Maintaining Goals

How has it worked for any of you?

Whether it be scripture reading, losing weight, finding ways to keep the house clean, practicing an instrument, learning something new, being a better neighbor, etc. how did you do it? How did you find the focus to maintain it and turn all those bad habits into good ones?

I need ideas!! :)

p.s. Thanks, mom, for all your insights last night...

My brother the missionary...

My brother is on his mission in Costa Rica. I really miss him a lot. He's the youngest and I'm the oldest --he was my "bubba" all growing up. Most say we look a lot alike.

I forgot to send him his weekly email this week, though. So I'm posting this one blog in an attempt for penance. :)

I'm so proud of him! He's working really hard and it's fun to hear about his stories in the jungles and cities of Costa Rica. He's been out for almost a year. Can't wait to see him again! (He's the one on the left.)

How do I deal with it?

People get too offended sometimes. Over dumb things, too.

Hey, I'm totally for taking offense if it's needed. For example, I am not pro-gay, but I won't tolerate people bashing someone for being gay. If someone insults my child, that's not fair, either. Maybe it's my fault and not hers!

Anyways, some things shouldn't be taken offense to.

There is someone in my life (who's relation and name will remain anonymous) who is constantly offended by everything I say. Okay, so maybe I should be kinder at times. Maybe I should be more Christ-like and take the high road. I understand that. I'm workin' on it. I'm not perfect, people! But --anywaysssss-- I am tired of talking with this person.

This person freaks out when I disagree.

This person freaks out if I know more information than this person does.

This person is ALWAYS right.

This person causes so much stress and pain--emotionally, spiritually, and mentally (never physically, although that can be indirectly related to the mental pain).

The soltution to cut this person out of my life is not there. It cannot happen for reasons I cannot state.

I'm not the only one this person acts this way towards.

Oh--and for the record, I'm not married to this person. :)

How do I deal with it? It's as if I have this stumbling block in my way down the path to Eternal life and each time I think I'm doing okay and the relationship is going better and then WHAM! I trip out of nowhere over this person.

Ideas????

Success!

Today was my first Primary Activity as the Ward Primary President. I'm proud (so dang proud!) to report that it was a huge success! I had to share it with the world.

We divided our kids into 6 groups and then they all acted out Bible stories on the stage while we video recorded them. They were so good and helpful --and nobody got hurt! Everything went so smoothly... and to think I was so stressed out about something so simple.

One down, 3 more to go! :)

Being Careful and blogging rules...

I've now made my blog "known" amongst my family and friends. This can be either wonderful or very dangerous. Mostly because I can write about anything here and my thoughts about life and people and religion, etc.

Actually, that's the scary part.

I don't want to HAVE to be careful about what I write, but I realize that I need to think about other's feelings as well. What to do!?!? How do I balance it out?

This is how:

Everyone, if I mention you in a blog and you are offended. Let me know. If it's really bad, I'll consider deleting that blog. I don't want to humiliate or offend people to the point of them hating me. At the same time, please feel free to comment and make your opinions known.
Here are the guidelines:

1) No "bad" swearing. (a damn or a hell ain't gonna kill us, people!)
2) No hostility
3) No accusations
4) No freaking out because I believe differently or because I used a damn or a hell (sorry, mom!)

Ahhh...that's much better. I love this blog thing!

BLOG AWAY!! :)

One kiss...

My parents were married on January 3rd, 1978. They still love each other and have been married for 28 years.

I want to be like them. I've often wondered how they've made it work so well with so many people leaving and hating each other. My in-laws divorced before I met my husband. It was really hard on him and his siblings --although I think the experience has given him (and his sisters) a better perspective on how to love --and BE loved.


Anyway, I love this picture. It reminds me how a lifetime of love can begin with just one kiss...

Sick Kids

Sick kids ruin everything.

Not intentionally, of course, and one could argue that sick moms ruin everything, too. Oh, and sick dads. Sick pets are on the radar, but they don't ruin as much (unless said pet is vomiting on the carpet again...).

I love the cuddle time my 4 year old gives me when she's sick. I love the multiple naps my toddler has when he's sick. But that's about it. I hate the long nights, the medicine administration, the visits to the doctor, no playdates, no babysitters, no friends, and no time to myself. Oh, and I hate the exhaustion.

