Write A Novel in November!

I DID IT!

Thank you to Kelly for giving me the link and the idea. I'm doing it. If anyone else is interested, log on quick! You only have one more day to sign up!

[Of course, I'm taking the time to sign up for this and blog about it instead of getting Halloween costumes together, baking 8 loaves of bread and 2 dozen cookies for the bake sale on Sat., putting together my FHE kit that I'm teaching at our super-Saturday this weekend, cleaning the house, folding laundry, finding a babysitter for #3 and #4 tomorrow during #1's Halloween party, finding my recipe for the cornbread I'm bringing to the Halloween party tomorrow night, gathering the things I need to take to #1's school party, and changing the kitty litter. Go figure.]

Friday to Sunday: Did we really do all of that?

Friday Night is Family Night!

The kids (oldest three) had been invited to a friend's Halloween party. Unfortunately, due to sickness, the party was cancelled. The kiddies were pretty upset about it, so Brandon and I planned a family night. We went to Skipolini's (fab, fab, fab!) for pizza and then came home to play games. What was amazing and wonderful was how the simplicity of those two activities turned into one of the best nights ever. Since Skipolini's is very popular, we had to wait a while for our pizza order to come. This gave us plenty of time to talk. We talked about our week, the week coming up, what the kids want to do for Halloween, etc. We also played a few games to pass the time (Pantomime Pizza was cool. We made, cooked, and ate our pizza charade-like. However, #2 was not impressed, since she wanted the REAL pizza.). On our arrival at home, the kids were convinced we should just watch a scary movie. Brandon had a better idea. He came up with some fun Halloween words and we played a very short and watered-down version of Pictionary. It was so fun! #1 and #2 did really well. We then let the kids stay up late and watch a movie of their choice on the small DVD player in their room. You'd think we had taken them to Disneyland! What a good night.

Romance Ain't Dead!

Original plans: Go to the San Diego vs. BYU football game in San Diego. Second plans: Not going to the game; watch it on TV. Third plans: Game is cancelled because of the fires. So, Brandon called me Thursday afternoon and said "Let's go somewhere!" So we did.

Luckily, my SIL was available to watch our kids at short notice. She came, along with my cute nephew, Saturday morning. Brandon and I said good-bye (after a frantic and crazy morning that consisted of cleaning, laundry, helping someone move, packing, shopping, and hoping everything was done) and began our fun get-a-way! (Remember that vacation I needed?! Yes! This was it!).

We headed south-west. South of Half-Moon Bay there is a Historic Lighthouse. We walked around the grounds and learned about the history of this particular lighthouse. It was huge! Unfortunately, the lighthouse was off-limits to the public because of wear and tear. But it was beautiful. We saw some seals popping up in the water nearby, so we bought some small stuffed seals for the kids at the gift shop near the lighthouse. One interesting note: There was a hostel next to the lighthouse and while it was kind of interesting, it made me slightly uncomfortable. :)

After the lighthouse, we drove even further south to a place called Ano Nuevo State Reserve. We hiked along a trail through brush and sand dunes to a beach where California Sea Lions come ashore to mate, sunbathe, give birth, and wean. We went during sunbathing season. :) Out across the beach, there is an island. There once was a small lighthouse on the island, but the houses there have since been abandoned (around 1943) and researchers sometimes stay out there to watch the California Seals. There were hundreds of seals on the beach over there! And they were LOUD. The barking could be heard all along the trail (almost 2 miles) and it was almost annoying when we reached the beach where the sea lions were sunbathing. By the way, sea lions are quiet. But it was still incredible to see so many seals and sea lions!

Hiking along the shore and through the sand-dunes.

We then went to check in at the place where we would be staying. I forgot to take pictures of it!! And it was really cool. We stayed in a tent-like cabin with nearby communal bathrooms, but there was a really nice restaurant, nice lodges, and a great spa on-sight. It was kind of a KOA (RV's and tents are allowed), but a Posh KOA. Go HERE to learn more about it.

We then set out on another hike --only a one mile this time. We went to see the tide pools at a beach near-by (just a one mile hike), and stayed for the sunset. It was beautiful. One funny anecdote --Brandon and I leaned against some rocks to enjoy the sunset, and it was obvious it wouldn't be fun since it seemed to be the best place for bugs. We noticed another couple that had climbed up on top of a rock near-by, and we thought that might be a good idea. So, we climbed up top of another large rock (huge, people, we're talking huge rocks, here), but we couldn't sit down because it was still wet from high tide. Then we glanced back and this couple had their wine glasses out and were drinking their wine, watching the sunset. We were just trying not to fall off the rock. It was just kind of funny; our romantic moment wasn't really planned, but you could tell theirs was very well-thought out. Just goes to show that romance happens in all different ways. :)

We headed back before it got too dark, and spent some time in our "bungalow". After having a great dinner at the restaurant, we called it a night. The only sad part was needing to use the bathroom at 2AM and having to put on shoes and make it to the communal facilities without wetting my pants! :) The bed was too stiff for my taste, and, of course, it was really cold, but some cuddling solved that problem. (heehee!)

