We have an announcement!!

GUESS WHAT?!?!?

We bought this today. Yes! Finally! It's been a year in the making and it's finally done. I'm so glad!

P.S. DH wouldn't settle for anything but the lowest price. He's murder on salesmen, that's for sure! But it must have been okay, because we got it for what we wanted it for....

I am spoiled rotten...

DH and I had an unspoken agreement that Mother's Day and Father's Day were our holidays. Our birthdays book-end Christmas, as well as our Anniversary. So, the big presents were reserved for May and June, as a way to save money, lower expectations, and focus on the children during the "holidays".

Well, he ruined that this year!

I was spoiled. What's worse, is I wasn't expecting it, so of course, he got lots of glee out of surprising me, while I felt bad that the best gift I got him was a tie rack. Here are the gifts he surprised me with:

• The new Josh Groban CD (holy cow, that boy sings better every year!)
• Taylor Hicks' new CD (we are Americon Idol junkies, so this was awesome --and not bad tunes, either!)
• A Mormon Tabernacle Choir Christmas CD (how can you go wrong with the MoTab?)
• All the Christmas animated classics on DVD (you know, Frosty the Snowman, Rudolph, The Little Drummer Boy, etc. --I think the girls picked it out for me. :) ).
• A signed --yes, I said signed --piece of artwork by Greg Olsen. No, I'm not kidding! Here's the story:
  I'm in Costco just before we leave for our Cali vacation, and I see dozens and dozens of framed Greg Olsen artwork (for those who don't know, Greg Olsen is an LDS artist who paints pictures of Christ, children, and some of Joseph Smith and other LDS related material) --but get this! Greg Olsen is right there, signing people's purchased art. I look at the sign, and he's finishing in about 10 minutes, but he'll be back 4 other times --while we are gone. I told DH about it, and said we should just get a friend to do it for us, seriously joking. But lo and behold, Christmas morning, there is a framed art piece (of the Sacred Grove and off in the distance, a subtle showing of Joseph Smith and light representing the First Vision) signed by Greg Olsen in the front, and then on the back it says (in Greg Olsen's hand writing) "Merry Christmas 2006, from Brandon --Greg Olsen". Now how awesome is that!??!
• A 9 inch Queen sized Memory Foam Mattress with a 3 inch pillow top. YES! I was thrilled. I've been wanting that Memory Foam Mattress for years. I slept on one once, and I thought I was in heaven. And let me tell you, I'm in heaven now! I've never slept better... (and DH enjoys it as well :) ).

Oh, and to add to all that, the day before Christmas Eve (23rd), he came home from shopping and brought me roses.

I told you all I married the best man in the world! (and not just because he gives me stuff, but seriously, it's really nice when it happens :) ).

Waiting....

We're still waiting to hear about two more job offers, but expecting them to come next week...In the meantime, we're comparing all three places (SF, Dallas, and Pittsburgh) on the following criteria:

• MBA possibility (how far of a flight)
• Real Estate costs
• Crime rates
• Schools
• Nearest LDS Chapel
• Cost of living

So far, Dallas seems to be coming out on top. We just need to add "job offer" and then we'll know which one is the best for us (of the three). But at least there's a light at the end of the tunnel!

P.S. This baby is going to come sooner than I think we all realize. He's so big now --and I've been worried that he'll show up too soon, so I'm trying to be careful. I don't mind him coming the beginning of February, but I'm hoping he stays put for January...here's hopin'!

More Christmas Photos (oh, and a preggers one, too)

More Christmas Photos

Above was Christmas morning, and here below is a promise to my friend, becca. I'm almost 33 weeks (tomorrow) but I'm measuring right at 34 weeks. I have a feeling this little guy will be coming out early like his brother (on purpose!). I've already asked my midwives to consider inducing me by 39 weeks if he continues to grow as he has...I don't have any sign of gestational diabetes or anything --I just think my boys are born HUGE. #3 was 9 lbs. 11 oz. at 39 weeks, so I figure this guy will be close, too. Of course, I could be wrong. He is also breach right now, so hopefully he turns within the next 4 weeks.

Christmas...

Christmas...