And then it passes from child to child, and when I'm at my lowest immune point, I get it. And my husband --usually at the same time...."Honey, please get me a kleenex.." "I can't move. " " But I need a kleenex!" "Ask the children..cough, cough...ask the children"

What I hate the most, though, is how our lives are completely put on hold for days or weeks at a time so we can get "better". In Utah, in the winter, this can last for months. I was proud of myself this time because the kids haven't been sick since Christmas!! 4 whole weeks! Whoo-hoo! And then it hit...

"Mommy, why can't I go on my school field-trip today? I don't want to be sick! I want to go to Cold-Stone with my class!"

"I promise to take you to Cold-Stone when you're all better, sweetie."

~sigh~ I think I need to go cuddle some more....

Alone in Morality?

I feel alone. And lost.

What irks me the most is the confidence I no longer have. When I reach out in confidence to define who I am, I get slammed down.

It used to be easy for a conservative, traditional, hard-working Mormon housewife like myself to express herself without danger of being labeled a bigot or a traitor.

Now I'm the bad guy. I'm wrong for standing up for Christianity, truth, doctrine and my God. If I stood up for gay rights, liberal thinking, and sexual sin, then I would be praised. But by standing up for that truth, doctrine, and God I'm called "JUDGEMENTAL" and "PREJUDICED".

My friend commented to me last night: "It's interesting how Brokeback Mountain will win all of these Oscars, but the Chronicles of Narnia is all wrong and evil because it promotes Christianity. It's like what it says in the Book of Mormon where people will call evil good and good evil." She really got me thinking.

Why am I evil now? Because I stand up for truth and somehow that hurt somebody's feelings and so I'm the one that has to repent.

I'm tired of being afraid. I'm tired of being afraid of who I am. I hate this filth-infested, sexually perverted world for making me and others like me feel like trash because we aren't "with it" and we adhere to our "outdated" religious guidelines.

I'm sick of feeling alone in my crusade of being a moral woman.

My New Goals to Reduce the Stress...

GOALS:

I have resolved to do the following to reduce the stress within my life.

1) NO MORE PARTIES! I will no longer be throwing parties for Mary Kay, Pampered Chef, Creative Memories, Heritage Makers, Stampin' Up, or anything else I've ever heard of.

2) No more Charities. I will pay to the charity of my choice (tithing and fast offerings!!) and perhaps a cancer or two. However, if they call me on the phone, I will firmly say no.

3) This one goes along with #2; I will no longer entertain solicitors. Before Spring hits, I will put a "no solicitors over the age of 17" on my door.

4) I am quitting the Scholastic book club and will use the library or my daughter's scholastic book-orders from school. No more bills!

5) I will reduce the amount of shows I watch on TV in the evenings after the kids are in bed.

6) I will exercise for at least 30 minutes a day --I can do it with the kids awake I've discovered, and it's a beautiful world now after that discovery!

7) I will laugh and smile more.

8) I will play with my children more often and make them laugh and not be so bossy.

9) I will learn how to say "no" to those favors asked that truly do cause myself pain and might indirectly hurt my children

Ahhh... the stress is slowly leaving even as I type this.... :)

Who Am I?

I'm not myself anymore. It's been a while since I've been able to find out who I truly am. I'm still trying and it's taking a long time, darn it!

I thought I knew who I was when I got married. Then I graduated from college, had kids, stayed home, and realized, "who was I back then? Have I changed? For the better? Or am I worse then I was?"

Finding myself has been an interesting journey. I'm slowly getting the hang of it, but who I was, that confident, unshaking, opinionated woman seems to have slipped into someone more subdued, afraid to speak up....life has taught me too much now. I know too much and I've seen too much. I can't even imagine the people that I hurt with comments years ago. At the same time, where's that bubbly personality my husband fell in love with?

And why can't I seem to make friends??!?! Girlfriends --you know, mom friends that have lost themselves amid the throw-up, potty training, tantrum-filled lives that we lead. I want to be liked and loved for who I am....
But who am I?

Shame, Shame, Shame...