The next morning, we left early. Brandon had a meeting and we had to get back to get the kids ready for church (hooray for afternoon church!). However, his meeting got cancelled, so we found more time on our hands. To be honest, though, we had so much time because we opted not to use the coupon to the restaurant we received at check-in. We had snacks from the day before, and as Brandon said "We'll probably be blessed for not spending the money on breakfast." And we were! We took our time going back up the coast to SF, and then we decided to go see the Golden Gate Bridge, since Brandon has never seen it (up close) or crossed it. We didn't get a chance to go walking on the North-west side of the bridge (with great views of the ocean), but we still got the gist of it. Brandon then took us down Lombardo Street. I didn't know what Lombardo Street even was until we started going down it. I'm sure everyone knows (after looking at the pictures) what street I'm talking about. It's famous!

Realizing the time, we headed home. After another whirlwind of stress and chaos, we made it to church with time to spare. Phew!

What a great weekend. Seriously, it was awesome. Brandon and I had so much uninterrupted time to talk (being outside certainly helped a lot) and the kids had a blast with their Aunt (Thank you, Aunt S! Thank you, thank you!). So, it was fun for all of us. I can't wait for the next get-a-way!

How about next week?

True Confessions of a Self-Made Martyr

I am a Self-Made Martyr.

I didn't always know this. In fact, it was only this last weekend that the truth of it hit me square in the brain. I confronted Brandon:

"I know what my problem is."
"Umm...okay..."
"No, seriously, I have this problem. I finally figured out what it is! I'm always going on and on and on about how I want you to be romantic and sweet --you know, plan dates and all that. But then when you do, I sabotage it --I find something to be upset about, and I get cranky about it or I just get mad that you did it. What is up with that? But it just doesn't apply to romance --I do the same thing when it comes to cleaning the house. I mean, when I came home from church today and saw that you did the dishes, was I thinking 'wow! Thanks, Brandon!'? No, I was thinking 'how come he didn't wipe off the counters?!!?' See! You see my problem?"
Brandon then just smiled at me and shrugged.
"I have just realized that I have this need to be a martyr. I seem to have this desire to complain about everything. But here's my question, though. How come you never told me, huh? How long have I been like this? And why didn't you tell me?!"
Brandon laughed and said "You've always been like this --it's part of your personality. I'm used to it. "
"Well, I don't like it! I've gotta change it!"

After speaking with some friends earlier this week, I have found that I'm not the only self-made martyr out there. I think sometimes we, as women, thrive on what we don't have. Janelle, who graciously opens her doors to us for Scripture Study each week, had a great point when she talked about the need some people (us, maybe? Or you, maybe?) have to profess their sacrifices. "Hey, look at me! I gave up all of this!" or "See these trials? Yep, they are hard. Let me tell you all about them and then you can see how humble I am to suffer through them so well." I think we're all guilty of that one. As mothers, we compare our adventures in parenting. "My kid is harder than your kid" and "I have another bake sale to get ready for", and "Oh, man, I can't remember what sleep is like", etc. tends to fill our conversations.

But what I discovered, is that when things do go my way (your way?), I can't stand it. How can I complain, compare, and pity myself when I'm actually happy? How can I say "look at how great I am, enduring this pain" when there is no pain? If women are that they might have joy, then why do I insist on not having it?

P.S. I'm glad I'm getting older. I keep learning so much about myself all the time. Who knew?