Instead of going into details about Christmas and all the things we did, I'll just post a few photos. Just know that it was fabulous to see the kids all excited. Our costumes for the Nativity were not exactly accurate, but the kids had fun with it. Notice how DH and I managed to not have to play a part... (DH was the narrator and I was the camerawoman). Anyways, I love Christmas! It really is the best time of the year (although, even at this moment, it is all taken down. My nesting instinct has kicked in and all the decorations came down this morning --somehow, I have a feeling that this house will be purged of all junk within a few weeks --that nesting instinct is STRONG).

And even MORE Disneyland Photos!

And even more photos....

More Disneyland Photos

More Photos...

Disneyland Photos

Disneyland Photos

Day TWELVE

• Wake up, get ready, go to a great buffet for breakfast. MUCH better food than the Excalibur hotel. MUCH better price! Saw tons of BYU football players and their families, since the Golden Nugget was "housing" the team.
• Go back to room, pack, get out to the car, get ready to go, DH forgot his cell phone....
• DH gets his cell phone (huge sigh of relief!), we get going....
• Drive to Hurricane and stop to see my cousin (who we saw on the way down). She very kindly gives us lunch and we talk and let the kiddies all play. Of course, the visit was too short...
• We get back on the road after we realized we had lost an hour in DST. We knew snow was coming, and we didn't want to get to Provo too late...
• Drive carefully through Cedar City and see dozens of cars that had slid off the road....
• Get all the way to Spanish Fork without a hitch (yay!)
• Stop in Spanish Fork to drop off gifts to my aunt we brought with us from my cousin in Hurricane...
• Arrive home! Yay! Our cat is VERY happy to see us --we order pizza and unload the car.
• Read two weeks of mail, eat, put the kids to bed, and crash ourselves.

Vacation OVER! All in all it was fabulous. We had a great time, and the kids really enjoyed everything we did. It was great to see all our friends and family and we appreciate everyone who housed us. We love all of you!

Day TEN and ELEVEN

Here's what we did:

• Took our time getting up; packed everything; cleaned a little; found all the kiddies' toys and gifts, etc.
• Said good-bye to Nana (Papa was already at work) and drove to tam's and bren's office (they happen to work together!) to say good-bye to them.
• Drove to Pasadena to see DH's aunt and her girls (same aunt and cousins who met us in Disneyland the week before).
• Hung out for a few hours at her home --picked lemons, oranges, let the kids play, etc.
• Drove back West a few miles to La Canada to visit my aunt and uncle.
• Hung out, ate dinner, put kids to bed, visited, etc.
• Stayed the night (thank you Aunt A and Uncle R!! and cousin L for letting us use your room...)

Next Day (Thursday):

• DH went to an interview early with a SF company (but they met in Pasadena for the interview) --it was a great interview, OH! Forgot to mention that the Pittsburgh interview went really well, too!!
• Packed up quickly and got on the road by 10AM
• Stopped in Barstow for lunch...
• Got to Las Vegas close to 3PM.
• Checked into the Golden Nugget, got the kids situated. DH took the kids to see the shark tank, while I rested a bit.
• Our friends from Provo arrived and checked into their room (adjoining ours) with their baby and two nieces (our babysitters).
• Gave instructions to the babysitters, and left with our friends for the BYU BOWL GAME!!!
• Arrived VERY late to the bowl game. Traffic was Awful, and they only have one road going to the stadium. Whose idea was that?!?!?
• Get to our seats --it's a little cold and we end up wearing both jackets/hoodies we brought.
• Sat in front of DH's dad and his fiance, as well as Keith Merrill, his wife, and Olene Walker and her husband. (for those who don't know, Olene Walker was the governer of Utah before Hunstman...well, I thought it was cool... :) )
• Watched BYU kick Oregon's butt... NICE.... :)
• DH had to wait in line for 30 minutes to get food. The service was TERRIBLE. You would think they were prepared for 18,000 people, it being a bowl game? Maybe have enough food? Enough people to serve? Yeah, you would think so...
• See BYU win. :)
• Finally find friends and their car --battery is dead on their car. Luckily, someone helps jump the car.
• Drive to the hotel, where babysitters did a good job.
• Read and go to sleep....zzzzzzz......

