers... Seeing the joy on the face of my children as they open their gifts on Christmas; the gifts they didn't even ask for... Having goosebumps run up and down my arm while tears course down my face as I play for the Ward Choir as they sing about Christ...

Love it. Couldn't ask for a better contradiction of feelings and levels of emotions.

How do you feel about it all? Do you simplify? Do you stress? Do you love it or hate it or both?

Fabulous Theater With The Kiddies: Go, Dog, Go!

The day: Friday night (okay, so it's not day, but whatever).
The people: Me, #1, #2, #3, and #4 (#5 stayed with my fabulous sister, even though he could have come. Yes, that needs to be pointed out at this stage of the blog post. He could have come and he would have been welcome).
The venue: The Salt Lake Acting Company
The reason: Go, Dog, Go!



That's right! I took the kids Friday night --thanks to the Salt Lake Acting Company (located in Salt Lake City in the old 19th ward building that is now called the "Marmalade Hill Center" and home to the acting company)--to see the musical adaptation of Go, Dog. Go! This fun, fun play is based on the book by P.D. Eastman (you know which one, right? I mean, we've all read this as kids and to our own kids a bazillion times, haven't we? I know I have! In fact, this was one of the first books #1 could read) and was adapted for stage by Allison Gregory and Steven Dietz; directed by Jerry Rapier.

Cool part? It's the first time The Salt Lake Acting Company has put on a children's play! Ever!
And it was fabulous, dear reader.

I'm seriously not just saying that. Because I couldn't, you know. I'm a critic at heart because I've performed most of my life (okay, okay --usually just musically, but you know what I mean). I take the cultural arts very seriously. And since this included my kids, and was meant for them, I took it even more seriously.

How did it turn out? The kids were thrilled. Thrilled! #1, #2, and #3 were completely enthralled throughout the whole production (which is just under an hour). #4 was riveted for at least 45 minutes of it (he's two years old; I was amazed he lasted that long!). I really enjoyed it (as did most of the adults in the audience).

All in all, it was fabulous. The sets were so fun, the acting/singing was top notch, and the interaction with the kids/audience was so well done! I laughed and laughed, too. They had refreshments before and after (opening night, baby!), they were very courteous to the kids (no crazy people giving you crusty looks for having children in the theater), there was a fabulous boutique located inside the theater [where professional actor-people (trying to be gender friendly, yo) sell great artwork and hand-maid products], the kids got free bookmarks, and the graciousness of the house manager(s) won me over.

So, do yourself a favor and GO! Go, dear reader, go! (bwahahahahahaha...ha...ha...sigh). No, but seriously --go! What a fun way to not only spend time with your kids during the holidays, but what a great way to get them interested in the theater!

Here is the remaining schedule:
December 10th: 10AM
December 11th: 10AM and 7PM
December 12th: 12PM and 3PM
December 13th: 12PM and 3PM
December 17th: 10AM
December 18th: 10AM and 7PM
December 19th: 12PM and 3PM
December 20th: 12PM and 3PM
December 22nd: 10AM and 3PM
December 23rd: 10AM and 3PM
December 26th: 12PM and 3PM
December 27th: 12PM and 3PM

Regular price tickets:
Adults: $25
Kids: $15
If you call the box office and mention that you read about it on Happy Meets Crazy (hey, that's me!), you get $3 off regular price (Adults: $22, Kids: $12). Groups of 10 or more people save $5 per ticket (Adults: $20, Kids: $10). Cool beans!

Info about The Salt Lake Acting Company:
168 W 500 NSLC, UT 84103
801-363-7522
SLAC website

In the pictures above:
MC Dog (orange): Colleen Baum
Hattie (pink): Shannon Musgrave
Yellow Dog: Jay Perry
Red Dog: Dustin Bolt
Green Dog: Nathan Shaw
Blue Dog: Deena Marie Manzanares
Musician Dog (purple): David Evanoff

[All photographs were provided by The Salt Lake Acting Company.]

My only regret? Not taking photos of my kids while we were there! Dang...

#5 is Going to Have Surgery

It's a good thing our insurance is lasting until next month. #5 has to have surgery to remove a cyst in his eyelid. It's pretty common procedure --outpatient, 30 minutes, blah, blah --and so I'm not too worried. However, he does have to be put under anesthesia. Yuck. However, the risks outweigh the other risks, and so we're gonna do it sooner rather than later. Plus there's that insurance thing.

This is my first child to undergo any kind of anesthesia, not to mention surgery! #3 had to get his head glued, and #2 and to get her chin glued --we've never had broken bones, stitches, or surgery (besides my own back in 1998 for the broken nose). Well, I guess Brandon had some moles removed a few years ago. But still! This is new for me. I'm not that scared (hospitals and such don't make me nervous --neither do needles. I know, I'm amazing), but it's still kind of...anxious-making.

To those of you (especially Julie) who deal with this a lot, my love goes out to you.