Fires and Disclaimers

First off, I want to say that I'm really worried about my friends, family, and strangers in Southern California right now. Jamie had to be evacuated!! She is fine, though, and I'm very relieved. A Tales Girl (my aunt's friend) is also in danger. My SIL and my other SIL (and my MIL) are near the fires, and although their homes are not threatened, the air is really bad. I have so much family and so many friends in and around LA, too --it's starting to freak me out. I cannot imagine what it's like and my prayers are with everyone.
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TOTAL WEIGHT LOSS FOR THIS WEEK:
Brandon: 31.8 pounds
Me: 23.8 pounds

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Okay, and for all of you that think my husband is amazing for cutting #4's hair without being asked, I have to tell you that I didn't want him to cut #4's hair and was a little peeved that he did it. Okay, not too peeved, because honestly, I was glad I didn't have to do it. However, I know the reason Brandon snuck off to cut his hair was because I didn't want him to. I know, this put's a damper on the last post, but still, I have to be honest! :)
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I have to make a general disclaimer here: People, I'm not as great as you think I am. I'm also not the wonderful mother you assume I am, either! I just had to put that out there because although I find your compliments kind, sweet, and very comforting, I'm feeling massive amounts of guilt for allowing you to give them to me. I know I will do my best to just say "thank you", but I had to put this disclaimer on the blog so I won't feel guilt. Or get sued. Whichever happens first. haha!

Haircut! (officially it's his second)

So, I sent Brandon upstairs to get napping #4 Sunday morning. It took him a very long time. I couldn't figure out what was going on until Brandon walked into the kitchen, holding #4 and saying "Mommy! Look at me!" Brandon gave him a haircut. "Now he looks like a boy!"

So many people think that #4 is a girl. I say it's because he has such a pretty face. Brandon claimed it was his hair. I'm sure it was both. But whatever the case, he now has short hair like daddy! Isn't he cute?

P.S. #4 looks just like his dad, don't you think?

I need to blog everyday; this kind of back-up can't be healthy!

Wowzers.

This last week has been a doozy, and I'll tell you what, I wish I had blogged about it as it came; not all in one lump sum like I'm doing! So, dear reader, please bear with me as I try to convey the excitedness of my crazy existence.

Dancing with the Stars? Close enough!
Brandon took me dancing. Yes! Yes, he did! Dinner and dancing. You see, back in the day, I was what you could call a ballroom dancing enthusiast. I took Social Dance 180, 280, and 380 (all you BYU folk know what I'm talking about) and then I married Brandon, and my dancing days were pretty much done. Brandon did take 180 while we were dating (he must have REALLY loved me!), but once I finished 380 and realized the only way to go on would be to make it semi-serious (back-up teams and the like), I chose to just stop. Oh, we enjoy ourselves a good Country dance or two, but Ballroom just didn't fit into our relationship. So you can understand my surprise (and trepidation) at our date Friday night.
After a thrilling dinner of Thai food (yum!), we went over to a local Baptist Church that has turned their gymnasium/stage area into a dance floor on Friday Nights. Of course, we were probably the youngest people there, but it was so much fun! The instructor taught the Tango; Brandon caught on very quickly and I remembered it easily. We enjoyed a great evening of dancing the Waltz, the Foxtrot (sort of), the Tango, and of course, the Two-Step. The best part was being able to look into Brandon's face longingly in a public place without it being awkward for people! (heehee!).

Ants and Pink-eye? Yep, he must be gone again:
Brandon left early Saturday morning for Provo (BYU game!). I got the kids up for our "chore day" ritual, and #1 discovered ants in the downstairs bathroom. And it wasn't just a few. It was a colony on the move! The hard part was in that bathroom, our cat has his food, so I had to be really careful about how to get rid of them. Once the little rascals were terminated (sorry, little guys!), chores were done, children (and myself) dressed and ready for the day, we headed out for the Carnival! #1's school does a fund-raising carnival every year. I volunteered to help with a booth (not very happily, since I knew I would not have Brandon to help me with the children), and so we had to go.
The kids had a great time! We went early enough before my shift so that we could play some games. I really thought the school did a good job with the theme ("Around the World") and with the different booths. The booth I worked at was the cupcake decorating booth, and it turned out to be a lot of fun. The kids spent the first half an hour decorating cupcakes for themselves, and then #1 took #2 and #3 to watch some entertainment (karate, dancing, etc.) nearby. #4 did really well sitting in his stroller (which surprised me greatly), and so the time passed rather quickly.
We got ourselves home with plenty of time for laundry (yes! I did laundry! I was shocked, too), naps (not my nap, unfortunately) and the making of more cupcakes. Why more cupcakes, you ask? Well, our Ward was having their annual Round-Up ward party Saturday night. Dinner, games, and what-have-you were on the agenda. I gathered the kids together and we headed over for some yummy food.
Of course, one hour before going, I noticed #1's eye was getting goopy. Earlier at the Carnival I noticed she was itching her eye a lot, but I thought it could be allergies. Well, by the time we were sitting down and eating some fabulous tri-tip, salad, pizza, and scones at the ward round-up, both of her eyes were pretty gross. ~sigh~ Luckily, I have some awesome friends. J offered to keep #2 and #3 at the party and then take them home with her afterward. [THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!]. So, #1, #4 and I headed back home. I called our after-hours clinic (who loves after-hours clinics?!? Meeeee!!!) and got an appointment immediately. We got there in good time, but the best part --the absolutely-you-always-hear-about-it-but-it-never-happens-to-you part --was that we went in, checked in, were seen by the doctor, got the prescription and were out in 13 minutes. Can you believe that?! Awesome, awesome. Now, however, if there could have been a pharmacy that stayed open past 7PM on a Saturday night, well, then we'd be in heaven. As it was, I checked three pharmacies, and they were all closed. So, I picked up #2 and #3, and we headed home.
The kids crashed in bed (hooray!) and I folded laundry (miraculous day, is it not?). Brandon was home not to long after 11PM. He had a great day, although it snowed like crazy at the game in the last quarter. But BYU won --trounced on E. Wash. 42 to 7. Ouch! Go Cougars!

