Seriously, I keep forgetting that tomorrow I'm turning 27.
It's not that I don't remember --I mean, come on! I'm still young! My brain is pretty good and remembering things. Plus I had written it on my calendar. :)
I don't think it's so much that I've forgotten about my birthday, it's just not a huge thing anymore. Oh, sure, it would be nice if family and friends remember (Hmmm...maybe this is a subconcious way of getting the word out...hmmm...), but it's just so weird that I DON'T CARE.
If not one person wished me a happy birthday (except dh --he's not off the hook), I wouldn't miss it this year. Why? I have no idea. Usually I anticipate my birthday like I did when I was a kid, but this time it just doesn't seem as important to me. Maybe it's because I'm sick. Maybe it's because I'm getting old enough to realize that a birthday is a birthday. I'll be 27 whether people remember or not.
Maybe I'm finally growing up and some of my mass selfishness is slipping away...I sure hope so. But regardless of what happens tomorrow, it won't matter.
Happy 27th Birthday to me! :)
Saturday, February 25, 2006
Tuesday, February 21, 2006
Sickness
I'm sick.
Not dying sick. Just "a cold" sick. But I hate it.
When I am sick, nothing gets done. Free reign for the kids and the house is destroyed in 10 minutes. The dishes, laundry, toys, papers, clothes, dust, and dirt pile up and it doesn't get done...
Maybe I should hire that maid today...
Oh, yeah, P.S. Mom, I think you got me sick :) And Sister, if my nephew gets sick, it's my fault, but you can blame it on mom. LOL! :)
(Loved seeing you all this past weekend...)
Not dying sick. Just "a cold" sick. But I hate it.
When I am sick, nothing gets done. Free reign for the kids and the house is destroyed in 10 minutes. The dishes, laundry, toys, papers, clothes, dust, and dirt pile up and it doesn't get done...
Maybe I should hire that maid today...
Oh, yeah, P.S. Mom, I think you got me sick :) And Sister, if my nephew gets sick, it's my fault, but you can blame it on mom. LOL! :)
(Loved seeing you all this past weekend...)
Friday, February 17, 2006
Getting a maid?
My husband is all for it. He was raised in So. Cali and had a maid come to his family's home every week or so for years and years.
My stock comes from So. Canada --ironically from the same Pioneer stock my husband's family is from. However, location is the key --and perhaps cultural lifestyle. Women clean their own homes and gosh darn it! if anyone sees your home less than stellar, they will know you have failed somehow!
I know that logic is flawed. I'm a little too liberated to honestly believe that housework is more important than raising my kids or doing service for others. My mom always says that it should be clean for me, not for anyone else.
But I find myself at my wits end. DH works long hours all week and we both have demanding callings. I have 14 piano students and my 3 crazy kids take up all my time. I have tried, tried, tried to keep my house as clean as I can. My standards have lowered QUITE a bit since having #3, but it still isn't clean enough for me. DH helps when he can, but he's tired, too!
So, do I get a maid? Will it bring shame to all the hardworking SAHM's that have come before me? Will the guilt ever leave if I do? I do not know....
My stock comes from So. Canada --ironically from the same Pioneer stock my husband's family is from. However, location is the key --and perhaps cultural lifestyle. Women clean their own homes and gosh darn it! if anyone sees your home less than stellar, they will know you have failed somehow!
I know that logic is flawed. I'm a little too liberated to honestly believe that housework is more important than raising my kids or doing service for others. My mom always says that it should be clean for me, not for anyone else.
But I find myself at my wits end. DH works long hours all week and we both have demanding callings. I have 14 piano students and my 3 crazy kids take up all my time. I have tried, tried, tried to keep my house as clean as I can. My standards have lowered QUITE a bit since having #3, but it still isn't clean enough for me. DH helps when he can, but he's tired, too!
So, do I get a maid? Will it bring shame to all the hardworking SAHM's that have come before me? Will the guilt ever leave if I do? I do not know....
Not too good with confrontation....
I cry. I yell. I whimper, and sometimes I retreat in haste.
And yet, I'm usually the one causing the confrontation because I CANNOT STAND BEING SILENT when something needs to be addressed. I hate fakeness. I hate hypocrisy. I hate staying quiet so I don't "rock the boat"...
Without revealing too much, my family is okay with confrontation. Especially my mother's side of the family (you know who you are!! :) ). This can be good and bad. Here are the reasons why....
BAD:
--People get their feelings hurt
--People get offended and lash back
--People stop wanting to be around you
--Overly sensitive people will think you hate them
GOOD:
--Nothing to hide
--No secrets, no lies
--No hypocrisy and genuine honesty
--No holding things in until you explode and then needing years of anger therapy
I have found that confrontation can be a good thing in my life. Those family members in which we avoid confrontation at all costs are the strained relationships. We're always walking on egg shells and padding around hoping that so-and-so won't be offended.
I HATE IT.
So, even though the world is a louder place when me, my mom, my grandma, my sisters, my cousins, and all my aunts get together (NOTE: THIS AFFECTS THE FEMALES IN THE FAMILY --THE MEN HAVE IT EASY), it is a wonderful, wonderful experience.