I yelled at my 4 year old today. Pretty badly, too. I really lost my temper and as I was yelling I was thinking, "what are you doing? Stop yelling at her! Why are you so mad?!?!?" It was crazy because it was just something so insignificant that I was yelling about. I finally stopped and got a hold of myself and as I saw her crying I felt such shame! Immense shame! What was my problem? So, I took the time to apologize, explain my anger, and apologize again. I am trying to stop the yelling. It's a trait I inherited from my mom and her mom and her mom and probably her mom. It's been a rough ride, but I can see some improvement. Being able to blog sure helps. :)

The 5 year itch?

We will be celebrating our 7th anniversary on Monday. Seven years! Granted, it doesn't seem like it could have been that long, but at the same time, it feels like forever. I do not have a 7 year itch. I believe I had a 6 year itch. Or maybe it was a 5 1/2 --6 1/2 year itch. I'm thinking that it was really hormones, to tell you the truth. Or lack thereof -- After giving birth 3 times in 3 1/2 years, my body is kind of whacked. It's slowly getting back to normal, but for some reason, I felt a little indifferent about my relationship with my husband. Not anymore. I want to be with him forever. He's my soul mate and my best friend....
This experience of the "itch" has shown me what I learned in college --everything has a cycle. Marriage can be a cycle too, and it has it's ups and downs....and like the stock market, if you buy out too early, you miss the real wealth later on. So, to keep plugging along, even in the down times, will pay off in the end. Of course, I'm not talking about abuse in any form, just marital satisfaction, respect, and love. Anyways, that's my plan. I'm in it for the long haul, rain or shine. But wait, isn't that what vows are? Promises to stay together no matter what? That's my plan.

Clutter

It's Sunday evening and I have a million things left to do, yet I am sitting, unmoved, here on the couch with the laptop wondering how in the world my house could get as messy as it is right now. I've got some Primary meetings that I must be at in about 15 minutes, and yet I'm sitting here. With mascara smeared on my face and the imprint of the couch on my cheek from my afternoon nap (I must pause here and interject, with jubilation, that I actually was able to HAVE a nap). Anyone ever notice how our lives can become so cluttered and even though we want to clean it up, it almost seems impossible to do so? Ahhh...my little boy is awake from his nap. The clutter continues! :)

Baby Shower

I went to a baby shower this morning (the first of the year, with many to follow, I am sure) and there were about 30 of us. A friend came, and then left within minutes. She miscarried a couple of weeks ago --it took them 5 years just to try to get pregnant --and so I know why she left. Why would she want to be around people talking about babies? And half of the guests were pregnant. And a few of us (including me) are trying to get pregnant. How could she handle that type of situation? I was so proud of her for even coming....it took courage to support a friend when she was so upset herself. I just wish I could have talked to her before she had slipped out unnoticed.

Cute Nikki

I was driving with my kids to Costco today and they got into a discussion about how many houses there were, how many cars there were, how many people there were, and my 2 year old says "there are a lot of roofses!!" --it was precious to me. :)

My Own Desert Places...

"Desert Places" by Robert Frost
Snow falling and night falling fast, oh, fast
In a field I looked into going past,
And the ground almost covered smooth in snow,
But a few weeds and stubble showing last.

The woods around it have it—it is theirs.
All animals are smothered in their lairs.
I am too absent-spirited to count;
The loneliness includes me unawares.

And lonely as it is, that loneliness
Will be more lonely ere it will be less—
A blanker whiteness of benighted snow
With no expression, nothing to express.

They cannot scare me with their empty spaces
Between stars—on stars where no human race is.
I have it in me so much nearer home
To scare myself with my own desert places.


I've always loved this poem--it helped me through some hard times in college. I'm positive I do not see these words in the way Frost intended, but I can at least try. :)
To look inward can be the scariest and loneliest place to be. I guess it just depends on how you feel not only about yourself, but those around you. And although this sounds depressing, I do think that sometimes it can be good to know the "emptiness" inside of yourself. Then you can move on and heal, reach out and learn, and try to love again....

Blogging?

This whole blog thing is very new to me. I started this morning, and already I'm addicted! I'm sure millions out there have already found relief by pouring out their souls through the written word, and I'm no different. I'm already feeling the stress leave and I think this is going to be a beautiful relationship. :)

So, tonight my 4 year old brought me a picture she drew --it was our bookshelf downstairs with the chair in front of it because "you like to read, mommy!". She blows me away with her thinking sometimes....