Day EIGHT and NINE

DH was in Pittsburgh on Monday (Day Eight) and so the kiddies and I hung out with Nana all day (DH's mom). We did some Christmas shopping for DH, played, read, and just kind of hung around. DH's sisters came by to "play" as well throughout the day...DH came home right around 10PM.

On the Tuesday (Day Nine), we were LAZY. Kids played all day, I read a novel, and DH read and fiddled on his laptop. Right after dinner, we went to see our good friends that still live in Simi Valley; we hung out at their place for an hour or two and then went to see DH's sister, bren and her hubby. After a while, we took the kiddies back to Nana's and Papa's house, put them to bed, and then went to tam's house (DH's sister). She and her husband bought a Wii, and so we played until all hours. (BTW, I kicked DH's trash at boxing and bowling!! hahahahahaha!!! :) ).
Then it was back to DH's mom's house where we crashed.

Have a great Christmas, everyone!

Sorry I'm so late on this! I promise, Days Eight through Twelve will be published soon...For now, Merry Christmas!

P.S. And becca, I promise to post a picture of my pregnant belly soon...

Day SEVEN

Woke up nice and early, got the kids ready for Church.

We went to DH's old ward --saw a few friends. Funny part was two women coming right up to us as we were sitting there (after Sacrament Meeting) and asking if we were new in the ward. I think they were quite disappointed we were not. :) Instead of staying for the whole block, we left after Sacrament Meeting.

Came back to DH's mom's house --his sisters and their husbands came over and we had "Thanksgiving" dinner. :) It was SOOOOO good --and I felt like a heel because I was the only one that didn't make any of the food. But it was so delicious (oh --tam, I want your mashed potato recipe!!). Afterwards, we all opened Christmas presents, since this would be the only time we see each other before Christmas. Of course, the kids were delighted to be so spoiled, and it's always great to give gifts.

Then DH packed his bags and headed for the airport. He flew to Pittsburgh for another interview --more about that later...

The kids, Nana, Papa, and I went to my SIL and BIL's house where we played on their new Wii. Yes, I'm a fan. Yes, I'll probably get one for DH. Lucky DH!

By the time we made it back to the house, I was EXHAUSTED. It didn't help that my allergies (mostly my asthma) was so bad...DH's mom has a lot of pets and I just am not handling it well. I was grateful (still am!) that I had my inhaler. I haven't had to use it in almost 2 years, but I'm still glad I had it handy...We put the kids to bed, I dabbled on the internet, read a little, and crashed myself. So nice to sleep. Miss DH, though...

Day SIX

Well, Saturday did not go as well. It was very cold, and rained most of the afternoon and the evening. Here are the highlights (and lows, as well):

• Took forever to pack and load the car. Didn't leave until after 10AM and thus my bad mood was beginning...
• Couldn't figure out why I was in such a bad funk all day. I was acting like I had PMS, but I'm not sure how that is possible, given that I don't have periods right now...
• #3 refused to wear a poncho. Refused ALL DAY. Didn't help that he didn't get a nap until 5:30PM (in the stroller, walking back to the car), and because he refused the poncho, got soaking wet.
• #2 whined all day and refused to cooperate even in simple things --but at least she wore her poncho
• Luckily, #1 had a good time.
• We did a lot of shows, versus rides. By the time the rain started pouring at 5PM, we were spent --the weather, the bad attitudes (mine included) and being tired sent us car-bound.
• Kids were very happy to be warm and dry in the car. We started driving towards Simi Valley (DH's mom lives there).
• Tried to find a nice restaurant for dinner. Decided that after spending $50 per meal inside Disneyland for fast food, spending $50 for a nice meal was worth it.
• Finally went onto Ventura County (after finding nothing) and got to a Macaroni Grill. Yummy! Our bad moods disappeared. :)
• Got to "Nana" and "Papa" 's house. Put the kids to bed. Crashed ourselves.
• Disneyland Vacation over. How sad it had to end with rain...