Here's a question for you all: How come, as soon as the husband leaves, something goes wrong? Here is a list of things that has happened to me, in the past, whilst Brandon was away:

• Flat tires on the car
• Severe water damage in the basement
• Broken window
• Missing cat
• Having to go to the ER with pneumonia

Primary is so fun!:

Today was our Primary Program. It was sad, because #1 had to miss it, due to her pink eye episode yesterday. So, Brandon stayed home with her and #4, while I took the other two with me to church. I am the primary pianist, so I had to be there! It was fun. I sincerely think the Primary Program is the best program of the year. I really enjoy hearing the children speak and especially love hearing them sing. :)

#3 was awful in Sacrament Meeting, though. I felt so humiliated because I had no control over him whatsoever! I'm usually very good in the discipline area, but he knew I couldn't take him out during the Sacrament, because I had to be there the instant it finished to play. Also, Brandon is usually the church disciplinarian, and #3 knew it. GRRRR! It was so frustrating and I was on the verge of tears. He was loud and rude and just being awful. Luckily, we had sat in front of some friends (what am I talking about? The whole ward would be considered "friends") and they took him from me just before I had to go up to play. They kept him happy with candy, and it didn't bother me at all. I'm just glad he was quiet for somebody! After the meeting, and during Primary, the Primary President (she's so cool!) gave me, the chorister, and the counselor who put the program together flowers! Isn't that sweet? They are so beautiful!

Well, here I am, amid the chaos (Brandon is at a meeting), dealing with sickness and the whining, waiting for dinner to finish cooking. All is well, but honestly?

I think I need a vacation.

Waiting and waiting (for more than one thing!)

Total Weight Loss:
Brandon: 30 pounds
Me: 23.6 pounds

If you notice, Brandon gained .8. I tell him it's because he's down to the wire and the last few pounds he needs to shed won't come off without a fight. Patience, patience --to us both!

In other news, it is raining buckets here. I actually like it! I love rain; I love how it smells, how it cleanses, how it feels --Rain, to me, is just nature's shower, and sometimes I just like to stand in it.

In more other news, I still haven't heard from the publisher. They said it could take up to 8 weeks before I get a response --and that's actually pretty generous. Most publishing companies will make an author wait for 12 weeks. I cannot believe how nervous I am! I have told myself repeatedly that I'll probably get rejected and I shouldn't get my hopes up, but I can't help but wonder what they think of my ideas. What if they tell me it's crap? What if they love it?! I just HATE, HATE, HATE the waiting process (as most of you know). ~sigh~

Hey, does anybody out there have any good potty training tips for boys? I'm in a losing battle here!!

It has begun...

...and there's no going back!

#4 is army crawling. Scooting, if you will. And that means ---PANIC! "Pick up those crayons, kids! We got to vaccuum! Sweep the floor! Is that a CRUMB?!?! Come on! #4 will choke! Holy cow, he sees the outlet! He's going for the outlet! COVER THE OUTLET!"

You'd think I would have been prepared. ~sigh~

Temples, Cleaning and Spiders...oh my!