Here's to tellin' it like it is!
And yet, I'm usually the one causing the confrontation because I CANNOT STAND BEING SILENT when something needs to be addressed. I hate fakeness. I hate hypocrisy. I hate staying quiet so I don't "rock the boat"...
Without revealing too much, my family is okay with confrontation. Especially my mother's side of the family (you know who you are!! :) ). This can be good and bad. Here are the reasons why....
BAD:
--People get their feelings hurt
--People get offended and lash back
--People stop wanting to be around you
--Overly sensitive people will think you hate them
GOOD:
--Nothing to hide
--No secrets, no lies
--No hypocrisy and genuine honesty
--No holding things in until you explode and then needing years of anger therapy
I have found that confrontation can be a good thing in my life. Those family members in which we avoid confrontation at all costs are the strained relationships. We're always walking on egg shells and padding around hoping that so-and-so won't be offended.
I HATE IT.
So, even though the world is a louder place when me, my mom, my grandma, my sisters, my cousins, and all my aunts get together (NOTE: THIS AFFECTS THE FEMALES IN THE FAMILY --THE MEN HAVE IT EASY), it is a wonderful, wonderful experience.
Here's to tellin' it like it is!
Saturday, February 11, 2006
Those Sweet Endorphines
Endorphines are a beautiful thing!
I have been exercising faithfully for 1 1/2 weeks now. Not long, I know, but it's good for me! 45 minutes every morning before the kids wake up, in the dark but warm basement, with the cat watching me and DH upstairs doing work and reading. I like the feeling of sweating like a pig while I do yet another set of lunges. Or another set of side crunches. Or an intense cardio work-out. I love the way I feel when I'm done.
It took me a good 18 months to get to this point. The point of STARTING. I'm on the path to a thinner, healthier me. Hopefully to feel as good about my physical body as I did the summer of '99 when I was working in the mountains with young kids, running, hiking, swimming, and being the peak of health.
The endorphines are the best part, though. Okay, okay, I'll love my new body when it slowly emerges from this other body, but the endorphines are totally addicting. I am HAPPIER. I yell LESS at my children. I have more PATIENCE. I SING more, and I DANCE more, and I'm not concerned with negative things. I'm OPTIMISTIC. All these wonderful things that I used to love about myself are slowly starting to come out of the woodwork and I know my kids love it, too.
Ahh, sweet endorphines. You gotta love it! (And that 45 minutes all to myself where I can actually think!!)
I have been exercising faithfully for 1 1/2 weeks now. Not long, I know, but it's good for me! 45 minutes every morning before the kids wake up, in the dark but warm basement, with the cat watching me and DH upstairs doing work and reading. I like the feeling of sweating like a pig while I do yet another set of lunges. Or another set of side crunches. Or an intense cardio work-out. I love the way I feel when I'm done.
It took me a good 18 months to get to this point. The point of STARTING. I'm on the path to a thinner, healthier me. Hopefully to feel as good about my physical body as I did the summer of '99 when I was working in the mountains with young kids, running, hiking, swimming, and being the peak of health.
The endorphines are the best part, though. Okay, okay, I'll love my new body when it slowly emerges from this other body, but the endorphines are totally addicting. I am HAPPIER. I yell LESS at my children. I have more PATIENCE. I SING more, and I DANCE more, and I'm not concerned with negative things. I'm OPTIMISTIC. All these wonderful things that I used to love about myself are slowly starting to come out of the woodwork and I know my kids love it, too.
Ahh, sweet endorphines. You gotta love it! (And that 45 minutes all to myself where I can actually think!!)
3 Years Old
My #2 turned 3 years old today!
My husband told me that when he told her she was 3 years old, she said:
"No, I have to be 2 because I didn't eat my vegetables."
He was confused--I explained that I had told her if she wanted to grow up big and strong that she would need to eat her vegetables. She must have taken that pretty literally. :)
My husband told me that when he told her she was 3 years old, she said:
"No, I have to be 2 because I didn't eat my vegetables."
He was confused--I explained that I had told her if she wanted to grow up big and strong that she would need to eat her vegetables. She must have taken that pretty literally. :)
Friday, February 03, 2006
Being Left Out (warning! It's a pity party...)
It happened again...at least again while I was there...
My sweet 4 year old was "left out" again.
The first time I saw it happen, I was behind the "mirror" at her pre-school, observing the class. She finished her snack, and was ready to race over with a couple of other girls to sit on the carpet for story-time. They both gave her the cold shoulder and when she sat down next to them anyway, they both moved over and gave her the royal snub. 4 year olds. Snubbing. 4 year olds snubbing!
I sat in that booth --and because I was alone --I bawled. Like a baby.
It happened again today with some friends. She was ignored. Not her fault, and not really her friends' fault either, but she was snubbed, and it broke her little heart. I didn't cry this time, though, because there wasn't time, but I sure felt like it...
I cried not just for her, but for me as well. I cried because I knew, to the core, what it felt like to be left out, ignored, snubbed, forgotten, and even teased. I know because I lived it. I looked through that one-way glass and I saw myself as a child again.