Day FIVE

We slept a little longer this morning --the park was open early, but we weren't in a rush, since we've been so tired. Here are some of the highlights of the day:

• California Adventure was deserted for an hour or two when it first opened. Went on every ride we wanted more than once...
• DH forgot to make reservations for the Princess lunch until yesterday, and so they were full. He did his best to be on the stand-by list and we got in at the last minute. Yay for daddy! We ate great food and were visited at our table by: Snow White, Belle, Ariel, Cinderella and (surprise!) the Fairy Godmother. The girls were very happy and #3 loved the food.. :)
• We did a lot of shows and slow things today so we wouldn't have to wait in lines for rides. Of course, we did most of the rides in the last two days, so today and tomorrow we could do repeats and watch shows.
• #3 actually took a nap! In the stroller! He wasn't cranky!
• #2 was cranky. She didn't take a nap.
• We opted to eat dinner at California Adventure (after spending the afternoon at Disneyland) instead of the Downtown Disney district, and boy was that a good move! Downtown Disney is open to the public and of course, it's Friday. Yes, the place was crowded.
• It was actually pretty chilly today --jacket weather. But I love jacket weather! (still laughing at those Californians and their snow gear in 65 degree weather...)
• Came back to the hotel after dinner and went swimming. Yes, it was pretty cold for swimming, but we did promise #1, so we had to. But we had lots of fun, and it wasn't too cold. The water was warm.
• 2 out of the 3 kids are sleeping right now --#3 (because he had a nap) is watching cartoons. He'll konk out it a little while...
• Looking foward to tomorrow --although it's supposed to rain in the afternoon. I LOVE Disneyland. I'm glad we have one more day to be there.
• Oh, there goes #3 --he just konked... :)
• We're checking out tomorrow --we're thinking we'll go early so we can still spend the bulk of the day in Disneyland before it rains...
• Hey, did I mention I LOVE DISNEYLAND?!!? :)

Day FOUR

We woke up a little later this time than usual --we were so tired from yesterday! It was an early day today --for those of us staying in the hotels, they let us in on Thursdays and Saturdays one hour earlier than the public --but we opted to just go at the regular time. However, we ended up getting there almost 30 minutes before the general public was let in, so we were able to do some rides that would originally have taken us forever to get on. Yay for us!

We spent the morning doing our own thing --riding around in Fantasyland and Toon Town, and then DH's Aunt and her two girls met us in Toon Town, and soon thereafter we were joined by my cousin and his fiance. It was fun to have some family around! (and I approve of my cousin's fiance --the little time I talked with her, she's seems pretty awesome). The rest of the afternoon was spent in California Adventure with our "guests". It was great to see them and the kids had tons of fun with their cousins.

After a lllllooooonnnngggg afternoon, (where #2 decided to fall asleep again, and this time, #3 chose to NOT take a nap --grumpy little boy!), we got dinner (with an amazing waiter that even grumpy #3 liked), and came back to the hotel. We bathed the kids, and had them watch a movie instead of going swimming. Good choice! We were so tired --still are!

Oh, and the fireworks show (which we saw last night) was later than usual, but we could see ALL of it from our hotel window. Of course, we couldn't really hear the music, but the fireworks were there...and it was so nice to just sit here, watch them, and then when they were done, not face the hoards of people trying to get out of the park. We just closed the drapes and hopped into bed. Okay, well, the kids did. :)

Two more days of Disneyland and California Adventure! My feet are hating me, but I'm still loving it! And the kids are still thrilled to be here...

Day THREE

Ahh, Disneyland!

We woke up nice and early, and thanks to some fabulous planning, foresight, help from DH, and cool software (that gives you an awesome schedule for Disneyland determinate upon your specifications for the day), we spent a long and fun day at Disneyland.

We were able to get in by 8:30AM and past Main Street at 9AM. We spent lots of time in Fantasyland, Tomorrow Land and Adventure Land. I'm not going to bore anyone with the details of what rides we happened to ride upon --just know that we rode A TON and the kids were very happy. We took a break around 1:30PM, came back to the hotel, swam for a good hour or so (where DH has now taught #3 how to swim unassisted with a life vest), and then went back to our room for naps. Okay, well, #3 was the only one that napped, and of course, #2 chose the ride back to Disneyland for her nap.

The rest of the night was back in Disneyland --we saw the parade, the fireworks, etc. and did quite a few more rides. By the time we got back to our room (9:40PM or so) we were all exhausted...my feet hurt, too! The kids fell right to sleep and DH and I were not too far behind them. Even though it was hard to walk so much --and I did take it slower than I could have, that's for sure! --we had such a great time. I love Disneyland!