Temple Night:
Friday night, Brandon and I finally did a session together in the Temple. I haven't been for almost 5 months. Yes, you can make me feel bad. I deserve it. We went to dinner at a fabulous Thai restaurant not too far from the Oakland Temple, and we barely made it to the 7PM session. It wasn't too crowded --and considering that it was a Ward Temple Night, it was actually quite disappointing to only see 3 couples there (beside ourselves. One couple tried to go, but the wife had forgotten her recommend. I felt really bad for her. Like that's never happened to any of us before!). But it was really great to be back. Brandon and I went in faith, trying to make some decisions. Results? We need to pray some more. :)

Cleaning Frenzy: Our landlady came by for an inspection at Noon on Saturday. What did that mean for the House of Cheryl? You betcha! CLEANING. And we're talking en masse. The bathrooms, the laundry, the vacuuming, the windows, the outside, the inside, etc. It was crazy-busy and in the end, our landlady stayed for approx. 10 minutes. ~sigh~ But to be honest, I'm glad she came. The house hasn't been this clean in months!

Spider Story: I was playing the prelude on the organ before Sacrament Meeting, when I felt something moving on the side of my head. You know, girls, how it feels when your hair falls out of your barrette or elastic and kind of brushes down on your face or the side of your head? Well, I thought it was just my hair. I paused for a second in between prelude songs and brushed at my hair --the feeling was gone, all was well. About 25 minutes later, after the Sacrament, I felt it again. This time, I was sitting next to Brandon in the congregation, holding #4, and I felt something moving on the top of my head. "Brandon" I whispered, "Is there something on my head?!?" I nodded towards him, and he goes "Umm...OH!!!" and sweeps a spider off of my head.
Oh, man, I still can't believe how calm I was --especially since the day before (during cleaning frenzy) the kids had inadvertently brought in a BLACK WIDOW spider on a cowboy hat (used for dress-up). ~shudder~~~~

Oprah is starting to disappoint:
I got an email about Oprah's guests on a show she aired in September, basically advocating p*rnography for women and multiple partners in marriage. Sick, eh? Go to this website to sign the petition. And urge your friends to sign it as well! If we --Women of God --can make a difference, then we most certainly should, don't you think? Yeah, I thought so, too. :)

Strengths That Are Really Weaknesses

When I was young, and knew everything, I was amazing. I had strengths --qualities that I believed were invaluable and important. I was confident and controlled; but the insecurity and desire to be liked still lurked beneath the surface.

Those insecurities have surfaced more as I've gotten older. And as I slowly learn that I know nothing, those strengths of mine are being stripped away to reveal the weakness behind them. Nothing is so painful as to see where one lacks. Especially when one thought it was strength.

For example: I talked a lot. I carried conversation. I had a great ability for speaking that allowed for the makings of new friendships. Now that I'm older, I can see the weakness. I talk for the need to speak about myself. I tend to explain more than necessary; I forget to listen. I am too blunt --almost tactless.
Another example: I had high expectations. For myself and for others. I expected others to rise to the occasion and I didn't settle for less for myself. Now I see that expecting others to conform to my idea of "ideal" is not only unrealistic, it can be unkind. Expecting the best things of myself is a good thing; but thrusting it upon others can be damaging.
Final example: I am vocal. I learn through communication and I do better with the auditory sense. I communicate through sound the best (no surprise, coming from this musician, eh?) and therefore verbally, I am understood. Now I see how my verbal reactions to my children, spouse, and others causes contention, hurt feelings, and even more misunderstandings. Speaking without thinking and reacting in any kind of anger makes our family dynamic weak and unresponsive. I see that this not only damages my heart, but my family's heart as well.

I do not write this to beg for pity. In fact, please don't pity me. I've just been making some realizations (with the help of others) of where I need to improve. Sadly, the list is long. But I know I'm not alone. I'm sure every one, including you, dear reader, have a nice long list of weaknesses. Of course, one should not dwell on weakness, but I find that a healthy dose of realism and reminder can go a long way. Well, in my case, I hope it can. I'll let you know when I know everything again. :)

**Thank you to Mr. Pumpkin Patch Man who found jumper cables for me this morning during the cold wind and freezing rain because my van's battery died while I let #3 watch a movie without the car running while we waited in boredom (because I forgot my book and my cell phone was out of range but luckily #4 slept through it all) for #2's Preschool Field Trip to end...

The Best Family Band!

"Mom?"
"Yes?"
"I think we should have a family band!"
"A band?"
"YES! Dad could play the guitar, you would play the piano, I would sing, #1 and #3 would dance, and #4 would be the audience."
"Sounds good to me!"

#2 then proceeded (a few hours later) to draw pictures (with the help of #1) of our family band.

"We should call it 'The Best Family Band'!" said #2 excitedly.
"Well, no...#2, I don't think we should say that, because we're really not that good." #1 explains.