Living Vicariously Through Other People and Choosing to Burn a Bridge or Two

I am currently living vicariously through some people. No, it's not my children (why would I want to live vicariously through them? I mean, I loved being 6-years-old and 8-years-old and all, but I can barely even remember being 16-years-old, let alone 6, so the whole "vicarious" thing wouldn't work so well, you know?).
I am living vicariously through a nice young couple.
Here's the story:
One of our "boys" (Isaac) came home from his mission in August. He goes to BYU and is still attending our ward, much to our delight. My brother's wife's cousin (Jessica) also attends BYU and is just fabulous. So, we set them up on a date. Which turned into two dates. Then three. Then spending everyday together. Then Facebook "currently-in-a-relationship" status!

They hang out with us a lot; Jessica is far from home (TN) and Isaac has always hung out with us a lot (except for that 2 year mission thing). They love our kids (free babysitting, yo!) and we love them. We have the same taste in movies, games, and football. Plus, Brandon and I are way super cool. Totally radical, man!
Hehe.
Anyway, we have lots of fun with them. And they are here a lot (did I already mention that?). So, I see them being cute together. I hear about their relationship progress. I giggle when she (or he) talks about the hand-holding or the first kiss. I love seeing them together, experiencing the newness of a relationship, the excitement of romance, the rush of an unknown future. It takes me back and makes me nostalgic. Sure, I'd rather be in the deep throws of commitment and complete bonding that I have with my husband, but I'm still feeling a bit...vicarious-like. I'm trying not to obsess about their relationship (obsessiveness really isn't that good. Unless you're obsessed with being a good person. I think), but sometimes it's hard!
Luckily, I'm not completely insane -yet- so I can back off a bit (insert nervous chuckle here).

Do you ever live vicariously through other people?
-----------------------------

I used to pride myself on never burning bridges. In fact, I wrote a post about it here. It was a good post, too, if I do say so myself. But anyway, I'm here to admit that I've burned myself a few bridges this year. It wasn't intentional, but part of me thinks that maybe it was intentional. I have learned something through it all, though:
Toxic relationships should be burned.
Not necessarily blown up, but burned, for sure. The worst part is not feeling guilty when an association with a person comes to an end. This was particularly disconcerting for me because I have always prided myself on my social ability --I love friends. I love them. I want them to be happy. I like to foster relationships. But I think in the course of these last few years, I have discovered that I don't have enough time to care about everyone. I can't. The people who need me the most (including my sanity) can't compete with my incessant need to please everyone.

[Which reminds me: Brenna, do you still have Co-Dependency No More? I need to borrow it!]

So, I've let go. I have, in fact, chosen honesty over kindness a few times. I think that's the other thing --I hate hypocrisy in every form. I may be a hypocrite for even saying that (I mean, come on, we're not all perfect!), but I do. I can't stand people who pretend for the sake of show and/or pride. Drives me INSANE. But since I can't always control that, I realized I can control interaction. Plus I can shield myself from toxic relationships and/or conversations.

What a revelation!

But see, it's not just about burning bridges, either. Sometimes it's just about closing them down for repairs for a while. Or perhaps we're both on vacation. Just to be clear: I don't see a relationship that has little interaction to automatically equate burnage. For example: My bosom buddy, Emily G. and I talk about once a year. Maybe. But it's not because we don't love each other --we're just busy, busy women with lots to do. When we do get together or talk, our friendship and concern for each other is evident --without judgement, reservation, or insult. It's awesome. I actually have many relationships like this (I'm guessing you do, too!).

So, now that I've probably made this more confusing, I'll conclude with this: Burning bridges is not my recommendation --kindness really should be the rule (oh, ummm...it is the rule). However, sometimes we must burn to save ourselves. Ooh! Like a fire being started to stop a fire! Yes! Like that!
Or something.

Do you burn bridges? Or try not to? Or do it all the time so the feds have to come and haul you to jail?
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P.S. Go read this post and listen to the song. It's beautiful!

Sigh

So, life is going pretty good now-a-days. Sure, I injured my foot because I pushed myself too hard on the hill last week (I think I tore a muscle. Or twisted it. Or something), and yeah, I'm having chest pain (severe left side chest pain with every breath and so I'm going to the doctor tomorrow to get it checked out), and yeah, #5 has some kind of growth in his eyelid and so we need to go see a specialist to make sure it's harmless, and for sure, we're still waiting for job offers that we're optimistic will come, and yes, there's the constant exhaustion, but life is still pretty good. Why? Well, thanks for asking! I'll tell you:

1. Our house is merrily decked out for the holidays. I love me some merrily decking out.
2. Although my body is being put through the wringer these early mornings, I sure love waking up early and exercising. Okay, that's an oxymoron, because I really don't like the cold, or the early, but once I'm outside? Looking at the clear sky full of stars? Walking down a quiet street to meet two fabulous women and enjoy an hour of excellent education and sweat? I'm in heaven, baby.
3. Music soothes the soul. My soul is soothed with some of this going on:

4. Babies are delicious. Especially mine!
5. Brandon has a fourth round interview later this week with a company in California, and a meeting with a local company next week that more than likely will result in an offer!
6. We can pay our bills. And still have Christmas.

That's all for now. I wish I could write more and something very eloquent and comment-inspiring, but the baby is poopy and hungry, the kids are wreaking havoc, and I have to take the kiddies to stuff in a little bit. As most of you may have already guessed, this blasted post, as short as it is, has taken me all day to write. So much sighing...