There is nothing wrong with my daughter (or me, for that matter). She is ahead of her class academically, but she is kind and always listening. She helps those who need help, and she's always interested in other people's ideas (well, as much as a 4 year old can be). She is not socially awkward, and she doesn't seem to have any kind of a disability. Not that any of that should be an excuse, but at least it would have been a reason. So far, I can't seem to find the reason...
I can't find the reason within myself as to why I was treated like that, either.
Being left out and snubbed, or ignored is almost the worst kind of hurt. It is silently done --so the pain is felt in silence. I have felt this silence all of my life and I still feel this silence. It's so silly, but for a mom of three, staying at home, I shouldn't have to feel like I'm ever being left out on purpose. I'm an adult. I have responsibilities, so why should I care that so-and-so down the street doesn't want to be my friend? Or that I was actually left out (on purpose) from girl's night out with the neighborhood women? But it does matter. Somehow it does. I have racked my brain to try and figure out what I did, just as I try to figure out what my sweet daughter did to deserve such treatment. Perhaps I offended someone. Perhaps they just don't like me. I don't like some people, and so perhaps I've become "some people". But I still can't figure it out.
I feel like my four year old. I just wish I could bounce back from it as easily as she does now...and then hope she doesn't have to endure it her enitre life like I've had to...
My sweet 4 year old was "left out" again.
The first time I saw it happen, I was behind the "mirror" at her pre-school, observing the class. She finished her snack, and was ready to race over with a couple of other girls to sit on the carpet for story-time. They both gave her the cold shoulder and when she sat down next to them anyway, they both moved over and gave her the royal snub. 4 year olds. Snubbing. 4 year olds snubbing!
I sat in that booth --and because I was alone --I bawled. Like a baby.
It happened again today with some friends. She was ignored. Not her fault, and not really her friends' fault either, but she was snubbed, and it broke her little heart. I didn't cry this time, though, because there wasn't time, but I sure felt like it...
I cried not just for her, but for me as well. I cried because I knew, to the core, what it felt like to be left out, ignored, snubbed, forgotten, and even teased. I know because I lived it. I looked through that one-way glass and I saw myself as a child again.
There is nothing wrong with my daughter (or me, for that matter). She is ahead of her class academically, but she is kind and always listening. She helps those who need help, and she's always interested in other people's ideas (well, as much as a 4 year old can be). She is not socially awkward, and she doesn't seem to have any kind of a disability. Not that any of that should be an excuse, but at least it would have been a reason. So far, I can't seem to find the reason...
I can't find the reason within myself as to why I was treated like that, either.
Being left out and snubbed, or ignored is almost the worst kind of hurt. It is silently done --so the pain is felt in silence. I have felt this silence all of my life and I still feel this silence. It's so silly, but for a mom of three, staying at home, I shouldn't have to feel like I'm ever being left out on purpose. I'm an adult. I have responsibilities, so why should I care that so-and-so down the street doesn't want to be my friend? Or that I was actually left out (on purpose) from girl's night out with the neighborhood women? But it does matter. Somehow it does. I have racked my brain to try and figure out what I did, just as I try to figure out what my sweet daughter did to deserve such treatment. Perhaps I offended someone. Perhaps they just don't like me. I don't like some people, and so perhaps I've become "some people". But I still can't figure it out.
I feel like my four year old. I just wish I could bounce back from it as easily as she does now...and then hope she doesn't have to endure it her enitre life like I've had to...
Wednesday, February 01, 2006
Potty Training Woes
So, admidst the sickness everyone has (DH came home sick from work...yay!) I've been in the process of potty-training my almost 3 year old. She's adorable and independent and very, very active. You can imagine the attempt...
But it's the 4th attempt! So we are not going back!
Actually, it's not been so bad. Since they've all been so sick, we can't really go anywhere, and therefore she's had longer to prepare for (gasp!) nursery. There's just one thing that we have to work on...and that is #2.
Ah, yes. #2. For some reason, she's just fine in going to a corner, doing her business, and then saying to mommy (when I can smell it from across the room) "don't see me!" and I know immediately what that means....~sigh~
My mother laughs. I guess I was the same...ahh, sweet revenge for her. :)
But I am a veteran! This is my second child to potty-train! I know what I am doing! (I say to myself as I clean up another #2-stained pair of pretty pink girlie underpants...)
Motherhood in all it's glory, I tell ya'!
But it's the 4th attempt! So we are not going back!
Actually, it's not been so bad. Since they've all been so sick, we can't really go anywhere, and therefore she's had longer to prepare for (gasp!) nursery. There's just one thing that we have to work on...and that is #2.
Ah, yes. #2. For some reason, she's just fine in going to a corner, doing her business, and then saying to mommy (when I can smell it from across the room) "don't see me!" and I know immediately what that means....~sigh~
My mother laughs. I guess I was the same...ahh, sweet revenge for her. :)
But I am a veteran! This is my second child to potty-train! I know what I am doing! (I say to myself as I clean up another #2-stained pair of pretty pink girlie underpants...)
Motherhood in all it's glory, I tell ya'!
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