We now have a gallery on our door with pictures of The Best Family Band. Our first gig should be Monday night at FHE. I'll let you know when we hit it big. :)

Week Thirteen (or is it Fourteen? I'm not sure anymore)

Total Weight Loss for Week 13:
Brandon: 30.8 pounds
Me: 22.4 pounds

Maybe by Christmas it will be off? Well, I know by the New Year it should be; starting on New Year's resolutions in July is so much easier than January. :) (I should clarify that last sentence. What I mean is that I found it easier to start the New Year's resolution of weight loss in July, rather than January because it wasn't as hard to keep going.)

Peace

I'm sitting here at my computer, typing this post and when I look around me I see the left-over soup in the crock pot, the dirty dishes, the crayons, the papers, and the shoes on the floor. My husband is at the church playing basketball with the guys, the kids are all asleep, the cat is prowling in the backyard. I can hear the wind chimes, and I can feel the breeze through the crack in the sliding door. I notice that I forgot, again, to buy bread, and #2's field-trip money is due tomorrow. I'm regretting that I forgot to call my Visiting Teaching companion again, and I know I should have emailed that new friend of mine. I'm thinking about the great time I had at Enrichment and I'm wondering if I was friendly enough with everyone. I'm hoping that the conversations I had with my SIL today will not be forgotten, and I hope I don't forget to call my sister tomorrow (again). The nervous feeling I had this afternoon as I mailed my stories to a prospective publisher has died down a little bit; and the high I got from some great piano lessons is still lingering quietly in my mind. I'm hoping the harsh words I spoke on another blog tonight are taken in context...and then I just remembered that I forgot to do the laundry. Again. The short conversation I had with hubby before he left has my brain working over-time; my throat is dry and my legs are tired.

And yet, for some reason, I'm at peace. My life is filled with busy days and crazy schedules. I think of ways to reduce the stress; but I need what I have. To give up running early in the morning would be to give up exercise and some of the best conversation of my day. To give up piano lessons would be to give up sharing my love of music. To give up writing and blogging would be to shrivel up creatively. To give up time with my children and husband would be to give up my existence. To give up cleanliness would be to give up order and calm.

I guess I'll just have to give up laundry. :)
(Yeah, this post was getting too serious for me, too!)

Good Grief! I can't stay away for even a day...

ARRRGHHHHHH!!!!!!!

I've just about had it, people!

[We interrupt this venting to bring to you a heart-felt thanks to all of those that care about the fate of Cheryl's blogging. She has since repented of her hissy-fit/pity-party ways --for now--and will commence commenting on people's blogs. It only took a good 10 hours for her to see the error of her ways. We owe this miraculous change to the comments her friends and family have left on her previous posts. Also, she is just too loud-mouthed to stay away for long. The silence had to end...if it ever did...Now back to your regularly scheduled fit...]

Since writing the above Argh-ing (which was last night), I've had time to think about how I feel. I've been very disturbed and upset at the uproar over President Beck and her talks (both the RS Broadcast one and the General Conf. one). It is disturbing on many levels. At the very least, it's criticism. At the very most, it's apostasy. (I didn't include the links, but there has been some good said; go to MMW or Tales and you can get more links from there if you are truly interested.)

I've decided not to comment anymore about it. It just sickens me and I'm not going to indulge in conversation that would give any leeway, clearance, or permission to criticize what our leaders and Prophets have said. I've seen what happens to those that indulge in such talk. I've seen what happens to those that think they know "better". What I've seen breaks my heart.

So for now, I will quietly discuss my feelings about such things with my husband. I will take everything President Beck spoke about to heart, and I will work on doing what she asked.

P.S. Ferber was a genius. We're 4 and 0! #4 is sleeping through the night now. :)

Commenting? I guess I should be banned...

I took a break from blogging because it was too stressful on my life. I knew I wouldn't stay away too long --it was only about a week.

I think I need to take another break from blogging, but this time it's due to my inability to express myself in a kind way.

I've always had strong opinions about things. Those who know me personally understand that sometimes I speak before I think. I like to think that I've gotten better at it over the years, but it seems that I'm getting worse. This could be blamed upon genetics (I come from a long line of opinionated women), or hormones, or even personality. But those are just excuses.

The sad part, though, is that I've started writing my comments and opinions only after very careful thought. Sometimes I will mull over an opinion for hours before I write it and post it (comments and posts). But it's not making any difference. If anything, I'm creating more trouble.

I'm only left with the thought that my words are too strong. Or perhaps they really are too self-righteous. (Anonymous is probably thrilled, now.) I try to stand for what is right and true. I don't pussyfoot around. I don't sugarcoat anything. I guess that's the problem.