Day TWO

Sleeping in has got to be the best thing in the world! Yes, my friends, this mom got to sleep in this morning...and only because the kiddies did. :)

We got up, showered, dressed and went to the same buffet for breakfast. It wasn't bad, but it wasn't that great either. DH and I were wondering why we found it so mediocre, and that's when we realized we were comparing it to high class places we have visited (think the Princeville Resort on Kaui --that's Hawaii's north island). Yeah, we've been spoiled.

After breakfast, we checked out of the hotel, and then went to the arcade place again for some more fun. Then we got on the road.

We took our time --lunch was in Barstow, we stopped a few times before that for bathroom breaks, etc. and so the kids did pretty well (except #3 right before his nap...grrr...). Thank goodness for DVD players!

We arrived at the Disneyland Hotel around 5PM or so...checked in, and the kids (and me!) were very excited to see classic Disney cartoons on one of the channels on the TV. That kept the kids occupied for a few while we put stuff away...then off we went to the outdoor pool! It's a great pool, too, although it was COLD. I mean, it was almost 60 degrees (or less) outside, and so it wasn't very "balmy". However, considering what we had left in Provo, it was nice. :) After a great swim, we went back to our room to clean up, and then we headed out for dinner.

One thing I do hate about Disneyland --the prices of food. Seriously, it's AWFUL. We finally found a great Mexican place in Downtown Disney, and the kids even ate the food. :) Oh! And I was so pleasantly happy to see how close the Disneyland Hotel is to Disneyland. So close! Yay! Less walking for me! Yay!

The kids crashed well tonight --something that we will be repeated often this week, I am sure. So, tomorrow we begin our first day in the Magical Kingdom. Man, I love this place! (SOOOOOOOOOOOO much better than Las Vegas. That city is definitely NOT for kids...)

Day ONE in our CA vacation

Instead of typing about each day of our vacation at once (like I did with the cruise), I've decided to try and get online each day and post an individual update. That way, you people won't be bombarded with a huge, massive post, and I'll be able to actually REMEMBER what we did. :)

So, DAY ONE:

After going crazy all last week with Christmas preparations (yay! We're done!), DH and I woke up to an already packed (mostly) car, all neighbor and piano student gifts delivered, a clean house, and children rarin' to go. However, because of lack of sleep, mom and dad (a.k.a. ME) was not very happy, and the kids kept fighting. Somehow, we all got in the car and got on the road. (after forgetting something, going back, going to get gas, going to the bank, realizing we didn't have time to go to the Post Office, etc.). The roads were pretty good, considering the snow and ice --it was mostly slush and melting, anyway.

We booked on down to St. George and got there around 12:45PM. We picked up some lunch and then met my cousin and her family at a park around 1PM. It was great to see them! The kids are all about the same age, and so they had a blast playing on the playground. My cousin and her hubby were both there, and so it was good to see them for an hour or so. We then found the Post Office, mailed some Great-Granparent gifts (and a package for my missionary brother), and then got back on the road.

We headed into Las Vegas. DH chose to drive down the strip, since we were staying in Excalibur (hotel) for the night. The kids loved seeing big characters, roller coasters, etc. on the big buildings...and they loved the lights. Personally, I HATE Las Vegas. Okay, okay, I "prefer other places". :) We got checked into the hotel, brought in our stuff, cleaned ourselves up and went to dinner at the buffet. The food was just okay. It was actually pretty dry (weird, considering that it was ALL dry and there was so many types of food). Then we took some coupons we had and played down at the children's arcade. They had some fun carnival games (really cheap) and the kids all won some fun stuffed animals and flags. Afterwards, we loaded up #2 and #3 into the strollers (#1 can walk as far and as fast as us now) and we walked down to the Belagio to watch the water fountain show. It was a lot further then we thought. The WORST part, was going through a lit tunnel by some construction (the sidewalk was out) and seeing on those porn pamphlets on the ground. I had to keep telling #1 to look at the hotels! Look at daddy's back! Oh, do you see that big light up there?! to keep her from accidentally looking down. But the fountain show was really great. Too short for the long walk, but really good. On the way back, I started to get pretty tired and I realized that I was going to put myself in labor if I didn't slow down. Luckily I made it, layed down on the bed, drank water and went right to sleep --and no labor. I think this is kind of a sign to me that I'm going to have to take it easy in Disneyland this week.
We put all the kids into the same bed, and luckily, no one fell out! No more playpens for #3. Yay!
Tomorrow we're heading for California. I'm excited (Unlike Las Vegas--although it's actually been pretty nice --I LOVE Disneyland!) for everything and to see so many family members.