So, I've decided I need to just leave commenting alone for a while. I'll still post things, because I know my family likes to read about what I've been doing; my mom likes to see picture updates. :) But if I don't comment on your personal or community site for a while, you'll know why.

Some will take this as a cop-out. That I'm a coward. Others will think "Good! She's shutting up!" Even others may see this as rude --"She won't comment on my site, why should I comment on hers?" But even more people (the ones that know me) will think "Oh, geeze. She always does this. Gets offended and freaks out. I wish she'd just chill." (don't think I don't know what you truly think of me. One strength of mine is sensing exactly what a person is feeling and I'm rarely wrong.)
Yeah, maybe they're all right. But I'm thinking that nobody will miss my comments when they're gone. That is the catch about blogging. It's easy to be lost in the anonymous world, and nobody notices when you slowly vanish away. And that's what probably hurts the most.

Thank you to those that care what I think and know that I'm not trying to push my views on anyone. I really appreciate it; probably more than you will ever know.

Oh. Lovely.

Anonymous said...
It's so interesting that you're not up for a debate
about your childs heatlth, but you're up for giving your "advice" to everyone.
Seriously, go back and read your writing....you are so overwhelmed and can't
hardly stand to admit it. Always referring to wanting more. Take care of the
ones you have and take a break, maybe that would help the yelling and spanking
thing. And yes.......I have FOUR kids too also did it in 6 years. Really, you
make it sound like you're superwoman or something. Really.

This is why I want to stop blogging. Giving an opinion, in any anonymous form, leaves room for judgement. It doesn't matter if one comment is vetoed by an apology in another comment (which is something I just did recently on a community blog), what is said is taken at face value and snap judgements are made. And then I end up getting insulted on my own blog. This has happened to me before.

Look, people. If you want to insult me and my parenting, or my writing, or my problems or heck, even my terrible weaknesses, then do it to my FACE. Email me. Or at least be woman enough to leave your name. I can't stand this type of communication. Save it for the community blogs. Don't do it on my personal one.

All kinds of stuff

I have a few moments before General Conference begins this morning, and so I thought I'd catch up on my blog. I know blog posts flow better when they focus on one subject, but I don't have time for several blog posts. And btw, have any of you noticed how much my blogging has slowed these last two weeks? I have, and I know it's directly related to my crazy schedule. But that's a good thing, and as much as I tell myself to stop the blogging all together, I don't think I ever could. :)

We are "Ferberizing" #4. Brandon and I finally had a serious discussion on the inability for him to sleep at night. Brandon stated: "Our other kids always slept great, and I know it's because we let them cry it out for a few days. We haven't done it with #4, and I know --I just know --that's why he won't sleep." So, we started on Wednesday night. And just to give you a picture, this isn't about going to sleep awake --this cute kid of ours will sleep for about 3 hours and then get up and cry. Then he'll wake up in another 2-3 hours and cry. Sometimes I nurse him, sometimes I don't --and honestly, he doesn't need it. He's 8 months old and drinks 8 oz. at 8PM. If he decided to sleep until 7AM, his body would be okay (and if for some reason, dear reader, you feel to contradict me in this logic, stop now. I'm not up for a debate about my child's health.). What's the root of the problem, then? He doesn't know how to put himself back to sleep without intervention. So we're changing this. Wednesday night, he cried for a good hour or more (starting around midnight). Thursday he cried for about 40 minutes (starting around 11PM). Friday night he cried for about 25 minutes (at 8:30PM) and then again for 10 minutes (around 2AM). Last night, he cried for about 15-20 minutes (around midnight). And he hasn't nursed in three days. That's right. The kid is weaned. And miraculously, it was self-weaning! I promised myself to keep nursing him, but 4AM was the earliest I'd go. All three nights, he slept until almost 7AM! Of course, it's bittersweet. I really wanted to nurse him for a year, but when he was biting me, I knew it wasn't going to happen. Anyway, I'm glad we're finally doing this. I've gotten more sleep in the last 4 days then I have since before he was born! Hooray for sleep! [disclaimer: we don't just let him "cry it out". We follow the Ferber method pretty well --we do go in to comfort him; we just don't pick him up.]