Offended over something that probably doesn't even matter...

I'm nervous about posting this, because I know family members will read it. But I feel I need to vent a little, and my blog has always been a good place to do it.

DH has a cousin that lives near us. She and I were always fairly close, but not so much now that they have moved about 20 minutes away. It's amazing what 20 minutes can do! Anyway, we've had all of our children around the same time (our oldest kids are 6 weeks apart), and for the most part, we've helped each other out, watching kids, going to the hospital, etc. doing things that family members do when a new baby arrives.

Well, she and I are pregnant again at the same time. Her baby is due this month, but we've been anticipating the birth for a while. I just assumed I'd get a phone call from either her husband, her sister (who lives near her), or our other cousins in the area when the baby came.

So, one day (Thursday), I'm thinking, "hmmm, I wonder if she had her baby?" and so being silly, I just posted something on our family website to ask, rather than call her and bother her with more "are you still pregnant?!?!" questions that ALL pregnant women hate to hear so close to birth (as if we need to be reminded!!). Well, the next day, my SIL, who lives 2 states away, posts not only the information of the birth that occurred on MONDAY, but pictures that were sent to her as well via email.

Now, I don't expect to be the first person on the list. I don't even expect a phone call the first day or two. But FIVE days? And nothing? Still nothing. I didn't reply to the information because I was afraid I would come off as a jerk. And I probably do. But my feelings were deeply hurt (still are). I mean, not only are we family, but we live so close! I was looking forward to taking a gift or flowers to her in the hospital, etc. but now I'm completely deflated. And I don't have time to drive out to their home --we're leaving Monday morning for California and Christmas HAS to be done before then --and so now I just don't know how to feel or react.

Am I just being silly? I mean, this is a birth of a brand new baby. Another cousin. Another family member, and I just feel like I wasn't important enough to tell. Part of me thinks maybe I'll just conveniently leave her off the list when our baby comes, but honestly, I have a feeling she'd react the same way I am.

I know I'll get over it in time, but man, this just sucks.

How would you react? How would you feel? Am I just totally off right now?

Black and White photos

These are some preview pictures that the Great Grandparents can expect for Christmas this year. DH is pretty good with the camera, but it also helped that we were in such a beautiful spot (this was in August at Waterton Park in Canada). I love these shots (there were several) because they show how much fun the kids had getting soaked up to their bums in glacier water. :) It also has captured a part of their childhood --and it's funny to see how tall #3 is getting. He's almost passing #2, now --almost 5 months later. They just grow up too fast.

Forgive me, baby #4

Okay, this post is something I've been thinking about for a long time now.

I am, as most of you know, expecting our fourth child. He has come after some emotional times in my life (a.k.a. the miscarriage, finally getting in shape, running my 5K, new callings, etc.) and so I'm grateful that he is growing, that he is healthy, and that he is inside of me. I'm thrilled to have him coming soon and at the same time, I'm starting to feel that same nervousness that comes when the impending labor and delivery looms ahead. He moves around me a lot now, and he's big enough that I can actually see him moving (very alien-like). It's comforting and uncomfortable all at the same time. However, I feel that I owe him an apology. A big one. So here is my apology to my son:

Sweet baby boy,
Please forgive me. I did not know I was pregnant with you until 2 weeks after I should have known. I was not anticipating you --at all. I was still recovering emotionally from the loss of the previous pregnancy, and so I wasn't expecting or hoping for you to come to me so soon.
Forgive me son, because I pretended you were not there for 13 weeks. I know I ate the right things and tried to live as if I was pregnant, but I had a hard time admitting you were inside of me. I was still devestated --however minor --from my earlier loss, and so I didn't want to become attached to you. What if I lost you, too? How could I love you, if I was to lose you? I was guarding my soul --perhaps too much.
When I saw your sweet face for the first time at 13 weeks, I cried with relief. You were there and you were real. Most of all --you were healthy and perfect. I thought I could accept that you were okay and begin to love you all at once. But I couldn't. It took longer than I thought it would --forgive me for not loving you immediately.
Forgive me for still having doubts weeks later when I couldn't feel you move. Even after the appointments when I heard your heartbeat, I was still doubtful that you would survive. I was afraid --still afraid--that I might lose you. When I had to drive my nieghbor to the ER where she gave birth to her baby almost 3 months early --my doubts got worse. I tried to brush it off --nobody knew how I felt. But I was afraid. What if you came early, too? What if I did something I shouldn't have?
Forgive me, baby, for not thinking about you as often as I though about my other children. My life is so full of "priorities" --my calling, my piano students, my preschool, your brother and sisters, and all that comes with being a mother --that I failed to spend the time imagining you, loving you, and preparing for you. Forgive me for not thinking of names for you, or getting your clothes ready, or planning on your sleeping arrangements, etc. Time seems to slip away, and yet the "nesting" instinct hasn't kicked in yet.
Forgive me, sweet boy, for being preoccupied with the present --for sometimes forgetting you are there, waiting to come to us. I know you probably haven't even noticed anything wrong, but for a mother that has welcomed each child into her life from conception, I feel I have let you down somehow. Perhaps conned or gyped you out of love and attention that should have been yours.
So, forgive me, son. Know that I love you. Know that I am looking forward to meeting you and to having you in our lives. I promise to make it up to you, somehow.
Love
Your mother

DH is home

Okay, so DH has been "home" for about a week now, even though his last day with his company was technically just Thursday. I have to admit to two things:

1-When DH is home, I find myself resenting him and

2- I love having home.

First, let's talk about #1. When he's home, he wants to do his thing, you know what I mean? He's on the computer, running errands, taking care of "his" stuff. However, the kids and I still have our routine --something we're used to --and DH is not entirely a part of that. Not his fault, really, nor ours, it's just how it is with a working dad. So I find myself resenting him --I'm cleaning the house, and he doesn't really see how he should help. He does if I ask --but I think he's enjoying some "time off". Wish I had "time off", you know?

However, in the same breath, having him home is fun. He's there to help me if I have to run an errand, he can help with the kids, he does little "chores" that I don't want to do, etc. It kind of makes me think about how retirement years might be --although there won't be little kids running amok in the house...

So, I'm trying to adjust. Of course, I should be praising the sky that he'll be home for a month with us (and our fun vacation next week! Here we come Disneyland!) because soon enough, he'll be doing his Master's and have a new job. Then I'll probably resent how much I don't see him. :)

Friday --and I'm already tired...

I have an appointment with my cardiologist this morning --and they'll be checking my cholesterol. Yay.

The house is a disaster area. You would think that somehow we could keep it clean and organized for at least one day, wouldn't you? Yeah, me neither.

#2 has informed us that she "felled in love" with a boy in her preschool class (the class I teach in our home). I tried to brush it off, but as he put his arm around her and they giggled together, I kept thinking, "She's only THREE! She can't be boy-crazy, yet! AHHHHHH!!!!!!". Seriously, come teen-time, I'm going to be a nervous wreck.

DH finished work yesterday. Now we are just waiting to see where we'll end up. He'll be taking the GMAT again this month (his old one expired) and applying to Wharton soon. Depending on how Pittsburgh goes, I think Dallas is still our top choice.

Baby is getting big and now I'm getting exhausted. I'm almost 30 weeks --it's hard to imagine a fourth little angel in our home. #3 is sweet with little kids, but I'm still nervous on how he will react to having a new baby that STAYS. He still has some biting problems (better, though!) and he tends to terrorize the cat (although he's trying to play with him), and so I'm a little nervous for his jealousy. The girls had some, but nothing serious.

Why do my piano students somehow think I'm an idiot? They seem to think I can't tell whether they have practiced or not. I'm THE TEACHER. I wouldn't be teaching if I didn't know what I was doing.

Christmas decorations are wonderful. I love Christmas! Music, lights, smells, food, etc. Just gotta get DH to put up the outside lights before it snows again...