I have set a new goal for myself (to go along with the other gazillion): NO yelling or hitting of any kind when it comes to #3, #2, and #1. Luckily, #1 and #2 don't get spanked anymore anyway. The yelling is there, though. #3 is so exasperating, though, and so I find myself spanking him more than I should/want. I started this goal on Tuesday (or was it Wednesday?) mostly because the kid is turning into a monster, and I know it's because of the way I react to his misbehavior. So, I set this goal to be calm. It hasn't been perfect, but I can honestly say that the yelling is almost gone and the spanking has only happened once (now imagine a 3 year old boy with a feisty attitude, no respect for authority, who gets pleasure out of teasing everyone. Then you can see why it's hard not to get angry with him!). Time-outs have increased (ten-fold!), but I think he's starting to learn. He apologizes more sincerely now and I've noticed an increase in respect for my authority. It's hard, people --dang hard --not to just play the I'm-the-adult-and-bigger-than-you card, but it seems to be paying off. I just have to be patient. And calm. Breathe, breathe, breathe...

I LOVE General Conference. I think it's the best thing ever! The only thing that would make it bliss would be children that loved it, too. :) Elder Holland is my favorite. So is Elder Oaks. Oh, and President Hinckley, too. And Elder Bednar. And...okay, so I like them all. But Elder Holland has such a way of chastising with love. He pierces my heart to the center and I love to be chastised by him. His talk on the way we speak from the April 2007 Conference is something I'm--obviously--still working on.

Now that #4 is weaned, I'm thinking about planning a get-a-way with Brandon. Any ideas for an over-nighter?

Brandon left this morning for SLC. He found out on Tuesday that his Mission President will be in Utah for a mission reunion. Mission reunions happen a lot around conference; especially in the SLC area. However, Brandon has not had a reunion with his Mission President ever. We lived in Utah for 10 years, and not one time did his mission have a reunion. Why? His Mission President is Australian and lives in --you guessed it! --Australia. And now, out of the blue, he is in the States and they are having the reunion tonight. Of course, it happens the weekend we are watching two of Brandon's cousins. So driving there for the weekend was out of the question. But he needed to go-- so I made him buy tickets and go. I hope he has a good time!

Okay, that is all for now. I'm off to watch Conference! [on my couch, of course :)]

The Happy and Sad (because they usually go together)

Happy:
Go HERE to see the best boy birthday cake I've ever seen. Well, it's a good one, anyway!

Sad:
Two of my friends have suffered extreme loss. It breaks my heart, because I know what they're going through. My thoughts and prayers are with Denae and Jamie.

I can do it, I can do it!

WEEK 10 (wait, 11? no, I think it's 12...):

Total Results:
Brandon: 29.6 pounds
Me: 20.8 pounds

WHA-HOO!!!!!!!!!!!

That would be 10% for me, folks. :) Brandon already reached his 10% and he's so darn close to reaching his goal weight. I've got myself another 17-20 pounds to go, but I'm so motivated now! I stayed at 18 pounds for three weeks, so it was great to have lost the extra two pounds this week. Huzzah!

You know you're beyond tired when...

...you accidentally set off the house alarm at 5:39AM, and instead of being calm because the children didn't wake up, you sob all the way to meet your running buddy.

...you can't remember which side you nursed on, and so you nurse one side for three days in a row and wonder why the other side is so small.

...being woken up only at 11:55PM and 3:30AM consist of a "good night's sleep".

...you forget to make your daughter's lunch until she asks for it on her way out the door.

...you realize that your super-Saturday FHE lesson needs to be prepared by Friday, and you keep forgetting to get started on it. Again.

...you are thrilled to hear that your Monday piano students are taking the month of October off.

...you turn the calendar to October and you have to push down the waves of emotion bubbling up when you look at all the "Halloween" and "Harvest" activities your children are to participate in.

...you forget to dress two of your children for the day.

...you don't have the strength --of MIND --to comment on other blogs. And if you do, you sound like an idiot.

As if you couldn't tell, I'm tired today. #4 is just wearin' on me. And I have one more thing to say about that:
I am so, so, so sorry dear SIL (married to my brother) that I ever doubted your parenting. To have judged you so unwisely and harshly because your son wouldn't sleep through the night (until the last few weeks! Yahoo! Btw, he'll be 2 in December) was wrong and I apologize. I now understand, most sadly, what your were talking about. And although this child is my fourth, and we've tried the different methods, I am resigning myself to the fact that he may not sleep through the night until he is older. I hate it, but it is what it is and you give me hope (since it finally happened!). And although my writing career may suffer ("Honey, what's the word for the color of the sun?"), and my children may not recognize my face ("Mommy, what are those dark things under your eyes? And why are yelling about lint on the carpet?"), I know that one day --one beautiful day --or night --I will SLEEP again. Oh, yes. Yes, I will. And Angels will rejoice, and I will feel so...s..s.....z.zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz